Santa fired for writting abusive letters. MRS Claus to take over

[Phoenyx]

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a farking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

 

[modest mouse]

This is fucking hysterical.

(I renew my plea to keep all Xmas references under wraps until after Turkey Day, thank you.)

 

[PowerOfOne]

Re: Santa Fired....

ROFL!!! I am glad Santa got his seperation notice! I never did get the Ferrari that I asked for, over and over and over and over and over..etc.

 

[Phoenyx]

This is fucking hysterical.

(I renew my plea to keep all Xmas references under wraps until after Turkey Day, thank you.)

turney day in Canada come and gone

 

[modest mouse]

turney day in Canada come and gone

Point Taken Pheonyx.

My comment wasnt addressed to you really, your thread was just a convenient place to air my annoyance with Xmas beginning in mid-November. By the time it arrives I am sick of Santa and his damn drunken Elves.

I think I'm going for Channuka next year.

 

[PowerOfOne]

RE: Santa fired...

Point Taken Pheonyx.

My comment wasnt addressed to you really, your thread was just a convenient place to air my annoyance with Xmas beginning in mid-November. By the time it arrives I am sick of Santa and his damn drunken Elves.

I think I'm going for Channuka next year.

MM, if we go with Channuka do we have to fast because if we do....NO DAMN WAY!!! I love holiday food.

 

[LukkyKnight]

I resemble that remark...

I am NOT a drunken elf, damnit, I will thank you to refer to me as a
"height-challenged toy-and-reindeer-poop-specialist of Irish descent."

 

[morninggirl5]

Santa is really PC? Or PC is really Santa??

 

[PowerOfOne]

PC?

Santa is really PC? Or PC is really Santa??

You mean my PC is Santa?? Way to go Dell!!!!!!!

 

[Renegade]

LOL Nice post. That Santa actually reminds me of George Carlin for some reason.