Self injurers.

[joeys-game]

Yes. I did it.

Hit a bad patch and made some art on my arm.

I'm okay, really.

Its like taking a drink or smoking a joint.

I'm not in a dark place, just a hard place.

hugs to you

 

[joeys-game]

My deepest cut, the only one i ever needed stiches for happened as an adult, not a child.

 

[Worker11811]

Not sure what triggers it, its an overwhelming urge. I think its when I'm highly stressed and feel like.......I can't feel........I need to do it.

Sounds just like the way I felt when I was doing dope. I'd get stressed out then I'd get just kinda' numb. A short while later, I'd roll a joint and smoke it. Or I'd take some pills. Or I'd snort some junk. Or I'd eat some mushrooms. Or I'd drop some acid. Sometimes I'd mix 'em and match 'em.

Coming home from the hospital after overdosing on pure "Ex" and finding bloody footprints all over the floor of my apartment was one of the first things that made me realize that something was really wrong with my life. To this day, I still don't know for sure whose footprints they are or why they are there. There is only one other person who could have been in my apartment with me. He is the only other person who might know how they got there. But I don't know where he is. I never saw him again.

(If your real name is "Steven Axelrod" and you used to live in Boston, MA please send me a PM.)

Abstruse, if you feel the urge to cut coming on, my best advice is to leave the situation you are in. Extract yourself from the place that's making you want to do it. Go someplace else. Preferably, some place where you won't be alone.

If you have a trusted friend who knows about your compulsion, tell him/her that you are having a problem. Come up with a code word so that only you and your confidante will know what you're talking about.

When I feel bad and I want to do things that I know aren't good for me, I tell my wife I'm having a "Red Flag Moment". When ever I say, "Red Flag" she knows I'm in trouble and she can help. Usually, that means she should leave me alone for a while so I can calm myself down. Most of the time, it only takes about 15 minutes. Then she comes in and checks up on me to make sure I'm OK. A little while later, we're back to normal.

Exercising is a REAL big help when I get urges. I go out and take a brisk walk or a jog around the block for 20 minutes or so.

You might snicker at me a little bit because I have a drug problem and you cut yourself. You might think we are too different. Don't forget! When you cut yourself, your body releases endorphins in response to the pain. Endorphins are just as addictive as heroin! That adrenaline rush you get from exercise makes a fine replacement for the endorphin rush you get when you cut yourself.

Oh! And one last thing! I know a GREAT source of naturally occurring endorphins! Care to guess what it is? SEX!! Yes! Go grab your boyfriend or girlfriend and boff his brains out!

I know a doctor who actually recommends a good, old fashioned roll in the hay when you get the urge to do drugs. Can you imagine?!

"Honey! Come upstairs and get naked! I have to fuck you! Doctors orders!"

And, if you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend or he/she doesn't put out enough to meet your theraputic needs, there's always the old standby...

So go ahead and spank that monkey! Doctor's ORDERS!

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[TheEarl]

Depression is the most insiduous disease. When I was down, you could offer me a pill that was just ten metres away from me, that you could guarantee would solve all of my symptoms, and I would be unable to get up and get it.

Quote from a book I was reading.

The Earl

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Sometimes its the only way I can get my self to feel again.

 

[Aurora Black]

Sometimes its the only way I can get my self to feel again.

 

[arienette]

Sometimes its the only way I can get my self to feel again.

It's the process of making sure you really can feel after all.

 

[angelicminx]

Thank you for this, Abs. My cousin is a cutter and the family is constantly giving her hell about it. I admit to attempting "tough love" to get her to stop. I did realize after the first, and only, time of trying it that it wasn't going to help her.

I don't understand cutting for the sake of cutting. I did self 'tatoos' in junior high school. You know, the designs or the boy's names, without the ink. I love the taste of blood, so part of the reason for cutting was eating the blood, but the other part was... hell, I don't know, but I'm sure it wasn't for the pain.

I escaped my life through books. I was always reading, and sometimes writing. The majority of my work dealt with death in one form or another, whether it be suicide or murder. I isolated myself from my family and I didn't have many friends. The weird thing is, I was a relatively popular person. People sought my "pearls of wisdom" and I was able to talk more than one person out of suicide.

I'm a sounding board for my cousin, a safe place for her to vent her frustrations, and I'm sure that I'm the reason she doesn't cut as much as she used to. But... I don't know how to help her stop cutting alltogether. Maybe because I don't understand why she does it.

Anyway, the point was to thank you for this thread and the information found within. I hold out hope that I will gain an understanding of cutting and, with that understanding, be more equipped to help her find a safe alternative.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I'm a sounding board for my cousin, a safe place for her to vent her frustrations, and I'm sure that I'm the reason she doesn't cut as much as she used to. But... I don't know how to help her stop cutting alltogether. Maybe because I don't understand why she does it.

I don't think a person can stop anyone from cutting. Any type of self injuring is addictive behavior, and if she was at that desperate point, she would, anyway.

You are already doing what you can by letting her know that you care and that you will listen when she needs you. You are encouraging her expression of emotions, which is what she needs. I wouldn't recommend you feeling responsible for her behaviour - it will only make you feel like a failure when she does cut.

Some interesting points to ponder:

• Self-injuring individuals were often part of families that discouraged expression of anger, and tend to lack skills to express their emotions.
• Self-injurers often lack a good social support network.
• Injuring oneself is a way to externalize emotional internal pain – to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside. It is a way to control and manage pain – unlike the pain experienced through physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
• Self-injury is an attempt to self-sooth. Often the care taken after someone cuts, takes on a nurturing form for themselves.

 

[privyjo]

 

[joeys-game]

I don't think a person can stop anyone from cutting. Any type of self injuring is addictive behavior, and if she was at that desperate point, she would, anyway.

You are already doing what you can by letting her know that you care and that you will listen when she needs you. You are encouraging her expression of emotions, which is what she needs. I wouldn't recommend you feeling responsible for her behaviour - it will only make you feel like a failure when she does cut.

Some interesting points to ponder:

• Self-injuring individuals were often part of families that discouraged expression of anger, and tend to lack skills to express their emotions.
• Self-injurers often lack a good social support network.
• Injuring oneself is a way to externalize emotional internal pain – to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside. It is a way to control and manage pain – unlike the pain experienced through physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
• Self-injury is an attempt to self-sooth. Often the care taken after someone cuts, takes on a nurturing form for themselves.

I agree with all those points, except the last one..I always hid it after.

 

[Guest]

I don't think a person can stop anyone from cutting. Any type of self injuring is addictive behavior, and if she was at that desperate point, she would, anyway.

You are already doing what you can by letting her know that you care and that you will listen when she needs you. You are encouraging her expression of emotions, which is what she needs. I wouldn't recommend you feeling responsible for her behaviour - it will only make you feel like a failure when she does cut.

 

[normal jean]

I don't think a person can stop anyone from cutting. Any type of self injuring is addictive behavior, and if she was at that desperate point, she would, anyway.

You are already doing what you can by letting her know that you care and that you will listen when she needs you. You are encouraging her expression of emotions, which is what she needs. I wouldn't recommend you feeling responsible for her behaviour - it will only make you feel like a failure when she does cut.

Some interesting points to ponder:

• Self-injuring individuals were often part of families that discouraged expression of anger, and tend to lack skills to express their emotions.
• Self-injurers often lack a good social support network.
• Injuring oneself is a way to externalize emotional internal pain – to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside. It is a way to control and manage pain – unlike the pain experienced through physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
• Self-injury is an attempt to self-sooth. Often the care taken after someone cuts, takes on a nurturing form for themselves.

Hi

I dont kno w where you got your information, but it is so right on.

You just described my family life growing up and my marriage of the last 25 years. Im only 43, and i havent cut in almost 5 years, but I see it heading that way again. I try to ignore the urge...its really hard sometimes

its good you are helping people here, its a good thing

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Hi

I dont kno w where you got your information, but it is so right on.

You just described my family life growing up and my marriage of the last 25 years. Im only 43, and i havent cut in almost 5 years, but I see it heading that way again. I try to ignore the urge...its really hard sometimes

its good you are helping people here, its a good thing

Same age, Same problem.

Its like crack sometimes.

The link on the first page is really good, read it if you get a chance...and much luck to you.

 

[fieryjen]

I did cut myself a lot when I was about 15/16. I was in a pretty dark hole at that point, depressed (which the rest of my family did make fun of, and still does when I try to explain to them about my medication - they think it's hyped up and something I can just snap out of), I'd managed to alienate most of my friends as well. I'd steal my dad's razor blades, I'd smash bottles and use the broken glass on my arms (and later on less visible, obvious spots), and I'd take paperclips and stick one end into my arm and just leave it there.

For me, it was mostly a way to get rid of the emotional turmoil inside me. It was (and still is) like I'm about to blow up, and the cutting offered release from that. The physical pain distracted me from anything mental, and the blood flowing was like an immediate relief. I'd go from wanting to throw my chair out the window to just sitting there slumped over, motionless, staring at the blood for half an hour or so. After that I would be able to go to sleep, do my homework or whatever I had to do that I wouldn't have been able to before. It was very much like a drug, because of the enormous calm that I was able to bring over myself.

I was lucky my parents took the physical injuries pretty seriously though, once they found out. The therapist they sent me to didn't help at all, but the suggestion of spending a year abroad helped. It was nice to have a new beginning, a year away from all the problems I'd created for myself. When I returned things were much, much better. Although the addiction remained, and probably always will, I had a much easier time handling "being myself" after the year abroad, and I found ways to stop myself from cutting.

I have learned to ask people for help. I will call someone, just ask them to stay on the phone with me and talk to me for a while to help me get over the urge. I write. My probably best short pieces were written when I was busy trying not to hurt myself and sat down to write instead. I run, and I save a lot of my emotions for Rugby, where they can be productive. I have a boyfriend who can snap out of being extremely pissed at me if I tell him I need him to help stop me from hurting myself.

I've had two relapses, one is a big scar on the back of my hand that is only slowly fading, because for lack of an instrument. I scratched with my nails until the skin was in shreds. I'm not proud of it, and I felt awful after it happened.

I just wanted to share this. I wish the best of luck to everyone else on the thread, most of which have it a lot worse than I had, and I hope that things will turn out good for you.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I did cut myself a lot when I was about 15/16. I was in a pretty dark hole at that point, depressed (which the rest of my family did make fun of, and still does when I try to explain to them about my medication - they think it's hyped up and something I can just snap out of), I'd managed to alienate most of my friends as well. I'd steal my dad's razor blades, I'd smash bottles and use the broken glass on my arms (and later on less visible, obvious spots), and I'd take paperclips and stick one end into my arm and just leave it there.

For me, it was mostly a way to get rid of the emotional turmoil inside me. It was (and still is) like I'm about to blow up, and the cutting offered release from that. The physical pain distracted me from anything mental, and the blood flowing was like an immediate relief. I'd go from wanting to throw my chair out the window to just sitting there slumped over, motionless, staring at the blood for half an hour or so. After that I would be able to go to sleep, do my homework or whatever I had to do that I wouldn't have been able to before. It was very much like a drug, because of the enormous calm that I was able to bring over myself.

I was lucky my parents took the physical injuries pretty seriously though, once they found out. The therapist they sent me to didn't help at all, but the suggestion of spending a year abroad helped. It was nice to have a new beginning, a year away from all the problems I'd created for myself. When I returned things were much, much better. Although the addiction remained, and probably always will, I had a much easier time handling "being myself" after the year abroad, and I found ways to stop myself from cutting.

I have learned to ask people for help. I will call someone, just ask them to stay on the phone with me and talk to me for a while to help me get over the urge. I write. My probably best short pieces were written when I was busy trying not to hurt myself and sat down to write instead. I run, and I save a lot of my emotions for Rugby, where they can be productive. I have a boyfriend who can snap out of being extremely pissed at me if I tell him I need him to help stop me from hurting myself.

I've had two relapses, one is a big scar on the back of my hand that is only slowly fading, because for lack of an instrument. I scratched with my nails until the skin was in shreds. I'm not proud of it, and I felt awful after it happened.

I just wanted to share this. I wish the best of luck to everyone else on the thread, most of which have it a lot worse than I had, and I hope that things will turn out good for you.

Thank you Jen, each story shared makes the injurer feel less 'alone'.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

when i want something for me, just me, then i am ready to do what it takes to achieve or obtain whatever it is i want...

Very impressive . . . I wish you well

 

[normal jean]

The physical pain distracted me from "the emotional pain"...my body can stand the pain my heart and mind cannot

I used anything sharp- forks ans fingernails, pieces of broken plastic.

I believe it will go away some day

dont you?

 

[snowy ciara]

I will do just that.

there are scar meds out there, I was told to try Bag balm as well and that helped.

And it helps to stay out of the sun if you can, because the scars generally don't tan. Staying out of the sun doesn't make them go away, but it does make them harder to see. I alternated Bag Balm and vitamin e, the strong stuff. Just poke the gel capsule with a sterilized needle and goosh it right onto the scars. Mine will never go completely away.

Thanks for the thread, Abstruse.

 

[TheEarl]

The physical pain distracted me from "the emotional pain"...my body can stand the pain my heart and mind cannot

I used anything sharp- forks ans fingernails, pieces of broken plastic.

I believe it will go away some day

dont you?

This too will pass, I've heard it said.

The Earl

 

[ABSTRUSE]

This too will pass, I've heard it said.

The Earl

With beautifully embossed reminders of knowing that you can feel pain.

 

[Aurora Black]

I'm tired of pain. I've had too much of it in my life, and now I refuse to add more.

 

[arienette]

On the second page I talked about the song Not An Addict by K's Choice and couldn't find the real video put out; just stupid television show scenes put to the music. However, after some time on YouTube (Love that site!) I came across it and wanted to post it. It's an amazing song, I love it.

Click here.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

On the second page I talked about the song Not An Addict by K's Choice and couldn't find the real video put out; just stupid television show scenes put to the music. However, after some time on YouTube (Love that site!) I came across it and wanted to post it. It's an amazing song, I love it.

Click here.

Did you post the lyrics...I'm too lazy to scroll back.