Sexless Marriages

[lowhangingfruit4u]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I am the opposite a 60 year old male with the drive of an 18 year old, I feel your pain

 

[dmonty]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Sexless marriage for close to 13 years now - had a one year reprieve for bad behavior - got caught having sex outside of marriage; she freaked and that year we had sex twice a month, until she now decided the new excuse was she doesn't think she can get over the fact I cheated on her. So now its been 19 months of no sex, we're not even the once yearly we used to have. If I mentioned the lack of sex before I got caught, it was is that all I think about (um, 12 months without sex....yeah it gets to be that way) and I was ignoring her feelings on the subject' but my feelings well according to her I could just jerk off more, not exactly the same thing.

I have needs and not ready to live a life without sex; it's also not just the lack of sex that's such a downer, it's the isolation that comes as a byproduct from her lack of intimacy, not even kissing or cuddling is allowed (even before I was caught).

So I'm forced to sneaking around and going back to sex outside of the marriage - we are just roommates that share a family's activities now - of which we are a happy/normal couple raising a couple of kids, and being involved in their lives, and our extended families lives, but once we get home it separate sides of the bed, don't even think about making casual bodily contact (might lead to sex).

Came across this new author's story who seems to be in the same boat and its interesting his characters "getting" caught moment also improved his wife's sex interest to return (and fromm the story's seems to be going in the cuckquean direction), mine lasted only for a brief year.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6617387&page=submissions

 

[tazmanuk]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Definitely fits my situation - maybe that's why I write stories - reliving the good old days! Would love to find a way to fill needs - but how???

 

[dmonty]

how often do you have sex outside your marriage? How do you meet the people you go with?

i have been tempted in the past, and come close, but never done it.

I do understand how it can come to it though, and have sympathy for you.

I went the escort route, started with Craigslist and backpack before they shut down... then moved to AMP's and now find them in Listcrawler, and sumosear.ch

The number of times, ranges on personal schedule (work in Manhattan, so more incall/AMP opportunities) and available funds (its between 200-400 for what I want). The advantage to commuting into the city everday, I use my lunch hours to meet-up, or arrange to meet-up after the train commute home) and car dates.

Figuring going the "professional" route minimized the arguments with the wife if discovered, purely a sex transaction, no "feelings"

 

[bigtallman]

I've been in the same boat for 5 years. I love my wife but the resentment over the lack of any intimacy, lack of attention, feelings of rejection, and depression from covid isolation built up on both sides and we're getting a divorce. Out of some sense of loyalty and stubbornness to not give up on the marriage I stayed faithful, but if an easy opportunity had presented itself, I would have caved. It kind of sucks right now, but I have some hope for the future.

Anybody want to go out for a drink? I'm free for the foreseeable future.

 

[itsallgood2002]

It seems this is a very common dynamic. And from reading all the posts here it’s not always for the same reasons, all be it that there are similar threads that run through each of our circumstances. It seems in some there is a complete lack of love at all. In others (myself included) there is love in the relationship, its just that the sex has disappeared For a variety of reasons. So it makes sense to me that there is no standard, one size fits all fix. There are just too many variables.

For me, yes writing and reading here on Lit is an outlet. But after being here for a while it only goes so far. It doesn't replace physical contact and all the subtleties that feed the emotional side of me that physical touch provides.
It has become very obvious to me if that is going to be fed at all, that it is up to me to find the fix.
I have to get sex someplace else. I do feel guilty for it, but there is simply no other choice. we have talked about this problem more times than I can recount and always wind up in the same place. It‘s my problem.

My solution isn’t a perfect one nor is it the one size fits all fix. It is the direction that I choose and it does provide a solution to the resentment that builds from her not providing it for me. So there is an upside for her in that Im not pestering her about it and I‘m not pissed about it either.

Very much how I feel

It seems this is a very common dynamic. And from reading all the posts here it’s not always for the same reasons, all be it that there are similar threads that run through each of our circumstances. It seems in some there is a complete lack of love at all. In others (myself included) there is love in the relationship, its just that the sex has disappeared For a variety of reasons. So it makes sense to me that there is no standard, one size fits all fix. There are just too many variables.

For me, yes writing and reading here on Lit is an outlet. But after being here for a while it only goes so far. It doesn't replace physical contact and all the subtleties that feed the emotional side of me that physical touch provides.
It has become very obvious to me if that is going to be fed at all, that it is up to me to find the fix.
I have to get sex someplace else. I do feel guilty for it, but there is simply no other choice. we have talked about this problem more times than I can recount and always wind up in the same place. It‘s my problem.

My solution isn’t a perfect one nor is it the one size fits all fix. It is the direction that I choose and it does provide a solution to the resentment that builds from her not providing it for me. So there is an upside for her in that Im not pestering her about it and I‘m not pissed about it either.

Very much how I feel. Whats interesting to me is how the liability is one sided. So your spouse no longer sexually interested, now you are supposed to be no longer sexually interested. That's not how it works at least for me, your spouse is content with their situation and you are miserable as a result. How would it be if the tables were turned and how accepting would I be of that reality. Sorry to ramble like this but I feel I'm approaching a crossroad where actions can't be taken back. Will I be able to live with myself afterward or will I be much happier for the experience.

 

[LustyScribe]

Very much how I feel

Very much how I feel. Whats interesting to me is how the liability is one sided. So your spouse no longer sexually interested, now you are supposed to be no longer sexually interested. That's not how it works at least for me, your spouse is content with their situation and you are miserable as a result. How would it be if the tables were turned and how accepting would I be of that reality. Sorry to ramble like this but I feel I'm approaching a crossroad where actions can't be taken back. Will I be able to live with myself afterward or will I be much happier for the experience.

Yes, exactly. I get responses from her that make me feel as if she thinks -I- should feel guilty for having desires for her. I've always thought that it is a GOOD thing when a man is still attracted to his wife after this long!

 

[itsallgood2002]

It just seems to me there are like minded m/f out there in the same situation. Not looking for commitment just intimacy with like minded people. Of course the pitfall is if you connect things can go sideways quickly which is a major fear for me.

 

[10169kek]

I am a 66 year old man in a sexless / touch free marriage. I've just read some of the more recent posts and its comforting (no matter how crappy it is) that there are others in a similar situation. For those of you have sex with your wife several times a year, I am happy for you. 11 years ago I was told that mine had "no interest, no desire for sex" and that was the end of the conversation. No reason, no offer to fix it , no offer of an ongoing hall pass, nothing. I tried a few times over the years to get intimate and was always rebuked. I have had numerous encounters over the years with a good number of women, some paid some not. Some were fun, some got the job done, and others frankly were downright scary. Then COVID struck and everything dried up.

I no longer have any desire for her physically, no interest in intimacy with her, its purely a financial business relationship at this point. Now that my son is grown, I don't even want to go on vacation with her unless there are others going on the trip. I crave the intimacy, just not with her.

 

[99Freedom]

My marriage at the moment is feeling like we are flat mates sleeping in the same bed....Long story (one poster on here knows most of the story-you know who you are...), cry myself to sleep most nights and he doesn't even notice...
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but am feeling very very down at the moment...

Your feelings are completely understandable.

 

[LustyScribe]

I am a 66 year old man in a sexless / touch free marriage. I've just read some of the more recent posts and its comforting (no matter how crappy it is) that there are others in a similar situation. For those of you have sex with your wife several times a year, I am happy for you. 11 years ago I was told that mine had "no interest, no desire for sex" and that was the end of the conversation. No reason, no offer to fix it , no offer of an ongoing hall pass, nothing. I tried a few times over the years to get intimate and was always rebuked. I have had numerous encounters over the years with a good number of women, some paid some not. Some were fun, some got the job done, and others frankly were downright scary. Then COVID struck and everything dried up.

I no longer have any desire for her physically, no interest in intimacy with her, its purely a financial business relationship at this point. Now that my son is grown, I don't even want to go on vacation with her unless there are others going on the trip. I crave the intimacy, just not with her.

It's like a form of betrayal to me, of the deepest kind. I thought "being there for each other" was an all-inclusive thing. I guess that was just a one-way thing.

 

[nbsucked]

My marriage at the moment is feeling like we are flat mates sleeping in the same bed....Long story (one poster on here knows most of the story-you know who you are...), cry myself to sleep most nights and he doesn't even notice...
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but am feeling very very down at the moment...

echoes of my very feelings as well... it sure plays with my self worth and feeling horny on top of it gets weird for sure

 

[Windman1]

I purposely propagate a loving relationship with my wife regardless of not receiving sex from her. If im going to share a bed, house and life with her it has to be tolerable. So I compartmentalize. I still do things for her, go places etc.
she does the same for me. Just no sex. I could easily have enough resentment that it would ruin the rest of our relationship. Getting sex someplace else eases that for me. It’s not perfect, I do have guilt over it. But its how I survive it. And honestly it saves the rest of the marriage. It a allows me to love her well in the rest of the marriage.

 

[itsallgood2002]

Funny how the guilt works seems so one sided, should there is there a sense of guilt over sexless marriage that becomes an non affectionate cohabitation. Woman knowing other women realize if they green light outside of the marriage relations that woman may take her man. Totally understand that line of thinking but it leaves that spouse two choices, hard decision.

 

[Sojourner47]

I purposely propagate a loving relationship with my wife regardless of not receiving sex from her. If im going to share a bed, house and life with her it has to be tolerable. So I compartmentalize. I still do things for her, go places etc.
she does the same for me. Just no sex. I could easily have enough resentment that it would ruin the rest of our relationship. Getting sex someplace else eases that for me. It’s not perfect, I do have guilt over it. But its how I survive it. And honestly it saves the rest of the marriage. It a allows me to love her well in the rest of the marriage.

 

[Sojourner47]

I understand and agree.

 

[HornyJunkMail]

Reading this thread in a way makes me feel less of a freak. My relationship has left me isolated from everything. Developing friendships of any meaningful depth has become impossible. She will not get out of my pocket and/or give me the space to be me. This just drains the life out of everything. So tired of the, 'you go do your thing, I'll just sit here and stare at the wall when you're gone' type conversations.

 

[Strixaluco]

Reading this thread in a way makes me feel less of a freak. My relationship has left me isolated from everything. Developing friendships of any meaningful depth has become impossible. She will not get out of my pocket and/or give me the space to be me. This just drains the life out of everything. So tired of the, 'you go do your thing, I'll just sit here and stare at the wall when you're gone' type conversations.

That sounds like a much, much more serious issue than just the lack of sex. Even with some sex that would suck so thoroughly.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think I am the youngest poster here at 39. Unfortunately I am in a similar situation that really started when we had our first child. Between the beginning of the first pregnancy and the beginning of the second sex became scarce outside of the period when my wife wanted to get pregnant again. Since our second child was born sex has become a chore that she avoids like the plague. Like others have stated, when you have to work hard to even have intimate moments, and that effort is not reciprocated it isn’t really worth it. She hardly even initiates a hug let alone a kiss… and I can’t recall the last time that she initiated sex. Who wants to feel like they are compelling someone to be intimate (especially these days)? On top of that she has refused to talk to a doctor or marriage counselor about it! How do you guys deal with the mental aspect of this problem?

I am 43, and the last few years before my husband's death were sexless, several years before that it was scarce. The worst part was the scarcity of hugging etc, though. I am a hugger, I need a great daily dose of hugs. Especially when feeling down - which is when he seemed to take even more distance, as if he was afraid of my depression.

No kids - and you can guess one reason for it!

I don't even remember when I last felt desirable before this spring when I started going out again.

 

[HornyJunkMail]

That sounds like a much, much more serious issue than just the lack of sex. Even with some sex that would suck so thoroughly.

It does. Just getting on with it as best I can.

 

[Sojourner47]

I don't even remember when I last felt desirable before this spring when I started going out again

I am glad you turned the corner.

 

[Strixaluco]

I am glad you turned the corner.

Being a widow luckily doesn't mean being living dead.

 

[Strixaluco]

It does. Just getting on with it as best I can.

Sorry if I'm being too frank but... is it worth continuing? Is there enough good for staying?

 

[Sojourner47]

I admire your fortitude considering what you experienced. You sound like you have a balanced perspective.

 

[Strixaluco]

I admire your fortitude considering what you experienced. You sound like you have a balanced perspective.

Didn't save me from depression, though.

But after two long relationships where sex was scarce or even nonexistent, I am becoming more picky. First time I didn't know, 2nd time I was too depressed to realize I was moving together with a man with whom the sexual magnetism wasn't strong enough.

And no more will I agree to stay in such a relationship for so long, unless there is some special reason for the situation, like illness which causes issues even despite treatment. It is not healthy for me.