Sexless Marriages

[Persephone_in_Hell]

Um....hi?

Hey, new to this. Still trying to figure out the layout of this and everything else.

But, I was attracted immediately to "sexless marriage" thread.

In the middle of one. Yeah, he's older than me, impotent, but there's so much more that can be done. He sounds interested in exploring, but......not with me apparently.

Not really sure how to say all this.

 

[Fuzzy1975]

Hey, new to this. Still trying to figure out the layout of this and everything else.

But, I was attracted immediately to "sexless marriage" thread.

In the middle of one. Yeah, he's older than me, impotent, but there's so much more that can be done. He sounds interested in exploring, but......not with me apparently.

Not really sure how to say all this.

Well welcome to Lit, pretty sure you can express your feelings/needs here, to a non judgemental supporting group.

 

[TTawhere]

Hey, new to this. Still trying to figure out the layout of this and everything else.

But, I was attracted immediately to "sexless marriage" thread.

In the middle of one. Yeah, he's older than me, impotent, but there's so much more that can be done. He sounds interested in exploring, but......not with me apparently.

Not really sure how to say all this.

+1 to Fuzzy's comment. This ins't a judgmental group. We're all experiencing something we didn't anticipate from our partners for whatever reason.

How has he expressed that you're not the one he's interested in exploring with? I'm not sure how to put that in perspective. Are there other issues going on between you and your husband?

 

[TTawhere]

Appreciate the lovely greeting and being welcomed!
I think the sense of loss is the thing that is sort of swept under the rug, when an affair is over. Sex is rooted in intimacy, and I never had sex with anyone without getting to know them, first. Most times, sex wasn't the first thing that motivated me to get to know them, but just "happened" after a period of time, when the mood and feelings were right.
So there is more to it than just getting over not having great sex, anymore.

No, we haven't tried writing our stories together. We have both written about the affair and about our experiments with different aspects of the sharing lifestyle. But those were just what we experienced and the good things we wanted to remember about the couplings with others (Mostly Mine). It's what my stories that I posted on Lit. are about. They are true accounts of what actually happened, with a lot of feelings shared, as well. I first wrote them in my diary, for memories sake, but was encouraged to share. There are more, but no time to rewrite them for publishing right now.
Got a little wordy there, but nice thought.

Thank you for your response and sharing!
DeeAnna

Welcome, Dee. Sorry for your pain, but with love comes loss. But, you were fortunate to experience the love.

 

[ccs29745]

Welcome, Dee. Sorry for your pain, but with love comes loss. But, you were fortunate to experience the love.

Sorry for late welcomes. Been working more than being at home lately. Add others have said, we don't judge here. Say what you want just about, we will listen and respond.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Hey, new to this. Still trying to figure out the layout of this and everything else.

But, I was attracted immediately to "sexless marriage" thread.

In the middle of one. Yeah, he's older than me, impotent, but there's so much more that can be done. He sounds interested in exploring, but......not with me apparently.

Not really sure how to say all this.

Welcome to our little home-away-from-home. You'll find many of us in similar, near similar situations or at least quite sympathetic to whatever it is you are experiencing...

Hope you enjoy your journey around Lit.

 

[osprey44]

This thread got my attention... and I feel the need to comment.

I'm an old guy, married 3 times, for a grand total of 47 years if I put them together. This time around has lasted 25 of those years... but has been sexless for the past four. We have a solid marriage, some intimacy, but no love making since her menopause...

So yes, I have had affairs... throughout all my marriages...I need that release... self gratification just doesn't do it, although I do masturbate almost daily... she is at work, son is in college so I'm home alone during the week. Very active in my various circle of friends...

I have connected with women on various dating sites, had a 3 or 4 month affair with a woman this past spring, we fell in love, plain and simple. Long story short... she broke it off when I refused to take it to the next level... it hurt in a big way, never thought that would actually happen, the falling in love part.

I could go on... if anyone is interested, let me know.

 

[Persephone_in_Hell]

+1 to Fuzzy's comment. This ins't a judgmental group. We're all experiencing something we didn't anticipate from our partners for whatever reason.

How has he expressed that you're not the one he's interested in exploring with? I'm not sure how to put that in perspective. Are there other issues going on between you and your husband?

Heh. Tons. We have a 13-year age gap (he's 71, so do the math). I know he spends a lot of time on other sites like this and at one point, even had a girlfriend in another country for nearly 2 years. Lied to me about it, too, swearing up and down he didn't.

So I'd say trust issues on my part. Big time. Been married 21 years (2nd time around for us both).

I'm just frustrated and hurt. Thanks for the non-judgmental stuff. It is appreciated.

 

[novicev]

Heh. Tons. We have a 13-year age gap (he's 71, so do the math). I know he spends a lot of time on other sites like this and at one point, even had a girlfriend in another country for nearly 2 years. Lied to me about it, too, swearing up and down he didn't.

So I'd say trust issues on my part. Big time. Been married 21 years (2nd time around for us both).

I'm just frustrated and hurt. Thanks for the non-judgmental stuff. It is appreciated.

people here have good intentions ..just have to make the right connection for you..depends on what you looking for..a listening ear..or interactions to escape the pain with pleasure

 

[Fuzzy1975]

Heh. Tons. We have a 13-year age gap (he's 71, so do the math). I know he spends a lot of time on other sites like this and at one point, even had a girlfriend in another country for nearly 2 years. Lied to me about it, too, swearing up and down he didn't.

So I'd say trust issues on my part. Big time. Been married 21 years (2nd time around for us both).

I'm just frustrated and hurt. Thanks for the non-judgmental stuff. It is appreciated.

Pretty sure most here do/have felt that way.

 

[Hockeydude1985]

This is going to sound really stupid and it probably is but...
sometimes I wish my wife was having an affair. That way I would know it’s me she’s rejecting. I’d be perfectly justified in feeling abandoned and discarded.

There are times I feel that way too. Or at least so I had a reason for walking away other than we just fell out of love. I found some old cards and stuff the other day with her telling me how she couldn't wait to jump me when I got home from traveling for work that week. Honestly, I almost cried looking at them. Thinking about how once we said we were done having kids sex became disgusting to her.

There are times I still desire it but I don't even know if its with her any more. I want to do it with someone who wants to, not someone who is doing it to shut me up. She brought up the possibility of it one night a few weeks ago and I didn't even pay it any attention because I knew it wouldn't happen. I was right too....

 

[TTawhere]

Heh. Tons. We have a 13-year age gap (he's 71, so do the math). I know he spends a lot of time on other sites like this and at one point, even had a girlfriend in another country for nearly 2 years. Lied to me about it, too, swearing up and down he didn't.

So I'd say trust issues on my part. Big time. Been married 21 years (2nd time around for us both).

I'm just frustrated and hurt. Thanks for the non-judgmental stuff. It is appreciated.

SWMBO is older than I am by some years. I guess i get the older spouse perspective that you're experiencing, but I guess I don't understand not "sharing" with you, but sharing with others - particularly in his situation.

I guess if my "inactive" spouse was seeing someone else, I would be frustrated and hurt, too. At some point, you've got to guard your own heart.

 

[loveupskirt]

Yep

My wife was raised by a somewhat oppressive Mother in a Mormon household. She is no longer part of the church, but the damage is done and she shows little interest in sorting through her feelings and baggage over it. Occasionally when drinking a bit and away from home, she will let loose a bit, but most of the time, she is uptight and super conservative about sex. And no interest in talking about it.

I know deep inside her is a sexual creature, willing to play, experiment, and indulge, but seeing that creature is about as rare as a Bigfoot sighting.

 

[Glazedcorneas]

Self Inflicted Perdition

I am very new to All this (chats, online sharing, etc). I feel compelled to post a reply because it feels just right... To read both genders walking the same beaten path as myself, but articulate it exactly as I feel it, leaves me dumbfounded. I have been wondering around aimlessly throughout the net and world trying to find a niche, an outlet to be myself without judgement, especially because I have been in a sexless marriage for 2 years now, and it was bad to begin with prior to the marriage. I’m 43 y.o. Male and I always had a very strong appetite for sex, all kinds and forms of sex, in fact sex may be the wrong word, intimacy ( physical, spiritual, mental, sensual, etc.).

I knew it when I was very young, I never slept around when I was younger , though I wanted to and could have , as I was always told I was very handsome (though I never saw it or felt it, different issue). The reason I didn’t, because I wanted to explore it with another women(s) in unison, not selfishly getting off, but, submitting to all the senses and do anything and everything whenever.... unfortunately, I realized not everyone feels that way and was made to feel self conscious and suppressed my sexuality and true self to conform to the “norm”., resulting in unsatisfying sex. That being said, I love my wife very much and we have talked about it, but the fire is not there , she is not and was never very in tuned with her sexuality, in fact she never embraced her sexuality at all, despite how amazing and beautiful she is, it’s not how she is wired, that being said only the love is in our marriage, if that makes sense. Thus I’ve learned that by her not accepting all of me, I can’t be IN Love with my wife, but love her , in turn I have wondered the net and world for outlets , outlets to connect with other souls and lives , even if it’s virtual, opposed to physical. No success, as it’s a transition and learning process.

All in all, thank you all for sharing, I sincerely mean it, reading all this makes me not feel completely dysfunctional, a failure and broken, but also human. As for next step, no clue, continue to search for the connections and hopefully find some.

I truly do apologize for wasting everyone time, especially if I veered off track. As I noted above, I felt compelled to write, which I should be working instead.

Max

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I am very new to All this (chats, online sharing, etc). I feel compelled to post a reply because it feels just right... To read both genders walking the same beaten path as myself, but articulate it exactly as I feel it, leaves me dumbfounded. I have been wondering around aimlessly throughout the net and world trying to find a niche, an outlet to be myself without judgement, especially because I have been in a sexless marriage for 2 years now, and it was bad to begin with prior to the marriage. I’m 43 y.o. Male and I always had a very strong appetite for sex, all kinds and forms of sex, in fact sex may be the wrong word, intimacy ( physical, spiritual, mental, sensual, etc.).

I knew it when I was very young, I never slept around when I was younger , though I wanted to and could have , as I was always told I was very handsome (though I never saw it or felt it, different issue). The reason I didn’t, because I wanted to explore it with another women(s) in unison, not selfishly getting off, but, submitting to all the senses and do anything and everything whenever.... unfortunately, I realized not everyone feels that way and was made to feel self conscious and suppressed my sexuality and true self to conform to the “norm”., resulting in unsatisfying sex. That being said, I love my wife very much and we have talked about it, but the fire is not there , she is not and was never very in tuned with her sexuality, in fact she never embraced her sexuality at all, despite how amazing and beautiful she is, it’s not how she is wired, that being said only the love is in our marriage, if that makes sense. Thus I’ve learned that by her not accepting all of me, I can’t be IN Love with my wife, but love her , in turn I have wondered the net and world for outlets , outlets to connect with other souls and lives , even if it’s virtual, opposed to physical. No success, as it’s a transition and learning process.

All in all, thank you all for sharing, I sincerely mean it, reading all this makes me not feel completely dysfunctional, a failure and broken, but also human. As for next step, no clue, continue to search for the connections and hopefully find some.

I truly do apologize for wasting everyone time, especially if I veered off track. As I noted above, I felt compelled to write, which I should be working instead.

Max

Welcome! and most certainly no need to apologize. It is cathartic being able to share with others in similar situations, even though each of us have distinct relationships, different ways of coping, the ability to express one self fully, without judgment makes this a heartening place to be. If only we could just sit back, enjoy a beer or glass of wine or two (or, in my case, some sparkling water ) and swap war stories...

 

[Vitriolhack]

I am very new to All this (chats, online sharing, etc). I feel compelled to post a reply because it feels just right... To read both genders walking the same beaten path as myself, but articulate it exactly as I feel it, leaves me dumbfounded. I have been wondering around aimlessly throughout the net and world trying to find a niche, an outlet to be myself without judgement, especially because I have been in a sexless marriage for 2 years now, and it was bad to begin with prior to the marriage. I’m 43 y.o. Male and I always had a very strong appetite for sex, all kinds and forms of sex, in fact sex may be the wrong word, intimacy ( physical, spiritual, mental, sensual, etc.).

I knew it when I was very young, I never slept around when I was younger , though I wanted to and could have , as I was always told I was very handsome (though I never saw it or felt it, different issue). The reason I didn’t, because I wanted to explore it with another women(s) in unison, not selfishly getting off, but, submitting to all the senses and do anything and everything whenever.... unfortunately, I realized not everyone feels that way and was made to feel self conscious and suppressed my sexuality and true self to conform to the “norm”., resulting in unsatisfying sex. That being said, I love my wife very much and we have talked about it, but the fire is not there , she is not and was never very in tuned with her sexuality, in fact she never embraced her sexuality at all, despite how amazing and beautiful she is, it’s not how she is wired, that being said only the love is in our marriage, if that makes sense. Thus I’ve learned that by her not accepting all of me, I can’t be IN Love with my wife, but love her , in turn I have wondered the net and world for outlets , outlets to connect with other souls and lives , even if it’s virtual, opposed to physical. No success, as it’s a transition and learning process.

All in all, thank you all for sharing, I sincerely mean it, reading all this makes me not feel completely dysfunctional, a failure and broken, but also human. As for next step, no clue, continue to search for the connections and hopefully find some.

I truly do apologize for wasting everyone time, especially if I veered off track. As I noted above, I felt compelled to write, which I should be working instead.

Max

Max,

You did not veered off track here. That is the point of a lit chat. A place where one feels safe to write and expose his or her’s inner thoughts.

I think that a lot of us understand how you can love someone but still not being fulfilled by the relationship.

Sometimes it has to do with sex at others it’s because you feel you don’t have their ear or that you both have changed and enjoy other things and have opposing interests. This is not just a sexual thing.

Keep your spirits up, later,

V.

 

[Polranny]

I am very new to All this (chats, online sharing, etc). I feel compelled to post a reply because it feels just right... To read both genders walking the same beaten path as myself, but articulate it exactly as I feel it, leaves me dumbfounded. I have been wondering around aimlessly throughout the net and world trying to find a niche, an outlet to be myself without judgement, especially because I have been in a sexless marriage for 2 years now, and it was bad to begin with prior to the marriage. I’m 43 y.o. Male and I always had a very strong appetite for sex, all kinds and forms of sex, in fact sex may be the wrong word, intimacy ( physical, spiritual, mental, sensual, etc.).

I knew it when I was very young, I never slept around when I was younger , though I wanted to and could have , as I was always told I was very handsome (though I never saw it or felt it, different issue). The reason I didn’t, because I wanted to explore it with another women(s) in unison, not selfishly getting off, but, submitting to all the senses and do anything and everything whenever.... unfortunately, I realized not everyone feels that way and was made to feel self conscious and suppressed my sexuality and true self to conform to the “norm”., resulting in unsatisfying sex. That being said, I love my wife very much and we have talked about it, but the fire is not there , she is not and was never very in tuned with her sexuality, in fact she never embraced her sexuality at all, despite how amazing and beautiful she is, it’s not how she is wired, that being said only the love is in our marriage, if that makes sense. Thus I’ve learned that by her not accepting all of me, I can’t be IN Love with my wife, but love her , in turn I have wondered the net and world for outlets , outlets to connect with other souls and lives , even if it’s virtual, opposed to physical. No success, as it’s a transition and learning process.

All in all, thank you all for sharing, I sincerely mean it, reading all this makes me not feel completely dysfunctional, a failure and broken, but also human. As for next step, no clue, continue to search for the connections and hopefully find some.

I truly do apologize for wasting everyone time, especially if I veered off track. As I noted above, I felt compelled to write, which I should be working instead.

Max

We're here for you. Posting takes courage, well done

 

[Bdm20]

This thread got my attention... and I feel the need to comment.

I'm an old guy, married 3 times, for a grand total of 47 years if I put them together. This time around has lasted 25 of those years... but has been sexless for the past four. We have a solid marriage, some intimacy, but no love making since her menopause...

So yes, I have had affairs... throughout all my marriages...I need that release... self gratification just doesn't do it, although I do masturbate almost daily... she is at work, son is in college so I'm home alone during the week. Very active in my various circle of friends...

I have connected with women on various dating sites, had a 3 or 4 month affair with a woman this past spring, we fell in love, plain and simple. Long story short... she broke it off when I refused to take it to the next level... it hurt in a big way, never thought that would actually happen, the falling in love part.

I could go on... if anyone is interested, let me know.

My wife’s libido also change dramatically following menopause. I guess I should consider myself lucky that we still have sex once a week, but she’s totally not into it and I want something more than hearing her say “can you just finish already?” That said, for the first time in our relationship she smoked some pot with me to the point of being stoned a few nights ago. Might just be the cure for menopause! We were going at it until 4am and I woke up at 7 to see her body trembling as her hand moved beneath the sheets. It was our hottest night together since the night we met. I felt like I had my wife and our incredible sex life back again. Time will tell.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

My wife’s libido also change dramatically following menopause. I guess I should consider myself lucky that we still have sex once a week, but she’s totally not into it and I want something more than hearing her say “can you just finish already?” That said, for the first time in our relationship she smoked some pot with me to the point of being stoned a few nights ago. Might just be the cure for menopause! We were going at it until 4am and I woke up at 7 to see her body trembling as her hand moved beneath the sheets. It was our hottest night together since the night we met. I felt like I had my wife and our incredible sex life back again. Time will tell.

Good for you!
I think my wife has been practicing for menopause for about 10 years now. She probably has another 5 to go before it hits.
Pretty sure she would not go for pot, but it would make me feel a heeuvalot better!

 

[KeenVoyeur]

I stumbled across this thread by following a link in someone's replies list - and it has certainly struck a chord with me.

I am in a sexless marriage and have been for the last 12 years now. The fact it is sexless is my fault - I had an affair, my wife found out, knows who the "other woman" is and has a very low opinion of her and agreed we should stay together on the proviso that I didn't have sex with her any more. I should say that we have been married for 40 years next year and that I had a previous affair which actually fanned the flames of our relationship when it ended - we were having sex anywhere and everywhere 2 or 3 times a day which was previously unheard of. Then things went downhill again - kids, work, money, parents ill health etc etc - so our time together wasn't spent doing things we could or should but rather what we ought.

Unfortunately I have a very much higher sex drive than my wife anyway so this has caused me some distress although I haven't (so far) had sex with anyone else of either sex (and meeting up with a guy just to mutually masturbate has crossed my mind although I don't think I could have sex with another man). I have increasingly browsed adult websites and enjoy the many areas of Literotica (threads, stories and AmPics for example) as well as being a member of other sites just to satisfy my curiosity - which it does to a certain extent. However, the one big thing I miss most is the close contact and excitement that love-making brings and I'm sure that given the right circumstances, I would again cross the threshold into another illicit affair.

I don't think we can talk about it now - it has probably gone too far - but if I could just be close to my wife and at least be naked next to her (she always wears nightclothes - I don't) and feel her body, not necessarily just the interesting bits, I would hope she might thaw out (does that sound too misogynistic?) and we could rekindle the fire.

Anyway, enough rambling - I think it has got some of the weight off my chest but hasn't scratched the itch in my loins (and no, that's not an STI)

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I stumbled across this thread by following a link in someone's replies list - and it has certainly struck a chord with me.

I am in a sexless marriage and have been for the last 12 years now. The fact it is sexless is my fault - I had an affair, my wife found out, knows who the "other woman" is and has a very low opinion of her and agreed we should stay together on the proviso that I didn't have sex with her any more. I should say that we have been married for 40 years next year and that I had a previous affair which actually fanned the flames of our relationship when it ended - we were having sex anywhere and everywhere 2 or 3 times a day which was previously unheard of. Then things went downhill again - kids, work, money, parents ill health etc etc - so our time together wasn't spent doing things we could or should but rather what we ought.

Unfortunately I have a very much higher sex drive than my wife anyway so this has caused me some distress although I haven't (so far) had sex with anyone else of either sex (and meeting up with a guy just to mutually masturbate has crossed my mind although I don't think I could have sex with another man). I have increasingly browsed adult websites and enjoy the many areas of Literotica (threads, stories and AmPics for example) as well as being a member of other sites just to satisfy my curiosity - which it does to a certain extent. However, the one big thing I miss most is the close contact and excitement that love-making brings and I'm sure that given the right circumstances, I would again cross the threshold into another illicit affair.

I don't think we can talk about it now - it has probably gone too far - but if I could just be close to my wife and at least be naked next to her (she always wears nightclothes - I don't) and feel her body, not necessarily just the interesting bits, I would hope she might thaw out (does that sound too misogynistic?) and we could rekindle the fire.

Anyway, enough rambling - I think it has got some of the weight off my chest but hasn't scratched the itch in my loins (and no, that's not an STI)

Welcome and thanks for sharing. It's intriguing how some people try to impose punishments that seem to be so counter to their own interests. By refusing sex, isn't she almost encouraging you to have another affair? Plus, it means no intimacy for her either - I'm sure she is missing it just as much. I get the hurt and pain an affair can cause and the immediate lashing out in anger, but over time one might start realizing that they also are making a mistake???

Isn't not having sex with your partner a breach of trust and love as much as having an affair???

Sorry, early morning ramblings...

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Good for you!
I think my wife has been practicing for menopause for about 10 years now. She probably has another 5 to go before it hits.
Pretty sure she would not go for pot, but it would make me feel a heeuvalot better!

lol

I sense that post-menopause my wife is starting to feel more sexual than prior to menopause - the problem is, there is a lot of water under the bridge, so to speak, it becomes hard (or not! ) to rekindle the passions...

 

[ccs29745]

lol

I sense that post-menopause my wife is starting to feel more sexual than prior to menopause - the problem is, there is a lot of water under the bridge, so to speak, it becomes hard (or not! ) to rekindle the passions...

Same boat here. If wife ever gets frisky enough to want to do something, not sure I wouldn't be too angry to do anything. I think I would at least try , but might be little rough.

 

[ccs29745]

Quiet in here

Everyone fall out of here or am I only one still sexless. Hope everybody is ok.

 

[philos]

Everyone fall out of here or am I only one still sexless. Hope everybody is ok.

Just nothing new to add. Came to terms with my celibacy for the moment