sensitized??

[skitch]

I was reading this essay about the way men and women communicate with each other, and the subject of metamessages came up. For those who don't know, metamessages are simply underlying messages in simple phrases...such as:

Her: What do you want to do?
Him: I was thinking we could hang out with my friends/
Her interpreted metamessage: He might be getting tired of me because he doesn't want to spend time alone with me.

While it's a stupid example, that's what it is...ANYWAY..

In the essay, there was a section that said, "Everyone can see these signals, but whether or not we pay attention to them is another matter---a matter of being sensitized. Once you are sensitized, you can't roll your antennae back in; they're stuck in the extended position."

My last relationship had this effect on me i think. It made me wonder more about what my now girlfriend thinks when she tells me things. I don't think i like it. I don't want to think she doesn't want to be alone with me when all she wants is for me and her friends to get along(to go along with the example) I don't want to think something is wrong if she doesn't say 'I love you' alot. <- which is how my last relationship was. so i've begun to change.

So i was just wondering if anyone else experienced this or not...

 

[Ezzy]

Metamessages I have missed and learned from...

Travelling long distances on the motorways (interstates), in a car with my girlfriend of the time. As we pass the sign for a truck stop that has food and fuel, the sign says 5 miles to the rest area etc. I glance down at the fuel gauge; nope still have plenty of fuel.

As we pass the next sign that says Truck stop in one mile, she looks over at me but says nothing. At the truck stop in a quarter mile sign, she asks the following question,
“ Would you like to stop here and get something to eat?”

I am doing around 70 mph in the middle of three lanes, solid traffic in the inside lane.
I think about it and knowing the next stop is 30 miles further on, and that we have a long way to go before we are going to arrive at our destination, I say “No.” passing the entrance to the stop as I say it.

Wrong answer guys, all I get for the next 10 miles is a cold shoulder, then I get the, "I need to stop and go to the rest room!" from her. Great the middle of nowhere lots and lots of traffic and not a chance of a turn off or rest area for the next 20 miles.

The metamessage that I missed would not have been there if I had been travelling with a guy in the car, when two guys are travelling together, the one who wanted to to go to the rest room would not say, “Would you like to stop here?” he would say, “Pull into this stop I want to use the rest room and we can get a meal while we are here.”

The difference in the question or the statement is the difference between having to find somewhere “private” to stop for that call of nature, or a nice comfortable stop and a meal to go with it.



EZ http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[CreamyLady]

Ezzy, you are not the only guy who has missed the clues. Actually, I've been on trips with many men who, for some reason, feel insulted if they have to stop the car.

It's also an intimacy thing. We are taught from the time we are kids that bathroom matters are private, and not talked about. It takes a high comfort level for a woman to turn to a man and say, "Stop this car ASAP. I really have to pee."

Not that it works all the time, being blunt. My father wouldn't stop for anything, and we all of us -- including my mother -- had the damp clothes to prove it.

 

[Ezzy]

It's also an intimacy thing. We are taught from the time we are kids that bathroom matters are private, and not talked about. It takes a high comfort level for a woman to turn to a man and say, "Stop this car ASAP. I really have to pee."

Yup I do understand where it comes from, but it is so much ezzyer if they could just admit to wanting to stop rather than asking if the guy wants to.


Most guys would drive till they can't drive any further before being willing to stop.


There is also the "conciderate nature" of women, showing their concern for their partner. But if you want to stop, please please say so. I was so bad as a mind reader I gave it up as a bad job.



EZ http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Ambrosious]

Held her hand during the previews at the movies. Movie came on and I dropped her hand. We watched the whole movie while she steamed. After the movie she asked if I was EMBARASSED to be seen holding her hand. I was dumbstruck. I just wanted to hold her hand right then. That's it. No more. No hidden motive. Hell I'm a guy, I'm to simple for hidden motives.