Self-Love

[cymbline]

Do you love yourself? What is self-love? I read that if you do not love yourself how can you let anyone love you- do you believe this to be true or false and Why? What about self-respect...do you respect yourself? Can you have self-love without the self-respect or do they go hand in hand?

 

[JustSkye]

Do you love yourself? What is self-love? I read that if you do not love yourself how can you let anyone love you- do you believe this to be true or false and Why? What about self-respect...do you respect yourself? Can you have self-love without the self-respect or do they go hand in hand?

What a great post Cym.

I'm still trying to figure this one out myself. Not quite sure if I'll ever quite come to love myself. So many seeds of selfdoubt have been planted. It makes it so hard. But I know it can be done.

I'm gaining ground in the self respect department. That too has taken a very long time.
I've seen you grow here and you should be very proud.

 

[Ezzy]

I believe self-love and self-respect are mutually interchangeable, and one or the other is needed to love another person or to allow another person to truly love you.

If you have no self-love/respect you are never sure that another’s love for you is real or true, and if you can’t judge that, how can you trust your love for them.

It is my belief that you must have some self-love/respect before you can truly let go of your fears enough to love another.

People with no self-love/respect are the kinds of people you will have difficulties with when trying to have a relationship with them, they will be flaky and always looking for relationship reinforcement (reassurance) to a level that will be hard to provide. As soon as you think you have reassured them enough, they will need reassuring again. It will wear down the most loving partner.

So yes, I think self-love/respect is a necessary requirement to a successful relationship, on both sides of the fence.

 

[EJFan]

i've lost my self-respect so many times i can't even give a number. usually (and this is my problem) i don't realize i'm losing it until after its gone.

i think there's a sort of CORE of self respect that's a bit of a foundation for the superficial aspects of self respect, self love and all the other positive, internal qualities. that "core" of self respect is different from the superficial self respect in that the core is there for you to lean on in stressful times... the superficial aspect of it is, obviously, the self respect that everyone sees you having.

as far as self love is concerned, i think i may have it to a fault. i can be very intense in some regards and self love is one of them. there are instances where my self love is so inflated that it comes off as conceit. all things considered, this inflated degree of self love is probably a true absence of it... so go figure.

great thread cymbline... i'm gonna have to think on this some more. when the sun's up i may be able to think more clearly.

 

[Ezzy]

as far as self love is concerned, i think i may have it to a fault. i can be very intense in some regards and self love is one of them. there are instances where my self love is so inflated that it comes off as conceit. all things considered, this inflated degree of self love is probably a true absence of it... so go figure.

But is this conceit to the point of narcissism? This to me is were self-love jumps overboard by being too much and over the top.

Too little self- love/respect is no good in a relationship, but too much self-love/respect will wreak a relationship just as quickly.

I think I am conceited enough, to know I am not too conceited in my self-love/respect.

 

[Quoll]

Much thought needed here sweet Cym, let me sleep on it ok.

 

[bisexplicit]

I thought this thread was going to be about masturbation. *pouts*

For me, Its something I really have to work on. I tend to think I'm the worst and most horrible /everything/. And I know that everyone says you can't love other people 'til you love yourself or whatever - but I can. Its hard, because you are much more willing to let people trample on you, etc. But, without anyone to love and who loved me back, I don't think I would be around right now.

 

[Lust Engine]

Self confidence can be so sexy.

Just having that inner voice that says you can do it is uber hot... and that can transcend any outer appearance issues.

And not to mention it also gives you the permission to enjoy other things in life too- not just sexually but it opens up doors to so many things.

 

[His_pita]

I do have self-love and self-respect for myself.

However, since becoming involved with my Dom I have come to see that I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself. This has resulted in bad habits and poor choices in my life.

He is very good at helping me see that and trying to reverse the negative by adding the right positive in regards to how I see myself.

Anyone ever think BDSM is like therapy in a way?

 

[Quoll]

My initial answer to this was going to be no, I have no self love or respect.

After thinking on it seriously, I would have to say I must have some love and respect for myself.
I believe if we don`t have some degree of love for ourselves then we would simply end our lives.
To allow someone into your life to love you, requires a certain amount of self love and respect, it is one thing to think you are not worthy of someone elses love, but it is something we all crave. If you have people who love and care for you, and you accept this love, you must on some level believe you are worthy.

I was asked this question before and honestly coud not come up with an answer, and that annoyed and confused me, at times I have a very low opinion of myself, I constantly get angry at myself and have said on many occassions that I hate myself.

I don`t hate myself, but I must admit I don`t have a lot of love for the way my mind works sometimes.
I think I am a kind person, I try to help other people in whatever way I can (my mind does not always let me help in the ways I would like to).
There are occasions when I am proud of things I have done.
I am loved and I love in return, despite my negative feelings towards myself I have to admit that I must have self love and self respect no matter how much I try to think otherwise.

I think if you continue to live life, give and accept love in any capacity, do things you are happy with, then you must have self love and self respect.
I do.

 

[bisexplicit]

I do have self-love and self-respect for myself.

However, since becoming involved with my Dom I have come to see that I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself. This has resulted in bad habits and poor choices in my life.

He is very good at helping me see that and trying to reverse the negative by adding the right positive in regards to how I see myself.

Anyone ever think BDSM is like therapy in a way?

I think BDSM can be a scary place to get into if you aren't a 100% sure about your level of self-esteem and strength. I think, otherwise, it could very easily be a DV relationship hidden as a BDSM one. Then again, I think all 24/7 BDSM relationships are a little unhealthy.

 

[JustSkye]

My initial answer to this was going to be no, I have no self love or respect.

After thinking on it seriously, I would have to say I must have some love and respect for myself.
I believe if we don`t have some degree of love for ourselves then we would simply end our lives.
To allow someone into your life to love you, requires a certain amount of self love and respect, it is one thing to think you are not worthy of someone elses love, but it is something we all crave. If you have people who love and care for you, and you accept this love, you must on some level believe you are worthy.

I was asked this question before and honestly coud not come up with an answer, and that annoyed and confused me, at times I have a very low opinion of myself, I constantly get angry at myself and have said on many occassions that I hate myself.

I don`t hate myself, but I must admit I don`t have a lot of love for the way my mind works sometimes.
I think I am a kind person, I try to help other people in whatever way I can (my mind does not always let me help in the ways I would like to).
There are occasions when I am proud of things I have done.
I am loved and I love in return, despite my negative feelings towards myself I have to admit that I must have self love and self respect no matter how much I try to think otherwise.

I think if you continue to live life, give and accept love in any capacity, do things you are happy with, then you must have self love and self respect.
I do.

You rock, baby!

 

[Darkknight2010]

Do you love yourself? What is self-love? I read that if you do not love yourself how can you let anyone love you- do you believe this to be true or false and Why? What about self-respect...do you respect yourself? Can you have self-love without the self-respect or do they go hand in hand?

It's very true. For me, what happens is you try and try and try to find ANYONE who will love you to compensate for that hole in your heart. In the end, rather then finding happiness, I turned into this kind of emotional vampire that sucked out the life from others. All that leads to is you either find someone who cows to your needs... or your partner goes 'Um... I'm outta here, I can't take this any more!'

Loving myself and respecing myself became understanding what I CAN'T do... and also what I CAN do. It's not Polly-Anna-sih, because that's annoying as hell too, it's just a realizstic ivew that 'Ok, I don't have this and this, but I DO have this and this... just buiild and grow and try not to whine too much as you go.'

It's NOT easy (Three years of threrapy. ) and you have to be pretty blunt with yourself... and the answers don't come through a TV-movie-ish epifany but given time things get better.

 

[Quoll]

well i once had someone tell me that self love is the motivation o a successful, happy, and healthy life. so i kept forcing myself to study and work hard, play less computer games, watch less TV. Sometimes I keep telling myself i can do it, but at the back of my mind theres this feeling that makes me 'know' that i cant....so its all kinda superficial for me sometimes, and its quite depressing.... I can say that without the bit of self love inside, I would be alive today... though i'd really like to know how to counter that 'superficial voice inside of your head' thingy....

SHF, have a read of this thread, it`s an interesting subject and just might give you some ideas on how to cope with those annoying negative voices ( nasty little shits at times too aren`t they).

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=338841&page=2

 

[Ricwilly]

Do you love yourself? What is self-love? I read that if you do not love yourself how can you let anyone love you- do you believe this to be true or false and Why? What about self-respect...do you respect yourself? Can you have self-love without the self-respect or do they go hand in hand?

Yes I do tho it wasn't always so, I had to learn to accept myself the way I was right now and be willing to walk twoard what I would like to be.
I believe I have to love myself before I will accept someone else loving me.
I respect myself. I don't expect me to be perfect, this helps. I don't think I could love myself without self respect.

 

[mrmgp]

And here I was thinking this was a thread about masturbation. . .

Silly me.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Do you love yourself? What is self-love? I read that if you do not love yourself how can you let anyone love you- do you believe this to be true or false and Why? What about self-respect...do you respect yourself? Can you have self-love without the self-respect or do they go hand in hand?

I have a core of self love and self respect. Yet I have found that it is a small core, that can be enlarged or reduced through the actions of those who's opinion I value.

When you have someone in your life that believes in you, that small core expands and grows until you are like a force of nature.

When someone in your life is denigrating and undermining you constantly, that core shrinks and withers under the constant assault. You may be able to withstand it for a while, but ultimately everyone either succumbs or gets away from the influence of the naysayers.

Sometimes, it is through inaction that the damage comes, as when someone who you look to for affirmation insteads just says, "ehhh" and ignores you.

Ultimately, you have to be responsible for your own well being, and avoid those who put you down, and welcome those who build you up into your life.

My two cents, as usual over charging.

 

[cymbline]

Thank-you for all the post- a lot of good insightful information.




Sorry to disappoint those who thought that this was about the other self-love---masturbation.

 

[Quoll]

wow thats some nice stuff there quoll...but what I really need help doing right now (cos of my big exams at the end of the year) is trying to counter addiction. but dont worry its not at all a serious one, I just cant stop myself from procrastinating. sometimes when I manage to get myself to sit down and do some study (and believe me its hard), I just keeping thinking of having so much fun at the computer/ playing computer games / watching DvDs etc and then not more than 1 hour of unproductive 'study', i'm back to what I was doing previously...and thats really hard to get rid of....

[highjack]
Aaah from one procrastinator to another..........where was I.....Oh yeah, set small goals, easily achievable ones, hopefully you will get drawn in to what you are doing and go for longer than expected.
Perhaps set yourself a timetable, and an alarm to remind you to get off the pc when your time is up.
I wish I had more, but I am such a wanderer at times too. You could check out the blank manual or start a thread if you can`t find anything there.
(I goal achieved:reply to shithitsfan.)[/highjack]
Sorry hon

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Yes, I do love myself. I have found over time that if I don't love myself that there is no real way for me to love someone else. There's always going to be an empty feeling if I don't love myself, no matter who else loves me.

Self-respect I see as being different. There have been some times in my life where I did not respect myself. During those times that I did not respect myself, I can honestly look back and say that I did not like myself then either. The more respect that I have for myself, the more I like myself, and see nothing wrong with myself then (at least mostly nothing wrong). And of course, the more I think about it, the more I respect myself, the more I love myself.

 

[DickTracy]

Sorry to disappoint those who thought that this was about the other self-love---masturbation.

Isn't that in the Self-Abuse Thread?
Where's the link to that?

 

[cymbline]

Do I love myself? Yes, I do. It has taken me a long time to be able to love myself. I have had a lot of negative reenforcement to overcome. I still have moments of doubt, but those are only moments.

I believe that you need to love yourself in order to let someone love you. If you don’t love yourself how can you trust someone else will when they tell you they do.

Self-respect and self-love are intertwined. Without respecting myself how could I love myself.

 

[cymbline]

thanks alot friend...oh and to cymbline, sorry for the hijack too probably got the wrong idea about self love

Don't mind hijckers, as long as you are not a pervert.

But we all know that Dick Tracy is, but I will forgive him.

 

[DickTracy]

Don't mind hijckers, as long as you are not a pervert.
But we all know that Dick Tracy is, but I will forgive him.

Dear Ms. Cymbline,

01. I have been a very naughty boy.
02. I have been a very naughty boy.
03. I have been a very naughty boy.
04. I have been a very naughty boy.
05. I have been a very naughty boy.
06. I have been a very naughty boy.
07. I have been a very naughty boy.
08. I have been a very naughty boy.
09. I have been a very naughty boy.
10. I have been a very naughty boy.