Seducing the male submissive (and vice versa)

[AAkasha]

Is the idea that a woman will find you, seduce you, and essentially take charge from the start sort of the ideal for male submissives? If you could have it that way, for sure, would you choose it that way?

Or, do some submissives here enjoy seducing their femdom? If so, how have you done it in the past?

What issues do submissive men have with "taking charge" when it comes to flirting or initiating contact, making the "first move"?


Akasha

 

[Aeroil]

Definately definately the former, I have a sort of mental block when it comes to making the first move, and even if I didn't I'd still prefer the former.
Very interesting idea for a thread Akasha, I hope it goes well.

 

[bronntanas]

I've got this terrible mental block against making the first move. It's exacerbated by the way some male subs are pushy towards some Dommes. I've never gone into a munch or bdsm situation situation looking to get laid. I just go and try to be friendly. If a Lady or Gentleman exhibits interest, I'll try to subtly let them know when I am, but actual flirting and seducing, I don't go for that. I follow Their lead. It's a hard line to walk; you don't want to be too pushy, but you don't want to be too passive either.

 

[Aeroil]

I've got this terrible mental block against making the first move. It's exacerbated by the way some male subs are pushy towards some Dommes. I've never gone into a munch or bdsm situation situation looking to get laid. I just go and try to be friendly. If a Lady or Gentleman exhibits interest, I'll try to subtly let them know when I am, but actual flirting and seducing, I don't go for that. I follow Their lead. It's a hard line to walk; you don't want to be too pushy, but you don't want to be too passive either.

An excellent articulation of my attitudes as well, bronntanas

 

[snowy ciara]

He's remarkably eloquent when he's drunk, isn't he? big hugs for the boys Sorry about the situation with your Mistress Aeroil. And bronn, it's gonna be okay. 'Cause I said it was and I'm willing to come kick some booty for you if you want me to!

 

[bronntanas]

He's remarkably eloquent when he's drunk, isn't he? big hugs for the boys Sorry about the situation with your Mistress Aeroil. And bronn, it's gonna be okay. 'Cause I said it was and I'm willing to come kick some booty for you if you want me to!

Heeey! I resemble that remark! Thanks for the offer Little Bit, but it's all more or less under control over here.

 

[landcruisergal]

My boy seduced me, with his ernest and honest persistence.
He admitted he was not domestically experianced but keen to serve me in whatever ways I wanted.
He was willing to accept strict restrictions on our interactions from my master, and knew I had absolutely no topping experiance.
He impressed me with his determination and acceptance. He courted me for a month. It was fun. The fact that I had a 25 y/o lusting for me was good for my ego.

 

[AAkasha]

My boy seduced me, with his ernest and honest persistence.
He admitted he was not domestically experianced but keen to serve me in whatever ways I wanted.
He was willing to accept strict restrictions on our interactions from my master, and knew I had absolutely no topping experiance.
He impressed me with his determination and acceptance. He courted me for a month. It was fun. The fact that I had a 25 y/o lusting for me was good for my ego.

I think this brings up a good point in that submissives CAN court femdoms and not have it come off the wrong way. And, in many cases, some subs really don't have a fighting chance if they don't. Otherwise, they are simply waiting to be recognized, and among the hordes of submissive "wannabees".

Some subs have mentioned that they do not want to approach/pursue a femdom because they fear looking or seeming like all those subs that BOTHER femdoms.

Subs need to realize you *can* approach a femdom (online or in person) and not come across that way. And, in doing so, you really do stand out. That gives you a good shot right out of the gate.

How do you do it? Well, first and most important -- you have to sincerely be interested in *her*, not just looking for "a femdom." Most femdoms are approached by subs who are obviously just going down the line, hoping one will say yes. Those get instantly thrown out the door. Would a vanilla woman allow herself to be chatted up by a man she saw hitting on 7 women before getting to her? She'd know he was just looking to get what he wanted -- from any woman who said yes.

Once you have decided you are interested in *her* specifically, approach her in a way that communicates that. Not a generic come on. And, I think it also will bode well for you if you don't court/pursue other femdoms at the same time (ie, if you are at a party, don't just go from woman to woman).

If you use online as a an analogy, you wouldn't just send a short, generic email to a femdom and hope she just happens to be stunned by your brilliance. You should mention something she wrote somewhere that seemed to talk to you, you should be specific about why you are writing to *her*.

Subs need to realize that by simply doing these things you put yourself way ahead of the majority "sub" crowd. But, it has to be sincere. Some subs it seems are so desperate and hopeful to connect that they will write any and every femdom they come across, and hope just one will respond, and THEN they will worry about chemistry or mutual interests (if he ever intends to care about that stuff at all).

Akasha

 

[Xelebes]

The trick is to give me a few drinks and I'm out of that damned mental block you other guys speak of. In a sober sense, yeah it works better if she makes the first move.

 

[SweetDommes]

I prefer a mutual courting for the relationship as a whole - for actual intimacy ... whoever makes the first move makes the first move (and that goes for each actual incounter, not just the first one). With one boy, it was me making the first move towards the bedroom/playroom ... with another, it was him, with ghosst, I am pretty sure it was Holly (I was delirious with fever at the time - mono sucks).

 

[landcruisergal]

I have to add, that my boy did court me in a "vanilla" way as well.
I was to be treated as a woman first and foremost.
I set a list of desirables for our first public meeting, and he found a place that met the criteria.He chose well.He was attentive and flattering in a subtle way.

He followed up with numerous requests to take me out again, and invited me over for dinner so he could cook for me.
I finally agreed to a restuarant and was happy with the way he acted, the perfect gentleman.
Then after much deep thought and discussions,phone calls and emails. I decided that he could serve me for an afternoon.

It was vitally important to me that he proved that it was "me" he wished to submit to, and that took some convincing.
It was no walk in the park for him,considering I hadn't topped before either, and at the time, had no real desire to.
I was and still am impressed with his patience, though I could sense his frustration, he never became pushy or demanding.
So nothing is impossible, if you do it right.

 

[jasonlf]

It was vitally important to me that he proved that it was "me" he wished to submit to, and that took some convincing.

Wow, that's almost the exact description of how I feel.

I want a female sub to want to be dominated *by me*, not just to be dominated.

That was enlightening.

 

[SweetDommes]

Wow, that's almost the exact description of how I feel.

I want a female sub to want to be dominated *by me*, not just to be dominated.

That was enlightening.

Pardon me if this sounds rude, but if you are a Dom who wants femsubs, why do you keep coming to the male sub threads and posting? And if you are a switch, why don't you ever post reflecting your sub side? The only posts that I remember having seen you make on this and the other thread started by ShadowsDream have been very "Domly" and honestly not very relavent to the thread's true topic.

And now, back on topic ...

We feel the same way as LCG does about wanting someone who wants to submit to Us and not just a doormat that submits to anyone who claims the title of Dominant. If we wanted that, we wouldn't still be looking for boys.

 

[landcruisergal]

sorry rambling on again.....

 

[jasonlf]

Pardon me if this sounds rude, but if you are a Dom who wants femsubs, why do you keep coming to the male sub threads and posting? And if you are a switch, why don't you ever post reflecting your sub side?

I post in these threads because sometimes I can identify more with the female dommes. If I post something saying "wow, I agree", or "thanks for the insight", I think it's not a negative thing. If the others have a problem with me posting in any thread that is labeled "for male subs", then, by all means, I'll comply. However, I see no harm in posting things, expecially things that are generally complimentary to my female counterparts, no matter what the thread.

*EDIT: I guess I just thought the point of these forums was to be inclusive of people in the lifestyle. If something I post benefits a male sub, or a female domme, then I'd consider it a good thing. But I guess what I think is wrong, apparently.

 

[SweetDommes]

I guess my point was that there are a lot of threads that are devoted to Dom/femsub relationships, and there aren't very many that are devoted to FemDom/male subs ... Yes, this is a place to be open, but at the same time, there aren't very many threads for FemDom/male subs to be themselves because of the plethora of M/f relationships and relationship seekers. This, I thought, would be one of the threads devoted to the F/m dynamic (the one that SD started is another) so I was wondering why you felt the need to post when you are proclaiming yourself to be a Dom.

 

[Netzach]

I guess with M it was sort of mutual. I walked over towards this incredibly attractive guy my own age in hopes of striking up a conversation and he, thankfully, had a bad line and a cute smile. The bad line turned into a good conversation.

He did still have to make that first move though. I'm not a very good extrovert and he's still the boy.

 

[onceburned]

I think this brings up a good point in that submissives CAN court femdoms and not have it come off the wrong way. And, in many cases, some subs really don't have a fighting chance if they don't. Otherwise, they are simply waiting to be recognized, and among the hordes of submissive "wannabees".

So very true! Its a nice fantasy to think of a domme seducing the poor innocent male sub (me, me, me!) but in real life its not going to happen.

Its not hard to make overtures without being pushy. Try to catch her attention and win her interest.

 

[SweetDommes]

So very true! Its a nice fantasy to think of a domme seducing the poor innocent male sub (me, me, me!) but in real life its not going to happen.

Its not hard to make overtures without being pushy. Try to catch her attention and win her interest.

*pokes onceburned* hey, do I know you from somewhere else?

Anyway, on topic ... yeah, it's definately possible to make the first move without being pushy, and some of us Domme-ly types are romantics at heart and want to be swept off our feet by a boy.

 

[onceburned]

erm... you may have seen me around.

Okay, back on topic.... male subs who are hesitant about approaching a domme might consider reading a short essay called How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last.

 

[SweetDommes]

Well, it's great to see you here ... if you're as active here as you are that other board that I know you from, I think we'll have more success keeping the F/m threads active

 

[roosterado9]

Ok Iwant to read that nice guys thing I'm always dead last in romance

 

[Aeroil]

Well, it's great to see you here ... if you're as active here as you are that other board that I know you from, I think we'll have more success keeping the F/m threads active

Lol, I'm actually surprised that we have like five threads active now, we had none a few weeks ago.

 

[onceburned]

I think we'll have more success keeping the F/m threads active

Well, that is the goal.

Once we show guys just how rewarding real world submission is, I am thinking that a lot of them will be heading to their local munch. Online submission is a pale imitation of the real thing.

And hey, if we can support some dommes in the process.... so much the better. For everyone!

 

[landcruisergal]

Well, that is the goal.

Once we show guys just how rewarding real world submission is, I am thinking that a lot of them will be heading to their local munch. Online submission is a pale imitation of the real thing.

And hey, if we can support some dommes in the process.... so much the better. For everyone!

Keep posting. I can do with the "support"
* back to lurking*