Sex Problems, PLEASE help

[Guest]

Hello,

me and my girlfriend are in love and we decided to have sex a little before out 10 month anniversary. Beforehand we were both virgins, we have "had" sex, with condoms, three times, but it just wasnt pleasurable. We are deeply passionate with each other, we have tried/done foreplay;however, when we have sex we both dont feel a thing, what are we supposed to feel? i mean we both have urges (we talk alot, openly about this stuff) to have sex but it just isnt satisfying/pleasurable. She absolutely loves when i finger her/oral sex, but sex itself we do not even feel a thing. We have tried several positions to no avail, please help!
thanks

-Andrew

 

[Guest]

How in the world can you penetrate a woman and have it be pleasurable? Asexuality on both of your parts?

 

[Guest]

well guys always seem to strive for it and girls say if it was good or not...someone please reply to my post above thanks

-Andrew

 

[lovetoread]

Perhaps its your condoms. Have you tried the really thin ones,or the ribbed? I am going to assume she finds it not any good,and that you are male. Since you would have to ejaculate sometime or another and no matter what a guy says when you cum its a good feeling.

When you are having sex,do you reach down and play with her? Put her on top and let your mind run free. Its just not about penetration you know.

 

[lilminx]

Since she was a virgin, it might hurt her a little since you've only had sex 3 times. I know that it hurt me the first ten or so times. Maybe using a lube like Astroglide will help you a little. You can buy it online or in any drugstore. If you use a little on her and on the condom, it might feel better for both of you. I've also read the putting a drop or two if it in the condom before you put it on will feel better for you. Good luck, and if you try my suggestion, please let me know if it helped!

Oh, and playing with her clit while you are inside of her might make it feel better for her as well.

 

[Guest]

But how come she enjoys fingering so much more than penetration?

-Andrew

p.s. - thanks for your replies

 

[lilminx]

Fingers are a lot smaller than a cock, hon
And with fingers, you can feel around more in there, therefore making it more pleasurable to her. You're not just pummeling in and out (I hope?).

 

[Guest]

with my fingers im not doing that, im pretty good at that (at least i think i am)...by the way thanks for responding

-Andrew

 

[lovetoread]

I have to ask..its been bothering me...

do you give her an orgasm before you have sex? If you did that first,the lubrication and relaxed muscles <spell?> will help alot.

Just a thought.....

 

[SexyChele]

A couple of things spring to mind off the top of my head:

For her:

1. Has she ever experienced an orgasm? If she has, try to get her to masturbate in front of you to see what she might like. (might be difficult if she was a virgin - she may be a little shy) If she has never experienced an orgasm, then encourage her to try by masturbating privately. Then she can be more open to telling you what "works" and what doesn't.

2. An important fact about the female anatomy: we have no nerve endings in the vagina after the first 1" or so. Think it - if we did, childbirth would be unbearable. Therefore, most women do not have an orgasm by penetration of a penis alone. There is a feeling of fullness that can be quite pleasant, but no orgasm for most women. To overcome this, it helps if her clit is stimulated while you are in her - either with your fingers, her fingers, or a vibrator. Play around, experiement, see what happens.

3. She probably likes the fingering because fingers are capable of moving in different directions, unlike a penis. Plus, with luck and time, you could find her G-spot with you fingers, causing her to orgasm from that.

4. The clitoris is the organ on the female that causes orgasms - not the vagina. (except for the G-spot) Pay attention to it - lots - and she will begin to learn what feels "right".


For you:

1. You are stating that you do not feel anything as well. I've actually heard this from quite a few men. Your problem might be that the condoms you are using are too small. I know of one man who thought vaginal sex was extremely painful. Turned out, he was slightly larger than average men, and most condoms fit too tightly. He tried condoms that were made specifically for larger men, and he was finally able to enjoy sex. I think the brand is Magnums, or something like that. I also had the same situation with a ex b/f of mine - condom was too tight, and it was impossible for him to have an orgasm. That could be what your experiencing.

 

[juicylips]

One Word....

Foreplay....Foreplay...Foreplay...

Don't enter her unless she is very lubricated. Concentrate on other parts of her body to get her ready.

Be easy. Be gentle. Don't rush it.

Cassidy

 

[Guest]

Keep trying

Man, you are soooooo set. You and your girlfriend are young, don't have to worry about STD's and you are here looking to make things better. You are not fucked up or broken and niether is your girlfriend so the first thing you need to do is relax, you don't have to conquer rome in a day, or build it for that matter. Sex is seldom smooth seemless orgasmic bliss but rather falling off the bed, realizing that 'that position' just doesn't work, and laughing at each others' mistakes. I think its totally a good idea to encourage her to masterbate, make it part of foreplay and enjoy it with her. Find out what turns her on and what doesn't, tell her it is o.k. to say, "that doesn't feel good." And you need to do the same but guys seldom have trouble getting off, I think I came 4 times in 2 minuttes my first time. I certainly didn't feel studly. And if you are masterbating on the side, like we guys tend to do, save it and share your sex with her. Man, just have fun and enjoy your time together and don't worry about being Fabio. Have a night where you just focus on her and another where she focuses on you. As for the small condom thing, totally make sure you have the proper fitting condom. I never imagined that I had a big dick, afterall the only ones I ever saw were in porno mags or movies and mine was just a bit bigger. As it turns out I needed L size, it made a huge difference. You have a wonderful opportunity to discover the joys off sex with someone from the same footing so take it easy and stretch it out for as long as possible. Don't worry, relax, the more foreplay the better, laugh, and make it memorable.

Take care,
RedJ

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Keep trying

Sex is seldom smooth seemless orgasmic bliss RedJ

Oh but if it was.......

 

[letsallgetlaid]

Everyone is right about clitoral stimulation, you might want to try a cock ring with some sort of a tickler on it. They are really very effective and they leave your hands free to continue the foreplay during sex, sounds contradictory I know but it's important.
And if she likes getting finger more than sex think about what you are doing when you finger her that she's not getting during intercourse. What do you different? And sex for a woman (and men too I'm fairly sure) is a whole body thing, the genitalia are not even the most important thing.

 

[Guest]

Thank you to everyone who replied, i appreciate it!

-Andrew

 

[Gaultier]

Little problem...

First of all, I didn't feel much myself the first time I did it....although I was enjoying her hand stimulations and she was enjoying mine.
Never give up, keep on practising, if both of u prefer to do other sexual practices, maybe oral or other, do it....intercourse is not a must, do whatever u want to do....the rest will come with time.

Another problem : condoms. Condoms are a must in the beginning, but that doesn't mean that u can't experiment with different brands or types. I would advise u the thinner ones, maybe the ribbed ones for ur girlfriend's pleasure, although the girls I have been with usually break out in a laugh when they see ribbed ones.

How old are both of u? Any chance she can go on the pill ? obviously if u are teens, this solution is quite difficult to achieve

 

[letsallgetlaid]

The pill

It's actually REALLY easy to go on the pill.
Go to your nearest public health clinic or planned parenthood (they do SO MUCH more than abortions) and both get tested for anything and everything. Then talk to someone about going on the pill. Depending on healthcare lack thereof and other things you can get on the pill for realatively cheap and easy. And tell your girlfriend that yes the exam sucks royally but it is worth it!
Also she can talk to her parents if she needs to go through them and explain one of the millions of other reasons for going on the pill if that's a problem. (If you need to send me a PM and I can give her a few dozen!)

 

[petrel]

yep foreplay is king - if you both like reading about and talking about sex and erotica why not download some stories etc from here and go off to bed togather or privatly if you/she are shy and read them, masturbate gently and tel her to orgasm if she wants to - that will make her mroe relaxed. Either way get those juices flowing.

why not try a small dildo - see if its size of cock that is stopping her enjoying penetrative sex or just the simple fact that cock (and most dildos) are a lot less flexible than your fingers.

Have you tried Blowjobs? if so and you liked them, maybe the reson you don't enjoy penetrative sex is because she doesn't and you are both wound up about it

personally i hat econdoms and it is a massive relief to be in a stable relationship and not have to use them - i don't much like the pill either to be honest but at leat it doesn't interfere with sex.

if you are monogamous and have been tested etc then why not look at other methods of birth control - someoen posted ( i think it was gillyb) a really good discussion of birth control methods a while back on here - have a look

does she liek the idea of pentrative sex? some women don't much and others love it again try finding stories etc that focus on penetration and other that don't metion it - explore, play and have lots of fun. (hey its not a competition you know!)

hope you have wonderful enjoyable times in bed together