Seeking A Little Advice

[Mac98]

I don't think you should keep this bottled up inside. You should tell her how you have felt but saying it in a kind of casual way like others have suggested like you just wanted to let her know how you felt in case they ever broke up while at the same time acknowledging you realize she may not have ever felt that way about you. If you don't say anything this will bother you for the rest of your life. Get it over with and let nature take it's course.

Well, see, that's what I was thinking when I first asked the question. I thought it might help, but at the same time I don't want it to ruin our friendship... but are you saying this wouldn't?

 

[subwannabe]

Unfortunately, I can't make any guarantees. All I can tell you is that there was this girl I was madly in love with all through high school (we weren't friends). I was a little weary of relationships due to a previous relationship so I was afraid to talk to her and tell her how I felt. I think she liked me but she dated other guys on and off which helped discourage me from telling her how I felt. Anyway, as the years went by I always promised myself I would finally tell her how I felt but found myself in a vicious cycle that the more I didn't talk to her the more I was afraid to talk to her. I actually made it all the way through high school without ever talking to her and obviously never telling her how I felt. I didn't have to worry about losing her friendship because we didn't talk and the guys she did date I wasn't friends with so I didn't have to worry about that either. I know she is married now and so am I and don't wish to rock either one of our boats now but decades later I still find myself thinking I had unfinished business by never talking to her and telling her how I felt. I will go to my grave with this unfinished business. I personally think if you handle it the right way you shouldn't lose either one of them as friends but I think this is more about you than it is them and who knows - maybe things will work out and you could live happily ever after. Don't go the rest of your life without telling her because it will knaw at you for the rest of your life.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Well, see, that's what I was thinking when I first asked the question. I thought it might help, but at the same time I don't want it to ruin our friendship... but are you saying this wouldn't?

It worked for your friend and he waited the 6mths till she was single again. It might work the same for you, it might not. Having gone through that with your friend however, I think she's more likely to be sympathetic and to refrain from doing anything to harm your friendship.

She had the integrity not to leap into your friend's arms. They dated once she was single again. That suggests to me that even if you're not feeling particularly sensible or rational, she will do things on her own terms (if at all) and remain true to herself.

I don't think you have a huge amount to lose here. If there's no hope for you, I think she'll let you down gently and remain friends. Just my opinion... based solely on what you've written.

 

[Mac98]

I don't plan on never telling her. I just want to know if now is the right time. And I also know her enough to say she'd feel too awkward hanging out with me if I had those feelings for her (and she didn't/doesn't). I wouldn't mind, I've made my peace with that a while ago. I acknowledge there's a 99.99% probability we'll never hook up, and I don't mind. But something tells me I need to tell her. If it's not now, it'll be before I move far away which shouldn't be in very long. Then I definately will, since my friendship with them'll be doomed anyways.

But this is just something I know. I know my friendship with them will most probably be affected... due to the circumstances, given that I've helped him out when he was in love with her too and didn't know if she was with him. It would make things just so overly-awkward.

Though, like you say, I guess there is a slim, infinitessimaly small chance that everything'll work out fine. I hope so.

 

[Mac98]

Sorry, Velvet, I hadn't noticed your post. But perhaps you're right. That slim chance of everything working out fine should be taken into consideration I guess.

I can't say I'm any less torn between both options than I was before, but all this help has sure helped shed light on the possibilities and their consequences (or potential consequences).

Thanks a lot again to everyone.

 

[subwannabe]

You say before too long you will be moving far away and will probably lose contact with them anyway. This changes my advice somewhat. If you were to tell her now and things worked out terrifically, would you A. not move away B. would she be able to move with you? If you would not stay and she wouldn't be able to move with you then there is probably no point in telling her. If you would stay or she would move with you then I say the timing is NOW. Don't wait or you won't have the time to establish a good enough serious relationship to make you stay or for her to want to move with you.

 

[Mac98]

You say before too long you will be moving far away and will probably lose contact with them anyway. This changes my advice somewhat. If you were to tell her now and things worked out terrifically, would you A. not move away B. would she be able to move with you? If you would not stay and she wouldn't be able to move with you then there is probably no point in telling her. If you would stay or she would move with you then I say the timing is NOW. Don't wait or you won't have the time to establish a good enough serious relationship to make you stay or for her to want to move with you.

If I were to tell her and she were to express she had the same feelings for me too, I wouldn't think twice about staying. I'm leaving because I want to change scenery, meet new people, make new friends... not for business purposes or anything. If she loved me, I would definately stay... unless she wanted to move with me, but I wouldn't mind staying for her.

But I'm pretty damn sure she doesn't love me like that, which is fine... but it means, at least to me, that telling her isn't a bad idea anymore (at that point) since I'm leaving and the friendship will pretty much be over anyways.

 

[Noor]

If I were to tell her and she were to express she had the same feelings for me too, I wouldn't think twice about staying. I'm leaving because I want to change scenery, meet new people, make new friends... not for business purposes or anything. If she loved me, I would definately stay... unless she wanted to move with me, but I wouldn't mind staying for her.

But I'm pretty damn sure she doesn't love me like that, which is fine... but it means, at least to me, that telling her isn't a bad idea anymore (at that point) since I'm leaving and the friendship will pretty much be over anyways.

True friendships are not dependent upon a mutual location.

 

[Mac98]

Long distance friendship, perhaps, but I doubt she/he/they would pay to come visit... and I don't plan on coming back.

Maybe, but I doubt it...