Safe words...
- Thread starter witcha
- Start date
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
No, I can add more. I need to vent.
This guy made me angry. I could feel the ire building in my tummy as I read the thread. I hate it when people use BDSM as a guise to mistreat or misuse others.
I am so sorry you had to experience this, witcha. A safe word is a matter of honor and your understanding of how to use the word, how you proceeded into this was without reproach. Communication is key. He never should have assumed anything by how you used the words. To assume something implies there is some doubt. If there is any doubt, he should have stopped. Period.
He was no Dominant. He was Dork....with a capital D!
This guy made me angry. I could feel the ire building in my tummy as I read the thread. I hate it when people use BDSM as a guise to mistreat or misuse others.
I am so sorry you had to experience this, witcha. A safe word is a matter of honor and your understanding of how to use the word, how you proceeded into this was without reproach. Communication is key. He never should have assumed anything by how you used the words. To assume something implies there is some doubt. If there is any doubt, he should have stopped. Period.
He was no Dominant. He was Dork....with a capital D!
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
Question & Suggestion
Pardon me for persnickety, but i need to ask
The most common safe words i've heard used are internationally understood colors ... yellow for a warning, and red for stop. Granted, trying to remember a color when you're near panic proves rather difficult. The instant your partner flirts with a boundary, and you don't wish to test the envelope, they get the warning if you know them and have played before. For a new partner, give them the stop. Whatever you choose, make sure your partner understands what you tell them when you state your safe word(s). Make sure they have nothing to do with what might come in mid-rut. If nothing else, a non sequitur that makes no sense will cause a pause gaining you "huh?" time to bring play back under control.
As for your experience overall, and critique of both sides, you picked an inexperienced apple at best, rotten cantaloupe at worst out of the barrel. It happens to the best of us, and imparts no shame upon you. You do, however, bear responsibility for your own safety. You've acknowledged you flirted with disaster in your original post. Always have a plan for the worst case and most likely scenario. "pyl" does not connotate doormat. Don't be one when your exploration starts going sour.
Pardon me for persnickety, but i need to ask
Did you state your anus off-limits during the hard limit discussion? Without gory details, or perving from the peanut gallery, at any time did he have you restrained to the point you couldn't get up and walk away?witcha said:
If it's a hard limit, your partner doesn't get a mild warning. The partner should see a big flashing neon sign screaming NO in very clear language. i'd suggest, especially with a new partner, that you pick something that said partner can't miscontrue as "No! Oh please, don't stop ..."witcha said:
The most common safe words i've heard used are internationally understood colors ... yellow for a warning, and red for stop. Granted, trying to remember a color when you're near panic proves rather difficult. The instant your partner flirts with a boundary, and you don't wish to test the envelope, they get the warning if you know them and have played before. For a new partner, give them the stop. Whatever you choose, make sure your partner understands what you tell them when you state your safe word(s). Make sure they have nothing to do with what might come in mid-rut. If nothing else, a non sequitur that makes no sense will cause a pause gaining you "huh?" time to bring play back under control.
As for your experience overall, and critique of both sides, you picked an inexperienced apple at best, rotten cantaloupe at worst out of the barrel. It happens to the best of us, and imparts no shame upon you. You do, however, bear responsibility for your own safety. You've acknowledged you flirted with disaster in your original post. Always have a plan for the worst case and most likely scenario. "pyl" does not connotate doormat. Don't be one when your exploration starts going sour.
