Self-pride

[WillowPuss]

A good thing to have or a bad thing for a submissive to have - or a Dom/me come to that.


Surely, it must be a food thing.
Without pride in oneself, what has a submissive to offer a Dom/me - other than their body, of course.
A submissive who is able to hold their back straight and their head up and look the world in the eye must surely be worth more to a Dom/me than one who is constantly putting themselves down?

That is not to say that a submissive should be so full of themselves that all they think about is their ego ... but some pride is needed.


Comments anyone?


(I seem to have let my self pride and self belief slip a little lately ... and will have to smarten my ideas up a bit. )

 

[Andreina]

IMHO it also depends if the dom/me is respecting the sub for all s/he is worth. Self-pride, i think, is directly linked to achievement. From my experience a sub, who is rewarded in one way or another, will gain more self confidence, self pride and also respect for his/her dom/me.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Bring Me your pride
for without it you have no gift of value to present.
If your eyes are dull and lifeless
I will soon bore of your negativity
and move on to the toy who holds some self esteem
for Me to mold to My liking.
If you come to Me like a whipped dog
with it's tail between it's legs
how can I teach you to be the puppy of My dreams?
If you whimper and whine just to please your fantasy
I will turn from you to find My own reality.
.....
I could just as easily rewrite this text as seen through the eyes of a submissive looking for the strength in the Dominant. Pride is strength.

 

[Justina123]

I have found bdsm to increase my self-confidence and self-pride greatly. Many things about me- my love of the wild, kinky stuff, my tendencies towards exhibitionism, and even my desire to serve and be subservient, to name a few- are all traits that in my conservative/feminist background and upbringing were considered bad and to be ashamed of. Now they are good things, things my Dominant encourages and rewards and cherishes...talk about a relief, a confidence and pride builder!

-justina

 

[Ebonyfire]

A good topic

Since we have people in this forum who mistakingly believe that a Dom/me would want a "wounded" individual for a submissive.


What good is the submission of a person who is not whole? Since submission is consentual, it should always be given from a position of strength not weakness. Domination should not be given from a position of desperation or deceit.

There are those who capiltalize on the weakness of others, but they occur in vanilla lifestyles just as often as they do in non-conventional lifestyles.

If a person is an abuser or a victimizer, you will find them in all walks of life, and in all lifestyles. We all know this to be true.

I for one want a strong submissive. It is not a matter of force but a matter of obedience. If the clueless do not "get it" so be it.

 

[Richard49]

I agree with all that has been said with the exception of the word pride....

I would substitue two other words depending on the context
confidence
honor

Pride IMHO is the result of false reality

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

A submissive shouldn't be a victim, and their Dom shouldn't be a victimizer. The point of power exchange is that the sub has power he or she willingly gives to the Dom, and the Dom is worthy of it. Like of self-pride doesn't allow you to assume either role.

 

[psiberzerker]

That was beautifull, Shadowsdream

I couldn't have said it better my self. I have no use for a self depreciating little victim, that's what god invented rapists for. For me, pride is at the heart of submission. A self respecting bottom doesn't need punishment, they are free to enjoy it. The "abuse" rolls off their back (Arse, thighs, chin, et cetera) like water off a gooses.
I see a lot more confidence in submission than domination. A lot of the toppers out there use their victims for validation. They can't controll themselves, or their self doubt, so they find someone else to torment. Rule yourself, then you should look for someone to master.
The most confident thing I ever saw was a friend of mine getting collared. She raised her chin proudly, and sighed as it snapped tight. I know, the collar can represent everything from absolute slavery to membership in the trenchcoat mafia, but I assure you, this was a marraige. For them, the collaring represented the transition from part to full time. It was clasped with a Maglock, and to my knowledge, it's still there.
That, to me, is pride.

 

[cellis]

By the same token, I have no use for a Dominate who would break me... who would tear me down and destroy self worth and self confidence.

There is no place the BSDM that I practice with Himself for any of that.

I do have room for Someone in my life who honors and respects who I am.

 

[bunny bondage]

the first thing, i mean the very first thing that attracted me to Him two and a half years ago was His confidence. i was so overcome with His air of casual security in Himself that i was instnatly smitten. (well, that coupled with the fact that He's DAMN sexy!)

He has often praised my self-assurance with which i seem to fit in anywhere, ignoring the ambiant mood and creating my own. confidence is attractive - there's nothing pretty about being self-depreciating.

 

[MissTaken]

Self Confidence and Pride

I believe that we, as human beings, naturally want to surround ourselves with people who are good for our self esteem.

Whether these people are friends, co workers, lovers or simply our choice in which convenience store to go to.

We want to feel good!

So, why get involved with a Dominant or submissive who treats you badly and makes you feel lesser rather than better?

And further, before you can offer yourself to someone, Dom or sub, you must be on solid ground in terms of who you are, what you want and your self worth.

Anything less is cheating yourself as well as your potential partner.

 

[psiberzerker]

Anyone with the dignity, and self assurance to willingly accept someone else's desires over their own shouldn't be so fragile as to be broken by them. If you have that intestinal fortitude, he'll break himself trying.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: That was beautifull, Shadowsdream

The most confident thing I ever saw was a friend of mine getting collared. She raised her chin proudly, and sighed as it snapped tight. I know, the collar can represent everything from absolute slavery to membership in the trenchcoat mafia, but I assure you, this was a marraige. For them, the collaring represented the transition from part to full time. It was clasped with a Maglock, and to my knowledge, it's still there.
That, to me, is pride.

That is why it collaring is not to be taken lightly.

 

[Goddess Helena]

By the same token, I have no use for a Dominate who would break me... who would tear me down and destroy self worth and self confidence.

There is no place the BSDM that I practice with Himself for any of that.

I do have room for Someone in my life who honors and respects who I am.

I would never want a submissive that I would break in such a way. Nor would I want a submissive that did not have a good sense of self worth. I value My pets as equals. I expect a boy of Mine to see worth in himself before I arrive. I doubt I would notice a submissive who was not self-confident.

I think a D/s relationship is based on mutual respect, trust and affection. Or at least that is how it is in My world.


Helena