Sex between best friends

[radams]

My husband has for some time enjoyed fantasizing about me and my best friend. He claims he finds this particular fantasy more exciting than any other. I decided to ask him why, and he thought about it and came up with a few reasons why he thinks this is.

According to him, sexual encounters between close female friends are more exciting because of the existing connection. Best female friends may often have a level of emotional intimacy, trust and closeness exceeding even that which they share with their male significant others. Because of this, when they have a sexual experience with one another, they are not only exploring a new sexual experience, but they are sharing that experience with someone with whom they share a close emotional bond already. While that experience lasts, that bond transcends any level of intimacy and closeness they might have known with one another before, and becomes something passionate and thrilling, as well as intimate. While they are together sexually, they are able to explore their affection in the form of physical intimacy, instead of merely emotional intimacy.

This leads him (and me, now) to wonder how this affects the passion involved in their first sexual experience, or subsequent experiences. When an existing intimate connection moves beyond the platonic and into a sexual connection, does that increase the intensity of the experience? What sort of electric passion must that result in? How much more so if both friends had previously harbored an unspoken sexual tension between them, if both had previously felt urges of curiosity? When that tension finally snaps, when restraint is cast off, it must be a truly intense, exhilarating experience.

He says that men do not have the emotional openness of females, and often do not experience even with their spouses/girlfriends the level of emotional closeness shared by best female friends. Therefore, they might never be capable of experiencing such a level of intensity, so they have to imagine it vicariously. For this reason, an encounter between two best friends is the hottest, most exciting possible scenario of two women experiencing each other sexually.

I have to admit that I've been attracted to my best friend for some time now, and after talking to my husband I'm even more intrigued by the thought of experimenting with her. I'm curious as to what others think about this? Does the idea of two best friends having a sexual experience excite or arouse you more or less than other possible pairings? For those of you with firsthand experience, did you find what I wrote above to be true of your encounter with your friend? How did it affect your friendship?

 

[Cathleen]

Welcome to Lit., radams.

Your post is packed full of ideas to ponder, which I've been doing since reading it last night.

At first I was dubious about your husband's belief of two women best friends are the ultimate in intimate, emotional and physical connection, I chalked it up to 'he just wants to see two chicks doing it.' But my thought was as reactionary as the 'guys just want to see chicks doing it' mentality.

There is so much to consider here. I absolutely agree that women best friends can have a depth, a different dimension than a m/f best friend relationship. I have a sister and we share history as well as intimacy. I have a best female friend with whom I share the most depth and intimacy ever in my life, but don't have sexual desires for her.

I have a best male friend too, we share things, like fiduciary/final wishes etc. as well as personal intimacy (We once talked about becoming romantic partners, many people thought we were a couple, so we decided to kiss and both chuckled after, we know we're meant to be best friends. Well, it was more like hardy laughter than a chuckle.)

All of these relationships are at different levels of intimacy, length notwithstanding.

Of course the subject of sex lends itself to a massive amount of ideas to consider. One thing I've come to believe in a very, very general sense, is that sex is a verb to men and a noun to women. Sex is firstly emotional then physical to me - not always but mostly.

...wonder how this affects the passion... When that tension finally snaps, when restraint is cast off, it must be a truly intense, exhilarating experience.

So while I can't share a f/f sexual experience, I do feel all that intensity, desire and rapture for the man I'm with, and yes the emotional connection is different - in and out of bed. To make it simple for me is that every relationship is different, the history matters on the emotional level, male or female.

Interesting thoughts, thanks for sharing them here.


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[VelvetDarkness]

He may be right but it's a hell of a gamble to take with your closest female friend. If things become awkward and difficult afterwards, he won't have lost his best friend.

Consider this very carefully. Only you can have any idea whether your friendship with this woman is capable of surviving casual intimacy.

 

[tbaycouple]

I want to comment on this but I don't know if I can say anything more important/better than the previous two posters did.

I will admit I clicked on the title because of the low-level male reaction - the part of the brain that goes "omg! THREESOME!!!111" - plus 'your partner's best friend' is a very common fantasy for males, I immediately started running down the Mrs.'s list of friends to imagine who I'd want as the third.

Having said that - I believe there *is* some legitimacy in your husband's comments (in addition to the base male reaction). Everybody is an exception to some rule or other but I do believe females experience sex more emotionally and intensely than males do, so *in theory*, sex between two females with an emotional connection should be the most... dare I say beautiful?... experience possible.

Of course, it's gonna take a rare guy who's raging hardon at the notion leaves enough blood in the aesthetic part of his brain to appreciate that beauty.

My Mrs. is in a unique position, being both polyamorous and bisexual, and most of her friends being the same. We already know where each of her friends stands on this - a couple of them would never in a million years want to do this, others wouldn't hesitate for a minute and/or have already played with her. (They haven't played with *both* her and me at the same time, but maybe someday my luck will change... )

And I do echo the notion that you need to be sure you *don't* weird out or drive away your best friend. Best friends are more valuable than almost anything else you will have in your life. Only you can make the judgement whether there is a danger or not - and be prepared to accept responsibility for your words and actions either way.

Good luck if you go forward with it, and share your experience here if you can!