Sex and Dating Advice from Parent to Child

[lavender]

So, what kind of advice to you give your children regarding dating? Did you sit down and have a conversation with them before their first big date? Did you talk to them about protection? Did you talk to them about respect for the person they are dating? Did you remind them of what you had taught them?

What kind of dating advice do you give kids when the puppy love turns into a more long-term (by high school standards) relationship?

If you haven't had to deal with this yet, how do you think you will deal with it in the future?

What words do you think a parent can say that will help guide them in their relationships?

 

[Spinaroonie]

My parents (particularly my mother) wanted me to hold back in High school.

Now my mom practically asks "Why aren't you married?"

 

[Monazwx]

They told me virtually nothing, thus being a great help.

 

[freakygirl]

I have 2 teenagers.

The 15 year old boy has recently started "going out" with a girl. His dad talked to him. I have done a little talking.. but I always get that teenage rolling eye thing from him. His dad had a son at 15.. and Ben knows all about it.. and the hardships that have come from it. Hopefully he learns from the example.

My 13 (almost 14) year old girl.. hasn't discovered boys yet. It's still baseball that occupies her time. Again, her dad will do most of the talking to her because she lives with him. I've talked a little bit, but she doesn't seem to be to interested.

The child I'm raising is a 7 year old girl.. I have a few years to figure out how to handle the situation. (I think I'll send her to my ex husbands at about 11 years old.. even though he isn't the father )

 

[ub6ibfine]

my vote would be talk to them about it... but make sure they feel comfortable talking about it an make sure you feel comfortable listenin to what they have to say about it. they might know more then you think allready. kids are learning quicker every generation.

 

[cybergirly]

My mothers idea of the "talk" was to start handing me harlequin romances at about age 10. By the time I was 14 she had me reading straight porn. My 8th grade English teacher did not find it amusing when I turned in a book report on "A Man and His Maid." Hey, it was the original English version.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

definitely talk to them, but a little more indepth than my parents big sex talk with me. it consisted of my dad saying (with my mom right next to him) "boys will say anything to get you to lay down with them. if you dont believe me, ask your mother when I'm not around."

 

[DraigAthar]

My mothers idea of the "talk" was to start handing me harlequin romances at about age 10. By the time I was 14 she had me reading straight porn. My 8th grade English teacher did not find it amusing when I turned in a book report on "A Man and His Maid." Hey, it was the original English version.

LOL

 

[DraigAthar]

They told me virtually nothing, thus being a great help.

Same here... My mom never mentionded it and my dad *Bless his depression era ideals heart* Would make me close my eyes when there were sex scenes on movies, problem being i was 14 at the time.

 

[Weird Harold]

What words do you think a parent can say that will help guide them in their relationships?

If you haven't established a precedent of communicating with your child and created an aura of "Dad knows almost everything," then you're wasting your breath saying anything about sex and/or dating.

When the time came for The Talk with my daughters, The Talk wasn't necessary because they already knew what I thought and expected of them. Also, I knew what they thought and had no worries about them making the "right" decisions. I gave both of them The Talk anyway, just to make sure I wsn't guilty of "wishful thinking" about what they knew and understood about relationships.

 

[MechaBlade]

It was all useless.

 

[Cheyenne]

*bump* for a good thread topic unrelated to the rest of the crap on the board this morning.

 

[amelia]

my parents were very open about sex.

they talked about it with me and my sister all the time. when i turned 11 they designed a little quiz to see what i knew and what i didn't know and then filled me in on the rest.

sometimes it's good to have open, bohemian parents. sometimes it's not.

 

[Olivianna]

I never got the talk from the parents. I think I turned out ok. Well, they rarely talked to me. So, I early on learned to seek out information elsewhere - books, friends, siblings, wherever. I was an anthropologist doing fieldwork at the age of 11.

 

[SilvaTungDevil]

I was advised never to eat in front of a date. Apparently it is a quite disturbing sight.

 

[Samuari]

I've raised (with a lot of help from thier mother) four girls, the youngest is now 16. The most basic advice that we gave them has been to remind them of who they are, and what they expect form themselves. They have been raised to think criticaly and independently. When they reached that point in thier orbit where they began to think that boys were not "icky", talking to them about it was fairly eaisy, because we had done the hard work for the previous 12 years. In observing other families, it seems to me that if you have not instilled self confidence, respect for diferences, and the habits of thought by the time that boys become "the most wonderful things in the world", you never will.

I don't mean to imply that it smooth sailing on a calm sea. We made mistakes, HUGE ones; but because of the ground work that was in place none of them became diasters (and some of them could have been horriable).

Two other things, and they apply mostly to parrents:

1) They had advance permision to use us as an excuse to not do anything that they were uncomfortable with.

2) At any time they could call us and we would come get them, regradless of where they were or what circumstances they were in. We would wait 12 hours to discus it with them, giving both of us time to reflect and be rational, and if nessisary, sober.

 

[red_rose]

In my family, most of the "Sex and Dating Advice" is going from child (me) to parent (mom). It's kinda crazy.

 

[Cheyenne]

Two other things, and they apply mostly to parrents:

1) They had advance permision to use us as an excuse to not do anything that they were uncomfortable with.

2) At any time they could call us and we would come get them, regradless of where they were or what circumstances they were in. We would wait 12 hours to discus it with them, giving both of us time to reflect and be rational, and if nessisary, sober.

I like your number 1. I don't remember my parents ever telling me to use them as an excuse, but I thought of that one on my own.

Number 2 was the same at my house. My mom always made sure I had "phone" money along (this was before the days of cell phones) so I could call at any time of day or night to have them come get me. I never needed to use it, but it was nice to know that I could if I had to.

 

[sunstruck]

The sex talk I got from my parents had a lot more to do with respecting myself and keeping myself safe than anything else. I think it is a good way to go about things.

Depending on the relationship, actually trying to have an in depth conversation with a teenager about sex is shakey at best. If they don't tune you out completely you're lucky.

I think when kids are taught about self respect and given an understanding that sex is something not to be taken lightly and most importantly given the confidence needed to resist preasure, they are far more likely to make responible decisions than if they are simply told what not to do.

My brothers lessons were focused a lot more on responsibility. I think you have to go about it differently with boys. The most important thing you can teach them is that they will be held responsible for their actions. One of my brothers once told me (as an adult) that the idea of becoming a teenage father stopped him from making a few stupid decisions when he was younger.

 

[Guest]

lavendar how would you explain it

 

[Starblayde]

My 8th grade English teacher did not find it amusing when I turned in a book report on "A Man and His Maid." Hey, it was the original English version.

My Dad owns that book!




Not that I found it hidden away when I was 14 or anything

 

[Silverlily]

My oldest is just now starting puberty and her little sister isn't far behind, so most of our discussions have been centered around bodily changes and emotions. We have, however, been discussing relationships since the were old enough to realise there are two genders.

Some days we talk about love and commitment, other days we analyze what a waste of time boys are and how most of them are jerks and liars (all depends on whether or not hair got pulled or someone got pushed during recess). Recently, we've started talking about same sex relationships and how important it is to find what makes you happy.

 

[Monazwx]

"A Man and His Maid"

Could someone tell me where to find this book?
Who wrote it? There's lots of sex I assume?

 

[sunstruck]

There's lots of sex I assume?

Perve. hehe

 

[Freya]

When I was 13, and had my first "serious" boyfriend, my stepmother asked me, completely out of the blue, whether I needed to go on the pill. Totally floored, I said "Umm no, ick!", and so she told me if I ever needed to just to let her know. That was my complete experience with a parental sex talk.

Wonder why I got pregnanat at 16 cuz I knew nothing about birth control.