serving the right Master

[reannerose]

For 3 months i was an online slave and He was a Master that to me was a real Master because our relationship wasnt based on sex. He taught me a lot about what it means to be a slave and at the beginning i was so happy knowing i belonged to Him.

but, he made me feel like crap being his slave, over and over. at first i thought it was my fault, that i wasnt trying hard enough, but after we met for the first time and i tried talking to Him about my feelings and such, He still made me feel like crap. i loved being owned so very much, i dreamed about being someones slave often and all my previous submissive/slave experiences were based on sex so i thought this was the real thing. For the first time i honestly felt like a slave and i worked very hard to please Him.

i walked away 3 days after we met in person, and the day after i felt this huge sense of relief so i knew deep down He wasnt the right Master for me. Although i feel empty inside now because i have no one to serve, i am happy that i chose to walk away from a Master/slave relationship that didnt feel healthy to me.

my question is, am i suppose to feel like crap while serving a Master?

 

[perfect_curls]

I'm really sorry that you had that experience. The answer is: no, absolutely not. A competent Master knows how to be both rough and loving. Think of it this way- as a Master, He is your owner. What person in their right mind would destroy their personal property? A good Master wants his slave to be healthy and happy so that He can continue to use her for His pleasure.

You were right to walk away. I wish you the very best of luck in finding a new Master, He's out there somewhere.

 

[reannerose]

I'm really sorry that you had that experience. The answer is: no, absolutely not. A competent Master knows how to be both rough and loving. Think of it this way- as a Master, He is your owner. What person in their right mind would destroy their personal property? A good Master wants his slave to be healthy and happy so that He can continue to use her for His pleasure.

You were right to walk away. I wish you the very best of luck in finding a new Master, He's out there somewhere.

thank you!

every time i meet a Master, i think "this is the one", but it never is. i've had to be very honest with myself about what it is i really want from a Master/slave relationship. even if i am never a real slave for anyone, i know inside who i am, and thats what matters.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Best advice that I can give is to take time to get to know them a bit before you decide that you want to submit to him, just like like in a 'Nilla relationship..

and the three keys to making a Ds relationship work are: Communication, Communication, and communication.

From communication trust is born, and without trust there cannot be the Ds bond.

 

[Andrianya]

A Pyl/pyl relationship is just like any other relationship. It's hard to find the right one and it should be hard. It's worth the search or at least it should be. The right Master for you will fulfill your needs while you fulfill His. All Masters are different and have different philosophies. Just like in any relationship, you've gotta find baggage that goes with yours (a generous lifting from RENT, but you get the idea). Good luck finding that one and when you do, hold on tight!

 

[intothewoods]

What's wrong with basing a D/s relationship on sex? I mean, any successful long term romantic relationship will need to be based on more than sex, but sex is an integral part of the whole darn thing.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

What's wrong with basing a D/s relationship on sex? I mean, any successful long term romantic relationship will need to be based on more than sex, but sex is an integral part of the whole darn thing.

itw, there's nothing at all wrong with basing a D/s relationship on sex, if that's what you and your partner want. There's nothing wrong with basing it on a romantic, loving relationship, if that's what you and your partner want.

But if you are NOT looking for sex, or for romance, then having a D/s relationship based on sexual activity is probably not going to be meeting your needs or desires.

Example: Say a straight male submissive has a burning desire to be in service to a woman... he's not looking for the white picket fence, 2.5 kids thing: he has a wife and all the rest of that in his nilla life. But he's kinky, wants to be dressed in women's clothes and commanded to do things and his wife is totally squicked at the sight of him dressed. But she's okay with him getting that need met with someone else as long as he's not boinking her.

He meets a lesbian Dominant, who happens to enjoy humiliating males... they click on a lot of levels, and he goes into service with her... Voila! D/s relationship, no sex involved. Trying to introduce sex there would just totally fubar their dynamic.

I happen to LIKE sex in my D/s dynamic but I certainly would not require or expect it from them all. Nothing wrong with having sex in the mix because it suits my needs.

It's all about what works for the people involved.

 

[Netzach]

my question is, am i suppose to feel like crap while serving a Master?

For some people this is actually really fulfilling. If that's not you, then no, you should not feel like crap, at least not intentionally and the majority of the time.

 

[Cattypuss]

You'll know when it's right. It will feel right.

How does this whole thing mesh with your "can't get over ex" thread on the HT board?
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=687501

Do you think one mental state may be bleeding into the other?

 

[Evilzeus]

Every relationship, whether it is vanilla or other should be rewarding on many different levels. If you don't find this one "completing" you in a way that is rewarding to you, then I would suggest looking for one that "fulfills" you.

As they say, there are many fish in the sea...Good luck on your search!

 

[reannerose]

You'll know when it's right. It will feel right.

How does this whole thing mesh with your "can't get over ex" thread on the HT board?
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=687501

Do you think one mental state may be bleeding into the other?

when i told my then Master about seeing my ex and the feelings that surfaced, he got very very mad that i allowed myself to have thoughts about another man.

he said afterwords that he comforted me about that, but he didnt, he pressed it into my head that the emotions i was having about my ex were wrong because i had Master to think about. i dont know why i had those feelings, and i wonder if i couldnt allow myself to dig deeper to be better pleasing for the Master, because of my other thoughts of the exboyfriend. after that initial talk with the Master about my ex, i had to keep telling myself not to think about the ex and after a few days the thoughts went away, but not completely.

i worry that i wont be able to find the right person for me (whether he be a dominant or not) because i cant seem to let go of other emotions. i have realized it gets easier every day and it helps talking with people on Lit.

 

[where]

itw, there's nothing at all wrong with basing a D/s relationship on sex, if that's what you and your partner want. There's nothing wrong with basing it on a romantic, loving relationship, if that's what you and your partner want.

But if you are NOT looking for sex, or for romance, then having a D/s relationship based on sexual activity is probably not going to be meeting your needs or desires.

Example: Say a straight male submissive has a burning desire to be in service to a woman... he's not looking for the white picket fence, 2.5 kids thing: he has a wife and all the rest of that in his nilla life. But he's kinky, wants to be dressed in women's clothes and commanded to do things and his wife is totally squicked at the sight of him dressed. But she's okay with him getting that need met with someone else as long as he's not boinking her.

He meets a lesbian Dominant, who happens to enjoy humiliating males... they click on a lot of levels, and he goes into service with her... Voila! D/s relationship, no sex involved. Trying to introduce sex there would just totally fubar their dynamic.

I happen to LIKE sex in my D/s dynamic but I certainly would not require or expect it from them all. Nothing wrong with having sex in the mix because it suits my needs.

It's all about what works for the people involved.

I could be way off here, but the scenario you gave is, to me, a sexual one in that the Domme and the sub are both getting off on the relationship. Does sex necessarily ~have~ to be about the genitals?

 

[Cattypuss]

when i told my then Master about seeing my ex and the feelings that surfaced, he got very very mad that i allowed myself to have thoughts about another man.

he said afterwords that he comforted me about that, but he didnt, he pressed it into my head that the emotions i was having about my ex were wrong because i had Master to think about. i dont know why i had those feelings, and i wonder if i couldnt allow myself to dig deeper to be better pleasing for the Master, because of my other thoughts of the exboyfriend. after that initial talk with the Master about my ex, i had to keep telling myself not to think about the ex and after a few days the thoughts went away, but not completely.

i worry that i wont be able to find the right person for me (whether he be a dominant or not) because i cant seem to let go of other emotions. i have realized it gets easier every day and it helps talking with people on Lit.

Maybe you need a break from men for a few months while you sort out in your own head what you want and who you are?

 

[intothewoods]

itw, there's nothing at all wrong with basing a D/s relationship on sex, if that's what you and your partner want. There's nothing wrong with basing it on a romantic, loving relationship, if that's what you and your partner want.

But if you are NOT looking for sex, or for romance, then having a D/s relationship based on sexual activity is probably not going to be meeting your needs or desires.

Example: Say a straight male submissive has a burning desire to be in service to a woman... he's not looking for the white picket fence, 2.5 kids thing: he has a wife and all the rest of that in his nilla life. But he's kinky, wants to be dressed in women's clothes and commanded to do things and his wife is totally squicked at the sight of him dressed. But she's okay with him getting that need met with someone else as long as he's not boinking her.

He meets a lesbian Dominant, who happens to enjoy humiliating males... they click on a lot of levels, and he goes into service with her... Voila! D/s relationship, no sex involved. Trying to introduce sex there would just totally fubar their dynamic.

I happen to LIKE sex in my D/s dynamic but I certainly would not require or expect it from them all. Nothing wrong with having sex in the mix because it suits my needs.

It's all about what works for the people involved.

Totally agreed. I just disagree that the absence of sex makes the D/s relationship real.

 

[reannerose]

Maybe you need a break from men for a few months while you sort out in your own head what you want and who you are?

i probably should, and i tell myself just to relax and enjoy what i have in my life right now but then i see happy Master/slave couples and this pit of jealousy forms inside me and i honestly dont know why!!! i want what they have SO SO bad.

maybe i just ought to stay off of Lit! lol but now that ive found it again, i really dont want to leave. my confusing feelings are just something i have to work through.

i do appreciate everyones comments about this. *big hugs for everyone*

 

[Evilzeus]

when i told my then Master about seeing my ex and the feelings that surfaced, he got very very mad that i allowed myself to have thoughts about another man.

he said afterwords that he comforted me about that, but he didnt, he pressed it into my head that the emotions i was having about my ex were wrong because i had Master to think about. i dont know why i had those feelings, and i wonder if i couldnt allow myself to dig deeper to be better pleasing for the Master, because of my other thoughts of the exboyfriend. after that initial talk with the Master about my ex, i had to keep telling myself not to think about the ex and after a few days the thoughts went away, but not completely.

i worry that i wont be able to find the right person for me (whether he be a dominant or not) because i cant seem to let go of other emotions. i have realized it gets easier every day and it helps talking with people on Lit.

From what you've said in this post, I suspect your o/l "master" was a very insecure man. That he was upset that you were 'thinking' about an ex tells me he can't handle a little 'competition'.
Because your ex has moved on there is not a whole lot you can do but to move on, make new friends, don't worry, be happy,
As far as 'masters' insecurity; my personal philosophy is, if you think you can find someone else who fulfill your needs better, go for it. I don't think you will, but sometimes people need to learn for themselves the grass is not always greener on the other side.
As others have suggested, just make friends and have fun!

 

[Adakgirl]

my question is, am i suppose to feel like crap while serving a Master?

For some people this is actually really fulfilling.
If that's not you, then no, you should not feel like crap, at least not intentionally and the majority of the time.

They gain fulfillment out of feeling like crap while serving so doesn't it go to follow that when they are being fulfilled by feeling like crap...they are not actually feeling like crap because they are getting what they need (fulfillment and satisfaction) out of the dynamic? & crap?

 

[satindesire]

NO relationship should make you feel like crap, whether it's Vanilla, Platonic Friendship, BDSM, or etc.

 

[kaycee217]

NO relationship should make you feel like crap, whether it's Vanilla, Platonic Friendship, BDSM, or etc.

What she said.

 

[Adakgirl]

i tell myself just to relax and enjoy what i have in my life right now but then i see happy Master/slave couples and this pit of jealousy forms inside me and i honestly dont know why!!! i want what they have SO SO bad.

I know how you feel about wanting what they have so bad. But I feel no jealousy towards those that have it. I feel happy for them without feeling self-pity for myself.

There is a point where you have to face the realities of this lifestyle choice. And understand that what you are seeking so anxiously and impatiently...is a rare and wondrous thing. Not impossible but..... For one thing, what they have, can never be what you will have. Each relationship is individual and special unto itself.

Building a M/s relationship that fulfills the needs and desires that both you and your PLY and one that finds a common balance, reaches a certain harmony, one that can stand the test of time... is not an easy task at all. It's not something that comes ready made, for you to just find and "have". Like what they have.

Thought it may appear on Lit and other sites that these relationships are fairly common...they are not.

It's like looking for your Knight in Shining Armour to come sweep you off your feet, onto the back of his great white steed...to live happily ever after in service to him.

Though some here have fallen right into a perfect dynamic with the right PLY for them, the reality is, that for many of us, this is hard, very hard, nothing about it is easy. That kind of happiness and fulfillment may never happen in our lifetime. You have to face that possibility.

When you look at it like that..it tends to slow you down. It's when your not looking so diligently, not seeking so hard, not needing it so very bad..that exactly what you want...crosses your path. Sometimes ..maybe and if your damned lucky.

 

[Bustymagoo]

No. I don't claim much experience, but I had to learn this lesson as well. Being someones property does not mean you should feel "pain" or abused in any way. Besides, as it was said before, you're there property/pet/etc... Why would they want to misuse it?

For 3 months i was an online slave and He was a Master that to me was a real Master because our relationship wasnt based on sex. He taught me a lot about what it means to be a slave and at the beginning i was so happy knowing i belonged to Him.

but, he made me feel like crap being his slave, over and over. at first i thought it was my fault, that i wasnt trying hard enough, but after we met for the first time and i tried talking to Him about my feelings and such, He still made me feel like crap. i loved being owned so very much, i dreamed about being someones slave often and all my previous submissive/slave experiences were based on sex so i thought this was the real thing. For the first time i honestly felt like a slave and i worked very hard to please Him.

i walked away 3 days after we met in person, and the day after i felt this huge sense of relief so i knew deep down He wasnt the right Master for me. Although i feel empty inside now because i have no one to serve, i am happy that i chose to walk away from a Master/slave relationship that didnt feel healthy to me.

my question is, am i suppose to feel like crap while serving a Master?

 

[Tyr51]

I'll add my penny to the pound.
No relationship should make you feel like crap.


Relationships are hard and will not always be sunshine and roses. But if you have to ask "should I feel like crap?" than it might be time to re-examine things, don't you think?

There is a difference between dealing with a difficult time with a partner and thinking that you deserve emotional abuse, and feeling guilty because you don't like it. If it's play, and it gives you something? Ok. If you feel abused, that isn't play.