duranman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2011
- Posts
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A tongue-in-cheek guide to the sexual experience you are likely to get from females if you decide to travel to satisfy your insatiable libido from my humble experience:
Australia: Give good BJ's but surprisingly prudish lot, despite their obscene language and breaking wind every 5 minutes. Second rate citizens to the impotent alcoholic men, they often resort to each other amidst swigging lager 24/7.
Austria: Surprisingly passionate despite never smiling and having muscles bigger than their male counterparts.
Belgium: Airheads. Easy but totally forgettable.
Brazil: Arses to die for.
Bulgaria: They will only want to marry you so forget that shag. And that's only if your name's Nigel and you're one bald ugly fucker who's loaded from London. Good looking but those eyes don't smile..
Canada: If you don't mind shagging women with beards it'll be an experience..
China: Ugly Caucasians love this lot as they all think we all look the same. Sadly if your dick's anything over 4 inches it's not going in anywhere..
Denmark: Amazonian and dominant, if that's what you like.
Egypt: There are no females in Egypt. Gay boy's paradise.
France: Terrible breath and body odour, but wonderful accents and passionate lovers.
Finland: You'll need to be fit to keep up with this lot! Noisy, squirting bitches..
Germany: Cold, clinical, unromantic. Great arses though...
Greece: You go to Greece to shag Brits. Greek girls way too fat...
Holland: The tallest girls on the planet so hopefully you vertically challenged wont feel intimidated. Most of them prossies..
India: Surprisingly adventurous. Then again, Karma Sutra I suppose. Flat arses though..
Ireland: The biggest most beautiful breasts in the world. Sadly shag one and you have to marry her. Either that or her 14 brothers will track you down and cut your balls off.
Italy: Be careful here. Their men are possessive dickheads and don't take kindly to anyone looking at their girls. Very beautiful- 'til they reach 30, then it all literally goes pear shaped..
Japan: See China but even tighter......
Jamaica: Great bodies. Make sure you're a big boy to satisfy this Bessie though...
Kenya: For fuck sake wear two condoms.
Mexico: Feisty little creatures who immediately fall in love with you after making them come..
Morocco: See Egypt.
Malta: All trannies.
Norway: Long legged miserable cows. Lousy shags. Pretty though..
Nigeria: See Kenya but wear three..
Pakistan: Probably not wise.
Portugal: Great little shags and extremely noisy. They love receiving oral as their boys wont do it.
Russia: Probably the most beautiful in the world. Though they are far more interested in your wallet than your cock..
Romania: Unless you want to keep her family of 170 for the rest of your days I'd shag her and get the fuck out quick..
Spain: Very difficult to get their knickers down I'm afraid. Have to be home by 7pm.
Sweden: Sadly most of the women look like Bjorn from Abba as opposed to Agnetha. Pragmatic, rather like the Germans and not memorable lovers.
Switzerland: Boring as fuck.
Thailand: Hope you like chicks with dicks.
Turkey: See Greece.
Uganda: DON'T!
UK: Only someone without a pulse doesn't get laid there. Dirty tarts...
USA: Great shags if you can navigate your way over their huge arses....
LOL!
Australia: Give good BJ's but surprisingly prudish lot, despite their obscene language and breaking wind every 5 minutes. Second rate citizens to the impotent alcoholic men, they often resort to each other amidst swigging lager 24/7.
Austria: Surprisingly passionate despite never smiling and having muscles bigger than their male counterparts.
Belgium: Airheads. Easy but totally forgettable.
Brazil: Arses to die for.
Bulgaria: They will only want to marry you so forget that shag. And that's only if your name's Nigel and you're one bald ugly fucker who's loaded from London. Good looking but those eyes don't smile..
Canada: If you don't mind shagging women with beards it'll be an experience..
China: Ugly Caucasians love this lot as they all think we all look the same. Sadly if your dick's anything over 4 inches it's not going in anywhere..
Denmark: Amazonian and dominant, if that's what you like.
Egypt: There are no females in Egypt. Gay boy's paradise.
France: Terrible breath and body odour, but wonderful accents and passionate lovers.
Finland: You'll need to be fit to keep up with this lot! Noisy, squirting bitches..
Germany: Cold, clinical, unromantic. Great arses though...
Greece: You go to Greece to shag Brits. Greek girls way too fat...
Holland: The tallest girls on the planet so hopefully you vertically challenged wont feel intimidated. Most of them prossies..
India: Surprisingly adventurous. Then again, Karma Sutra I suppose. Flat arses though..
Ireland: The biggest most beautiful breasts in the world. Sadly shag one and you have to marry her. Either that or her 14 brothers will track you down and cut your balls off.
Italy: Be careful here. Their men are possessive dickheads and don't take kindly to anyone looking at their girls. Very beautiful- 'til they reach 30, then it all literally goes pear shaped..
Japan: See China but even tighter......
Jamaica: Great bodies. Make sure you're a big boy to satisfy this Bessie though...
Kenya: For fuck sake wear two condoms.
Mexico: Feisty little creatures who immediately fall in love with you after making them come..
Morocco: See Egypt.
Malta: All trannies.
Norway: Long legged miserable cows. Lousy shags. Pretty though..
Nigeria: See Kenya but wear three..
Pakistan: Probably not wise.
Portugal: Great little shags and extremely noisy. They love receiving oral as their boys wont do it.
Russia: Probably the most beautiful in the world. Though they are far more interested in your wallet than your cock..
Romania: Unless you want to keep her family of 170 for the rest of your days I'd shag her and get the fuck out quick..
Spain: Very difficult to get their knickers down I'm afraid. Have to be home by 7pm.
Sweden: Sadly most of the women look like Bjorn from Abba as opposed to Agnetha. Pragmatic, rather like the Germans and not memorable lovers.
Switzerland: Boring as fuck.
Thailand: Hope you like chicks with dicks.
Turkey: See Greece.
Uganda: DON'T!
UK: Only someone without a pulse doesn't get laid there. Dirty tarts...
USA: Great shags if you can navigate your way over their huge arses....
LOL!
