Sex chat

[TxRad]

Oh...well, now...I didn't realize you were giving pop-quizzes on all your bs. You wanna take it behind closed doors? I always do much better with a private tutor on those nasty tests. We'll see if teacher thinks I deserve a passing grade.

Uh, don't break anything important.

 

[holliday1960]

Uh, don't break anything important.

Trying not to, Tx, but you know how it is... I've always been good at breaking rules. Does that count for anything?

 

[TxRad]

Trying not to, Tx, but you know how it is... I've always been good at breaking rules. Does that count for anything?

Bending is good, breaking is usually bad and who was talking about rules.

 

[holliday1960]

Bending is good, breaking is usually bad and who was talking about rules.

I was trying to be diplomatic...more or less. Besides, there isn't much chance of bending anything...he's a slippery little sucker and he keeps running from me!

 

[sr71plt]

Must be slowly working their way down a list--a list they aren't doing too much research on. I just received two of the PMs. Just deleted them and moved on.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Wait, what's a banana got to do with contraception? I would have thought more a substitution...

Geographically speaking, your Queenslander is a banana bender, and also a style of house, so that can be a little confusing. Also, if you live in New South Wales, Victorians are also Mexicans, because they're south of the border. If you live in Tasmania, the rest of Australia is the North Island; and, before the advent of depilatory cream and the razor, most women had a map of Tasmania. And if you're a photographer, you will know that Alice Springs was Helmut Newton's wife.

Chloe, are you taking notes? There'll be a test at the end of the lesson.

Fair dinkum? That's ripper, mate, take a squizz at this. I'll drop down to the Bottle-O and pick up a slab to knock back this arvo while I study for the test. Get a bogan or two to help me, fill up the esky and and sink a few stubbies while I do that and she'll be right. Sweet as. Maybe I'll chuck a sickie, drop down to the beach and eye the budgie smugglers. Better not drink too much tho, these aussie guys, they're as cunning as dunny rats. I'm telling ya, fair suck of the sav, mate. Once they see this cute chinese girl on the beach in her togs and thongs standing out like a shag on a rock and giving those budgie smugglers the eye, those root rats'll be cracking a fat and grinning like a shot fox. Just have to make sure they don't talk me into giving it a burl or I'll be fair rooted. Mind you, it'd be a toss up between that and a liquid laugh after those stubbies.

How'd I go? Spiffy?

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

Fair dinkum? That's ripper, mate, take a squizz at this. I'll drop down to the Bottle-O and pick up a slab to knock back this arvo while I study for the test. Get a bogan or two to help me, fill up the esky and and sink a few stubbies while I do that and she'll be right. Sweet as. Maybe I'll chuck a sickie, drop down to the beach and eye the budgie smugglers. Better not drink too much tho, these aussie guys, they're as cunning as dunny rats. I'm telling ya, fair suck of the sav, mate. Once they see this cute chinese girl on the beach in her togs and thongs standing out like a shag on a rock and giving those budgie smugglers the eye, those root rats'll be cracking a fat and grinning like a shot fox. Just have to make sure they don't talk me into giving it a burl or I'll be fair rooted. Mind you, it'd be a toss up between that and a liquid laugh after those stubbies.

How'd I go? Spiffy?

Bloody bonza Sheila. You took to that like a rat up a drain pipe. And I'd bar up every time, if I saw you down the baths in your Speedos.

And who was it that questioned whether or not you could write outside your comfort zone.

 

[holliday1960]

Fair dinkum? That's ripper, mate, take a squizz at this. I'll drop down to the Bottle-O and pick up a slab to knock back this arvo while I study for the test. Get a bogan or two to help me, fill up the esky and and sink a few stubbies while I do that and she'll be right. Sweet as. Maybe I'll chuck a sickie, drop down to the beach and eye the budgie smugglers. Better not drink too much tho, these aussie guys, they're as cunning as dunny rats. I'm telling ya, fair suck of the sav, mate. Once they see this cute chinese girl on the beach in her togs and thongs standing out like a shag on a rock and giving those budgie smugglers the eye, those root rats'll be cracking a fat and grinning like a shot fox. Just have to make sure they don't talk me into giving it a burl or I'll be fair rooted. Mind you, it'd be a toss up between that and a liquid laugh after those stubbies.

How'd I go? Spiffy?

Well, I guess you told HIM!! I am so rolling on the floor right now! I'm sure EB is quite speechless at this point. You got to watch those quiet ones though.

 

[OmnislashXX]

I got one yesterday. De-lete.

If I really wanted some cybersex, I'd just load up WoW and fantasize hitting up a Nelf or Draenai.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Right Chloe, your bullshit has been exposed, as is your cover. You've been telling all these innocent folk here that you're a Chinese gal in America, whereas quite clearly you're very nearly a fair dinkum aussie chick, just don't tell Pauline Hanson that you're here.

Gotta give you points for that spiel, fucking A! You'll be tooling around in an old Commodore before you know it. Classy piece of Chinese ass, that! You'll do.

And as for you, Miss Holliday, you got that right. HIM = His Imperial Majesty, just don't bloody forget it

 

[ChloeTzang]

Right Chloe, your bullshit has been exposed, as is your cover. You've been telling all these innocent folk here that you're a Chinese gal in America, whereas quite clearly you're very nearly a fair dinkum aussie chick, just don't tell Pauline Hanson that you're here.

Gotta give you points for that spiel, fucking A! You'll be tooling around in an old Commodore before you know it. Classy piece of Chinese ass, that! You'll do.

And as for you, Miss Holliday, you got that right. HIM = His Imperial Majesty, just don't bloody forget it

Well g'day EB. I cheated - http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

It was beaut taking a Captain Cook. But hard to remember - not quite my bowl of rice. I love some of the expressions tho. Like right now, I'm going to do a Harold Holt and running off to work after a dingo's breakfast. Just time to slap on some lippy and I'm outa here. And once I get to work I'm gonna be flat out like a lizard drinking.

This is fun.

What the heck is a Commodore? Aaaaaaand, google is your friend. Got it. Holden Commodore, aka General Motors (Australian version). OMG, and a truck is called a Ute?

I'm halfway to thinking that little spiel would be a great intro to a story. Chinese-American girl visits Brisvegas on vacation, takes a shine to some banana benders and maybe a Crow or a Cockroach and hey, before you know it, she's out there being a shark biscuit, getting herself rescued by a cute Nipper, speedos are flying through the air, strides are dropping and its a rip snorter of a rage....

 

[Handley_Page]

I received a PM that rather surprised me.
Claiming to be from a young female it invited me to a "sex chat" [a what ?] and
gave directions as to where 'she' might be found. There was a picture, too.
She was a pretty thing, I give her that.
There was, however, just one slight snag.
I have a grand-daughter that's older than her.
Bin!

Sad, ain't it

 

[ElectricBlue]

Well g'day EB. I cheated - http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-

What the heck is a Commodore? Aaaaaaand, google is your friend. Got it. Holden Commodore, aka General Motors (Australian version). OMG, and a truck is called a Ute?

I guess I should ask for a plain English translation, but "sweet as" is what got you over the line!

Yeah, 25 years ago it would have been a purple Valiant, or maybe a Torana.

Paddock surfing is what the boys do out in the bush - take the bonnet (hood) off the ute, tie it to the tow bar with a long line of rope, put a couple of lads on the bonnet, and drive fucking fast. Many places hold an annual Bachelors and Spinsters Ball - it's often part of the mating ritual, they tell me. I grew up in a small country city (pop. 22,000), but I've been capital cities since I was eighteen, so much could be apocryphal.

 

[holliday1960]

Right Chloe, your bullshit has been exposed, as is your cover. You've been telling all these innocent folk here that you're a Chinese gal in America, whereas quite clearly you're very nearly a fair dinkum aussie chick, just don't tell Pauline Hanson that you're here.

Gotta give you points for that spiel, fucking A! You'll be tooling around in an old Commodore before you know it. Classy piece of Chinese ass, that! You'll do.

And as for you, Miss Holliday, you got that right. HIM = His Imperial Majesty, just don't bloody forget it

Oh, well now...HIM...I AM impressed. I've never taken lessons from Royalty before.

 

[Handley_Page]

I guess I should ask for a plain English translation, but "sweet as" is what got you over the line!

Yeah, 25 years ago it would have been a purple Valiant, or maybe a Torana.

Paddock surfing is what the boys do out in the bush - take the bonnet (hood) off the ute, tie it to the tow bar with a long line of rope, put a couple of lads on the bonnet, and drive fucking fast. Many places hold an annual Bachelors and Spinsters Ball - it's often part of the mating ritual, they tell me. I grew up in a small country city (pop. 22,000), but I've been capital cities since I was eighteen, so much could be apocryphal.

Up in the "Far North" (before we got a railway or similar, many English places held similar dances. This also applies to the far West, where the term "foreign" meant someone from another village a few miles away.

 

[holliday1960]

Right Chloe, your bullshit has been exposed, as is your cover. You've been telling all these innocent folk here that you're a Chinese gal in America, whereas quite clearly you're very nearly a fair dinkum aussie chick, just don't tell Pauline Hanson that you're here.

Gotta give you points for that spiel, fucking A! You'll be tooling around in an old Commodore before you know it. Classy piece of Chinese ass, that! You'll do.

And as for you, Miss Holliday, you got that right. HIM = His Imperial Majesty, just don't bloody forget it

And don't you take that tone with me either! I've got something you wont forget either, you know. Two can play that game of thrones, baby!

 

[ElectricBlue]

And don't you take that tone with me either! I've got something you wont forget either, you know. Two can play that game of thrones, baby!

Yes miss, sorry miss, I'll be good, miss, promise....

doffs cap, places cape over puddle, walks on the outside of the pavement

 

[holliday1960]

Yes miss, sorry miss, I'll be good, miss, promise....

doffs cap, places cape over puddle, walks on the outside of the pavement

Ugh! You are SO annoying. You know that? You do that stuff just to push my buttons, don't you?

 

[49greg]

I receive at least three a day. Instead of ignoring them, I answer them. I solicit them for stories. I tell them that I don't chat, I write stories.

Most disappear but some take me up on my offer to write them a story.

Others are just lonely and horny and just want attention. I don't mind giving them what they want, attention, if they give me what I want, money.

That's a great way to handle them, and make a few extra bucks. How do you get their money without giving them your address or bank info?

I've just had an email notification of a similar PM which had already been deleted by the time I came back to Lit.

Thank you.

I had another one that happened just like that, with pic, and it also had been deleted by the time I logged onto lit.

I received a PM that rather surprised me.
Claiming to be from a young female it invited me to a "sex chat" [a what ?] and
gave directions as to where 'she' might be found. There was a picture, too.
She was a pretty thing, I give her that.
There was, however, just one slight snag.
I have a grand-daughter that's older than her.
Bin!

Sad, ain't it

I probably got the same pic, way way too young to be interesting. Anymore I have a feeling that most people aren't quite mature enough to be fully human until they're at least thirty.

Of course any authors here on the AH who are under thirty are the exceptions.