Seriously

[Keroin]

Here's something that interests me. Some folks seem to take their BDSM/kink/lifestyle/_______ (insert most apt descriptor of choice) very seriously and I get the impression that they look down on anything they see as "play".

Or, it's a "that's OK for others but I live this I don't play at this" attitude.

Sometimes it strikes me that there is out and out derision expressed for anything that is less than 100% intense and real, where BDSM is concerned.

This makes me curious.

What is wrong with play? Why does something have to be 'serious' to be worthwhile and/or enjoyable?

 

[Bandit58]

If Sir and I couldn't have fun with each other, this relationship would be a sad and boring thing.

We joke that we'd be kicked out of the "Real & Twue Doms and Subs Club" if the word got out

We have enough serious stuff going on with Sir's health. We've found that there needs to be love and laughter going on much more than whether we're following the correct protocol for a D/s relationship

 

[Keroin]

If Sir and I couldn't have fun with each other, this relationship would be a sad and boring thing.

We joke that we'd be kicked out of the "Real & Twue Doms and Subs Club" if the word got out

We have enough serious stuff going on with Sir's health. We've found that there needs to be love and laughter going on much more than whether we're following the correct protocol for a D/s relationship

I've always gotten a very "playful" vibe from you, Bandit, which I find incredibly endearing, especially considering what you and Gil deal with on a daily basis.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I guess sometimes people try to make themselves feel more important by looking down on others. That may not be the case in every situation but it often is.

 

[lovebound]

I would hate to see a relationship of any sort lack laughter and silliness.

 

[WriterDom]

The only thing I find slightly annoying is play that spills onto the forum as in "Mistress told me to come here" kind of threads. I don't really give a fuck about being judgmental about what anyone else does around here. I have opinions that aren't always popular. Like it's really not a good idea for humans to eat human shit. And no one is truly a slave unless they have market value as a commodity. And if your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't interested in kink well too fucking bad. They probably aren't going to change.

Time for my walk. Got a friend request from satindesire at fetlife so I guess she is doing well just not hanging out here any more. People come and people go. DR is almost a grandmother. Like a week or two away.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I have definitely noticed this as well and it irritates me. Particularly since with one breath they'll say things like the examples you gave, but then with the next talk about acceptance and blahblahblah.

And did you expect anything but "playful" out of a person who has a baby chicken wrapped in bondagey-string as their avatar?

 

[Keroin]

The only thing I find slightly annoying is play that spills onto the forum as in "Mistress told me to come here" kind of threads. I don't really give a fuck about being judgmental about what anyone else does around here. I have opinions that aren't always popular. Like it's really not a good idea for humans to eat human shit. And no one is truly a slave unless they have market value as a commodity. And if your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't interested in kink well too fucking bad. They probably aren't going to change.

Time for my walk. Got a friend request from satindesire at fetlife so I guess she is doing well just not hanging out here any more. People come and people go. DR is almost a grandmother. Like a week or two away.

Congrats to DR!

Well, I'm with you on the "not eating shit" part, by the way. LOL. If that's an unpopular opinion, so be it.

The "mistress told me to come here" stuff, I mostly just ignore unless there's something really compelling in the content of the thread. I don't know, it's hard to be annoyed by stuff you don't read, I guess.

 

[Keroin]

And did you expect anything but "playful" out of a person who has a baby chicken wrapped in bondagey-string as their avatar?

LOL, no I guess I didn't!

To me, laughter and silliness, and most of all, the ability to not take one's self too, too seriously are good qualities. Not something worthy of scorn.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think you'll find it goes both ways. I have been here for many years now, and have often been looked down on, ridiculed, or more often questioned suspiciously about why we choose to live this instead of do it on the weekends or when bored...to the point of being told it isn't possible to live it as we chose to do. I am all for people doing what feels right for them, but I am not for believing the more seriously minded and living it on a daily basis have an attitude problem the sometime or less than serious players don't. Just not what happens IME. As for living it not including fun and less than serious moments, that is just a misconception some of those who don't and don't understand it, have.

Catalina

 

[lovebound]

And did you expect anything but "playful" out of a person who has a baby chicken wrapped in bondagey-string as their avatar?

Don't make fun. Chickadee play is a really serious art form.

 

[Keroin]

I guess sometimes people try to make themselves feel more important by looking down on others. That may not be the case in every situation but it often is.

Well, I also get the sense that there's a certain degree of fear behind it. As if, by not treating it as something dead serious, you'll lessen the validity or take away from the experience somehow.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I also think that some people think they will be looked down upon so they may as well be the first one to look down on someone.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

if you cannot laugh and you cannot play, your soul will weigh upon you like a thousand stones, slowly grinding you to dust.



Man that almost sounded like some crazy proverb biznatch. I should go into the one-liner meditation business

 

[00Syd]

Here's something that interests me. Some folks seem to take their BDSM/kink/lifestyle/_______ (insert most apt descriptor of choice) very seriously and I get the impression that they look down on anything they see as "play".

Or, it's a "that's OK for others but I live this I don't play at this" attitude.

Sometimes it strikes me that there is out and out derision expressed for anything that is less than 100% intense and real, where BDSM is concerned.

This makes me curious.

What is wrong with play? Why does something have to be 'serious' to be worthwhile and/or enjoyable?

You'll get no arguments from me (of course ). Whenever anyone starts saying anything derisive about play, or scenes or relationships that they see as less than serious, I just think (and sometimes say, depending on how annoyed I am) a big fuck you and leave it at that.

Play rocks. Having fun rocks. Not taking yourself too seriously is great! Embrace that, and let other folks embrace whatever super srs stuff that they want.

This only becomes an issue when the super srs people see other people as "lesser than." And then it's a problem with them and their attitude towards other people.

 

[00Syd]

As my friends and I jokingly say (very loudly) at pretty much every BDSM party, "NO LAUGHING IN THE DUNGEON!"

And then we all laugh very loudly.

 

[Keroin]

I think you'll find it goes both ways. I have been here for many years now, and have often been looked down on, ridiculed, or more often questioned suspiciously about why we choose to live this instead of do it on the weekends or when bored...to the point of being told it isn't possible to live it as we chose to do. I am all for people doing what feels right for them, but I am not for believing the more seriously minded and living it on a daily basis have an attitude problem the sometime or less than serious players don't. Just not what happens IME. As for living it not including fun and less than serious moments, that is just a misconception some of those who don't and don't understand it, have.

Catalina

I'm curious Cat, would you describe yourself as a playful person? And what's your general attitude toward "play", in an adult capacity.

 

[eastern sun]

Well, I also get the sense that there's a certain degree of fear behind it. As if, by not treating it as something dead serious, you'll lessen the validity or take away from the experience somehow.

As someone who could be accused of taking herself way too seriously, I have to comment on this analysis.

I am sure there are things you have done in your work as a stunt performer that you have taken very, very seriously because of the element of danger involved. And you're right, it is because there is some fear involved. But not fear of losing validity, fear of something going wrong.

If your BDSM doesn't include danger, it may seem strange to take it so seriously. But if you can accept that for some it does feel dangerous, both physically and emotionally, you might understand where this attitude is coming from.

And I hope you understand that even the serious ones laugh and play.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm curious Cat, would you describe yourself as a playful person? And what's your general attitude toward "play", in an adult capacity.

LOL, I am a very playful person, though not as much as I used to be pre-F, but we still manage to include fun in our lives and many laughs along the way...that doesn't mean you can't be serious about the bigger picture. As for play in an adult relationship, it differs from person to person as we are after all individuals.

Catalina

 

[Keroin]

As someone who could be accused of taking herself way too seriously, I have to comment on this analysis.

I am sure there are things you have done in your work as a stunt performer that you have taken very, very seriously because of the element of danger involved. And you're right, it is because there is some fear involved. But not fear of losing validity, fear of something going wrong.

If your BDSM doesn't include danger, it may seem strange to take it so seriously. But if you can accept that for some it does feel dangerous, both physically and emotionally, you might understand where this attitude is coming from.

Well, here's an analogy, related to the stunt world.

There were a small group of A-list performers who liked to refer to themselves as "truebloods" (long before the TV show). They were consummate professionals who also had fun but where to most the job was the job was the job...they LIVED it. No problem with that, at all. It helped make them who they were. The problem was that they often made it clear that anyone who didn't share their attitude and belief were somehow "less".

I worked and trained my ass off and took my job very seriously while I was doing it. But I never kidded myself that it was anything more than a job.

And I hope you understand that even the serious ones laugh and play.

Oh of course, I would never suggest otherwise.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Well, I also get the sense that there's a certain degree of fear behind it. As if, by not treating it as something dead serious, you'll lessen the validity or take away from the experience somehow.

Fear is certainly a huge motivator for people. I can definitely see people getting upset over the second scenario as well. Thoughts following the line of, "My experience is not being viewed as important so I must not be viewed as important." It is most certainly irrational but being the emotionally and hormonally motivated creatures we are, people's actions and thoughts don't follow logic. I wonder how many of any given group of people's actions in a period of month are logically driven versus emotional.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Am I the only person here that translates "Play" as "engaging in BDSM-related activities?"

I ONLY play. I do not lifestyle. I am quite intent on my play, and it's extremely important to me-- keeps me sane and engaged. It's a requirement.

Sometimes play is frightening. Often it is dead serious. What it isn't, in my world at least, is permanent. And although I sometimes crush heavy on a play partner, I'm wierdly okay with that impermanence.

And that's what I have to say about that.

 

[Keroin]

LOL, I am a very playful person, though not as much as I used to be pre-F, but we still manage to include fun in our lives and many laughs along the way...that doesn't mean you can't be serious about the bigger picture. As for play in an adult relationship, it differs from person to person as we are after all individuals.

Catalina

Cool, cool.

So, when you think of people who are bedroom-only BDSM of the like, do you tend to see them as not as "real" or "serious" (for lack of better words) as you and yours? In other words, is there, to you, any negative value judgment connected to those who "play" at BDSM?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cool, cool.

So, when you think of people who are bedroom-only BDSM of the like, do you tend to see them as not as "real" or "serious" (for lack of better words) as you and yours? In other words, is there, to you, any negative value judgment connected to those who "play" at BDSM?

Nope, just not for us...similar to those who say 24/7 is not for them...different strokes for different folks. If we were all the same, life would be boring.

 

[ultramarineblue]

As someone who could be accused of taking herself way too seriously, I have to comment on this analysis.

I am sure there are things you have done in your work as a stunt performer that you have taken very, very seriously because of the element of danger involved. And you're right, it is because there is some fear involved. But not fear of losing validity, fear of something going wrong.

If your BDSM doesn't include danger, it may seem strange to take it so seriously. But if you can accept that for some it does feel dangerous, both physically and emotionally, you might understand where this attitude is coming from.

And I hope you understand that even the serious ones laugh and play.

I suppose the main thing one would have to determine is what causes the fear. Real or perceived danger would have cause for seriousness in the play or relationship.

I think the vast majority of people have less serious or goof off play time. What some may view as goofing off others may not. I suppose again here it comes down to how one defines terms.

Well, here's an analogy, related to the stunt world.

There were a small group of A-list performers who liked to refer to themselves as "truebloods" (long before the TV show). They were consummate professionals who also had fun but where to most the job was the job was the job...they LIVED it. No problem with that, at all. It helped make them who they were. The problem was that they often made it clear that anyone who didn't share their attitude and belief were somehow "less".

I worked and trained my ass off and took my job very seriously while I was doing it. But I never kidded myself that it was anything more than a job.

I completely assumed that you were thinking along these lines. In this case I was correct, but es helped me remember that how I define something certainly isn't how everyone defines it.

Side note - I always feel like a kid trying to participate in the grownups conversations when I participate in threads like these. I've always loved reading them because they get me to consider so many other ideas I may not have otherwise been exposed to.