Seeking Thoughts On My Latest

[LAHomedog]

This story is something different for me. A character piece. Wondering what everyone thinks.

I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you have fun reading it.

Here is the story: https://www.literotica.com/s/pappy-gets-him-sum

 

[sirhugs]

A fun and interesting read. Well written.

I like dialogue earlier in the story. I might have re-ordered the text, to start with him accosting Brenda Mae in the truck garden, then flashing back to the backstory, then return to the sex. But that might be just my preference.

I did think that there was a lot of back story and exposition for such a short story. I know you were going for character development, but fleshing out the sex scene with more detail would create better balance, in my opinion.

I was lefty wondering what happened nine months later.

Also...Chekov's daughter? The mention of the daughter in the military suggests sequel potential, when she comes home on leave and discovers Brenda Mae preggers and in the garden.

 

[yowser]

A sweet little romp.

Like Sirhugs, I would prefer a different order, the initial scene doesn't work as well as it might, and starting with the sheriff's story first would let readers settle in better.

It's a little over the top for my taste, but you got the flavor fine, maybe a little sparing and paring would make it even better.

Also, let's have a location. Yes, I can divine it is a fly-over state, somewhere in the south, but give us a town, state, compass point for navigation.

"Sheriff, I do believe that is your pecker up against my privates." Love these perceptive country beauties.

But overall fun.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Romps along at a fine ol' pace. I'm with the boys, tho' Sheriff; you's just a braggin' with yo mouth in your first paragraphs. Your tellin' don' make it better, tellin' it twice!

That young Brenda Mae, she sure sound purdy sweet, with her plump punkin patch .