Scared Soft

[Guest]

It was supposed to be my first time recently, but when the time came, I went soft and never got it back again.

I should say that I am 21 so there is no fear of this being a young post. Also, I am unregistered b/c i want to be totally annonomous(sp?) with this.

Back to my question, has this ever happened to anyone else. I'm told it's not uncommon but that's not making me feel much better. How can i get over this? if it happened to you or someone you know, how did they get over it? any advice would be welcomed.

 

[Guest]

Not sure how much it means but I should also add that it was her first time as well. Any input at all would be greatly appreciated so that I can maybe stop ripping myself apart and analyzing every single second.

 

[WhatsHerName]

You are stressing over it! Relax and enjoy the moment.....sex is suppose to be a pleasurable thing and if you worry and stress about performing..you will have problems!

 

[horny_giraffe]

First time coitus, I assume?

I always think of my first time as the time I first orgasmed in my partner's presence (hand job) It felt like the first time to me.

Coitus was much more gradual, as I recall. She was too tight at first, because she was scared or wasnt' ready. So we didn't do penetration for a long time, and it was definitely quite gradual.

I had a lot of trouble under some circumstances, but my trouble was not so much with being soft as just not coming to orgasm. I just kept going...and going...and going...I think I eventually gave up on several occasions.

I've resigned myself to the fact that sex is sometimes quite awkward or undignified. The best thing you can do is have a sense of humor about it and avoid taking yourself too seriously. Understand that you may not orgasm every time, and don't worry about performing like a seasoned pro. Ideally, you just want to make it overall as pleasant an experience as possible for everyone involved.

I don't know about you, but I don't get the opportunity to squeeze a woman's breasts that often or touch her in the ways she allows/requests when we are having sex. To me, that's some of the best part: playing around. If all I wanted was an orgasm, I may as well jerk off.

I understand the preoccupation with "losing it." The virgin status kind of sits there in your mind, and you feel like you've got a big "L" tatooed on your forehead. But there's no need to be all desperate about it. I "lost it" at the ripe old age of 28 years old. All in good time, man. If you learn to enjoy the foreplay, the rest will eventually follow.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Don't get so stressed over this. It's natural. I've been with men who were well experienced and they have gone soft. No amount of coaxing could get them up. Do I worry about it? Hell no! There are other things that you can do to please each other.
The main thing is to enjoy one another's company and maybe take the time to explore each others bodies. And when the time is right to insert you cock in to her, relax and allow yourself to feel the passion, not the fears. Truly there is nothing to fear. It's ALL good Babe!

 

[Dessert]

I've seen so many people posting about this exact same problem. It's all about enjoying yourselves and not building it up to be the best sex of your lives.
The one word answer: RELAX!

 

[DuckLover]

Don't beat yourself up!!

This happens to everyone. Being stressed, nervous, or otherwise less than totally relaxed can have a serious negative effect. It's important to be comfortable with your partner AND the setting.

Setting can be a MAJOR factor in having a positive experience. NEVER try to rush things ("My roomate will be home in 20 minutes!") and be sure to remove all possible interuptions (turn off the phone, lock the door, pull the blinds, etc). Try candles, soft music, and/or incense to keep the mood relaxing.

Since it's her first time too, you may be feeding off each other's anxiety, so do everything you can to minimize it. Don't set a "goal" of having intercourse, let it happen if it happens. As everyone else has said, enjoy what your doing, focus on making each other happy, and don't worry about the "next step". It'll happen on it's own. (Remember, you've both got several million years of hardwired biology urging you in that direction! Biologically speaking, this is the purpose of life!)

So chill; you're normal. The first time, by definition, happens only once, so relax and enjoy it. I hope your memory of the event turns out as pleasant as mine.

 

[Guest]

I'd just like to thank everyone for their replies to this question of mine. It was a real hit to my ego at the time, but I am slowly getting over it. It seems that the thing for me to do is just to try to relax and take things a step at a time.

Thanks again everyone