Sexless Marriages

[Deadbed1968]

I’m a married, male, age 65. Though I am in a Near sexless marriage, it’s the lack of passion and spontaneity that I miss so much. I crave passion and seek it outside of my marriage. I’ve not cheated in 10 years but honestly would do so at any time with the right woman. My sex drive is not much different than it was when I was in my 20’s. I hope to find that passion again before my fire burns out, though I don’t see that happening soon. I masturbate ever few days, sometimes 2 or 3 times in a 24 hour period. I live in Central Texas and hope to hear from women that seek same no string or life changing situations… just sexual passion sharing.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Have you talked about this with your wife?

 

[jbgarcon]

Thank you, but for us it has a (so far) happy ending. We had the difficult talk, and it was my wife who proposed having scheduled sex. Wednesday and Sunday nights. I was skeptical, it seemed too arbitrary. As it turns out though, at least in our case, that after a few weeks we were BOTH looking forward to our intimate time together. Sort of a use it or lose it situation. We are both much happier with the sex situation. I’m optimistic that this will hold for the future.

It's been awhile since I've posted on this thread - but I've also been in this same situation as others have shared. I divorced after 30 years and recently re-married. The sad thing is that I'm in the same boat now as I was with my former wife. The one big difference is that I've been very open about how I feel, the frustration of not having sex, and offering any kind of support to improve our sex life. Time will tell over the next month - it's been a serious problem for the past two years - and we got married in June and have only had sex once... which is frankly driving me crazy since my sex drive hasn't changed much since my 20's. Thank you to those who regularly post their experiences - it helps me understand how to approach and frame conversations about this with my own wife.

 

[Deadbed1968]

It's been awhile since I've posted on this thread - but I've also been in this same situation as others have shared. I divorced after 30 years and recently re-married. The sad thing is that I'm in the same boat now as I was with my former wife. The one big difference is that I've been very open about how I feel, the frustration of not having sex, and offering any kind of support to improve our sex life. Time will tell over the next month - it's been a serious problem for the past two years - and we got married in June and have only had sex once... which is frankly driving me crazy since my sex drive hasn't changed much since my 20's. Thank you to those who regularly post their experiences - it helps me understand how to approach and frame conversations about this with my own wife.

I’m so sorry you are back in this situation. Did you and your current wife have an active sex life prior to marriage?

 

[crappyfisherman]

It was painful for my wife as well. I think the anticipation that it was going to hurt created a self fulfilling prophecy. She thought it would hurt and so it did. The first few times, we needed to go very slow and use plenty of lube. Since then: no pain. Again, this was our case, your mileage may vary.

I also make extra sure to warm her up with lots of foreplay too (kissing, touching, oral).

Lube makes no difference. Oral is one of my favorite things but she has no interest anymore. She went from multi-orgasmic to no penetration. I understand. Hormones are in control. We have talked about it many times. The treatments do not make much difference. She has learned to give me a tremendous hand job every other week. I am committed to my marriage. But I miss bringing her to orgasm. I miss her response to me. Feeling her clit swell and pulse and throb through her orgasms. I miss her clawing my back as I fucked her to several more before she begged me to cum. Cumming inside her would bring her to orgasm. I want to have sex with a person not porn and my hand. Blowing up my marriage and family is not an option though. Hence the thought that if I could find another married man, someone who has as much to lose so that he would be as discreet as I must be. Then, perhaps we could help each other out. I miss more than just the sex but perhaps sex would fill the empty space.

 

[Strixaluco]

Lube makes no difference. Oral is one of my favorite things but she has no interest anymore. She went from multi-orgasmic to no penetration. I understand. Hormones are in control. We have talked about it many times. The treatments do not make much difference. She has learned to give me a tremendous hand job every other week. I am committed to my marriage. But I miss bringing her to orgasm. I miss her response to me.

So sorry to hear that

However, when you say treatments don't make much difference, at least around here it is common that post-menopausal hormone replacement therapy is dosed assuming that taking hot flashes away (which is the easiest symptom to treat) is enough - totally ignoring other, bigger symptoms (like libido and mood) which may require a much bigger dose to be relieved at all. I don't know if this can be the cause in your wife's case, but it may be something to consider.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Now I wanna share something, that I am experiencing lately, and I don't know what to make of it. Been in a sexless marriage since 2013. I have communicated my desires and problems with this situation about two years ago. We thought about doing some counselling (which is still a possibility) but for various reasons did not go through with that yet. For a time, my wife tried to cater to my needs but it did not really work as things got back to the way they were after about two months.

Now, what I find bothersome, every time my wife does try to make "advances" on me, instead of me savoring every single instance of that (I am desperately craving sex), I am the one pushing her away and refusing. And to be franky I understand this, my body's/mind's reaction.

Anyone with similar experiences? What do you make of it?

I starting going through this after one too many rejections from my wife. I figured that if she did not want affection, touch, give/receive sex, then I would try to abandone the idea too. I did not want to accept a 'mercy fuck' either. If my wife does not want me, then fine, don't pretend. After a couple weeks+, she gets horny and starts making advances. However, I just don't feel too interested anymore.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Thank you, but for us it has a (so far) happy ending. We had the difficult talk, and it was my wife who proposed having scheduled sex. Wednesday and Sunday nights. I was skeptical, it seemed too arbitrary. As it turns out though, at least in our case, that after a few weeks we were BOTH looking forward to our intimate time together. Sort of a use it or lose it situation. We are both much happier with the sex situation. I’m optimistic that this will hold for the future.

We did the sex scheduling thing. It was once a week on Monday. (We could always do more, but she never went beyond the minimum.)
It worked OK for awhile. We both looked forward to Monday. Then she started to drift into the 'get it over with' mood. No foreplay, no interest in oral sex or any other touching. She wanting to just lay on her back and have me get on and be done with it. She would keep her eyes closed or look off out the window. Only her body was there. This was not what I had in mind. I told her that I did not want scheduled sex anymore. So we stopped it.
We are doing the therapy thing now. It just started, so there is a way to go. Which is OK, because I have no where to go anyway.

 

[Mtnmike]

I starting going through this after one too many rejections from my wife. I figured that if she did not want affection, touch, give/receive sex, then I would try to abandone the idea too. I did not want to accept a 'mercy fuck' either. If my wife does not want me, then fine, don't pretend. After a couple weeks+, she gets horny and starts making advances. However, I just don't feel too interested anymore.

Exactly what happened to us, got to the point of why bother!!! She offered twice in the last 5 year's & I just said No Thank You, not interested.

 

[Strixaluco]

I starting going through this after one too many rejections from my wife. I figured that if she did not want affection, touch, give/receive sex, then I would try to abandone the idea too. I did not want to accept a 'mercy fuck' either. If my wife does not want me, then fine, don't pretend. After a couple weeks+, she gets horny and starts making advances. However, I just don't feel too interested anymore.

Yet just weeks, not months or years. And if she gets horny it's not a mercy fuck. If she would now be interested and you are not, the ball is in your court to make something about it.

 

[Mtnmike]

Yet just weeks, not months or years. And if she gets horny it's not a mercy fuck. If she would now be interested and you are not, the ball is in your court to make something about it.

You're right it is but knowing it will only go back to what it's been, makes you to not even start. The hurt & frustration is not worth anymore, imo. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Strixaluco]

You're right it is but knowing it will only go back to what it's been, makes you to not even start. The hurt & frustration is not worth anymore, imo. Just my 2 cents.

Well if that happens in a few weeks... ANYONE can have periods with low, even nonexistent libido due to various reasons. Even for a few months. If a few weeks is enough for the partner to give up, then that would mean a lot more marriages ending up sexless.

 

[Nicefella]

Well if that happens in a few weeks... ANYONE can have periods with low, even nonexistent libido due to various reasons. Even for a few months. If a few weeks is enough for the partner to give up, then that would mean a lot more marriages ending up sexless.

Strip - this responds to your prior post as well as this one. )

I agree with that BUT if that becomes a pattern where it’s a dry spell, followed by spurning of a spouse’s advances or outright disinterest, followed by random moments of heat, that can wear on anyone’s psyche regardless of sex.

I also think there is this misunderstanding of a man’s ability to fuck whenever his wife or partner is ready. That’s not the case and it’s shameful that society in general makes it sound as if a guy can just get it on at a moment’s notice. Maybe those are single unattached porn-star men but that is definitely not everyone, especially men with emotional baggage and hurt from their circumstances/existing relationships.

I guess all I am adding is that men can be just about as twisted/broken as women can be when it comes to libidinous urges.

 

[Strixaluco]

I agree with that BUT if that becomes a pattern where it’s a dry spell, followed by spurning of a spouse’s advances or outright disinterest, followed by random moments of heat, that can wear on anyone’s psyche regardless of sex.

Sure it does. Still I would have been quite happy with even random moments of heat, even just a couple of times per year with my late husband. Even though having it that randomly means that getting me excited takes a lot more work than normally. (My current Dom barely has to do anything to achieve that.)

I also think there is this misunderstanding of a man’s ability to fuck whenever his wife or partner is ready. That’s not the case and it’s shameful that society in general makes it sound as if a guy can just get it on at a moment’s notice. Maybe those are single unattached porn-star men but that is definitely not everyone, especially men with emotional baggage and hurt from their circumstances/existing relationships.

I guess all I am adding is that men can be just about as twisted/broken as women can be when it comes to libidinous urges.

I don't have that particular misunderstanding. (I may have others, but not that one.) Nor do I think it is something that will be fixed in the snap of fingers. I do, however, think that it is something one can work on. It's not like the ball would stay just on her court for fixing the situation.

 

[Hardhubby2020]

I’m sorry you are going through this. Have you talked about this with your wife?

Oh yes. She’s just not very sexual or passionate. I am.

 

[Mtnmike]

Well if that happens in a few weeks... ANYONE can have periods with low, even nonexistent libido due to various reasons. Even for a few months. If a few weeks is enough for the partner to give up, then that would mean a lot more marriages ending up sexless.

I agree, i'm going by my marriage which is a worst case scenario, i'm guessing. I did what people & Dr suggested for the first 6-7 year's but nothing changed. Finally a few year's ago she said she wasn't going or interested in changing, took a couple more year's but finally gave up, we are pretty much room mate's now, although we do some things together, we mostly do things alone. It is what it is, unfortunately.

 

[Yorkiemom66]

At 56

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

At 56 I feel this totally glad.to know I'm not the only one

 

[Yorkiemom66]

Not married but was in a longterm marriage I left for this reason he wanted to fuck everything N everyone else but me!!!!!!!

 

[Mtnmike]

At 56



At 56 I feel this totally glad.to know I'm not the only one

Glad to see a couple of mature ladies still having libido's, gives me hope.

 

[Yorkiemom66]

We are o

Glad to see a couple of mature ladies still having libido's, gives me hope

We are out there after menopause some things change for some women and for some shitty sexless marriages in my case is why so don't lose hope mtn mike

Glad to see a couple of mature ladies still having libido's, gives me hope.

 

[Mtnmike]

Not married but was in a longterm marriage I left for this reason he wanted to fuck everything N everyone else but me!!!!!!!

Omg why do men do this, I have never understand it when they have a perfectly willing lady at home, makes me mad. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, it hurts, believe me I know. First wife did the same to me, I loved her & tried staying but just couldn't.

 

[Mtnmike]

We are o

We are out there after menopause some things change for some women and for some shitty sexless marriages in my case is why so don't lose hope mtn mike

Thanks for your encouraging word's, I try telling myself that regularly but after year's of nothing, it can almost impossible to believe anymore.

 

[Yorkiemom66]

Well the old adage is true when u stop looking so hard it comes when u least expect it it didn't for me but one things for sure u have to love yourself and be positive to attract just that

 

[Yorkiemom66]

Se

Well the old adage is true when u stop looking so hard it comes when u least expect it it didn't for me but one things for sure u have to love yourself and be positive to attract just that

Sex is easy fucking someone is easy if ur looking for connection that's where the work comes in

 

[Deadbed1968]

At 56



At 56 I feel this totally glad.to know I'm not the only one

Unfortunately this issue is gender blind! It’s mostly men here, but it certainly happens to women too!

 

[Yorkiemom66]

Unfortunately this issue is gender blind! It’s mostly men here, but it certainly happens to women too!

Very true I think!