Sex without Emotion

[InsatiableDsire]

A gentleman recently told me he could take care of his horniness without getting too involved, whereas addressing his loneliness requires an emotional investment. To me personally, that is gibberish. I can't have satisfying sex without some level of emotional involvement. Rather than label this a male vs female issue, I thought I'd ask for some opinions.

 

[Ellafun]

Without getting too personal (I know...how dumb a statement to make on Lit is that??), I have never had a problem with separating the physical aspect of satisfying sex with the entanglement of emotions. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was a college student in the 80's, I don't know...but I don't feel the need to be fully invested in a relationship with someone to be able to get intimate with him/her. It's just sex.

 

[lacandy]

I think that the issue is more of what "satisfying" sex is?

If you are having sex to fill an emotional void of some sort (which sadly was my reason for many years) then you would need that connection to the other person. But if sex is simply a by product of a physical attraction (or mental attraction) then no emotion would be needed for it to be satisfying...

 

[vibes]

ID, you didn't mention 'satisfying' in the poll so one thing is having experienced unemotional sex, where mere attraction or some sort of lust aren't deemed as relevant emotions, another thing is considering the experience satisfactory, in absolute or compared to 'emotion sex' ...?

 

[Wide_eyed_Indulgence]

Maybe I could have sex with no emotional attachment, but it does not strike me as a worthy goal. It is better with feelings . . . . for sure. But you don't need a full-on, formal, traditional relationship to be emotionally invested in him.

 

[Eroticsin]

I can have sex with no emotional connection, but not without emotions.

The best sex I've had, has an emotional connection and keeps getting better as that connection grows.

But, I've had some amazing first date sex that was just pure chemistry and lust. The emotional connection came later.

 

[Porkwarrior]

For just fun sex? Sure, and man or woman there are plenty of swinger & adult clubs out there to know I am not alone!
Casual sex sure beats a night browsing Lit or sitting infront of the tube!

"Satisfying" sex...well that depends on the reasons for the particular people involved to get naked and bump uglies. Hook ups can be fun...but mostly emotionally barren. Women may take a short term lover because they feel lonely, and men may try to pick up a tipsy chick in a bar to use as a breathing sex toy...but yes once the endorphins & adrenalin wear off it is not very satisfying when somebody has to run before the sun is up.


Now the best of both worlds...woot for the FWB's!

 

[pfflyerhot]

I'd like to think I can, but I'd be fooling myself...

 

[InsatiableDsire]

Only 13 votes so far, so hardly definitive, but at the moment it seems men are more inclined to be able to separate sex from emotion than women.

 

[engineer_in_pa]

agreed

I can have sex with no emotional connection, but not without emotions.

The best sex I've had, has an emotional connection and keeps getting better as that connection grows.

But, I've had some amazing first date sex that was just pure chemistry and lust. The emotional connection came later.

Well put. There needs to be a little "something" between me and the woman; laughing at the same joke, caught in the rain, sharing a cab, sharing some kind of experience. It opens my mind to probe and explore, both physically and mentally. That little tie, or chemistry, or"spark" if you will, mixed with lust, has led to some great first or second date sex (where it's way to early to say you are emotionally connected; but you may say you are emotionally attracted).

Sex without some amount of emotional attraction? Might as well buy a blow-up doll.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I can have sex with no emotional connection, but not without emotions. The best sex I've had, has an emotional connection and keeps getting better as that connection grows...

Ding! Thank you. I can't do anything, really, without emotions , so I think this is more what I go through with sex (which I vaguely remember having once). And, this is true for me, as well: I've got to feel an initial attraction, a "like factor", if you will, before, well... you know.

 

[dearc]

Ding! Thank you. I can't do anything, really, without emotions , so I think this is more what I go through with sex (which I vaguely remember having once). And, this is true for me, as well: I've got to feel an initial attraction, a "like factor", if you will, before, well... you know.

Very well stated. There has to be more to it than good looks.

 

[LWulf]

I've tried having meaningless sex, it just doesn't work for me. I need to have an emotional connection to enjoy it...

 

[tolyk]

The few times I've tried to do one-night type things, I couldn't even get aroused. They always ended up being heavy petting sessions, with me performing oral sex until the woman was satisfied enough to not notice I wasn't erect. So... no, I can't have sex without emotional investment.

 

[Offler]

... but at the moment it seems men are more inclined to be able to separate sex from emotion than women.

Dunno what it says about me, but although I am definitely a bloke, I need the whole shebang: intellectual and emotional in order to fully enjoy the physical.

I can accept that it's a matter of different strokes for different folks, but in my eyes, if there is not that entire spectrum of complete engagement with a human being, in all their complexity, then it's merely masturbation.

(Mind you, I wouldn't have thought this a mere two or three weeks back.)

 

[InsatiableDsire]

Offler, care to share what changed your view?

 

[JudasIscariot]

I spent a good 5 years having casual one night stands

For me, sex with no emotion isn't a problem at all, in fact if I've no connection with that person I prefer it.

 

[Hardbutgentle]

In my mind, I can separate them, but when it comes down to it, I can't have sex without an emotional connection either beforehand, leading to sex, or afterwards because of it.

 

[Stryderthorongil]

An emotional connection is essential. I want to know her and feel her physically and emotionally. I want her to share her dreams...her thoughts...feelings. So, you're right, I've never done one night stands. It's not me.

 

[cowslinger64]

In my experience, women typically have a difficult time separating sex and emotion. I've had lots of fwb relationships, and it's not difficult for me to keep emotions out of it. I usually enjoy those types of relationships more, and it's only when i try doing it for real that things get fucked up.

 

[Thandi]

An emotional connection is essential. I want to know her and feel her physically and emotionally. I want her to share her dreams...her thoughts...feelings. So, you're right, I've never done one night stands. It's not me.

I completely agree. I too have never had a one night stand.

 

[janeyl]

A gentleman recently told me he could take care of his horniness without getting too involved, whereas addressing his loneliness requires an emotional investment. To me personally, that is gibberish.

See, that makes perfect sense to me. Loneliness is an emotional state and therefore needs some kind of emotional investment to overcome either from the lonely person or the other involved in alleviating it...horniness is a physical state that can be addressed in a purely physical manner...

I think it depends on the situation to be honest for me...I went through a period on my life where I had a lot of one night stands and because I wasn't looking to change my life in any way and wasn't really that interested in the people I had sex with except on a purely physical level, it was easy to seperate the two...I was quite often the one who got up and left because I wanted to avoid getting into any kind of conversation with them at the time...was it satisfying? absolutely...did it make me feel lonely? not at all. it suited my purposes at the time...

Now, I have a fair amount of sexual partners but almost always with my SO involved too...the emotional investment is between us, but maybe it's maturity, i don't know, it does seem to be better nowadays with people with whom I have at least had a conversation and actually like...maybe it's because i'm sharing my partner with them, maybe it's because i'm older...it doesn't go so far as an emotional investment...I already have that with someone else

I also really think that group situations differ vastly from one on one situations and it can differ massively depending on whether it's a man or a woman I'm fucking...

Not sure if that makes sense, but that's my persoanl experience...

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

I don't think there is such a thing as emotionless sex, considering whether you are attracted or repulsed by a potential sex partner. Then there is the possible emotion of fear, Is there someone who may strongly object to us getting together? Is the person std free? Will the condom fail and someone gets pregnant? Will this partner become a psycho stalker?

 

[pm4321]

I'm a man who voted yes.

I've had sex without emotional involvement. Unfortunately, I've never had great sex without it. It's the biggest reason why I tired of one-night stands and fuck buddies.

 

[ejredlady]

I have had a few one night stands. The reason they were one night is because they were sadly unsatisfying. However the dissatisfaction had more to do with performance than lack of emotion. I have had satisfying non involved sex. I have also had 2 sex only relationships that both resulted in long term relationships/marriages, alas they both ended in divorce eventually.
Sex is physical. Sex with emotional involvement becomes something sublime and soul deep satisfying.