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Sex toy reviews 🥒

Lord Pmann said:
Speaking of fucking a robot, I got a new sex toy. And no, it’s not a robot fuckdoll.

It’s this.

Funny thing, apparently based on some pervy history of purchases, I was contacted by one of the sellers who wanted me to do a review of the sex toy. He asked if I would be willing to review it if I got it for free. So, having a willing dick, I decided to oblige.

The toy arrived and I was certain it couldn’t be right. The box was massive. Like I ordered an umbrella. And I’m sure you’re all thinking, “But pmann, you’re hung like a Clydesdale, isn’t that appropriate?”

Thank you for the consideration. But this looked too big and too heavy. Anyway, I unboxed it and it was, indeed, huge and heavy.

Below is a pic for reference. The total length is about the length from my elbow to the base of my wrist. It is WAY bigger in person than it appears in the pics on Amazon.



My first impression was that it was too big and heavy and it looked like I was fucking R2-D2’s bottom. I didn’t have high hopes. However, no sooner had my dick been lubed up and placed within its robot asshole, I realized I was wrong.

There are four buttons- a power button and three different modes/functions.

The toy has three basic functions- licking, sucking and twisting. The licking and twisting one have multiple different versions (I believe seven different settings per function). Here is a little detail about each of them.

1. Licking- there is a tongue shaped object in there. Does it feel like a tongue? Not really. Does it behave like one? Also not really. However, it does feel amazing and its lack of tongue legitimacy does not deter from its style. The different settings offer different intensities. Most (if not all) of the settings also have some sucking action paired along with it. That works nicely.

2. Sucking- this function used on its own is not super useful. It literally just suctions and then you wonder for a minute how you’ll get your dick out. I think that function is for people who are using it as a dick pump. That is not my reason for buying this. It can be paired with the twirling motion, but not the tongue (as sucking is pre-programmed into that one). I thought I would like the sucking function best, but it does nothing really. There aren’t multiple settings. You just press and hold and it creates suction until you release or until you get to the maximum level. It doesn’t have the easiest pressure release that I can find. When it’s at max setting, you aren’t just pulling your dick out. You will stretch it like Gumby if you do. Pressing the tongue button releases it.

3. The twirling/twisting motion is really good. I always have a problem with the resolution on sex toys. They usually don’t ramp up in small enough increments. They go from too slow to twist my dick off in one click. Again, I believe this has seven different settings and they were honestly all good. Pair these with the suction on the tongue/licking setting and you’re in for a good time. The first few settings are a consistent spinning that just increase in power. The next few are a bit different, some pulsing, some going back and forth. They are all great and I normally hate things that change up.

Here are the pros:

- It’s quite easy to use. I don’t like reading manuals and I sure as hell don’t want to read one for a sex toy. When it arrives, I want to start fucking it. This one was easy enough to figure out.

- The settings are all pretty good. Aside from the sucking by itself, I would use every one. They really are all good enough to make me cum.

- It didn’t take much getting used to. The settings immediately worked. It was comfortable for me to use. My dick and I were pleased.

- It’s easy to clean.

- It’s sturdy.

- It feels like it will last.

- It was cheap. I own some decently expensive toys from nicer brands like Lelo and, while it doesn’t have the refinement of something like a Lelo, it feels like it will last. It was around $50.

Here are the cons:

- I’d say the overall bulk and weight would be the biggest con for most people. I say most people because it didn’t really bother me at all like I thought it would. The size and weight actually made it easier to use. Some might not find that to be the case.

- I wouldn’t say this is one that you use for a quick orgasm. This takes some time.

- You have to use lube or your dick may catch on fire. 🔥

- It has a proprietary charger. Also not a big deal, nor is it uncommon. But I wish they all had USB chargers.

Overall:

This is, by far my favourite toy I’ve used. It’s the most intense orgasm I’ve had from a toy. It’s definitely a bargain at the price-point.

Buy if you like spending time with a toy and you are looking for an intense orgasm.

Skip if you are looking for something that is smaller and is good for a quickie.

Note: Be prepared to shut it off as soon as you cum if you’ve got a really sensitive dick after you cum. My dick is bi-polar and goes from wanting to be touched to hating to be looked at after it cums. If your dick and mine are kindred spirits, just be ready to hold the off button immediately after orgasm.
Click to expand...
I stopped reading at, "...fucking R2-D2's bottom." Maybe I'll come back to this when I've finished the Star Wars franchise television/movies. I would hate to be spoiled.
 
__Nathan1968 said:
You had me sold at “fucking R2-D2’s bottom”.

Plus, science:
View attachment 2337904
Click to expand...

It’s totally worth it. It’s magnificent.

morelikeasong said:
This review is so good it makes me wish I had a dick to try it
Click to expand...

I’m kind of glad you don’t have a dick. Just saying.

But it was really good. All those with dicks would enjoy it.

I feel like I’m on my way to getting an endorsement from a sex toy company.

OrdinaryPerson said:
How do you clean male sex toys?
Is this toy better than a shop vac?
Click to expand...

Some you can run the whole thing under water. This particular one comes apart and you clean the, uhm, inside part.

Yes. It’s better than a shop vac. I would say the order of things I’ve fucked is as follows.

Human female > this sex toy > other sex toy I reviewed > Hitachi Magic Wand > hand > shop vac > jar of Vaseline > pillow

lavendersilk said:
I stopped reading at, "...fucking R2-D2's bottom." Maybe I'll come back to this when I've finished the Star Wars franchise television/movies. I would hate to be spoiled.
Click to expand...

I’ve never seen Star Wars.

Taegul said:
So, is it called The C-3PO?
Click to expand...

I’ve never seen Star Wars so I don’t get such a nerdy joke. I’m too cool for that. I spend my time fucking inanimate objects and then reviewing them at this place. 😎
 
Lord Pmann said:
It’s totally worth it. It’s magnificent.



I’m kind of glad you don’t have a dick. Just saying.

But it was really good. All those with dicks would enjoy it.

I feel like I’m on my way to getting an endorsement from a sex toy company.



Some you can run the whole thing under water. This particular one comes apart and you clean the, uhm, inside part.

Yes. It’s better than a shop vac. I would say the order of things I’ve fucked is as follows.

Human female > this sex toy > other sex toy I reviewed > Hitachi Magic Wand > hand > shop vac > jar of Vaseline > pillow



I’ve never seen Star Wars.



I’ve never seen Star Wars so I don’t get such a nerdy joke. I’m too cool for that. I spend my time fucking inanimate objects and then reviewing them at this place. 😎
Click to expand...
Very informative. Thank you for your service
 
Lord Pmann said:
It’s totally worth it. It’s magnificent.



I’m kind of glad you don’t have a dick. Just saying.

But it was really good. All those with dicks would enjoy it.

I feel like I’m on my way to getting an endorsement from a sex toy company.



Some you can run the whole thing under water. This particular one comes apart and you clean the, uhm, inside part.

Yes. It’s better than a shop vac. I would say the order of things I’ve fucked is as follows.

Human female > this sex toy > other sex toy I reviewed > Hitachi Magic Wand > hand > shop vac > jar of Vaseline > pillow



I’ve never seen Star Wars.



I’ve never seen Star Wars so I don’t get such a nerdy joke. I’m too cool for that. I spend my time fucking inanimate objects and then reviewing them at this place. 😎
Click to expand...
I have taken to calling it "Lord Pmann's Terrifying Sex Toy That Looks Like A Blender." I am contemplating buying one as I type.
 
Well, honestly, I was buying some shibari rope and was looking for something else to clear out the shipping fees. I will let you know when I get it.
 
Lord Pmann said:
It’s totally worth it. It’s magnificent.



I’m kind of glad you don’t have a dick. Just saying.

But it was really good. All those with dicks would enjoy it.

I feel like I’m on my way to getting an endorsement from a sex toy company.



Some you can run the whole thing under water. This particular one comes apart and you clean the, uhm, inside part.

Yes. It’s better than a shop vac. I would say the order of things I’ve fucked is as follows.

Human female > this sex toy > other sex toy I reviewed > Hitachi Magic Wand > hand > shop vac > jar of Vaseline > pillow



I’ve never seen Star Wars.



I’ve never seen Star Wars so I don’t get such a nerdy joke. I’m too cool for that. I spend my time fucking inanimate objects and then reviewing them at this place. 😎
Click to expand...
How does a guy fuck a magic wand?
Where do the ponies rank?
 
Whenever some big tittied skank uses my dilk as a sex toy it gets rave reviews.
 
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