Second Shift

[Guest]

I have posted my first short story. "Second Shift". I would greatly enjoy some feedback. Just quick notes about what you liked and disliked about the story.

Title: Second Shift
Category: Novels and Novellas

Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=32096

Thanks,

El Cali

 

[MaxSebastian]

I thought this was a wonderful story: superbly written with delightful description through lyrical prose, leading up to an exquisite encounter between the two main characters.

Interesting little twist at the end, which partially explained the nameless nature of the two characters, though you do have to be careful that anonymity of characters doesn't lead to a loss of characterisation. Two easy ways of boosting characterisation is through well though-out naming, and interaction with other characters. I felt that the one real downside to this story was the lack of either of the characters even encountering anyone else. Their relative popularity within the office was hinted at in descriptive passages, but what might have been a boost would have been a little more dialogue towards the beginning - between themselves perhaps, but also with others in the office, especially the woman who wasn't in such an isolated office.

Point-of-view shifting within a story can disrupt proceedings, but here it was handled well enough to affect a positive tint rather than an irritating one. On the whole, a great little tale with ample reward for the reader by the end.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feed back,. If there are any writers out there who would like to trade feedback, post the location of your story and I will read them and post my thoughts. I have just uploaded a second story.
"Third Shift"
Not a sequel, just the next chapter in the series. I am currently working on the first shift story as we ll as a new short story. I hope to have both finished and posted soon.

Hope to hear from you guys soon.

El Cali

Second Shift can be found here
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=32096

I will post the URL as soon as Third Shift is posted.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feed back,. If there are any writers out there who would like to trade feedback, post the location of your story and I will read them and post my thoughts. I have just uploaded a second story.
"Third Shift"
Not a sequel, just the next chapter in the series. I am currently working on the first shift story as we ll as a new short story. I hope to have both finished and posted soon.

Hope to hear from you guys soon.

El Cali

Second Shift can be found here
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=32096

I will post the URL as soon as Third Shift is posted.

 

[Guest]

Hmmm

Okay. "Third Shift" is finally up and so far its been viewed over 4,000 times. (not to bad for a few days i guess) While I have gotten votes, I am missing the feed back, My offer still stands. Iwill be more than happy to offer feedback to anyone who would like some.

Third ShiftThird Shift

Coming Soon:

First Shift
Electric Conversation
Secret Service

See y'all online!

El Cali