Sexless Marriages
- Thread starter PornStache75
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Kennyskunk
Dont be shy, say hi.
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There is entirely too many of us in sexless marraiges...3 plus years now
Noor
Citizen of the World
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Has that ever worked in the past?
LeSabreur
I listen intently
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I read your later post about making it plain to your spouse that you were in the mood for sex, and this resonates so strongly with many of us of both/all genders.
You characterize it perfectly above. I LOVE my wife. I adore her. She's the love of my life. I want to grow old with her, spend the rest of my life as her loving husband. As I've written about in other threads, putting pressure on her for sex is the very last thing I want to do; coercing her into it several years ago was a mistake I made that horrified me and made me feel like a terrible person.
We were talking to a marriage counselor several years ago about our mismatched (since menopause) libido situation. This was a female therapist that my wife had chosen because I know her well enough to know that SHE needs to feel in control, needs to feel comfortable when things are somewhat fraught. The therapist was clearly surprised that my wife didn't seem to want to make any effort, and told her that a healthy sexual life was an important part of a relationship. Yes, it is, but...you can't force it. You can't MAKE someone feel things that they don't feel.
The great irony for us is that we originally got together over sex! We were hot and heavy, wild and adventuresome for years, playing with others, enjoying all sorts of sexual excitement. Then...menopause. We've talked about it at length, of course, as we enjoy very open communication. She has tried, bless her, working with her gyne doc and taking hormones, but it just doesn't work for her. If she doesn't initiate it...maybe once or twice a year...it won't happen, and I've learned that hinting about my arousal just turns her off and then we both feel guilty.
And now here I am, in my early 60s, sexual appetite as strong as ever, sexual attitudes and interests wider than ever, and, frighteningly, feeling my mortality. I think about the years of life I have left...when they are done, existence is over, the universe winks out forever. Is it fair that I cannot enjoy a sexual relationship for the rest of all existence? Of course it isn't, but expecting fairness in life is folly. Do I seek it outside the marriage? Well, that certainly isn't fair to the woman I love, isn't fair to our marriage. Yet I do not judge others who make that decision...this is powerful, existential stuff.
I feel for all of you who face similar dilemmas. This is hard.
piercepalmer92
Virgin
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If you ever want to sext or have a nice chat with a horny married man, let me know. I’d love to have someone to have a fun chat with now and then. Been too long.I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns
I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!
Noor
Citizen of the World
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It seems normal to me and if your hormones die down, add bio identical ones!I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!
blulilacgrl
Viva la Tarte!
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Update... first a quick thank you to everyone who understood and could commiserate with what I was struggling with. While I appreciate the offers to alleviate my frustration, I want my husband.
After reading your replies and some messages, I got my courage up and really talked to him at our next check in (once a week we dedicate an hour to discussing our relationship). This meeting was really emotional but I'm hoping we got to place where we at least understand where each other is coming from.
For my part, I love sex. I love everything about it. The teasing beforehand, the actual act, the after cuddling. All of it. I also have really low fucking self esteem when it comes to how I look. Rejection is a huge issue for me. Combine that with a sex drive that is considered out of the ordinary for a 50+ year old woman and it can be a bit much to handle at times. (I'm assuming it's out of the ordinary because when I mentioned my increase in libido over the past 10 years, my OB/GYN was a little shocked. )
On his part, Hubby gets bogged down in responsibilities and to an extent viewing it as a bedroom only activity. He often misses cues or he gets them but views them as things to revisit when we go to bed. Not things to engage in outside of the bedroom.
So compromise... I'm going to make more of an effort to take on some of his household duties (maybe next time I'll mow the freaking yard!) and he is going to work on moving the teasing/touching foreplay part to outside of the bedroom. He also wants to make sure we devote at least 15-30 minutes to talking about sex (how we are feeling and maybe things we want to explore) during our weekly check ins.
So wish us luck. I don't think the issue is resolved but I am hoping we are on the right track to figuring out a solution.
After reading your replies and some messages, I got my courage up and really talked to him at our next check in (once a week we dedicate an hour to discussing our relationship). This meeting was really emotional but I'm hoping we got to place where we at least understand where each other is coming from.
For my part, I love sex. I love everything about it. The teasing beforehand, the actual act, the after cuddling. All of it. I also have really low fucking self esteem when it comes to how I look. Rejection is a huge issue for me. Combine that with a sex drive that is considered out of the ordinary for a 50+ year old woman and it can be a bit much to handle at times. (I'm assuming it's out of the ordinary because when I mentioned my increase in libido over the past 10 years, my OB/GYN was a little shocked. )
On his part, Hubby gets bogged down in responsibilities and to an extent viewing it as a bedroom only activity. He often misses cues or he gets them but views them as things to revisit when we go to bed. Not things to engage in outside of the bedroom.
So compromise... I'm going to make more of an effort to take on some of his household duties (maybe next time I'll mow the freaking yard!) and he is going to work on moving the teasing/touching foreplay part to outside of the bedroom. He also wants to make sure we devote at least 15-30 minutes to talking about sex (how we are feeling and maybe things we want to explore) during our weekly check ins.
So wish us luck. I don't think the issue is resolved but I am hoping we are on the right track to figuring out a solution.
PrettynPetite
Ms.
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Ughh....God, samesies...
high_drive_husband_UK
Virgin
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Wishing you the very best of luck, me and my wife have been talking a lot and working on balancing our sex drives but it’s very hard and frustrating, (we’ve been together for 18 years - married 10) I don’t have anyone really to talk to and share things with apart from her so that’s part of the issue from my end.
We have a young family which understandably makes things hard in this area. I can be patient and hopeful that things will improve but I also have a feeling of real jealousy towards people who have more liberal boundaries within their marriages, it would be really encouraging to hear from anyone who has navigated this kind of situation and has a positive outcome to report…
PMs open if anyone wants a chance to share or needs some support or just a chance to put thoughts in writing …
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
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I wish all of you the best. I think I'm getting close to the end of my capacity to hope or hold on. We, or rather I, have talked until I'm Smurf-blue in the face. Empty promises and, lately, just complete indifference are all I get. Ready to go play in traffic.
stephen88
older than I like
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- Apr 29, 2023
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Go! Find someone that wants you! Needs you!! Go take care of you!!!
I find myself in the position where the old girl gives it a go once in a while, but PIV is strictly off the menu thanks to medical issues, so it is eat pussy, half-hearted blowjob (I make her jaw ache), and finish as best I can. Better than nothing... sort of... She's trooper, but I am so frustrated at times that I could hump a pile of rocks if I thought there was a snake under it. I wish I had the courage to ask her to turn a blind eye to the occasional indiscretion provided I give her a good tongue lashing as required. She has implied that might be the case, but she has not given explicit permission. Frustrating.
O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated
Sounds like a plan
ChicagoR85
Ron from Chicago
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- Apr 17, 2015
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@Abeona1 These partners are other websites…. Trust me they are, men are either on the golf course or playing with the man toys ( for example cars and bikes )…..O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated
On the other end…. The Ladies have their interests too… they are into their hobbies too…. I am a man so I don’t know which ones to list for the ladies
And kudos to you for still exploring!!! Age is just a number ! May menopause not pause you ever !
I would love to help you out!O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated
The biggest rub for me is that my wife tends to work on the assumption that if she cannot do it, I should not want it. Case in point, she cannot cope with penetration as it is too painful, so the other day she suggests that she should get me a pocket pussy. Now, on the face of it this is perfectly reasonable suggestion to the male mind. After all, if you loose an arm or a leg you get a prothesis. However, 25 years of practice have taught me to listen very carefully to how things are phrased because my wife can be an emotional minefield. I heard the trap being set, and I managed to step out of it.
stephen88
older than I like
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- Apr 29, 2023
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- 103
Her line of reasoning sounds very familiar. “I can’t or won’t. So neither will you.”
It is a constant stab in the guts for me knowing that my wife is not interested in anything sexual - and so I cannot have the lifestyle I want (eg. spontaneous sex with the wife in the house, enjoying each other sexually daily) when your significant is suppose to be the “morally accepted” source of this enjoyment
LeeKee
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 21, 2021
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Yup. Get used to it. Your body, her choice kind of situation.
stephen88
older than I like
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2023
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- 103
Again, it is not as though we are sex "crazed" lunatics, maurading the home for any opportunity to have sex. Although once upon a time, it was welcomed, "at least in my home."
As many have commented, we still have the desire. And for many that desire still centers on their partner. The partner we chose for life. I understand the physiology for both sides and both sexes. Having been an educator for decades, research and study have been the answers to life's many quandaries. It remains my chosen style of learning.
Understanding does not change the fact of what happens. Being informed that you are not desired in "that way", is a blow to ones ego, self esteem and general outlook. Male or female, we needed our partners to want us as they did. For me, it a part of my emotional stability. Sexual intimacy is not the only aspect in a relationship. There is also day to day conversation, engaging in like activities, and sharing of lives. I found that these also, have begun to wane. Hence, I am left alone with my thoughts, desires and questions of how to retrieve what is now absent.
I have been told on many occasions by those in like situations. "That's just the way it is." If I had listened to those types of voices when I was younger, I never would have accomplished much in my life. I'm a fighter and don't take no for an answer. And yet, this situation wearies me. I have lost more than just, "sex."
Those of us in this situation have occasionally been referred to as "whiners". I believe those that say such are uninformed and ignorant. If I may draw a parallel. I am a lifelong musician and teacher. If the ability to play my music was taken from my life, where would this leave me? Indeed, that would be tragic wouldn't it? Would you make the comment, "that's the way it is."?
We are whole individuals. Until the parts are slowly taken away. For each of that visits here, we have lost a part. I understand what many of you feel. You have my empathy and that of the many others that dwell here. I encourage you. Rage on, cry, lament, express, and whatever else you feel inclined to do. There many shoulders to lean on here.
As many have commented, we still have the desire. And for many that desire still centers on their partner. The partner we chose for life. I understand the physiology for both sides and both sexes. Having been an educator for decades, research and study have been the answers to life's many quandaries. It remains my chosen style of learning.
Understanding does not change the fact of what happens. Being informed that you are not desired in "that way", is a blow to ones ego, self esteem and general outlook. Male or female, we needed our partners to want us as they did. For me, it a part of my emotional stability. Sexual intimacy is not the only aspect in a relationship. There is also day to day conversation, engaging in like activities, and sharing of lives. I found that these also, have begun to wane. Hence, I am left alone with my thoughts, desires and questions of how to retrieve what is now absent.
I have been told on many occasions by those in like situations. "That's just the way it is." If I had listened to those types of voices when I was younger, I never would have accomplished much in my life. I'm a fighter and don't take no for an answer. And yet, this situation wearies me. I have lost more than just, "sex."
Those of us in this situation have occasionally been referred to as "whiners". I believe those that say such are uninformed and ignorant. If I may draw a parallel. I am a lifelong musician and teacher. If the ability to play my music was taken from my life, where would this leave me? Indeed, that would be tragic wouldn't it? Would you make the comment, "that's the way it is."?
We are whole individuals. Until the parts are slowly taken away. For each of that visits here, we have lost a part. I understand what many of you feel. You have my empathy and that of the many others that dwell here. I encourage you. Rage on, cry, lament, express, and whatever else you feel inclined to do. There many shoulders to lean on here.
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