Sexy stories.!. :D

[sugoi_beppin]

I started a thread in Author's hang out but it was suggested that I post my question here instead so please forgive me for being repeatative but here goes:

don't know if anyone else in here is into the kinds of things I am into. I have an account on adult fan fiction and have some stories posted. I would love to post them on Literotica too under the fan section but I didn't know if anyone would want to read them.

I would like to put the link up to my story archive so some people can take a look and see if they like what I have up there and tell me (and the other lovely lit erotica people) if it was a good read or a good idea or not. If so, I'll post here, if not and you say P.U.!!! then I'll stick to posting on the forums here but posting my stories there.

http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/aut...p?no=1296773880

They are cartoon based fan stories for InuYasha and Futurama (but also a non erotic action story of Full Metal Alchemist) Please. I'd love some people to give me some feed back because I'd really like to put some stuff up on this site.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Your link doesn't work.

 

[Guest]

And it told me I was bad.

 

[sugoi_beppin]

Oops. Sorry. Lemme fix it.

Crud monkies. Sorry about that. Let me try it again.

http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/authors.php?no=1296773880

I hope this works. If not, it's at

http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff then choose "animation and cartoons" from the category. Go to the very bottom of the list of stories and there on the very left (in alphabetical order) it will have a Futurama category. Click it.
You can either read any of those two stories (they're both mine) or click on the author name (hettybobcat) and that will bring you to my profile page with all of my stories listed. I hope it works for you.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

This link might get you there faster:

http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544189455

(all I did was copy the URL from the story page and paste in in here.)


I'm not one of those people who likes fan fiction much, even when I know the characters involved. I'm familiar with "Futurama", but I don't know it as well as you, so a lot of the jokes and nuances were lost on me. (I looked at "Stranded".)

You seemed to be having a lot of fun with the characters, which is good. What you've got is certainly good enough for Literotica, although people are going to be very disappointed if they're looking for sex, as most people on Lit are.

One thing that jumped out of my right away was the repetitious sentence structure. Look at this paragraph:

“Good news everyone!” Professor Farnsworth shuffled into the meeting area of the Planet Express delivery company. The motley group of employees looked less than enthusiastic. The ancient old man adjusted his glasses on his nose and stood staring with a blank smile on his face. Phillip J. Fry propped his leg on the table and pulled his foot close to his face. He pulled on the gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. He wore a look of complete absorption on his young features. Toronga Leela practiced lethal looking punches into the air. Amy Wong painted her toenails a pale shade of pink. Dr. Zoidburg rummaged through a waste paper basket looking for anything that could have ever been construed as food. Hermes Conrad wrote furiously with a light pen the minutes of the meeting so far. Even scruffy, the janitor, leaned against the wall near the door with a lazy glaze to his heavy lidded eyes.

Even if you're using this repetitive pattern for comic effect, it starts to grate on the ear after awhile. The Subject-verb-object structure gets old very fast, and there's a lot of it in this story.

But go ahead and post it to Lit and see what people say. We may have some hard-core Futuram fans here who'll enjoy it. From what I could tell, your dialog rings pretty true.

Good luck,

--dr.M.

Edited to add: Chapter 2 is much better. That's where the sex is, and your sentences pick up some rhythm and variation.

Looks pretty good. Post it.

 

[sugoi_beppin]

Thank you for the critique.

Thank you very much for the helpful critique. I noticed that first part when I wrote it and ended up putting it in anyway to see how it fit and I definately see where I went wrong. I also see that the sex parts of the stories start out sloooooow in both of my Futurama fictions; however, I believe I did a little better in my InuYasha one "Dream to Life" which starts with the sexual acts right away. Of course, that one I really couldn't put up on Lit I don't think.

Thanks again for reading. I'd like to encourage anyone else who reads this thread to read some of my other stories instead of just "Stranded..." (which it seems most people read first) (note: my other Futurama story is a little slower than the first but gramaticly less irritating. )

 

[Guest]

Inside or out?

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=354148

 

[sugoi_beppin]

Inside or out of what?