Self-image problems

[BustyTheClown]

I'm tired of feeling like everyone talks about me when I'm not looking. I'm tired of feeling like everyone's looking at me and judging my appearance. And I'm fucking sick of feeling like a monster because of it. Why is it that when I look in the mirror, I'm dissatisfied with what I see? I like who I am, I like where I am in my life, I eat right for the most part and have taken up working out, so why the fuck am I still so down on myself?

I think it started at puberty. Puberty is such a fucking crock. Man, when you're little, you don't give a shit what people think about you -- you're pretty much just like every other kid. Girls have boyish features, boys have girlish features, and none of it matters because you're too busy chasing each other and horsing around to give a shit. Then puberty comes along and you, a formerly outgoing kid, start going through changes that set you apart and all of sudden the big "s" word comes in: self-image. You start to realize that you really are different from other kids in a very obvious way. You compare yourself to others and measure your features to whatever seems to be normal. You pull yourself into this little shell and feel self-conscious every time you wiggle a toe.

When does this stop? I'm still young -- just a few months shy of 20 -- but damn, I thought this would have fucking stopped by now. Why can't I just be me and give up my self-consciousness? I don't look abnormal -- I pack a few extra pounds, but I don't think I'm even what most people would consider fat. People probably don't give a shit what I look like, anyway. I'm just another person... I have large breasts -- which are about ten thousand problems in and of themselves -- but they're proportioned well with the rest of my body, I guess... So what the fuck is the deal? Sometimes I feel like someday soon I'll crawl into a cocoon (sp?) and will emerge refreshed and looking as beautiful as I feel inside...

Is puberty fat the same as baby fat? Or is it like pregnancy fat? Fucking procreation, messing with our bodies and our minds...

I don't know what I'm expecting from people reading this thread, so just jump in with whatever the hell you want to say. Sorry, I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations. I feel ugly just for posting this pathetic excuse of a thread. Thanks for reading, anyway.

 

[koalabear]

"What can we talk about now, She is here!"

 

[BustyTheClown]

hehe, that gave me a chuckle

 

[koalabear]

hehe, that gave me a chuckle

Good......

 

[Monazwx]

Not a pathetic thread

I thought I was the only one.

For real, I feel like everyone talks about me when I'm not looking and am completely paranoid. At least you have boobs. I feel like the ugly stick, much less being hit by it.

You're right. It started with puberty and the media doesn't help, those greedy f*cks. Hopefully, we'll grow out of this, and soon.

Hey, maybe we can start a support group?

 

[AzureAngel]

*Shrugs.* Self-esteem's a bitch. And you get through it in a variety of ways. For me, the way was to take some personal responsibility for my own happiness. If something's making me unhappy, I fix it. No one else will, most times... and fixing my own problems gives me a sense of pride.

I used to be unhappy with my body. I just had to change my perception of it.. because it's not actually a horrible thing. One thing is that a lot of times you might think, "I'm not dating someone, I must be ugly as hell" Stuff like that.

For whatever reason I can't type a more thorough response, though I think about this a LOT, and I dealt with it not too long ago.

 

[Pamela]

My experience...

It really wasn't an age thing for me. More like different situations I was forced to deal with throughout my life. Then....you just stop giving a fuck what people think about you. Life is too short to worry about someone else's fucked up opinion!

All I can say is...you will figure it out someday! Live life and be happy! Who cares about what some jackass has to say!

 

[Starfish]

It is funny, because if you could get inside the heads of those who are looking at you, I bet that most of them aren't thinking bad thoughts. I bet most of them are thinking the same kinds of things that you think when you look at others.


Our personal fears make us over exaggerate what we feel when someone looks at us. It is a sort of paranoia. If someone is really looking at you with a blank face, you may take it as they are looking at you like "what the fuck is wrong with that person." when in fact they are just really blank inside.


It is odd, but I have misinterpreted the 'wispering' of others. I was the 'victim' of that in highschool by a group of popular girls. Then, when I was twenty, I was in a local bar, and those girls where there. They came running up to me, and were so friendly. I was so disgusted initially, but they went right into telling me that they wished that they could have made friends with me and my one other friend, but were intimidated by us because were were so original and not like anyone else. They told me they thought I was very cool and now that they had been out in the real world and saw that it is better to outright about that sort of thing, or loose the chance to have a good friend in someone you admire.

It turned out that those wispers where things like "You go talk to her." , " No, You." and the like. They weren't downing me at all.


It is hard to say busty, but maybe you should really treat yourself right and if something makes you feel bad, ask the person who is looking at you.... "Whatcha looking at?" nicely, not snottily...

You may be very suprised what they have to say.


Well, I like you anyway.

 

[AzureAngel]

It's a sort of egocentrism... the, "Everyone's looking." And we all suffer from it in varying ways. I was in the store and needed to buy a comb. There ARE NO MANLY COMBS. So I paced around awhile... paced... and paced. Then I stopped. Realized that, frankly, no one else cares. The cashier won't, the people in the store won't... it's just me.

Somehow the time I bought tampons as a birthday present was easier.

It's just that feeling... taken to a greater extreme. Most people don't have the time to bother talking about every single other person. Granted, if you have a third arm.. you have a right to be a bit self-conscious. People probably ARE making jokes. But probably 99.5% of the time you THINK someone is... no one is.

It's fun how our heads mess with us. More fun when you're aware of it and tell it to screw off.

 

[Wiggles]

My self image has always been a big problem for me. One day I'll look in the mirror and think I'm the hottest shit on earth, the next I am shit. It fluxates. And I think it's because I'm highly influenced by what other people say about me. And that is wrong.

I know what you mean about the self-consciousness too, I was that way all through high school and I still feel it sometimes.

I think the main key is to realize that everyone's not thinking about what you look like, or act like constantly. Do you ever notice what a persons wearing? Do you notice what everyone's wearing? Probably not. And that's not a bad thing. People, as a general rule IMO, are usually involved in their own lifes. They're not critizing you, and if they are, what does that say about them? Insults and put-downs when directed at others are usually a sign of weakness. They use it to boost of their own self-esteem.

It comes to me in an uncompleted thought, I wrote it down somewhere, but I'll be damned if I can find it... Anyways, it goes like this: To be seen through the eyes of another and thought satisfactory is wonderful. To see yourself as satisfactory is a great achievement.

Whatever, I just mean that you shouldn't be hard on yourself.

 

[AusTess]

Yeah well,I'm 32,which sounds like a SHITLOAD older than *just shy of 20*

And if i'm any indication,it dont stop,ever.
Sorry.

Ya know how i fixed it?

I learnt to love being looked at.
So my lack of self esteem created an exhibitionistic monster.


I also took down every mirror in the house and i only put em up now when HWTHB wants to bend me over doggy style in front of it so he can watch us fuck.

 

[dreamer]

You sound like just about every woman I've ever dated. First remember WE ALL go through this.

I'm 5'7", good build, resonable looks, but ALWAYS refered to as 'cute.' Why? Because I'm not a half foot taller. Remember that 'tall, dark, and handsome?'

I gave up caring about it years ago. mainly because I realized what women go through with their weight. It made me feel hypocritical when I'd tell my girlfriend I didn't mind the weight to be complaining about my height.

I for one prefer women that look like women as opposed to those 'model' types that look like they've been recruited from the local elementary school.

Hang in there, I'm sitting here feeling about as bad about myself as ever but I let the physical stuff go. Good people realize pretty fast that it's not the package but what's inside.

 

[AzureAngel]

It's also helpful to realize that your own perceptions matter the most. Work on those. everything else will fall into place.

Like AusTess, mine developed into an exhibitionism. However, now that I'm MOSTLY over the whole ordeal... I'm just a more comfortable exhibitionist. *Chuckles.*

Just one of those things that won't "fix itself" suddenly and no one else can make it better for you. Gotta do it yourself, maybe with a bit of help, but it's YOUR doing.

And there will be days hwwne you resent your body a bit. I know I do. I'm not built like the typical hunky stud. Not ripped. Hell, I have a borderline female body type. *Shrugs.* And there will be the occasional day where that bugs me and I want to be Captain Muscles. At that point... I either just go to sleep and wake up feeling better... or I look at my ass in the mirror. I really do like my butt.

Which reminds me. My love for my ass started as a joke. I wanted to be okay with my body, but I wasn't terribly comfortable with anything, so I would just talk about my "hot teen ass" all the time. Just for laughs. And lo and behold, I began to believe it. No, it's not teen anymore. But it's still niiiice. Favorite part o' my body. I know that helped a lot, too.

 

[concrete]

.... I ,m a cement head ,,but who cares

...pam has nothing to fear
too have is better than not having??))

 

[heterotic]

Yeah, my solution was realizing I'm self-centered and having fun with it. Of course, I try to stay in shape, too, but that's not the most important part. The most important part is reminding myself that all you people want my sexy body bad.

 

[AzureAngel]

I want your sexy body bad. *Snickers.*

 

[Wiggles]

The most important part is reminding myself that all you people want my sexy body bad.

Who told?

That's what I tell myself too.

Hey! Stop lookin' at my ass you perverts!

 

[SilverVeil]

I used to be like that. I felt ugly all the time and was sure I was repulsive to people. That was why they were staring and talking.

Then I got tired of feeling that way all the time and started not caring what people thought.

I found out that a lot of the people who were looking at me, actually thought I was pretty cool, but they were intimidated by what they thought was self assurance.

And when they were talking .... it was about how hard I work, or how much I have overcome to be where I am.

* But I KNOW my cats still laugh at me when I am naked though *

 

[AzureAngel]

Aw crap, I wasted my 100th post on telling him he has a sexy bod.

YOU BETTER APPRECIATE IT!

 

[heterotic]

I see my insight touched a lot of people's hearts... Please form an orderly line, ladies on the left, gentlemen on the right. There's enough of me to go around, no pushing and shoving now...

 

[CarolineOh]

Boy, this is a really good thread.
I was a chubby teenager, and I think there is an imprint on my brain, some part of my being that will always be that little fat girl that the boys never looked at. I don't think you ever really lose that, you learn how to manage it. It is in your power to control, it is after all, your SELF image. When you don't feel right about how you look to other people, it's not coming from them, but from within yourself. Focus on what you like about yourself, improve what you can about what you don't like, and don't worry about the opinions of others.

 

[AzureAngel]

Hey, if anyone needs an ego boost... I'm helpful!

 

[RhumbRunner13]

I had to laugh.........

Busty said:
"When does this stop? I'm still young -- just a few months shy of 20 -- but damn, I thought this would have fucking stopped by now. Why can't I just be me and give up my self-consciousness? "

Relax, Busty! It never really stops. Five years from now you'll say, "Oh shit, why did I ever post that?"

Five years from now I'll say "Oh shit, why did i post that?"

Listen, speak and educate yourself, nobody else will do it for you!

Stay with us, kid. I'll be watching you.

RhumbRunner

 

[Laurel]

I totally know how you feel, Busty. I felt that way growing up. It wasn't till a few years ago that I managed to shake those feelings and move on. I think the secret is 1) learning to love yourself (something I'm still working on); and 2) learning not to give a fuck about people/things that aren't important in my life (something I have mastered). I still have trouble sometimes believing that friends care for me (which drives them crazy), but I no longer worry about what strangers or even acquaintances feel - and that's a big step. I don't know how it happened, so I can't really give you good advice. All I can say is that you should know that how you think people are looking at you is just that - how YOU think, not the reality.

 

[koalabear]

Re: Not a pathetic thread

I thought I was the only one.

For real, I feel like everyone talks about me when I'm not looking and am completely paranoid. At least you have boobs. I feel like the ugly stick, much less being hit by it.

Hmmm, sucking on a licorice clit.......uh I mean stick!