Sexless Marriages

[ccs29745]

So this thread has taken an interesting turn. It started out as a place for people in sexless marriages to chat with each other. Now I see we have moved on to pickup advice. I guess one can remain sexless only for so long. I should have known since this is Lit.

Sexless and not looking. Lol. Going to be a new listing one day. Sometimes it would be nice to know or have a hint of future of relationship to possibly avoid situations or change outcome, but life would be a lot less interesting too.

Granted my blood pressure be lower too though.

 

[TTawhere]

As I’ve said. Sexless and looking.

A bit rusty at some of the bits that go with the looking, but still making a renewed effort.

 

[Specula]

One shouldn't have to remain sexless.

Illness and other misfortunes aside, one could argue that being in a sexless marriage equals marital abuse. I've met men who were incredibly starved, emotionally AND physically... starved of a simple hug... let alone passionate sex, blowjob, kinky fuck and so on.

Being rejected, on a daily basis - for years, changes a man. Deeply. And not in a good way. The way I see it - unless you have a good reason for rejecting me, sexually, I'm not going to remain sexless. I might remain married to you, for this or that reason, but I'm not remaining sexless. If you don't take care of me - and you're perfectly capable of doing so - there's someone else who will. Simple as that.

Yeah. You said it.

 

[Abetterme]

One shouldn't have to remain sexless.

Illness and other misfortunes aside, one could argue that being in a sexless marriage equals marital abuse. I've met men who were incredibly starved, emotionally AND physically... starved of a simple hug... let alone passionate sex, blowjob, kinky fuck and so on.

Being rejected, on a daily basis - for years, changes a man. Deeply. And not in a good way. The way I see it - unless you have a good reason for rejecting me, sexually, I'm not going to remain sexless. I might remain married to you, for this or that reason, but I'm not remaining sexless. If you don't take care of me - and you're perfectly capable of doing so - there's someone else who will. Simple as that.

Slow golf clap for those who get it.
Sadly doesn’t solve the problem or guarantee no pain if one ventures out

 

[PatientObserver]

Well said BlondeNina

One shouldn't have to remain sexless.

Illness and other misfortunes aside, one could argue that being in a sexless marriage equals marital abuse. I've met men who were incredibly starved, emotionally AND physically... starved of a simple hug... let alone passionate sex, blowjob, kinky fuck and so on.

Being rejected, on a daily basis - for years, changes a man. Deeply. And not in a good way. The way I see it - unless you have a good reason for rejecting me, sexually, I'm not going to remain sexless. I might remain married to you, for this or that reason, but I'm not remaining sexless. If you don't take care of me - and you're perfectly capable of doing so - there's someone else who will. Simple as that.

I haven't been on the site for very long and when I saw this tag I thought I'd read a bit and see what kind of content was being shared. It was pretty much what I expected and one post commented on how depressing some of the content was, and I agree. I read several posts and towards the end I was feeling kind of down myself. I was also happy to see a number of posts by people offering encouragement and support.

Of all the comments I read I thought BlondeNina really hit on an essential point. While it is true that some of us are in sexless relationships that doesn't mean we can't do something that might improve our condition. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't seen anything close to a magic bullet that will transform a sexless relationship into something more palatable. But, I know that we are not helpless. I think finding alternative outlets, like this one, is certainly part of the treatment plan.

Anyone have any experience in sharing with a spouse that they will be seeking outside sexual partners?

 

[AnnieLit]

Anyone have any experience in sharing with a spouse that they will be seeking outside sexual partners?

I know this is a long thread, but there are couple people here that did share and are still married.

But I would think that most that went this route and did find somebody else, would not be in this thread or probably on the Lit's boards at all. This is a sad place for people that DON'T have what they need. Why somebody who is happy with his/her situation would come here?

 

[AnnieLit]

So this thread has taken an interesting turn. It started out as a place for people in sexless marriages to chat with each other. Now I see we have moved on to pickup advice. I guess one can remain sexless only for so long. I should have known since this is Lit.

But note that this is advice from those who tried, but did not succeed (yet)

 

[BlondeNina]

...I haven't seen anything close to a magic bullet that will transform a sexless relationship...

I believe most sexless marriages cannot be transformed, saved... unless the marriage is sexless temporarily & due to some kind of (treatable) illness. Everything else... it usually goes something like this: spouses will voice their unhappiness with the lack of sex, the other spouse will promise to try & be better and they WILL change for a month or two... and then, everything will go back to the way it was.

Once you lose interest in a spouse or just sex in general... I think it's really hard and rare to fix that. Not saying it's impossible - just really, really hard. Many spouses have mismatched libidos but they have a good romance, friendship, a good life together, kids, money, many years together... so I understand people who aren't looking for divorce but simply to find that one missing thing elsewhere.

Anyone have any experience in sharing with a spouse that they will be seeking outside sexual partners?

I did have a relationship with a man who agreed to have an open marriage with his wife, due to his wife lack in sex & him in general. I know he loves his wife deeply and they have an amazing, loving relationship... so he was honest with her, completely, didn't want to deceive her - she gave him her blessing. However - he ended the affair with me in a couple of months because he noticed his wife was really struggling.

In other words - that type honesty might sound good in theory but it doesn't really work in practice. Some things are better left unsaid.

 

[Heartsongs]

Lit gave me what I needed. A place to start. A place to start over. Now it's a journey that hasn't ended. I'm still the person I'm supposed to be, happy and sad. I've looked passed sex with a partner and found happiness in writing. Which activity is supposed to be sadder or happier than the other. It's the life that I have to deal with and never asked for... life isn't over. Life will only get better, sexless or not. It's the way I'm trying to make it. My love to all!

 

[DDBustyBrit]

One shouldn't have to remain sexless.

Illness and other misfortunes aside, one could argue that being in a sexless marriage equals marital abuse. I've met men who were incredibly starved, emotionally AND physically... starved of a simple hug... let alone passionate sex, blowjob, kinky fuck and so on.

Being rejected, on a daily basis - for years, changes a man. Deeply. And not in a good way. The way I see it - unless you have a good reason for rejecting me, sexually, I'm not going to remain sexless. I might remain married to you, for this or that reason, but I'm not remaining sexless. If you don't take care of me - and you're perfectly capable of doing so - there's someone else who will. Simple as that.

This totally nails it for me.

My problem is I hate the sneaking around. I would rather be open about it with my spouse and be able to escape to play every once in a while without the deception.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I did have a relationship with a man who agreed to have an open marriage with his wife, due to his wife lack in sex & him in general. I know he loves his wife deeply and they have an amazing, loving relationship... so he was honest with her, completely, didn't want to deceive her - she gave him her blessing. However - he ended the affair with me in a couple of months because he noticed his wife was really struggling.

In other words - that type honesty might sound good in theory but it doesn't really work in practice. Some things are better left unsaid.

And here’s my concern with doing the above, we are all in sync here with thoughts and concerns ... damn it’s tough!

 

[BooksNBrawn]

This totally nails it for me.

My problem is I hate the sneaking around. I would rather be open about it with my spouse and be able to escape to play every once in a while without the deception.

Yes exactly...

 

[Polranny]

And here’s my concern with doing the above, we are all in sync here with thoughts and concerns ... damn it’s tough!

Absolutely right. Coming up to 48 years together, past 12 sexless. We love one another, bicker constantly, separate bedrooms ( I snore), she would struggle if I told her about my on-going and totally meaningful Lit relationship so my life is one of constant subterfuge.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

I believe most sexless marriages cannot be transformed, saved... unless the marriage is sexless temporarily & due to some kind of (treatable) illness. Everything else... it usually goes something like this: spouses will voice their unhappiness with the lack of sex, the other spouse will promise to try & be better and they WILL change for a month or two... and then, everything will go back to the way it was.

Once you lose interest in a spouse or just sex in general... I think it's really hard and rare to fix that. Not saying it's impossible - just really, really hard. Many spouses have mismatched libidos but they have a good romance, friendship, a good life together, kids, money, many years together... so I understand people who aren't looking for divorce but simply to find that one missing thing elsewhere.



I did have a relationship with a man who agreed to have an open marriage with his wife, due to his wife lack in sex & him in general. I know he loves his wife deeply and they have an amazing, loving relationship... so he was honest with her, completely, didn't want to deceive her - she gave him her blessing. However - he ended the affair with me in a couple of months because he noticed his wife was really struggling.

In other words - that type honesty might sound good in theory but it doesn't really work in practice. Some things are better left unsaid.

It is a path that's far from easy, or simple. Sexless through the ill health of one partner is nobody's choice and dealing with it has no ideal options.

 

[702Hotwheeler]

48 yr old Male in Las Vegas in sexless marriage. Been married 22 yrs and together 26 years. Sex has virtually stopped over the years and she doesnt even think about it. Had a 27 yr old while working out of town. Was really fun and adventurous. Hope to meet someone here for some personal attention and up for chatting.

 

[ccs29745]

Absolutely right. Coming up to 48 years together, past 12 sexless. We love one another, bicker constantly, separate bedrooms ( I snore), she would struggle if I told her about my on-going and totally meaningful Lit relationship so my life is one of constant subterfuge.

Similar situation. Both snore, bicker on little things, wondered about seperate beds sometimes. Can't use separate rooms, her craft stuff covers guest bed.

When she finds me here, she going to flip out as usual.

 

[ccs29745]

Day 4,632,003 Since sex last happened or at least seems that way. Hole in tree outside seems inviting.lol. hard wanting sex and no one else does.

How's everyone else tonight.

 

[TTawhere]

Same-old, same-old, don’tcha know. Cat is away at the moment and the mice appear to be packing to travel rather than playing. Sometimes that’s just the way it goes.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

This sexless ‘family’ member is currently getting more virtually than she has in years, with a very sexy old man from across the northern border.

Life never ceases to surprise me!

 

[MutualMatureMike]

If you're travelling in the north country fair ...

Replace travelling with an appropriate verb once the tune's in your head.

 

[ccs29745]

This sexless ‘family’ member is currently getting more virtually than she has in years, with a very sexy old man from across the northern border.

Life never ceases to surprise me!

With pics of that wonderful body and luscious lips like you have, I'm surprised every guy in here isn't humping holes into their computer screens.

Or maybe we are

 

[DDBustyBrit]

If you're travelling in the north country fair ...
Replace travelling with an appropriate verb once the tune's in your head.

noted Mike

With pics of that wonderful body and luscious lips like you have, I'm surprised every guy in here isn't humping holes into their computer screens.

Or maybe we are

you’re very sweet but thank God my pm’s have droppedd to on average 20 a day

 

[Beachaged]

This sexless ‘family’ member is currently getting more virtually than she has in years, with a very sexy old man from across the northern border.

Life never ceases to surprise me!

I guess virtual is better than none but I long for the real thing. Virtual only is satisfying up to a point.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I guess virtual is better than none but I long for the real thing. Virtual only is satisfying up to a point.

Agreed, but plans will be made

 

[Texcountryboy59]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Ohhh man. I sure hope you are not the only one. And I am damned sorry that you are not near me.
I understand.