Sexual attraction vs morality

[Guest]

Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to someone other than your significant other? I'm not talking about acting on that urge - that's another subject. But rather just attraction outside your relationship. Is it OK to want to have others attracted to you sexually? If you are attracted to another, do you tell your spouse, or the other person? Do you then flirt with this person? Do you feel guilt? It's a touchy subject, but if someone knows you're attracted to them might it help them to feel good about themselves, to put a smile on their face, to have a nice day? To get them feeling attractive and carrying that over into THEIR bedroom?

 

[Guest]

I mean, having a spouse does not mean that we can turn off our emotions, our feelings, our urges..... We are still alive, still just human beings, still just animals after all. This battle rages on... and has nothing to do with how we feel towards our spouse...

 

[Guest]

When I was younger, I felt guilty when I found myself attracted to someone other than my significant other. I've learned over the last few years that it's quite normal and healthy. We encounter many people during a lifetime. Attraction may just be inevitable. I feel pulled toward folks, without thought. My husband can always tell. We joke a bit about it . We even discuss. He's not threatened. And, I no longer supress my natural reactions.
In the end, I have free will.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Gods, I hope it's ok!

I'm attracted to others on at least a daily basis. I flirt with them because that's my nature. Even offline, I'm open about my sexuality, and I make comments, give looks, etc that could be termed come-ons. I don't think it's in any way disrespectful to my SO.

My body didn't shut down when I got married. I still feel physical, emotional and intellectual attractions to people. It's a fact of life. If your SO feels threatened by that, then I think it's her that has issues, not you.

 

[MidnightAngel]

If it's wrong, I'm in Big trouble!

Seriously, I don't personally think it's "wrong" to be attracted to someone other than your SO.

As the saying goes "I'm just looking AT, not looking FOR".

 

[tn_8tiv]

I'm not sure I could judge the morality issue of physical attractions to others. I personally don't believe we have the right to establish judgement on others who may not share our views.

As far as myself, I don't personally consider is wrong to be physically or sexually attracted to someone other than your current s/o. I know that I am attracted to a wide variety of people in life. I'm sure others have this same personality and feel the sexual energy between themselves and others.

I also feel there are situations when the sexual attraction is so strong it is very difficult for two people not to act on them. Who has the right to judge their morality? Surely not me.

 

[bluemuse]

I certainly hope not!

My husband and I have had many, many flirtations, crushes and infatuations over the years. I am not the jealous type, so my husband feels very comfortable telling me about his attractions.

I think that it's unreasonable to expect your s/o to just turn off that part of their sexuality off......and I credit the fact that my husband and I have been married as long as we have with the fact that we don't put that kind of pressure on ourselves.

I haven't acted on any of my infatuations.....yet.

bluemuse

 

[Elizabeth]

Well then.....

I am in big, big trouble if that is so. I can't shut down because I am married and I can't control who I am attracted to. Not that I set out to act on those attractions. They just happen.

 

[Moridin187]

Nothing wrong with it at all.. In fact, it's a good way of knowing you're still alive and healthy.. As long as it just stays attraction and you don't act on it, even a lil harmless flirting can be fine.

 

[Guest]

My wife and I agree with all of you. I started this thread looking for affirmation, feeling like we were really in the minority on this issue. Thank you all for your responses.

 

[JaymesBlond007]

I think you would be lying to yourselves to say that you can only be attracted to each other. Committed to each other is a completely different story. Having fantasies about other people can be a wonderful tool in a relationship and should be discussed, and if agreed upon, explored.
Congratulations on finding someone that is so open with their veiws on dating and relationships.

Remember. It shouldn't matter where you develop your appetite, as long as go home for dinner.

And for all of you Lit pervs, yes that includes breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea, afternoon snacks, and midnight munchies! Geez...

 

[Moridin187]

There's a saying around here..

"Just cuz a dog's chained to the house, don't mean he can't bark at the cars that go by."

 

[Aphrodisiac]

It's a touchy subject, but if someone knows you're attracted to them might it help them to feel good about themselves, to put a smile on their face, to have a nice day? To get them feeling attractive and carrying that over into THEIR bedroom?


I have been in such a situation ... he was a married older man who found me attractive , charming and would always seek me out ... he told me he was attracted to me sexually & how he wished he was not married ... etc .. etc ....

I was flattered by his words & I enjoyed our conversations & outings... I flirted (innocent flirting) with him and would tease him @ times about certain things. I knew I was not going to go to bed with him or anything along those lines. He told me later on that when he met me ... he came " alive" once more in his marriage.


I did not think that was bad in any way , if my flirting with him made him feel alive again ... good for him.

 

[lavender]

 

[Guest]

Thank you Lav - as payment I'll lend Starfish my body parts to please you......

And Aphro - I'm in a similar spot, and feel the same way. I get great pleaseure out of helping others.

 

[fallon2]

Attraction

The problem is that as humans we are tempted by other people who smile and glance at us and make us feel like a MILLION dollars before taxes! We can control to a certain extent our desires but we cannot control our thoughts and emotions.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Odd...

I agree entirely that it's totally healthy to be atracted to others,and that, not acted upon, it does no hamr. But feeling sof a sexual nature are adult feelings and should thereofre be dealt with from an adult understanding. I find it odd that even on this board, people are implying that they "cannot" control all their responses to these urges and attractions (which is bullshit). Attitudes like that create those so-called "jealous" responses that others fear in us and we fear in our SO. Funny, how things are created. The trait we hate in others is often bred by our own actions...