seeking info

[Blue]

The detail and thought in your posts always give me an inferiority complex, CutieMouse.

 

[cascadiabound]

If she can't be an adult in the relationship, she needs to do therapy, or not be in a relationship until she can [be an adult].

...if she can't even own her shit enough to communicate? She has no business playing in the deep end of the pool.

What does she think, that she's the only person on the planet who's struggled with desires and sexuality? That she's the only one who feels awkward and vulnerable admitting X?

CutieMouse...YOU ROCK.
I have quoted you here for emphasis..
Exactly this. No one that I know of embarks on this "kinky shit" without some trepidation. We were all new at this once and felt weird and freaked out about our "dark" and "socially unacceptable" desires.
The OP's gal needs to put on her big girl panties if she wants to play in the deep end of the pool.
That means owning your own shit. Communicating. Being willing to try stuff and fail at it and not blame your partner.

Did I say communication? Let me say it again. BDSM requires a higher level of communication than a typical sexual relationship or partnership and even a regular relationship is bound to fail without it.

 

[newb2016]

now we are starting to get things interesting lol . It is very nice to see that the folks here don't think i am a nut job or being paranoid. Because you guys are right the level of communication required is substantially higher because the stakes are higher. To me that is not a very hard concept to wrap your head around. I am glad that everyone who has weighed in their thoughts and opinions. I ain't gonna lie i have kicked around giving her a little bit and seeing how she does and see if it opens her lines of communication a little bit more, even if i have to initiate it. Baby steps. Even if nothing comes of it and she decides that it isn't something she wants the communication skills obtained would still be beneficial to us a couple.

Consilience - I will definitely pass it along to her. I am going to see her next month and we are going to have quite a bit of time to ourselves in privacy. I have learned over these past few months that there are some conversations that are better had in person instead of over the phone lol. So we will see what happens.

CutieMouse - you madam are the bomb lol. You have somehow got it out there pretty close to what i was thinkin but i ain't smart enough to put it into words as well as you did, thank you

 

[IrisAlthea]

IrisAlthea - as far as my PTSD goes i am being treated for it and i am on a even keel 98% of the time even in the event of a lot of stress. with the medication and letting life flow my rage has been under control for the most part and i haven't had a meltdown in years. So i would say i am managing it pretty good, which makes me very happy and content.

I have expressed that i would be willing to explore this with her multiple times. And the way i was catching it from her that her perception of this lifestyle is that it don't matter how much you trust the person or not and that the "top" can do whatever he or she wants to the "bottom", which is where the breakdown comes from. She claims that she would not be able to stop. I have mentioned once before and if this lifestyle is anything similar to swinging, ground rules should be laid out. But in this instance ground rules and a safeword. I don't really ask why she wants this or get to over analytical about it. I am just trying to get her to open up and find out what she desires when she gets "the mood for it" (as she puts it).

I mean i am being a supportive partner and would like to explore this with her cause i would rather she explore it with me than to try and suppress it until she can't no more and she feels like she can't come to me with it. I am having a very difficult time putting the words together effectively but i hope the jist is being seen.
she even said herself that she classifies her fantasies as creepy"and "dark". I know she has a difficult time expressing them to me. I ain't very well versed and decided i would go out on my own and try to piece things together and get ideas to put her mind at ease that i am in fact here for her and i trust her. But if she can't trust herself to stop when/if she has to stop it tells me she needs to look inside herself and grow as a person. in other words she may not be ready mentally.

Ok, thanks for the clarification.

It sounds like you are being very supportive but I think you hit the nail on the head with the part I bolded.

 

[newb2016]

only time will tell I think as time goes on and she actually can see i am being supportive of her fantasies i think she will be able to come around and express herself more completely, as in clarification and more insight to how she feels.

 

[MastersDelight]

Trust

I can't speak to her experiences, or to your PTSD. But I do know trust is a very large part of my Masters and my play. I would never let him near me if I didn't trust him and we've worked together to meet both parties needs in each session through thorough research and communication.

I have no sexual abuse in my past. I greatly enjoy being tied, choked, hit, flogged, spanked, caned, whipped etc. I can't say why I like these things, I just do. I can't explain my preferences and I don't expect my Master to explain his. Sometimes you just like what you like. If I was in your position I would think twice before putting yourself in her care, at least until you talk, set ground rules and boundaries, and build TRUST.