Alrighty, here goes nothing. *takes a deep breath*
I've tried to vaguely ask for help on this subject before, but it didn't go so well because- well, I was too vague. As embarrassing as it is, however, this is me, I would like some discussion on the topic, and heck I don't know any of you so why do I care? I was hoping there would be something on this in the BDSM library, but no such thing. Oh well.
First, a little background to set the scene
I'm a young female sub...or at least that's my personality, but I have had little chance to explore this, and I'll tell you why.
I can't have sex. Yep, that's right. It's the most painful thing I have ever experienced, and not in that good way. Now before you post commenting ALL the things I have heard from multiple doctors, such as "do you use enough lube" or "did you try another position" or "are you letting your painful sexual past as a child get in the way, perhaps it's all in your head," DON'T. I will probably cry if anyone says that crap to me again. It's a medical condition, and I have finally been to enough drs and physical therapists to know I am not alone. In fact, there are physical therapy places that specialize in helping with this! Broadly it is called dyspareunia, but this covers a wide arrange of problems...muscle issues, nerve issues, IC causing it...believe me, I've been diagnosed in every way possible, most of them wrong. I still am not positive what is causing this... Drs aren't exactly educated in this, I'm finding.
I am currently taking steps to find a fix, but I'm sure some of you (not all, as I've learned in rl, but perhaps the subs or other women?) will understand the frustration, the emotional hardships this has caused me. Worthlessness, anger, frustration, feeling alone, and the hate of sex in general (because it is the source of my life being ruined, my depressed state tells me) are things I go through every day.
I'm not posting this to find someone to tell me that "it's okay, everything will be fine, life will work out". I know this sucks, and I know the odds of finding a partner that can handle my problem is slim...I've accepted that, you know? I do not plan on putting a guy through that frustration again unless I get better. The guilt that consumes you when you don't know if your partner is truly happy...when you cannot give what every other woman in the world can...sigh.
But what I am posting for is a simple discussion. While mine is a problem that has affected me my whole life, this isn't always the case with dysp. Sometimes women experience it after having children or a surgery. So have you ever experienced this, or known someone who did? Statistics say that everyone knows at least THREE people with this issue....you just dont know it because they aren't open about it. I've met 4 in just a few years, and none of them are seeking treatment because they're married and dont really care, they are fed up after 1 dr told them they couldn't be fixed.
I refuse to accept that as an answer, but until then I would like to hear from others who might have heard of this. Or perhaps have some advice on how to deal with it, or...well, anything. One thing that has helped in the past is that I'm so into BDSM...and having this problem has made me even more into it. That's why I'm posting it here, because I figure this community knows how sex is more than just the intercourse, it's mental and can be a wonderful exchange of command and other activities. It gives me more options, if i were to actually be with a guy again. I guess....I guess I know I'm scarred from this mentally. But I am tired of feeling like a freak hiding from everyone. I'm hoping seeing discussion on this topic will help me hear some ideas, maybe stories of others, and not feel quite so alone. I feel like I'm looking through a window at everyone able to have "real" sex, and so angry... it feels like everyone here has a perfect sex life, but that cannot be the case. And if it is...well heck, then you should be the ones with ideas on what I can physically do to satisfy myself or a partner!
Also if anyone can think of any stories on lit that I would love, instead of leaving it feeling like a totally worthless woman that could never do "that" by the end of the story, I'd appreciate it 
So...discussion...ready, go!
(ps sorry this was so long, I hope I didn't put you to sleep! Surprisingly this is the short version of my story...it has been a long, hard road)
(pss I trust no one will be mean about this. Please think before you speak. I've had even friends say things that were very painful, and they didn't intend to. As casual as my post was up there, this is a difficult topic that has led to dark, difficult nights and more tears than I care to admit. Be polite
I've tried to vaguely ask for help on this subject before, but it didn't go so well because- well, I was too vague. As embarrassing as it is, however, this is me, I would like some discussion on the topic, and heck I don't know any of you so why do I care? I was hoping there would be something on this in the BDSM library, but no such thing. Oh well.
First, a little background to set the scene
I can't have sex. Yep, that's right. It's the most painful thing I have ever experienced, and not in that good way. Now before you post commenting ALL the things I have heard from multiple doctors, such as "do you use enough lube" or "did you try another position" or "are you letting your painful sexual past as a child get in the way, perhaps it's all in your head," DON'T. I will probably cry if anyone says that crap to me again. It's a medical condition, and I have finally been to enough drs and physical therapists to know I am not alone. In fact, there are physical therapy places that specialize in helping with this! Broadly it is called dyspareunia, but this covers a wide arrange of problems...muscle issues, nerve issues, IC causing it...believe me, I've been diagnosed in every way possible, most of them wrong. I still am not positive what is causing this... Drs aren't exactly educated in this, I'm finding.
I am currently taking steps to find a fix, but I'm sure some of you (not all, as I've learned in rl, but perhaps the subs or other women?) will understand the frustration, the emotional hardships this has caused me. Worthlessness, anger, frustration, feeling alone, and the hate of sex in general (because it is the source of my life being ruined, my depressed state tells me) are things I go through every day.
I'm not posting this to find someone to tell me that "it's okay, everything will be fine, life will work out". I know this sucks, and I know the odds of finding a partner that can handle my problem is slim...I've accepted that, you know? I do not plan on putting a guy through that frustration again unless I get better. The guilt that consumes you when you don't know if your partner is truly happy...when you cannot give what every other woman in the world can...sigh.
But what I am posting for is a simple discussion. While mine is a problem that has affected me my whole life, this isn't always the case with dysp. Sometimes women experience it after having children or a surgery. So have you ever experienced this, or known someone who did? Statistics say that everyone knows at least THREE people with this issue....you just dont know it because they aren't open about it. I've met 4 in just a few years, and none of them are seeking treatment because they're married and dont really care, they are fed up after 1 dr told them they couldn't be fixed.
I refuse to accept that as an answer, but until then I would like to hear from others who might have heard of this. Or perhaps have some advice on how to deal with it, or...well, anything. One thing that has helped in the past is that I'm so into BDSM...and having this problem has made me even more into it. That's why I'm posting it here, because I figure this community knows how sex is more than just the intercourse, it's mental and can be a wonderful exchange of command and other activities. It gives me more options, if i were to actually be with a guy again. I guess....I guess I know I'm scarred from this mentally. But I am tired of feeling like a freak hiding from everyone. I'm hoping seeing discussion on this topic will help me hear some ideas, maybe stories of others, and not feel quite so alone. I feel like I'm looking through a window at everyone able to have "real" sex, and so angry... it feels like everyone here has a perfect sex life, but that cannot be the case. And if it is...well heck, then you should be the ones with ideas on what I can physically do to satisfy myself or a partner!
So...discussion...ready, go!
(ps sorry this was so long, I hope I didn't put you to sleep! Surprisingly this is the short version of my story...it has been a long, hard road)
(pss I trust no one will be mean about this. Please think before you speak. I've had even friends say things that were very painful, and they didn't intend to. As casual as my post was up there, this is a difficult topic that has led to dark, difficult nights and more tears than I care to admit. Be polite
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