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Sexless Marriages

LivingLaVitaLoco said:
Sorry this is a long post. Had a long marriage, in which I was constantly criticized and told I must not be into sex and didn't want sex (LIES). Tried everything - lost the weight I gained after marrying, bought lingerie, bought a couple of porn movies, threw myself at him numerous times, NADA. (I think he had E.D. but didn't want to admit it, or he just couldn't stand having sex with me and didn't want to admit that)

Wound up on-line and bumped into old flame. Allowed myself to chat, text, and then talk on phone. BIG MISTAKE! Stirred up old embers. What can I say, we had an amazing sex life before, and I never got over him. His marriage had no sex, mine had no sex. It was like pouring gas on a fire. Thankfully, he lived 900 miles away.

Hubs found out, we went to counseling - three of them in six months because he didn't like any of them. My ultimatum was for change to make things better (for both of us). He couldn't wrap his head around that. We separated, eventually divorced.

Started dating awhile later. After a few "well that didn't work", I found someone I thought I could live with the rest of my life. We've been "his girl/her guy" for 5 years in November. He had prostrate biopsy in July. All good YAY! Been feeing neglected, and found out last night, he doesn't have the sex drive he had before. He would rather spend Saturday night with his old high school buddies getting drunk than with me making love. (in all fairness, he didn't know that was an option prior)

Right now, I feel like I've been punched in the gut. A wicked joke or something.
Sorry for the gloom, I am still trying to sort this out.

All I can think of is DAMN is this karma or what? What did I ever do to anyone? (I know selfish, but CRAP) (you can add foul-mouthed wench next to slut/whore if you are into labels - I prefer human trying to make it to the other side without life passing her by)

So for a gal to try to get satisfaction is not easy either. Plus in society, we get shamed for it more. (How many times have you as a man labeled a woman, even if you took her pleasures? You'd rather marry that other girl, not the one you had the amazing sex life with in college. Dude, you messed up!)
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Concur with what TT said, hang in there and we all are here to help each other. As for labeling women, I have always hated it !!! My 2 cents has been if a lady loves sex, more power to her, just wish I could find 1 that did :(:(:(:(
 
TTawhere said:
I can sympathize with your situation entirely. Certainly, people's level of desire changes over their lifetime and there is no way to know how that will happen for a partner or spouse over time. Socially, stepping outside of a relationship is frowned on generally, but shouldn't be provided you've tried to mend the relationship.

In hindsight, I have regrets about letting some former lovers go rather than
marrying, but hindsight is 20/20, and there are no guarantees for the future.
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Very true about the future. The disappointing part for me is that my wife was the best lover I ever had. Our sex life when we were in our 20’s and 30’s was off the charts. Time changed everything. For her it was a lot of medical issues. Talking and counseling weren’t going to help at all with her medical issues. So now we get along great except for the lack of sex. Very frustrating but I wouldn’t change a thing in my past. I just need to find a way with dealing with today.
 
Beachaged said:
Very true about the future. The disappointing part for me is that my wife was the best lover I ever had. Our sex life when we were in our 20’s and 30’s was off the charts. Time changed everything. For her it was a lot of medical issues. Talking and counseling weren’t going to help at all with her medical issues. So now we get along great except for the lack of sex. Very frustrating but I wouldn’t change a thing in my past. I just need to find a way with dealing with today.
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Your experience mirrors mine fairly closely. While my wife and I didn’t meet that young, I’m reasonably sure I didn’t know her at her “peak”. Medical issues have also been our issue and we have attempted numerous medical solutions with no success. For us, that part of our life is over - the sexual part that is. Still, she’s the woman that I love and the mother of our children and we’ve built a life together. I don’t have any intention of changing that.

I would like to find a woman in a similar situation. Hopefully we could fill in that missing part of both of our lives. We shall see.
 
TTawhere said:
Your experience mirrors mine fairly closely. While my wife and I didn’t meet that young, I’m reasonably sure I didn’t know her at her “peak”. Medical issues have also been our issue and we have attempted numerous medical solutions with no success. For us, that part of our life is over - the sexual part that is. Still, she’s the woman that I love and the mother of our children and we’ve built a life together. I don’t have any intention of changing that.

I would like to find a woman in a similar situation. Hopefully we could fill in that missing part of both of our lives. We shall see.
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Thanks, our situations do sound very similar. I also want what you want. I just haven’t been able to figure out how to find that person. Not like I can take an ad out.
 
TTawhere said:
I can sympathize with your situation entirely. Certainly, people's level of desire changes over their lifetime and there is no way to know how that will happen for a partner or spouse over time. Socially, stepping outside of a relationship is frowned on generally, but shouldn't be provided you've tried to mend the relationship.

In hindsight, I have regrets about letting some former lovers go rather than
marrying, but hindsight is 20/20, and there are no guarantees for the future.
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I wouldn't bother with regret. You can wish you'd turned left instead of right because you know what happened from the right turn, but to wish left instead in ignorance as to how bad left might have been and why is a self-defeating mind game.

Even if someone that was toxic for you turns out to be wonderful with someone else, that doesn't mean they would have changed from toxic to wonderful had you stayed with them. It may well have been your leaving them that woke them up to the toxic state they were in. Without other copies of this universe to try things over in, it's all guessing.
 
Where in the south? I live on the coast of N.C. and am looking for a fiend. I am retired Marine Corps officer, world traveler and enjoy meeting and sharing with others.
 
Regrets, I haz dem...

Yerkiddin said:
I wouldn't bother with regret. You can wish you'd turned left instead of right because you know what happened from the right turn, but to wish left instead in ignorance as to how bad left might have been and why is a self-defeating mind game.

Even if someone that was toxic for you turns out to be wonderful with someone else, that doesn't mean they would have changed from toxic to wonderful had you stayed with them. It may well have been your leaving them that woke them up to the toxic state they were in. Without other copies of this universe to try things over in, it's all guessing.
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In my case, there really wasn’t anything wrong with the relationships themselves - there was nothing “toxic”. The end of one was forced by circumstances beyond our control and the relationship had to end. I have regrets, but know in my mind it could not go on. That one I accept.

The second relationship was intense, emotionally, physically, and although I
hate to use this description; spiritually. We’d dated for a long time and loved each other fiercely. We were each other’s addiction in a good way. Jobs and geography had conspired to keep us apart, but we’d made things work and were spiraling closer together, literally, when we made the mutual decision to stop seeing each other and promised the other not to look back. Only weeks after that, I got a call from her mother telling me that she was having a difficult time. My circumstances had changed markedly and we could have been together and married. My regret is that I honored the commitment not to contact her again. I made a bad decision.
 
TTawhere said:
In my case, there really wasn’t anything wrong with the relationships themselves - there was nothing “toxic”. The end of one was forced by circumstances beyond our control and the relationship had to end. I have regrets, but know in my mind it could not go on. That one I accept.

The second relationship was intense, emotionally, physically, and although I
hate to use this description; spiritually. We’d dated for a long time and loved each other fiercely. We were each other’s addiction in a good way. Jobs and geography had conspired to keep us apart, but we’d made things work and were spiraling closer together, literally, when we made the mutual decision to stop seeing each other and promised the other not to look back. Only weeks after that, I got a call from her mother telling me that she was having a difficult time. My circumstances had changed markedly and we could have been together and married. My regret is that I honored the commitment not to contact her again. I made a bad decision.
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Again the hindsight being 20/20 his again. There's a couple of women I wish I had kept in touch with. If we could go back then knowing what we know now, would you do it.?
 
ccs29745 said:
Again the hindsight being 20/20 his again. There's a couple of women I wish I had kept in touch with. If we could go back then knowing what we know now, would you do it.?
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Yes. Part of the reason for the regret.

Am I naive enough to think that things would have been perfect? No. Would they be different? Yes. Could I be right where I am now? Yes.
 
dick912 said:
Do sexless marriages lead to father daughter incest?
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Just to be the asshole I am, that would not be a sexless marriage since one member of these marriage is having forbidden sex, ya idiot. Plus that person should be castrated for doing such an act.
 
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DDBustyBrit said:
No disrespect to either of you, but please share that on another more appropriate thread on incest in the Fetish board.
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Totally agree. Sexless marriage isn't an excuse for incest in any way. Please ,head for a different board,
 
I will agree with the last two posters. This is not the place. If that’s your “thing” take it elsewhere.
 
I am hopeful my drought will end this weekend. In laws are in town to watch the kids while we hit Denver. I am traveling for work currently and my wife said she has been feeling moist...She hasnt said that in what feels like years. I guess my absence and the anticipation got her engine going. Hope everyone has a great day. ✌🏽
 
donald1962 said:
Mine did. Big time.....more detail?
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why WHY ya gotta be named Donald?


As for the sexless marriage....well it's been mostly sexless for a few years but now the marriage part is also over. She wants to part amicably. Myself,after 3 decades, I want to engage in a scorched earth apocalypse but that won't change her heart so.......
 
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