Sensualist or Sexualist?

[on_the_verge]

What kind of person are you in regards to what you feel you are like or a combination of both?

As I get older I am finding myself more of a sexualist than a sensualist, but they do bed together at times. Somehow grabbing a lover and pushing her against the wall, hiking up her skirt , ripping her thongs off and grinding each other sex into each other is very appealing to me. I would like it in an alley, where people might pass by and catch us…which reminds me:

When I was out West, there was this night a lover and I went out on the town. After a nice dinner we took a walk under the twilight along the store lined streets. We would pass by a an entrance way of a closed store and we would hungrily kiss and grope each other. We did this winding down a path of desire and the need to be fed. Along the way to the car, we would stop by a store that was closed, save for the employees closing shop, as we face the store I would finger her in earnest and point to the window as if we were window shopping. People would pass behind us and I caught a few glimpses through the reflection of the window.

We then escaped in an alley and I sat on the steps while she straddled me, barely visible in the shadows. The feeling we were screwing in the middle of the city in a dark alley and it was exhilarating and a pleasure for the both of to be naughty in public. Then a truck pulls up, my lover tried to get up, but I held her hips and I did not release her until the driver stepped out 10' away from us.

Anyhoo, let's see:

PLACES

Sensualist
Outdoors, when it is warm & remote and mossy

Sexualist
Outdoor, at night when it is cold

Sensualist
In the hot tub

Sexualist
In the bathroom against the wall

Sensualist
France

Sexualist
In public


POSITIONS

Sensualist
Sitting up in bed (I think they call this the "Lotus position")

Sexualist
Woman in chair or on table, man standing

Sensualist
Blowjob in meadow, man lying down

Sexualist
Blowjob in car, man driving

Sensualist
Missionary with mutual gazing

Sexualist
Doggy-style

 

[TigerClaw]

I understand what you are asking but...

I do not differentiate between the two. I enjoy my partner at all times and every location.


Tantra: The extremists do not consider my technique tantric. But I do use those skills to build excitement to a much higher climax.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hi Verge

I definitely am a Sensualist. I enjoy experiencing all senses in a relationship, and while the thoughts of public lovemaking are exciting, I'd much prefer the intimacy of one-on-oneness. (I guess by calling having sex "lovemaking" gives me away too!)

From your comparisons of the two, I would like to note that I would make love outdoors in a COLD and remote place!

 

[morninggirl5]

Interesting question on_the_verge.

Putting oneself in a either/or catergory doesn't really work well with most of us, though. We all tend to move back and forth along a spectrum between the two extremes, toward one end on one day or week and toward the other later.

 

[lovetoread]

I believe I am more sexualist than sensualist, but I am a mixture of both most of the time.

 

[lavender]

 

[on_the_verge]

I think the way you categorize sensualist vs. sexualist is shallow and lacks a great deal of understanding about base human desires and needs. It also fails to consider those people who are very sexually well rounded.

Neither of these traits are mutuall exclusive. In many people one does not exist without the other. To say that a sexualist wants it outdoors when it's cold vs. a sensualist, well that's just pigeonholing sex in such a stifling way.

I'm surprised with you, especially as sexually free as you try to paint yourself.

You know lavy, sometimes you can't take things with a grain of salt and it's for informational and entertaining purposes—not a defacto or a reasoning behind it solely. Do you believe in this medium we can truly place every context and meaning into a perspective and have the tonality to match it to it's fullest?

Lavy, how do I paint myself IYO? See, it's probable that you see me one way from my posts, but the tip of the iceberg is afar. Pssst, paddle harder, lol!

Stemming from that, perhaps we should address personal issues or opinions more indepth, no?

<<unknown source>>

There are two main ways of doing it: sexually or sensually. Sexualists are into sex. Sensualists are into eroticism: stuff that isn't sex but involves the suggestion of sex. Sensualists advertisement are romantic — they set the mood. They notice details like texture and scent. They light candles. They have plenty of time and they are ready to explore the options. Baths have a purpose beyond getting clean if you are a sensualist. You take retreats and sabbaticals. You lie in mud. You kiss for a wicked long time. And I suspect you of liking jazz.

Sexualists, on the other hand, are more enthusiastic, garish, brutal. We're on a mission. Food is something we eat when we are hungry. We don't see the whole picture. While the sensualists toil over preparations for the perfect evening, sexualists make do. We screw in our work clothes at a truck stop in five minutes flat. We're just that way. I'm not waiting around while someone lights some damned candles. If you know what you want, why do other stuff first? We sexualists are propelled forward in life, not sideways. While sensualists luxuriate among the world's endless possibilities, sexualists live with definite goals, which we pounce on and pummel into submission.

 

[lavender]

 

[on_the_verge]

Re: Hi Verge

I definitely am a Sensualist. I enjoy experiencing all senses in a relationship, and while the thoughts of public lovemaking are exciting, I'd much prefer the intimacy of one-on-oneness. (I guess by calling having sex "lovemaking" gives me away too!)

From your comparisons of the two, I would like to note that I would make love outdoors in a COLD and remote place!

I agree that being a sensualist or a sexualist can be intermingled as well as in their own respects have a sense of a juxtaposition. I imagine the Myers Briggs (sp) tests don't account for studies as well, since we are all individuals with different traits and thought patterns.

Love making looks very appealing Jenny and I know you have your beau coming to NYC soon. It's a nice way to be in the physical and not solely in the mental i.e. just online (please, no flames). You two will discover each other in depth much more comprehensible and much more emotional intertwined. I wish the best and that the visit will lead to much more, but I have had my experiences, no more needs to mentioned of me, urgh!

 

[lavender]

 

[Weevil]

Besides, have you ever actually been to France? Dirty, overpriced and everyone speaks better french then I do. Not exactly the most sensual.

 

[on_the_verge]

Ouch, it's hot here!

No, for all of your flowery language *you* don't get it.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't get it on "your" perspective. It's okay Lavy, that's what makes us unique and you can never please them all. There is always a duality and then a hidden planes or universes…

 

[Jacqline]

Right on Lavender............I couldn't have said it better myself......Thank you

 

[TigerClaw]

What???

Why all the arguements. So both go hand in hand for most of us. It does not require a flame. I have seen plenty of literature that seperates the two. Who cares if it over laps. People can lean towards one or the other even though they do a little of both. I dont understand the arguement here.

 

[Weevil]

Re: What???

Why all the arguements. So both go hand in hand for most of us. It does not require a flame. I have seen plenty of literature that seperates the two. Who cares if it over laps. People can lean towards one or the other even though they do a little of both. I dont understand the arguement here.

Why is everyone so sensitive? Lavy was disagreeing with the concept of the thread. She did it a little harsh but that's just Lavs.

Do you really want a board where there isn't someone saying "Hmm, gosh I don't know about that."

I can picture it now, the best board ever

"I like Ice Cream"

Token Moron replies

"Hey, I like Ice Cream too".

 

[TigerClaw]

there are ways of disagreeing without

flaming. But some of us just dont know that technique.

 

[lavender]

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Re: What???

Why is everyone so sensitive? Lavy was disagreeing with the concept of the thread. She did it a little harsh but that's just Lavs.

Yes and he was disagreeing with her.

And your point would be? What that only those who are not "Token Morons" are allowed to disagree?

 

[Weevil]

Re: there are ways of disagreeing without

flaming. But some of us just dont know that technique.

And I feel sorry for you that you don't.

All the same, Lav is being bitchy and I'd like to know what you consider flaming. Using words like shallow?

 

[Weevil]

Re: Re: Re: What???

Yes and he was disagreeing with her.

And your point would be? What that only those who are not "Token Morons" are allowed to disagree?

Oh, sweet Jeebus. No, he wasn't disagreeing with a point lav was making he was calling into question the concept of harshly replying to posts. SOmething he does a lot.

 

[on_the_verge]

Let me explain myself better.

Sex and human sexuality are fluid concepts to me. It has great deal to do with my personal beliefs and attitudes sexually, but it's also what I see in healthy human sexuality as a general rule. We can't have our desires, our needs, our wants and our actions pigeonholed into 2 nice little things.

Things are not definitive after all, are they? I am aware some have their personal beliefs, ideals, convictions, etc. in life and I hold no stake or judgment of their will and choosing. Perhaps I should have not added the poll, but I did and this thread is no concrete indicator of myself or how I handle my sensuality and sexuality. Lavy, you speak of we, but I am trying to locate the "we" and "our" aspects. I never speak for anyone else, unless the conditions require so, but I am not tunneling the relationships and meaning of a sensualist and sexualist.

Your question: are you a sensualist or sexualist? My answer, there is no way in hell someone with a strong sexuality can easily fit into either category, in my opinion.

You would be surprised of what the human mind can process and do. What makes "people" is nothing to be categorized, but "we" must find some lineage and meaning to define. Otherwise we would not know where to start and begin or what may be in between. Everything is different from one culture, person, experience, etc. to another and each other.

Why can't you want to be bent over a fucking couch and fucked without any foreplay or buildup to the point that it hurt and then in the next moment want the most sensual experience you have ever had? Is there something that precludes this?

Yes, it's the ability to be in tuned with both and be able to execute each one as the situation calls for. As for foreplay, I would rather give oral to a woman then receive. I want to be in touch with my body as hers, but I also have a mind that is a bit jaded and then again, warm and affectionate. It's like playing a role or the "puppy dog." I can assimilate and adjust to each partner and be able to sensitive to both sides of the pendulum.

Human emotions are fluid especially with a good and compatible sexual partner. There are people you just fuck. There are people that you just have casual sex with. But, there are NOT people you just make love to (well there are but those are in really bad relationships or marriages).

I agree, but we also cannot lump the bad marriages and tie them with the sex or what not. There are so many factors and tangibility's we will never find answers or analogies for. We just have to take what we have experienced and believe in and embrace that, share it or keep it within. If needed toss it!

I need, crave, desire the whole package. I don't want to be treated only sensually. In my opinion that delegitimizes my sexuality and only looks toward my femininity and fragility. I can handle only being treated in an overtly sexual manner, from time to time. But, I desire more.

You don't think I recognize that it is what some people desire and hope for? Lavy, I know you are expressing what you want and I respect that. Yet, who is to say another can part with that for their own reasons and devices?

What about this is taking you too seriously?

You ask a question about human sexuality on an erotic site. I could be like half of the posters and make some lame or shallow sexual comment that is nothing more than conjecture, or I could be a real person and tell you what I truly think.

You know, there is nothing wrong with learning and I never read the bible (singe) on how to have a certain etiquette about erotica and what can or cannot be mentioned about it. It' sall exploration and experiences that fit into our individual matrix. There is always more and less and the unknowns, but I am not one to state or claim anything onto another and how they feel. I respect people to do as they wish, which is relative, and respects as well as follow what is strong within and what moves them.

I'm real. Sorry if that isn't fun enough for ya.

Err, how do ya know if this was intended to be fun or a mockery?

*nice shoes wanna fuck?*

Does that make it all better?

No it doesn't because I tried to reach out, but my face smacked against the glass Lavy,

I don't have answers or do I advocate my feelings and beliefs as some sacrilege. I just take what it is an asses and develop it with each situation that unfolds…

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I am mostly a Sensualist, but I like the Sexualist side too, so I voted for both.

 

[MissTaken]

Both, definitely both.

However, the means by which these two facets of my sexual persona are integrated varies in degree from one experience to the next.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[lavender]