Sex Life and Long Term Relationships

[lavender]

 

[Lancecastor]

So.....If you marry some guy and his penis is subsequently burnt off in a tragic hair-removal accident...you'll divorce him?

True love...the kind that endures... transcends the physical, in my view.

 

[Private Vasquez]

I have to be fucked hard until I come a bazillion times, because it makes the long part of the term work better.

 

[Mr. October]

Ok

What do you mean by good? I define it as open and honest expression. If that component is there most things can be worked out I think. It is far easier to teach someone how to make love to you than it is to find someone to love you.

The fact that your relationship ended I don't think can be blamed on soley the quality of sex. I can see no circumstance where my sex life would not be at a minimum good. Unless of course i choose someone incompatable with me, but that would be my failing. If my needs sexually changed then I would be forced to compromise or move on.

I guess I'm saying sex is important, but not all that. If I have intimacy I can do without her yielding to a desire or fetish I might have.

Its October!

 

[slowfingers1]

If I wasnt able to communicate my sexual needs to my partner, if we couldnt satisfy each other.. then yes, I'd probably end it too... Confused as to how it could have taken you 4 years to realize that you werent going to be sexually compatible.. if you did your best to work through it for 4 years, you have my admiration

Slow

 

[lavender]

 

[Ezarc]

I think one of the things that brings sex and love together is intimacy. It is so often tied in that if you lose sex you lose that special intimacy. My Ex-wife and I are proof of that. I could live with some diminishing of sex life as long as we are still intimate. I probably would have difficulty with a total shut down though.

 

[april-wine]

This is a great question, and I have consumed just enough alcohol to answer it....lol....I love the physical side of my relationship....My partner is not as sexually inclined as I....Sometimes it worries me, that maybe it happens cause I want it....The best part of our relationship is we can talk....It calms concerns, it opens eyes, and makes this thing called love possible.....


In the end, my relationship is more than sex....That's what will make it last for the long haul....Sex is great....But it is NOT the be all end all....

 

[Sandia]

A relationship is not likely to survive if one person is dissatisfied.

 

[Laurel]

I think sex in a relationship is a side effect of the relationship. That is, if you love the person, you enjoy touching them & pleasing them. It doesn't mean you're always gonna want to do the same stuff, but it does mean that you'll work it out so that you both end up happy. If the sex life sucks, that usually means there's other problems - usually in the communication area.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The sexual aspect of a relationship is a reflection of the sum total of the relationship. It is not the most important part but it displays what is good and wonderful or what is lacking in other areas.

 

[Guest]

Sex is important in a relationship. I know that its not supposed to be the main focus, but its a big factor. If one partner isn't fully satisfied, it makes them think about the whole 'If I was with someone else.....' thing.

I do believe that affairs are caused by not getting all you need in the bedroom...or living room...or dining room, wherever you have sex.

Now would I choose to have a relationship based solely on sex? No. Its a great kicker...but love is far more important.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Sex is connection and intimacy without it the relationship is two strangers perhaps?

 

[Samuari]

Good sex is the product of a good realtionship, but not the cause of it. A good sex life grows out of relationships that have taken the time and effort required to bring them to a "critical mass". While you can certinally fuck anything that moves, it is when sex is the culimatinating expression of a growing love that it really comes into its own. Great sex is the result much study and practice, as well as a comitment to the beloved.

Lavy, in your case, I wonder if all the other factors of your relationship were in place, especially comunication. In my experance, (nearly 28 years of marriage) nearly any problem can be worked out if you are really comunicating. Not just talking, but is the message getting through? and do you care enough to keep trying...and trying...and trying? Does your partner?

 

[Cerberus666]

I've been with my wife for five years, married for two. We started out having a lot of sex, A LOT. Slowly as our relationship progressed we had sex less often, still like twice a week, sometimes more. Once we were married I t was like once a week. Now we have our little boy, he's two. I'm lucky if we have sex once a month now. She works, I work and go to school. The desire is still there for me, sadly I don't think it is there for her. She just doesn't apreciate or even acknowledge any of my advancements towards her. Also we've always had sex in the same manner. We've never made love, always hard, fast sex.

 

[Dougy]

Granted, I essentially have no basis for any of this, but it seems to me that sex is just a part of a relationship...and certainly not the most important part. It seems to me that if you love someone that you would be willing to work on the sexual portion.

Were I in a relationship with serious potential where there was a possibility of my sexual incompetence being the barrier to success, I would be willing to do anything to get beyond that barrier...anything at all.

 

[Cerberus666]

Realizing I never answered your question. Ok, sex isn't the only thing but a relationship, mine atleast, cannot survive without physical contact of some sort. My wife is my best friend. She knows things no one else ever will. But when she doesn't engage in physical interactions with me it hurts our relationship. I cannot go through life without Physical gratification, I just can't. So the answer then is yes sex is very important to continuing a long term relationship. It isn't the only factor nor the most important but it is very important none the less.

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Depends on what you mean "a very good sex life".

If a couple have been staying together for more than twenty years, and they still do it once a week, and after doing it, they hugged each other and fall into sleep, well I consider this a very good sex life. Sex is still yet not a chore.

 

[GreenEyedGirl]

This is an excellent question Lavy. I know many people who would immediately say "Of course sex is not as impportant as love!" But I think that it is closely tied into love and intimacy. As most people have posted here already, an unwillingness or inability to please/satisfy your partner is most likely a symptom of other things gone awry in the relationship.
For me personally, intimacy is very important to me. Be that fucking, cuddling, making love, or talking so late into the night that we are both too tired to do anything but fall asleep together. Touch is extremely important, as it is a physical expresion of love. And sex is touch. So having a healthy sex life is very important to me (that is, as long as both of us are able - if, as Lancecastor stated my partner was physically unable to have sex, then other touch would have to be incorporated).

 

[Ishmael]

IMHO

Sex only becomes the most important aspect of a realtionship if there isn't any. It becomes conspicuous in it's absence. No long term relationship is going to have mind blowing sex everytime. Stress, fatigue, kids, illness, or just don't feel like it at the time play a role.

I've seen relationships were sex has played little or no role that have been solid and lasting.

If the foundation of the relationship is sex. It probably won't survive for very long.

Ishmael

 

[Soblue]

.

 

[intrigued]

There sure are some beautiful minds and hearts here.

 

[Elizabeth]

As long as there is some level of intamacy, I think a relationship can survive the long term.

 

[Trail48]

The fireworks that are part of a new relationship have a tendency to overshadow the intimate quieter needs of a long term partnership. If after the initial burst has faded, and it will, you've all mentioned it already, and your partner is not aware of your deeper needs, you will have a place in your heart that remains unfulfilled.
I believe it's that deeper place that creates problems for the long term relationship.

If you and your partner cannot communicate this deeper need, it will be almost impossible to maintain satisfaction, for either partner, even if the physical act of sex is still good. It is an act of love to discover what your partners needs are and then go about making sure that they are met

I have come to this conclusion because of my past failures. Sex could be awesome, but if the more personal intimate need of yourself and your partner is not met, it will be too difficult to stay together. I will not miss this opportunity to lovingly serve my partners needs again.

 

[LibraStud]

I know you can't quantify this, but how important is a very good sex life for a long term relationship?

Please explain your answer.

I know that a good sex life is something that is almost required for me in a long term, lasting and positive relationship.

I always thought that men were hornier than women, until I got older and met my current lover.

She has taken the time to tell me what she likes. To spend a lot of time, very intimate, lots of foreplay. Of course I like to go very slowly. We make a date days or weeks in the future, and know that we will both be exhausted. Sex is a tool. The mind masturbates every second – especially if you are a woman. It is a very important part of a relationship.

There are some very beautiful and sensitive people in this thread.