Sarah Davies - New Poem

[Sarah Davies]

Hi

I've written my first poem about a woman's hair.

It's very short and simple.

I'd appreciate it if you could take a minute to read it and give me some feedback.

Sarah

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=246718

 

[BluePoet]

Quite sweet.
Are you new to poetry?

 

[Sarah Davies]

I am. Is it that obvious? Can you tell?

 

[Sissy Adele Howells]

simple and sweet

Hi
Nothing wrong with your poetry. I love short poems and the two line stanza,s make it interesting. Would love to here more from you in other poems.
Keep writing and enjoy yourself.
SISSY ADELE

 

[WickedEve]

I am. Is it that obvious? Can you tell?

I read your poem a day or two ago. It does have room for improvement, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We all start out a bit awkward, using clichés, juvenile rhymes, lacking imagery, etc. Not saying your poem is guilty of all that, by the way. But none of that is really a problem. Those first poems we all write are like training wheels. The problem is later on if you're riding a tricycle at 20. So, enjoy poetry. Read tons of it. Write often. You will learn and improve.

 

[Sarah Davies]

Thanks for the encouragement - Sissy, you always me smile.

Sarah

 

[wildsweetone]

hi Sarah and welcome to the Poetry Forum

i liked the idea you have for your poem.

i too can see there are cliches i.e.
'dressed to the ‘nines’'
'I breathe in your scent'
'heaven sent'

i love the two words 'cinnamon shimmer'

it might be worth using those two words and writing another poem around them just to see what happens.



above all else, keep writing and keep an open mind for the critiques. if you want to improve this is a fantastic place to learn.

 

[Sarah Davies]

Thanks for your feedback.

Are cliches bad? I can see that the may become tiresome but are they always frowned upon?

 

[Liar]

Thanks for your feedback.

Are cliches bad? I can see that the may become tiresome but are they always frowned upon?

As long as you are aware of what effect a certain phrase has, you can choose to use it or not.

Phrases that are considered clichés will make many readers go "bleah!" and they will not take the poem seriously after that. If you're aware of that, it's up to you if and how you want to write it. Some of the best poems I've read have been full of clichés. But in a playful, or sometimes ironic way, that made the "bleah!" work to the poem's advantage.

 

[Sarah Davies]

That's great. Thanks for your help.

Sarah