Sex problems, need advice.

[Impish]

well one thing I can say

One thing I can say... is you appear to be a great partner and I just thought it should be noted. Your post shows understanding and commitment and I just want to commend you on that. It *is* the drugs, I've heard it time and time again from friends, so while you may be part of the solution, don't blame her or yourself either.

Good luck and I'd follow the posters before me and have her discuss this seriously with her doc.

 

[dubby]

Wow! I was out of town for a couple of days and I was shocked by how many responses I've gotten. A big "Thank YOU" to everyone that took the time to offer advice and suggestions.

As far as the meds go, I agree with lot of you that that America in general is over-medicated. However, she's been on meds for almost 10 years, well before I met her. In a lot of ways, I don't feel qualifed to judge whether or not she "needs" all of the meds that she takes or not. Telling her to drop her meds completely is just not something I could ever push her to do. However, the idea of switching meds is a possible solution and I will have her discuss the paticular drugs mentioned here with her doctor. Her particular problem lends itself to panic attacks, and I know that the idea of changing her meds (we've discussed it briefly before) terrifies her. But with specific drugs to discuss maybe she'll feel more comfortable.

As far as sex and intamacy not being just about orgasms, again, I don't feel qualified to make a judgement. While I understand what some of you are trying to say, I feel like I need to take her at face value when she tells me that the problem is a lack of orgasms. If that's what she wants, then I feel that's it my job as a responsive and caring partner to explore ways of providing it. What I'm trying to say is that everyone is unique, and that while I or some of you might see value in the intamacy and closeness of sex, regardless of orgasms, she apparently doesn't.

As far as oral sex, etc, I'm not sure that I understand where she's coming from on this. Yes, I can bring her to orgasm with oral, or with my hands and a vibrator, etc. However, what she craves is orgasms through actual intercourse, hence my search for things to help improve or chances during intercourse. I don't pretend to understand her orgasms HAVE to come through intercourse rather than through the other options that we have, but again, I'll just say that she's a unique person and this is what she needs to be fulfilled.

Anyway, this is getting long so I'm going to wrap it up. I may come back and answer individual posts later. Again, I appreciate everyone's advice and I thank you for taking the time to post. I'm not going to give up, although that is tempting sometimes because issue tends to hurt my "Male ego". She's a special lady and well worth the effort.

 

[Hairgrip]

(I only cum in intercourse if i am on top and he has been fingering me to orgasm before... he has to keep fingering me during the ride too)

 

[mystic raven]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I was on an antideppresant once and it did the exact same thing to me. It would take me hours to finally climax and there was just no way my boyfriend could go that long. I finally just went back to my doctor and told him about it. His reply was that it was very uncommon for females to have the sexual side effects and changed the medication that day. I'm not sure if he was quick to change it because of how the problem was making me feel or if there was the possibility of a bigger problem. I would have her go back to her doctor and if she doesn't feel comfortable about talking to him/her about it then you do it. There are just too many different medications out there today to make yourself suffer through something like that.

 

[Mr. Unsexy]

maybe it would be good for you to be on meds as well; whether you need them or not. this way, you'll also be long lasting, just make sure you get it up first. and when you're cuddling afterwards, you can talk about how dreadful it is taking all that superfluous medication. she might even think of your initiative as romantic.