Scared, Bi-Male Unsure Never Followed Through

[SSmurfy]

Okay, long time reader, never went anyfurther..I believe I have been reading the literature here for AT LEAST 4 yrs. I am 25 male etc etc. Now here is my fearfull dilemma:


Firstly I am happily engaged BUT cannot EVER, (I LOVE HER with all my heart and soul) tell her cannot ever tell her how I have recently begun to feel.

I had a problem due to my stomache which had caused "prostate issues" after seeing a doc, and antibiotics etc, one thng he said to do was a "prostate massage" LONG STORY SHORT..... I want to experience a man I love my "backside" a ton but still love woman and TOTALLY love oral, I am fearful that I will get some sort of std (dont take offence please) and that is why I havent. I dont know how to go about this but want a male..hell want a couple in nyc to be with std free full time but dont know how, what or even scared when I do first meet them but MUST fullfill this side of me, any advice for a dumb young (STD FREE "supposibly decent looking" young idiot) who doesnt know what to do, or how to do it but cannot stop/give this up.....



Smurfy/(GSJ)

 

[WetDenise]

i don't have your answer, but i'm sure someone here will.
don't be afraid. there's nothing wrong with the way you feel. since you're in nyc, i'm sure you'll find a handful of interesting, clean men you can meet.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

SSmurfy

I have one small objection. How can you be engaged to a woman and yet contemplate doing something like this behind her back? If you can not ever tell her about your desires, you are heading for some serious heartache on both sides..especially if you discover that your needs only grow more intense as time passes.

Now I would not presume to tell you how to live your life but in this case it's not just about you. It's about your fiancee' as well.
I hope for your sake (and hers) that once you have your *fantasy* fulfilled you never go there again.Or if you do, you are at least open enough to tell her.

Now then..my mini lecture is over but please consider how you would feel if she went behind your back for some sort of sexual escapade...

(As for the other...try running a personal in the GBLT section)

 

[SSmurfy]

Re: SSmurfy

I truly first will say I only for as much as I/my heart desires only believe I want this experience to the fullest, saftest extent once before I commit for (and I truly feel this when it comes to marraige) for a lifetime commitment, second I hear/understand your objections due to my current (forever) relationship but in my own case/defence I had tried to explain just somewhat and after feeling secure and fine, weeks later I was embarressed if not internally ashamed by her true "feelings/reaction" to anything "behind" when it came to me, and this is just after self "enjoyment" and tring to invlove her...also I need a couple LOL not just a man because I do feel some reprehensity and embarrasment, and probably couldnt go fully thorugh if a woman wasnt part of this to be honest...I dont know what coould/would be taking place in the future after such but I just know I need to KNOW what I feel inside my heart for now...for long time just never able tol admit

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Ahh I see your point and I compliment you on it. I know it may be hard to deal with this particular want, especially since your lady wants no parts of it.

My advice to you is the same though..go to the GLBT personal section and post for couples in your area. Explain precisely what you want and write a little about yourself so the couples have something to go on.

That way, if you find anyone of interest, you can move to PM's, IM's or r/l meeting if applicable.

I hope that you find this experience before the marriage happens, SSmurfy. At least then, you will have a better understanding of yourself.

Luna

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[Etoile]

Is your interest in men because you like men, or because you're interested in anal play? If it's the former, that's fine. If it's the latter, though, there's no reason you can't do something like that with your fiancée! She can start with a finger or two if you don't want to spring strap-ons on her right away. Just let her know that you'd like her to play with your butt.

 

[SSmurfy]

I'm really not sure to be honest I mean I have viewed bi-porn and it does the latter that is, turn me on alot YET I cannot actually get turned off by just men vids etc, maybe its just the anal play, just not sure, yet had now 2 real opps for men single and me, but both I ran from, mainley because didnt know them and the way they approached, or maybe I NEED a woman always there, Im just not sure, but I know my fiancee is not happy with my "rear" facination at least not yet....thanks though for the advice...ust not sure and honestly no luck with (so far) personals to meetr a couple, everyone shows intrest but never realy true anyway it seems...

 

[emap]

Personals aren't always a good way to meet people, I had a few problems before finding my guy, one of them kept sending me things for quite some time. But if you truly want to have a male male experience your going to have to keep using them unless you can get enough courage together to visit a gay bar.

I don't really think you want a guy per se, from what you said about liking to watch men take cocks but not liking just men doing it, you just want to get a cock in your ass, it's disgusting to me, but not my ass either. Perhaps you had better try to get your fiance to do it for you as has been suggested.

Just start it off slow, maybe suggest it during sex, don't just blurt out I want you to fuck my ass but ask her to play with your cheeks, then suggest she moves closer to your ass then into. After she's used to that, start talking about a strap on. If she doesn't like the idea, tell her it's a fantasy you want to live, and that you will do one of her fantasies, either before or after, or both. The thing your missing is that a relationship is a two way street, if you were to go and find a couple to live out your fantasy, and she finds out, your short a fiance, if you do it and get a disease, your short a fiance.

Obviously your going to do whatever you want, I'm just pointing out some facts and offering an alternative that won't lose you a fiance. Well I suppose it could as well, but it would be better then, if she doesn't love you enough to at least let you try something, she's not worth keeping anyway.

 

[SSmurfy]

Yeah, really its just I like anal play I think, I mean I dont want to orally "take" a man, nor am sure want to have one "in" just like the feelings AND figured best way is with a couple being with a woman at same time, that DOES turn me on, but MM alone is a total turn off its wierd, and YES other reason I have done, probably havent gone further/succeded in finding any couple/ people is I am VERY (and know for fact Im free of as of lil while ago) VERY afraid of contracting asny STDs....Dunno just confused I guess

Also just wanted to say I truly appreciate everyone who has left me advice and honest feedback THANKS seriously

 

[Mallory69]

I totally understand what you are going through. It is difficult wanting to stay loyal and faithful to theone you love but having these desires at the same time hoping that she'll at least be receptive of the idea. You might try this though, During your intimate times with your fiance, you could try focusing all of your energy on pleasuring her from head to toe, during this time you might try lubricating your finger witheither her juices or something else and slowly inserting it into her ass. From this you could start a slow steady rhythym until she becomes used to the idea and enter a second finger. Ask her how it makes her feel and if she is enjoying the sensations she is getting. Be sure to let her know that HER pleasure is paramount at the time. During this time you can still focus on other parts of her body until she has a climax unlike any other. It is entirely possible that in the afterglow she might be willing at least to stimulate you in a similar manner. Have you esplained to her at all the reason behind your desire and the cause? She might be a bit more open to the fact that the prostate gland is indiscrimminate. It is an erogenous zone just like any other on our bodiies. Reassure her that you're not looking for a gay experience per se just that you have a need to have your special area stimulated. Failing that you may have to resort to just using your own finger(s) while in the shower or having a soak in the tub.

In either case I wish you the best of luck. Your dilemma is not uncommon.

Best wishes
Mallory

 

[shelleb4]

Hello ssmurfy,
im so sorry that your stuck in this quandry. You seem to be saying that you dont think its the homosexuality, its more anal play you want.

can i suggest you look at the bdsm forum in the library section, there is a anal thread. Here you will find couples of differring gender mixes are having a fabulously creative time without straying at all. Have you tried using a butt plug, your partner may accept this?

Whatever ssmurfy, liking anal play to wanting to be penetrated by a male is a huge leap. Im not sure how you get from one to the other? Initially it seemed you were wanting to have sex with a male, but then it seemed you were saying you wanted anal play. I guess this is a reflection of what is a very confusing issue for any bi curious male.

You really should try to sort this out before you commit to marriage. A marriage of two people not sexuallly compatable is a uphill struggle and will cause much pain and suffering to those trapped in one, including future children. Be really honest with your fiance, tell her what you would like, what youd like her to do to you, she has the right to your honesty. She also has the right to say no.

You are educating yourself now, keep going, dont stop till your questions and answers are better formed in your head, start by being honest with yourself and then your fiance.

 

[Etoile]

can i suggest you look at the bdsm forum in the library section, there is a anal thread. Here you will find couples of differring gender mixes are having a fabulously creative time without straying at all.

Your post is very wise, shelleb4, but I do worry about sending people to BDSM Talk sometimes. (Usually I don't say anything, but this has come up for me recently in How To as well.) Discussions can get pretty hardcore in BDSM Talk, and I wouldn't want somebody to feel that the light spanking, anal play, or whatever else they want is necessarily in the same category as some of the more intense stuff that gets discussed over there. It might scare them off whatever they wanted to do in the first place if they think it has to get that serious.

Just my http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/2cents.gif

 

[shelleb4]

Your right, it does get a little hard core very quickly in bdsm lol.

So ssmurfy, if your gonna peek, look straight ahead, neither left nor right, and dont come crying to me "my eyes, my eyes!" dragging a anal prolapse behind you (joke)

There really should be a half way house on Lit. For people who love sex for fun.

 

[Netzach]

"There really should be a half way house on Lit. For people who love sex for fun."

May I make this MY sig?

Awesome.


You know, I'm in a relationship with a bisexual guy who never ever thought he'd find a woman who could handle/accept his sexual perversity (heavily kinked to SM too)

I hate to be a bitch but I think a lot of men assume horrified screaming and running away reactions where there are none.

We're not the fragile flowers you guys think, some of us have kinks of our own, for God's sakes.

We don't all dry up and blow away when we discover a guy likes stuff up his bum.

And if we do freak out over it, usually a lot of questions get asked, it's not the reaction you might want at first, but if you give it some time it usually can be assimilated and accepted.

 

[John Doe]

"There really should be a half way house on Lit. For people who love sex for fun."

May I make this MY sig?

Awesome.


You know, I'm in a relationship with a bisexual guy who never ever thought he'd find a woman who could handle/accept his sexual perversity (heavily kinked to SM too)

I hate to be a bitch but I think a lot of men assume horrified screaming and running away reactions where there are none.

We're not the fragile flowers you guys think, some of us have kinks of our own, for God's sakes.

We don't all dry up and blow away when we discover a guy likes stuff up his bum.

And if we do freak out over it, usually a lot of questions get asked, it's not the reaction you might want at first, but if you give it some time it usually can be assimilated and accepted.

You don't know much about women, do you?

 

[Mallory69]

"There really should be a half way house on Lit. For people who love sex for fun."

May I make this MY sig?

Awesome.


You know, I'm in a relationship with a bisexual guy who never ever thought he'd find a woman who could handle/accept his sexual perversity (heavily kinked to SM too)

I hate to be a bitch but I think a lot of men assume horrified screaming and running away reactions where there are none.

We're not the fragile flowers you guys think, some of us have kinks of our own, for God's sakes.

We don't all dry up and blow away when we discover a guy likes stuff up his bum.

And if we do freak out over it, usually a lot of questions get asked, it's not the reaction you might want at first, but if you give it some time it usually can be assimilated and accepted.

So far none of the women I have met have been accepting of my alternate lifestyle, even those who were my supposed friends.

SSmurfy, Whatever you decide, remember, There can be no solid relationship if you must hide your true self from your partner. You will always have a sense of emptiness and longing. Communication is the key. I know that it may turn against you which would really suck ( take it from someone who knows, every time I open up it costs me) but it is still an important step and most likely a most crucial step if you want to have a solid relationship.

You might also try finding literature on the subject. I'm pretty sure that you will find a lot of here at Literotica in the stories section. You might also try to find literature that is more of an informative or educational nature which you can have her read so that she can be reassured that this is not uncommon in the activities some people might enjoy.

Best of luck
Mallory

 

[shelleb4]

Neztach - yeah, quote away.

 

[shelleb4]

Id like to add credence to the myth that women will faint and think your a disgusting perve if you so much as shake your arse in their direction, and object to Netzach dispelling this.

The more the male population believes women dont do this sorta thing then the more shocking i can be. So shhhhh.

 

[SSmurfy]

kinda curious?

Just recently I thaught about some things mainly my replies I have recieved. Well honestly I had/have signed up for various "relations/match-making" sites, all amountingt/seeming to be some what a joke. Now I have always enjoyed "certain" group sex stories one here, and well to be honest kinda hoped/wished Id have some NYC people respond/ possibly help me after I guess eventuall chats but so far again,I have had some great honest advice. I truly TRULY appreciate but still wish had other replies from possible "COUPLES" to teach/help/enlighten me on my secret/ultimate desires....anyways still EVERYONE thanks for the advicew and UNFORTUNATLY I cannot allow my fiancee (AND I TRULY DO LOVE HER) to find out how far my fantasys go, she cannot know she will/would never accept it....

 

[Etoile]

Re: kinda curious?

UNFORTUNATLY I cannot allow my fiancee (AND I TRULY DO LOVE HER) to find out how far my fantasys go, she cannot know she will/would never accept it....

If you cannot be honest with your wife-to-be, then I fear for your relationship.

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[south_florida_bicur]

correct me if I am wrong but isnt open communication one of the keys to a successful marriage?


Whoever posted this: She might be a bit more open to the fact that the prostate gland is indiscrimminate. It is an erogenous zone just like any other on our bodiies. is very right on. An exgf of mine open my mind to the anal area. She told me it was her fantasy but also told me that it is an erogenous zone and I probably will like it. Yes, she was 100% right.

I have said that same thing to Gf's after her and some were into it and some were not but the ones that were not into it was ok with me taking care of it by myself.

SSMURFY: I think you need to approach her with what you are thinking. It will only get worse as time goes on. If you do get married and then do something with a guy or a couple, then you are cheating on her. Cheating is not a healthy way to begin a relationship.