Sexless Marriages

[Strixaluco]

I wonder, Strixaluco, how you define harassment. Of girls on their way to school, for instance You live in Finland, do you not? And not in India.

And the crime of rape is a grave accusation of a civilized man. I am fairly sure you'd agree with me, that not a hundred percent of all such accusations hold water,

Look at Kevin Spacey getting acquitted, by TWO juries, or Jörg Kachelmann in my country. So there exists a fain amount of plain lies also, on the part of women in court.

Indeed, there are false accusations. But not all #metoo is false. If you think it all is, you're making the problem bigger.

Catcalling is verbal harassment. Touching in any way you wouldn't touch someone of the gender you're not interested in, is harassment if nor consensual. As simple as that.

#metoo I've let myself let a few instances slide. Like hugging and kissing without consent, by a coworker - he was very embarrassed after the party, when he had sobered up and saw the photo, where its obvious I didn't consent. (I turned my head in time so it didn't land on my lips. I wasn't even single at the time, and he knew it.)

 

[Leglover1234]

I personally think if a partner is no longer interested in sex. You should be able to find it elsewhere. It’s selfish, abuse and hurtful

 

[Leglover1234]

I’ve been terminally ill for 3 years. Wife won’t even give me a hadjob

 

[adamISOeve]

I’ve been terminally ill for 3 years. Wife won’t even give me a hadjob

we sure are mixing up a lot in this thread!!!

Perhaps mere complaining should be forbidden simply.

 

[Strixaluco]

we sure are mixing up a lot in this thread!!!

Perhaps mere complaining should be forbidden simply.

Complaining is often one way to cope. Forbidding that makes things worse. Then people just won't even realise they aren't alone in their situation.

 

[tnh_06]

Complaining is often one way to cope. Forbidding that makes things worse. Then people just won't even realise they aren't alone in their situation.

Maybe we should stick with bitching about our situations, and a little less about each other.

 

[Sparky74]

Maybe we should stick with bitching about our situations, and a little less about each other.

100% spot on.

 

[Strixaluco]

Maybe we should stick with bitching about our situations, and a little less about each other.

And right when I was defending everyone's right to bitch about his/her situation...

(I have nothing personal against adamISOeve, btw.)

 

[Strixaluco]

But I take my leave.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Makes me wonder - why are you still married?
("Kids" isn't good answer - such relationship and unhappy parents aren't better for them than the option.)

We won't be married much longer. I'm staying now so he will have a place to go when we split. I still don't have solid plans for anything, but he's an MS patient, so it's more important that he's not on the streets. Hubs can tend to be a tad on the abusive side, both emotionally and physically. I can't wait to be gone.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

When a woman talks herself into “possessing” a precious cherry...

Interesting choice of words...

 

[trevorness]

The one time this year she had sex with me I had a plug in, and she had no idea

 

[Happyjack122448]

So maybe one person on this thread could say they had a sexless marriage in the past but were able to change or the partner changed.

The rest of us are unwilling to divorce and /or unwilling to commit adultery. As a group we are coming here looking for a little hope or a place to vent and get at least a little sympathy. Alternate opinions welcome.

 

[Sparky74]

Kinda depressing to read as I always wanted to be married (had 2 very short marriages, lasting months) but save short relationships here and there, have been mostly single. However, at least I did enjoy the sex, even if the relationships were short and I ended up ending them.

I sometimes wonder if maybe I got the better end of the deal, seeing all the people here married but unhappy and also noticing in my own relationships that the sex seemed to go down (men after a certain age well... XD). For me, sex is the nicest way of expressing love as well as healthy so maybe I'm old school or weird, but that should never decrease...

It has for me, that's why I started a Similar Thread for people in The UK

If you read front page will give you some context.

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/uk-sexless-marriges-advice-and-support-group.1592315/

 

[LustyScribe]

I personally think if a partner is no longer interested in sex. You should be able to find it elsewhere. It’s selfish, abuse and hurtful

Absolutely. It's abandonment. That's exactly how I see it. If the opportunity ever arises, that's how I will look at it. She abandoned ship, but wants me to just keep on sailing under her flag.

 

[Trubbycat]

My wife and I get along but her drive has evaporated. I am desperate for sex but have resisted going elsewhere. I'd most likely have to pay for it.

 

[LustyScribe]

The longer it goes on, the more comfortable she seems to get with refusing me ANY physical contact. Youngest turns 18 in 1 year, 5 months & a few days. Probably won't confront until the end of her school year, but then I think I'm going to be DONE. I may die old and alone (I'll be 60 at that point), but it won't be with rejection shoved in my face every day, every night. Hell, I'm pretty much alone already.

 

[adamISOeve]

some contemplation on the sexless marriages phenomenon

Several root causes contribute to it, yet only few people are willing to realize most of them. I see it as far more than exclusively a personal or couple-specific problem. Since ideology has crept into the problem as well. And whenever ideology captures any issue, nothing good can be expected afterwards.

The most basic root cause has been poor understanding – still today – of many sexual phenomena, and an apparent hostility against learning. Just look at how terribly contrarian literature and research is being mis-perceived largely. I claim on purpose, driven largely by moralistic and financial interests.

And in a society like the USA, with a rich history of failed moralistic movements – witness prohibition and Amendments #18 and#21 – one cannot hope for a rational resolution of issues relating to sexless marriages.

Witness what happens, as an example, when an author like Esther Vilar come up with a contrarian thesis to feminism. She was beaten up so badly, by a gang of 4 radical feminists, that she fled Germany for Switzerland. Or witness Dr. Catherine Hawkim, a sociology researcher, formerly at the London School of Economics. LSE gave in to outside pressures and mobbed her out of her career there.

All in the interest of not upsetting the apple cart of ideological explanations to inter-human relations. In fact I see feminism itself an unfortunate outcome of a movement that began in the 1960s, and which (unfortunately) called itself women’s liberation. Had Gloria Steinem et.al. realized fully, that the liberation required MUST extend to men just as well, i.e. that BOTH genders must be liberated from antiquated notions of inappropriate gender roles, the ideology of “feminism” might never have taken off. And instead we would have much better understanding of key traits of both genders now.

But antagonistic movements can be marketed much easier than cooperative ones. Alice Schwarzer and her journal “Emma” not only attacked Esther Vilar violently, but she was also the most vehement agitator against Jörg Kachelmann, during his trial against a hysteric #MeToo-like woman, who was proven a liar in her case in court. After destroying Kachelmann’s reputation first.

And it was no accident that Obama’s Secretary of Education began forcing universities to give preferential treatment to women who claim rape or sexual harrassment Often several days AFTER the crime supposedly took place.

So when you have feminism teach women that they possess a prized possession, and men with “badness” in their soul are scheming to take that away from them, no wonder that many women who never learned to enjoy the pleasures of sex, use feminist teachings as an excuse for withholding intimacy. Once hubby has done his duty, of course, and impregnated her properly. Assuring financial security for her this way. in well-off households.

And contrary to many European men, Americans have been manipulated far more successfully, to stick it out with such women. Because moralistic institutions play a larger role in USA.

 

[Sparky74]

some contemplation on the sexless marriages phenomenon

Several root causes contribute to it, yet only few people are willing to realize most of them. I see it as far more than exclusively a personal or couple-specific problem. Since ideology has crept into the problem as well. And whenever ideology captures any issue, nothing good can be expected afterwards.

The most basic root cause has been poor understanding – still today – of many sexual phenomena, and an apparent hostility against learning. Just look at how terribly contrarian literature and research is being mis-perceived largely. I claim on purpose, driven largely by moralistic and financial interests.

And in a society like the USA, with a rich history of failed moralistic movements – witness prohibition and Amendments #18 and#21 – one cannot hope for a rational resolution of issues relating to sexless marriages.

Witness what happens, as an example, when an author like Esther Vilar come up with a contrarian thesis to feminism. She was beaten up so badly, by a gang of 4 radical feminists, that she fled Germany for Switzerland. Or witness Dr. Catherine Hawkim, a sociology researcher, formerly at the London School of Economics. LSE gave in to outside pressures and mobbed her out of her career there.

All in the interest of not upsetting the apple cart of ideological explanations to inter-human relations. In fact I see feminism itself an unfortunate outcome of a movement that began in the 1960s, and which (unfortunately) called itself women’s liberation. Had Gloria Steinem et.al. realized fully, that the liberation required MUST extend to men just as well, i.e. that BOTH genders must be liberated from antiquated notions of inappropriate gender roles, the ideology of “feminism” might never have taken off. And instead we would have much better understanding of key traits of both genders now.

But antagonistic movements can be marketed much easier than cooperative ones. Alice Schwarzer and her journal “Emma” not only attacked Esther Vilar violently, but she was also the most vehement agitator against Jörg Kachelmann, during his trial against a hysteric #MeToo-like woman, who was proven a liar in her case in court. After destroying Kachelmann’s reputation first.

And it was no accident that Obama’s Secretary of Education began forcing universities to give preferential treatment to women who claim rape or sexual harrassment Often several days AFTER the crime supposedly took place.

So when you have feminism teach women that they possess a prized possession, and men with “badness” in their soul are scheming to take that away from them, no wonder that many women who never learned to enjoy the pleasures of sex, use feminist teachings as an excuse for withholding intimacy. Once hubby has done his duty, of course, and impregnated her properly. Assuring financial security for her this way. in well-off households.

And contrary to many European men, Americans have been manipulated far more successfully, to stick it out with such women. Because moralistic institutions play a larger role in USA.

Good points but unfortunately none of what you said applies in my situation.

 

[TemptationTango]

For me, sex is the nicest way of expressing love as well as healthy so maybe I'm old school or weird, but that should never decrease...

I think most men and women would agree with this completely. However(at least for women), when the hormones and the pheromones band together, pack their shit and leave, it makes it hard for that person to participate when she has absolutely zero interest or drive.
When my wife got around to getting tested, her hormone levels were not low, they were non existent. This not only screws her up mentally for sex, it has bad effects on her lady parts where insertion is painful, even with lube. It's the old "Double Whammy" , and no it's not the book by Carl Hiaasen.

 

[Britva415]

Everything helps

A person has to want help. Not sure if you're reading the same thread I am but most of these non-sexual spouses would just laugh in your face about your gummies. They don't care.

 

[Sparky74]

A person has to want help. Not sure if you're reading the same thread I am but most of these non-sexual spouses would just laugh in your face about your gummies. They don't care.

Actually I do care and would welcome any advice help and support that is given.

 

[PersonalFavors]

The more I read this thread where it is guys with their libido intact and the lady whose hormones diminished. Seems to me some evil joke that as long as us guys are horny we need to do something to relieve pressure. When that production ceases I will suspect something may be wrong health wise. I wish the ladies cared. Or maybe allowed some type of infidelity. There has to be some way to reason with them. I'm lucky. I still get laid. She just does not care enough for me to have something as enjoyable as an explosive blow job. She did try a hand job this weekend but I swear she was asleep. Didn't even know I was cumming then went all crazy over sensitizing it and let go when I pulled back a little. Ruined it anyway. I'm sorry I don't understand. For me or the others that were in love once upon a time. Divorce is expensive but they promised in sickness and in health and aren't holding up their end of the bargain. If someone wants out.....

 

[Britva415]

Actually I do care and would welcome any advice help and support that is given.

Don't take it personally, if you aren't one of the people I (and many other posters) described.

At first I couldn't tell if you were at the situation I described or at me. Then I turned the page.

Catch me up - are you a spouse who is the non-sexual partner in your marriage? Let me know where you're coming from.

 

[Sparky74]

The more I read this thread where it is guys with their libido intact and the lady whose hormones diminished. Seems to me some evil joke that as long as us guys are horny we need to do something to relieve pressure. When that production ceases I will suspect something may be wrong health wise. I wish the ladies cared. Or maybe allowed some type of infidelity. There has to be some way to reason with them. I'm lucky. I still get laid. She just does not care enough for me to have something as enjoyable as an explosive blow job. She did try a hand job this weekend but I swear she was asleep. Didn't even know I was cumming then went all crazy over sensitizing it and let go when I pulled back a little. Ruined it anyway. I'm sorry I don't understand. For me or the others that were in love once upon a time. Divorce is expensive but they promised in sickness and in health and aren't holding up their end of the bargain. If someone wants out.....

We don't all want out some of us just need help guidence reassurance and support.

As per the Thread I started below.

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/uk-sexless-marriges-advice-and-support-group.1592315/