Sexual Torture [Pain]: Yes or No?

[Shywong]

I've been thinking a lot about how people develop certain fetishes. One that actually bothers me is someone who enjoys ether receiving or inflicting pain. My question is for anyone out there with masochistic tendencies. Do you enjoy giving/receiving pain during sex? If so please tell me why, and what, if any is your root for this desire. I especially want to know why someone would enjoy receiving it.

Personally: I do have rape fantasies, but none of them involve brutality. I'm a relatively submissive person in that I prefer to give pleasure rather than receive. If my partner wants to be dominated I can work with that because I see it as a way of 'giving pleasure.' Yet if it involves any sort of physical or mental abuse that's a no no.

 

[BiBunny]

Yes. I enjoy both giving and receiving pain.

Unfortunately, it's like preferring strawberry ice cream to chocolate. You know that you do, but you can't explain the whys and wherefores to anyone who doesn't in a way that'll make them understand. I've been this way all my life. There's no "root."

There's no reason what other people do should "bother" you, though. If they're enjoying themselves and not hurting any innocent bystanders, live and let live. *Shrug*

 

[ecstaticsub]

I can't explain why I like it, I just do. For example, anal is always painful for me at first. But it is what i enjoy the most. In general I am not into serious pain play but actually during sex I love it. Along with the pain I am also very turned up by humiliation and degradation type of sex play.

Balancing that though is that I have only enjoyed it with my PYL. I know he loves me and will care for me afterwards.

 

[nh23]

I've been thinking a lot about how people develop certain fetishes. One that actually bothers me is someone who enjoys ether receiving or inflicting pain. My question is for anyone out there with masochistic tendencies. Do you enjoy giving/receiving pain during sex? If so please tell me why, and what, if any is your root for this desire. I especially want to know why someone would enjoy receiving it.

Personally: I do have rape fantasies, but none of them involve brutality. I'm a relatively submissive person in that I prefer to give pleasure rather than receive. If my partner wants to be dominated I can work with that because I see it as a way of 'giving pleasure.' Yet if it involves any sort of physical or mental abuse that's a no no.

I enjoy receiving pain..a lot. Honestly the majority of the time I need it to orgasm. I'm not really sure why it bothers you, you don't have to enjoy it..it's not a rule. I have no idea what the root is for it. I have some ideas..but I don't know for sure. I do know that it feels good and it gets me off. That's enough for me.

I could probably question your rape fantasies in the same manner. I mean with no brutality involved, no mental abuse, no humiliation, aren't we just looking at consensual sex? Vanilla sex even..lol.

 

[Shywong]

I enjoy receiving pain..a lot. Honestly the majority of the time I need it to orgasm. I'm not really sure why it bothers you, you don't have to enjoy it..it's not a rule. I have no idea what the root is for it. I have some ideas..but I don't know for sure. I do know that it feels good and it gets me off. That's enough for me.

It bothers me because I worry about their mental and physical well-being. That's all I want to say because my reasoning might sound condescending to some people.

I could probably question your rape fantasies in the same manner. I mean with no brutality involved, no mental abuse, no humiliation, aren't we just looking at consensual sex? Vanilla sex even..lol.

No not really. For example, if I were to kidnap someone, tie her and simply put it in without all the punching, slapping, kicking or verbal abuse is that considered consensual? No because its still humiliating her and taking something she doesn't want to give. I also like the idea of physical manipulation [teasing], making her body want it but not her mind.

 

[BiBunny]

It bothers me because I worry about their mental and physical well-being. That's all I want to say because my reasoning might sound condescending to some people.

Yes, it is rather condescending, as most people believe that intelligent adults are more than capable of taking care of their own mental and physical well-being.

No not really. For example, if I were to kidnap someone, tie her and simply put it in without all the punching, slapping, kicking or verbal abuse is that considered consensual? No because its still humiliating her and taking something she doesn't want to give. I also like the idea of physical manipulation [teasing], making her body want it but not her mind.

This is an example of different strokes for different folks. That would be neither non-consensual nor humiliating for me. It's just teasing in bondage.

 

[nh23]

It bothers me because I worry about their mental and physical well-being. That's all I want to say because my reasoning might sound condescending to some people..

Uh-huh. Condescending as in I'm a freak..but not as big of freak as you horrible masochists? LOL. I'm pretty well mentally sound. The majority of us are, and a huge part of that..is accepting who we are, just the way we are. I'm a masochist, it gets me off, it makes me happy.

No not really. For example, if I were to kidnap someone, tie her and simply put it in without all the punching, slapping, kicking or verbal abuse is that considered consensual? No because its still humiliating her and taking something she doesn't want to give. I also like the idea of physical manipulation [teasing], making her body want it but not her mind.

And you worry about people who like to inflict pain..hmm. What kind of pain do you suppose this kind of situation would entail? You can't rape someone nicely. Humiliation is a form of pain, it's still mental anguish, and even more so if you confuse someone to the point where their body enjoys it, but their mind doesn't.

 

[OLDERNWISER]

.....

 

[00Syd]

I've been thinking a lot about how people develop certain fetishes. One that actually bothers me is someone who enjoys ether receiving or inflicting pain. My question is for anyone out there with masochistic tendencies. Do you enjoy giving/receiving pain during sex? If so please tell me why, and what, if any is your root for this desire. I especially want to know why someone would enjoy receiving it.

Personally: I do have rape fantasies, but none of them involve brutality. I'm a relatively submissive person in that I prefer to give pleasure rather than receive. If my partner wants to be dominated I can work with that because I see it as a way of 'giving pleasure.' Yet if it involves any sort of physical or mental abuse that's a no no.

Sure, physical and mental abuse is an obvious no-no.

Your mistake is in thinking that all pain is abuse. What most of us here practice isn't abuse. I'm not abused, and my Dom is not an abuser. What we and a lot of other people here do is consensual, enjoyable, sexual play.

Would you consider a little bit of light spanking used to spice up an otherwise vanilla relationship to be physical abuse? That's physical pain right there. If you saw a guy spank a woman's ass while he was fucking her would you call "abuse"?

Many of us enjoy just such a spanking, but we also enjoy more. When does it change from being sexually playful to being abuse? What crosses that line in your opinion?

 

[Shywong]

And you worry about people who like to inflict pain..hmm. What kind of pain do you suppose this kind of situation would entail? You can't rape someone nicely. Humiliation is a form of pain, it's still mental anguish, and even more so if you confuse someone to the point where their body enjoys it, but their mind doesn't.

There's pain and then there's fear. For me its about causing the fear of the pain she thinks will happen, then experiencing the relief once she knows my true intentions, that I'm not going to hurt her. I'm compassionate and enjoy giving pleasure, relief is a form of pleasure. Call if forceful seduction if you will, I know that's pretty damn lame for people with real rape fantasies.

Would you consider a little bit of light spanking used to spice up an otherwise vanilla relationship to be physical abuse? That's physical pain right there. If you saw a guy spank a woman's ass while he was fucking her would you call "abuse"?

Many of us enjoy just such a spanking, but we also enjoy more. When does it change from being sexually playful to being abuse? What crosses that line in your opinion?

No, not abuse, just humorous and kinky.

Let me ask you guys this, maybe it'll help clear things up. If you like pain, do you like being scarred/marked? IE: Mild Scrapes, Bruises, Lacerations, Light Cutting, etc.

 

[nh23]

There's pain and then there's fear. For me its about causing the fear of the pain she thinks will happen, then experiencing the relief once she knows my true intentions, that I'm not going to hurt her. I'm compassionate and enjoy giving pleasure, relief is a form of pleasure. Call if forceful seduction if you will, I know that's pretty damn lame for people with real rape fantasies.

LOL whole nother ballgame.

Let me ask you guys this, maybe it'll help clear things up. If you like pain, do you like being scarred? IE: Mild Scrapes, Bruises, Lacerations, etc.

Yep

 

[Shywong]

Originally Posted by Shywong View Post
Let me ask you guys this, maybe it'll help clear things up. If you like pain, do you like being scarred? IE: Mild Scrapes, Bruises, Lacerations, etc.

Yep

To anyone else who's going to answer yes, that's why I want to get inside your heads and find out why. >,>
It's so intriguing..

 

[Windflower]

There's a thin line between pleasure and pain.
I prefer being on the receiving end. Sex (including how others may define) is not always included. It is secondary and not (always) required for pleasure.
To explain why is like attempting to explain why I prefer older men to younger, or a standard transmission to an automatic. Some things make my motor purrr vs making it merely idle.
Pleasure? The definition will and does vary from one to the next. I'll take it any way I can manage to perceive it.

I've been thinking a lot about how people develop certain fetishes. One that actually bothers me is someone who enjoys ether receiving or inflicting pain. My question is for anyone out there with masochistic tendencies. Do you enjoy giving/receiving pain during sex? If so please tell me why, and what, if any is your root for this desire. I especially want to know why someone would enjoy receiving it.

Personally: I do have rape fantasies, but none of them involve brutality. I'm a relatively submissive person in that I prefer to give pleasure rather than receive. If my partner wants to be dominated I can work with that because I see it as a way of 'giving pleasure.' Yet if it involves any sort of physical or mental abuse that's a no no.

 

[MasDom]

In my own understanding rape for what it really is, is an abuse, that not many people come back from easily. Inflicting emotional damage that usually stays with them their whole lives. As a fetish it's usually those people who choose to role play. Unless it's someone's fetish to really rape someone, but in this that's where the trouble begins. For all of us our fetishes have some ground in the standard of life and function. A simple boundary there to keep it from being pure dysfunction and abuse.

So really in my eyes a person that's a masochist as long as functional in real life is being as capable as a person who chooses to make rape a role play. For each their own enjoyment, so as long as that boundary still exists. I suppose all fetishes are like that. Skirting the boundary, that leaves it making sense for the person or not.

As a sadist I often realize the boundaries there are, and oddly find myself conflicted at times. My own needs versus what I can live with, and what's right. Luckily my match has her own enjoyment from that side of me, fulfilling a need that's honest between us. But, past just our own needs real life still comes first. That's always important otherwise we become that dysfunction.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've said it before, if you are not into it, likely you are not ever going to understand why someone else is, no matter how much they try and explain it. Sort of like telling a person you can't understand why they love who they love as you do not, and then asking them to explain it to your satisfaction.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

To anyone else who's going to answer yes, that's why I want to get inside your heads and find out why. >,>
It's so intriguing..

Well..that's almost as hard to explain. I like cutting and lacerations because I like the way my body feels when he's cutting me. I get an endorphin rush, and my body feels it as pleasure. Or on the other hand if it's a situation where I do feel pain instead of pleasure, I like to take the pain he inflicts on me, because it makes him happy. It's another way of serving him. I take it because he wants me to take it.

As far as bruising goes..I like to look at the bruises later. It reminds me of our play sessions. I like the way they look on my skin... I like that I can touch them and remember his touch. I like that he marks me as his own.

I'm also one of those people that seeks pain at times for totally non sexual reasons. Sometimes I need pain to calm the inner storm. If I'm hurting emotionally, then I ask for pain, and the outer pain distracts my mind from the inner pain.

 

[Homburg]

Shywong, are you physically active? As in sports, weightlifting, rockclimbing, or some other physical activity that causes you to push your body's tolerances? If you are, or have been in your youth, you have something of an understanding.

When I lift weights, I don't go into the gym and pump meaningless barbells 60 times to feel the burn. I work up to weights near the maximum end of my ability and gut out a couple of really freaking hard repetitions. I do this to push my body, to make myself stronger, and for health, but I also do it simply because I enjoy it.

When I trailride on my bike, I hammer the trail, and it is not all that uncommon for me to spill the bike at some point. Falls are just not fun, and they hurt. I still do it for the reasons listed above.

In each of those situations, and others that you can imagine, you push your body freaky hard, often to the point of pain, and you still enjoy.

To go another route, have you ever had a serious massage? Deep-tissue stripping, hard swedish, whatever you want to call it. The sort of massage where it frikken hurts, but in a good way? If so, you can probably relate to what a maso feels and enjoys during pain play.

When I hurt one of my gals, they whimper, yelp, and cry. It hurts. Yet they love it, and keep coming back for more. They do so because it is the sort of pain that they find pleasurable, or emotionally assistive, or just what they need.

Some days I need to hit the iron until I can't move and my muscles are screaming a tme. Well, some days they need me to spank them red, or use a cane, or whatever. That is how it goes. Nothing wrong with wanting the sensations I get from weightlifiting, right? What is wrong with a person needing the sort of pain I like to give then?

 

[Shywong]

I like to take the pain he inflicts on me, because it makes him happy. It's another way of serving him. I take it because he wants me to take it.

I understand wanting to serve someone, to please them and make them happy. Even if it means going so far as to endure pain for them. But then my question loops and diverts to the inflicter. If you love, like or endear this person, why do you WANT them to suffer? Does it demonstrate their trust, make you feel powerful and in control? If that's what you -need- to feel dominant then I think its an insecurity, but that's just my opinion. Would you allow them to do the same to you? If you say no then it diverts to the receiver, why would you allow them to do this to you if they won't return the favor. Bottom line, what makes pain necessary for either party.

Here's a hypothetical question. If a woman has a beautiful body, why would anyone want to damage it? I believe in intimate marking, but the farthest I'll go is leaving a hickey or bite mark. It's not permanent but anything more is just unnecessary or wasteful.

Shywong, are you physically active? As in sports, weightlifting, rockclimbing, or some other physical activity that causes you to push your body's tolerances? If you are, or have been in your youth, you have something of an understanding.

Unfortunately no, to either.

To go another route, have you ever had a serious massage? Deep-tissue stripping, hard swedish, whatever you want to call it. The sort of massage where it frikken hurts, but in a good way? If so, you can probably relate to what a maso feels and enjoys during pain play.

When I hurt one of my gals, they whimper, yelp, and cry. It hurts. Yet they love it, and keep coming back for more. They do so because it is the sort of pain that they find pleasurable, or emotionally assistive, or just what they need.

Some days I need to hit the iron until I can't move and my muscles are screaming a time. Well, some days they need me to spank them red, or use a cane, or whatever. That is how it goes. Nothing wrong with wanting the sensations I get from weightlifiting, right? What is wrong with a person needing the sort of pain I like to give then?

That's a good analogy, comparing sexual pain to exercising. Pushing your body to the limit, it makes sense. However anyone who wants to be scarred or inflict scars on their partner is what I'm really curious about here. You can hate someone and still want to have sex with said person. Naturally, wanting to cause that person pain at the same time would make sense, since you don't care for them. Yet if said person is blindly submissive and wants to be treated that way by someone with no feelings for them [Master/Slave], he/she is a paradox to me because they want to be abused regardless. They either have unrequited feelings and will serve under that reason or its something else.. inside their mind. Which I'm trying to find.

To Me, Abuse = Punching, Slapping, Kicking, Cutting, etc.

 

[nh23]

I understand wanting to serve someone, to please them and make them happy. Even if it means going so far as to endure pain for them. But then my question loops and diverts to the inflicter. If you love, like or endear this person, why do you WANT them to suffer? Does it demonstrate their trust, make you feel powerful and in control? If that's what you -need- to feel dominant then I think its an insecurity, but that's just my opinion. Would you allow them to do the same to you?

Ah, but what if I enjoy him making me suffer as much as he does? Is he not then doing something that both of us enjoy? It does demonstrate trust. I trust him with my body, my life even. I don't think it has anything to do with insecurity. My Master doesn't come off as insecure at all to me, nor do most of the Domly men I know. You like the idea of "raping" a woman, to have control over her body. Inflicting pain is another way of having that same control.

I myself am not a sadist, so I can't even begin to explain why they like to inflict pain, but I'll ask Master to post. I'm just glad there are men who are sadists.

Here's a hypothetical question. If a woman has a beautiful body, why would anyone want to damage it? I believe in intimate marking, but the farthest I'll go is leaving a hickey or bite mark. It's not permanent but anything more is just unnecessary or wasteful.

You know..I have 8 tattoo's, and have had multiple body piercings. I find them beautiful, as does Master. Some people look at them and think I'm ruining my body. *shrugs* what you find as beauty is not everyone's idea of beauty. I find the marks he leaves on me as beautiful. As does my Master.

 

[BiBunny]

I understand wanting to serve someone, to please them and make them happy. Even if it means going so far as to endure pain for them. But then my question loops and diverts to the inflicter. If you love, like or endear this person, why do you WANT them to suffer? Does it demonstrate their trust, make you feel powerful and in control? If that's what you -need- to feel dominant then I think its an insecurity, but that's just my opinion. Would you allow them to do the same to you? If you say no then it diverts to the receiver, why would you allow them to do this to you if they won't return the favor. Bottom line, what makes pain necessary for either party.

Here's a hypothetical question. If a woman has a beautiful body, why would anyone want to damage it? I believe in intimate marking, but the farthest I'll go is leaving a hickey or bite mark. It's not permanent but anything more is just unnecessary or wasteful.

This post demonstrates that you don't want to understand. You're convinced you're right, and nothing we say is going to change your mind. Let's just say we like it, and you don't, and leave it at that.

 

[MasDom]

I understand wanting to serve someone, to please them and make them happy. Even if it means going so far as to endure pain for them. But then my question loops and diverts to the inflicter. If you love, like or endear this person, why do you WANT them to suffer? Does it demonstrate their trust, make you feel powerful and in control? If that's what you -need- to feel dominant then I think its an insecurity, but that's just my opinion. Would you allow them to do the same to you? If you say no then it diverts to the receiver, why would you allow them to do this to you if they won't return the favor. Bottom line, what makes pain necessary for either party.

Here's a hypothetical question. If a woman has a beautiful body, why would anyone want to damage it? I believe in intimate marking, but the farthest I'll go is leaving a hickey or bite mark. It's not permanent but anything more is just unnecessary or wasteful.

What suffering? If this is one person's pleasure then where is the distress. My pet derives her own pleasure from an honest want. Me fulfilling that is a sensual and very fulfilling thing. If I give her pain that's less to her liking it's always under the bond we have where it's my place to find my pleasure in her. This not only reinforces that pact between us, it allows me to also be completely fulfilled, and find no worry or want, because I'm with someone who understands me. Who is as satisfied as me.

If you found a woman who shares in your rape fantasy, would you take it wherever she would? Even if it meant a strap on up your ass? Or would you find a person who understands it's not your thing? In a relationship like this it's always give and take, not some one sided fantasy. Otherwise nothing would work.

So I bet all those people who do body modification freak you out. Sometimes a marking is as beautiful as it's meaning, especially to the person that has it. For my love any mark I give her was a moment in our relationship, a memory marked in her skin. She chooses a pride for wearing it, as do I.

 

[nh23]

That's a good analogy, comparing sexual pain to exercising. Pushing your body to the limit, it makes sense. However anyone who wants to be scarred or inflict scars on their partner is what I'm really curious about here. You can hate someone and still want to have sex with said person. Naturally, wanting to cause that person pain at the same time would make sense, since you don't care for them. Yet if said person is blindly submissive and wants to be treated that way by someone with no feelings for them [Master/Slave], he/she is a paradox to me because they want to be abused regardless. They either have unrequited feelings and will serve under that reason or its something else.. inside their mind. Which I'm trying to find.

To Me, Abuse = Punching, Slapping, Kicking, Cutting, etc.

Basically your take on it is that we are being abused. I don't find being slapped, cut etc..as abuse. Even when it's pain that I'd rather not have, it's still fulfilling a need in me. I don't know a way to show you how we feel inside. To explain to you that we aren't all just fucked up. Because from this post..that looks like where you're going with this. You see us as oddities. That's fine. We are not like you, you don't have to be like us. I do wonder though are you curious because you want to understand? Or do you have a need to prove yourself better than us.

 

[Shywong]

This post demonstrates that you don't want to understand. You're convinced you're right, and nothing we say is going to change your mind. Let's just say we like it, and you don't, and leave it at that.

And this post demonstrates you don't want to answer. If I didn't want to understand I wouldn't be here asking these questions. What I DO want is to avoid arguing with you. Shall we agree to disagree? You don't have to post an answer.

If you found a woman who shares in your rape fantasy, would you take it wherever she would? Even if it meant a strap on up your ass? Or would you find a person who understands it's not your thing? In a relationship like this it's always give and take, not some one sided fantasy. Otherwise nothing would work.

So I bet all those people who do body modification freak you out. Sometimes a marking is as beautiful as it's meaning, especially to the person that has it. For my love any mark I give her was a moment in our relationship, a memory marked in her skin. She chooses a pride for wearing it, as do I.

Yes I would, if they were the same as mine. I would do anything for her she would do for me.

No they don't freak me out.

 

[didi_louise]

actually I heard that pain induces "happy" hormones.. Endorphins.. so it can be that which makes us "weirdos" like the pain or maybe we're just sick sick people.... tho thinking about it... after hubby tied me up today and "raped" me and spanked me I have to say.... I don't feel very sick... quite the opposite, lol!!!

I also have the rape fantasy... a VIOLENT rape fantasy.... but of course any old idiot knows that things like this make good fantasies but NOT good realities so I don't see a problem.

 

[nh23]

Yes I would, if they were the same as mine. I would do anything for her she would do for me.

This is the smartest thing you've said in this whole thread. You just explained why I do what I do. I would do anything for him, anything he wanted. I'm fulfilled by that, by doing what he asks, wants, needs. It makes the both of us happy. See how it goes both ways? Even if it seems one sided at first?