Safe words - These may be really dumb questions but....

[bourbonslut]

What happens if you FORGET your "safe word?"

Seriously, this is not a joke, this happened to a couple of newbies and it was awkward and unpleasant to say the least.

Also, for a different set of circumstances, what if one's mouth is immobile (ie, taped/gagged), how does the "safe word" get utilized in a bondage situation?

Thanks. If I am in the wrong place feel free to redirect me.

 

[Bandit58]

What happens if you FORGET your "safe word?"

Seriously, this is not a joke, this happened to a couple of newbies and it was awkward and unpleasant to say the least.

Also, for a different set of circumstances, what if one's mouth is immobile (ie, taped/gagged), how does the "safe word" get utilized in a bondage situation?

Thanks. If I am in the wrong place feel free to redirect me.

For the safe word - that is why it's best to keep it simple. We use colours, yellow for "slow down" and red for "STOP NOW".

If you are gagged a signal needs to be agreed on, perhaps a series of raps on a bedpost or holding a small object which can be dropped if needed.

 

[Aeroil]

if you're going to be gagging or being gagged then you should also talk about a 'safe gesture' ....dunno what that would be, perhaps some of the more experienced people would know some good gestures to use....

-edit- hmm.....seems bandit beat me by a few seconds....

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What happens if you FORGET your "safe word?"

Seriously, this is not a joke, this happened to a couple of newbies and it was awkward and unpleasant to say the least.

Also, for a different set of circumstances, what if one's mouth is immobile (ie, taped/gagged), how does the "safe word" get utilized in a bondage situation?

Thanks. If I am in the wrong place feel free to redirect me.

The most common and easiest solution for both newbies and those gagged is a simple scarf in the hand.

If it drops, play stops.

The person in charge of the scene can take the time to assess the situation by talking to the playmate. If the dropper did so by accident, play continues.

Other info exists here.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=304014

 

[graceanne]

When I'm gagged I'm supposed to snap for my safe word. I've also heard of people holding a ball in their hand that if they drop will jingle.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I've also heard of people holding a ball in their hand that if they drop will jingle.

Actually, i'm thinking of requiring they hold a bowling ball for future encounters.

• Mistaking/ignoring the drop of that ball in the noisiest of conditions becomes nearly impossible.
• Developing a Kung-Fu grip in a playmate could have definite advantages ...

 

[Etoile]

I've heard of a set of keys used the same way.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I've heard of a set of keys used the same way.

i'd get tempted to use the keys for other things.

 

[Bandit58]

Just a little comment about the title of the thread - there is no such thing as a "dumb question". Asking questions is the way we learn, ask any child I didn't know anything about BDSM before I came to Lit. I've read and asked questions, no matter how "dumb" I thought they were, and I still have lots to learn!

 

[Aeroil]

Perhaps "question with an obvious answer" would be a better term then.... or "question with a widely-known answer"...but then again those don't sound as good

 

[Mr Blonde]

Forgetful? It's not like there are any protocols for such a situation. Someone saying "I am trying to safeword" or "I have forgotten my safeword" would suffice.

Gagged? A combination of short and extended grunts used in quick succession can serve as the safeword.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Safe words - These may be really dumb questions but....

Forgetful? It's not like there are any protocols for such a situation. Someone saying "I am trying to safeword" or "I have forgotten my safeword" would suffice.

Gagged? A combination of short and extended grunts used in quick succession can serve as the safeword.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a lot of pain?

You can forget your own name.

As for a quick succession of grunts, what's the difference between that and simply enjoying the hell out of your beating?

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Re: Re: Re: Safe words - These may be really dumb questions but....

As for a quick succession of grunts, what's the difference between that and simply enjoying the hell out of your beating?

and may i add .....
Or not enjoying your beating but still not intending to safeword

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Safe words - These may be really dumb questions but....

and may i add .....
Or not enjoying your beating but still not intending to safeword

i've known both. Then again, i've known folks to hold onto things for dear life when in agony. Subject to them passing out, whatever they have gripped in their hand doesn't fall, but you counter that by paying attention to white knuckle syndrome.

 

[RogRamJet]

Just abstain. Problem avoided.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Just abstain. Problem avoided.

You must be great fun to date.




(p.s. to my Pal... I actually found a thread that deserved my pearls of wisdom.)

 

[blue kat]

What happens if you FORGET your "safe word?"

Seriously, this is not a joke, this happened to a couple of newbies and it was awkward and unpleasant to say the least.

Also, for a different set of circumstances, what if one's mouth is immobile (ie, taped/gagged), how does the "safe word" get utilized in a bondage situation?

Thanks. If I am in the wrong place feel free to redirect me.

Nope, not a dumb question. Usually if a safeword gets forgotten people get hurt. I've never encountered that, yet. But let me state the obvious and suggest easy things to remember. I'm fond of "red". Simply, easy, direct and it's starting to become a bit of a standard. Another good one is to have the sub use their own name. I'm used to hearing my name yelled durning a scene (but when did I become "oh God!"? lol) but it's kind of rare to yell your ownname. The hardest one I've seen to remember was this Dominant who had a whole rainbow of safewords for the sub to remember. Like 8 or 9 of them. Green was go, Red was stop, and in between there was stuff like "Mauve for 'I'm doing fine but lets switch instruments' " and " Pink means 'I'm doing fine but I'd rather fuck right now' ".

Other than that, because safewords do get forgotten or pyls get stoic the best advice I can offer it to pay attention.

The safe signal thing is pretty well covered. I like using a couple of jingle bells on a string. I've never used them otherwise in a scene and they're pretty noisy when they hit the ground.

 

[Miss Diva]

Just abstain. Problem avoided.

Abstain from what: sex, bsdm, internet, chat rooms....

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You must be great fun to date.

IF s/he could get him out of the Amateur Feedback thread long enough to look at her/him.

 

[A Desert Rose]

IF s/he could get him out of the Amateur Feedback thread long enough to look at her/him.

Hey... I think he was in that chat room I was webcamming in the other night.

 

[h_i_s]

Master and i do not use safe words. While it's not a good choice for everyone it works for us. i trust Him. He knows my tolerance levels. He knows the differences of good grunts and groans and screams vs. the not good ones which signal Him to stop. His focus is always on my reactions whether physical or verbal. He knows my reactions better than even i do at times.

When in sub space it is not always possible to clearly express myself verbally, or even otherwise at times. Safe words do not always work, and sometimes can even add to the possibility of things going wrong.

When gagged, or restrained in any form.... due to Master's health and the possiblity that i may actually have to free myself, the gag ball is always loose enough that i can spit it out to talk if need be. One copy of the cuff keys are on the bed during play (a spare set on the dresser at all times too), and the eyehook in the ceiling which is used for securing the cuffs to is open ended. i can free myself in the event of an emergency in no more than 30 seconds.

The best example of actual safe "words" are never rehearsed, or memorized and Master knows that i never 'cry wolf'. When i say STOP there is no mistaking that it's a call for all play to STOP. i don't use the word half heartedly. my exclaiming in a highly less than submissive and annoyed tone, "FUCKKKK. STOPPPPPPPPPP! my ankle ... NOoooo! Other one! Fuck. Cuff! Digging...... grrrrr OWWW! God daymn it that fuckin hurts!"..... is simple, effective and well understood. It's worked every time so far.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hey... I think he was in that chat room I was webcamming in the other night.

RogRamJet's Last post: 01-24-2005 06:08 PM
My webcam journals

Talk about prophetic... LMAO.

Can we pick 'em or can we pick 'em?


Oh and on topic? I don't use safe words unless you count "Hey, that hurts!"

 

["angel" eve]

scinn0cent1 has a point:

"exclaiming in a highly less than submissive and annoyed tone, "FUCKKKK. STOPPPPPPPPPP! my ankle ... NOoooo! Other one! Fuck. Cuff! Digging...... grrrrr OWWW! God daymn it that fuckin hurts!"..... is simple, effective and well understood. It's worked every time so far."

my partner has used that safeword a number of times.

our actual safeword has only ever been used once. since crying wolf as you say would be unacceptable, and secondly either of us is much more likely to notice something is wrong and ask about it than wait for a safeword.

In my opinion, being in tune with each other's reactions is extremely important, but I prefer having the option of a safeword as well.

 

[big salami]

scinn0cent1 has a point:

"exclaiming in a highly less than submissive and annoyed tone, "FUCKKKK. STOPPPPPPPPPP! my ankle ... NOoooo! Other one! Fuck. Cuff! Digging...... grrrrr OWWW! God daymn it that fuckin hurts!"..... is simple, effective and well understood. It's worked every time so far."

my partner has used that safeword a number of times.

our actual safeword has only ever been used once. since crying wolf as you say would be unacceptable, and secondly either of us is much more likely to notice something is wrong and ask about it than wait for a safeword.

In my opinion, being in tune with each other's reactions is extremely important, but I prefer having the option of a safeword as well.

I gotta say I go with this view my subs always choose their own safe words, usually it's something/someone who or which is important to them.

If theyre secured on a bed/couch etc. it may not always be possible to drop something that falls and even if it is, a relaxation of the hand whilst in enjoyable situations is always possible anyway so, some taps of the hand either on the Dom or in whatever place is handy and visible seems to have sufficed in the past! (worst case scenario up to now was an attack of cramp!)

 

[bourbonslut]

Thanks!

Thank you all!

We (yes I'm talking about us!) were new at exploring these kinds of situations, were switching roles, and had gotten in a bit over our heads, so to speak. I think that given the level of activity, holding on to a ball to drop may be diffficult but having something nearby may be cool, I'll have to experiment with that one! And yes, picking a simpler word like "red" maybe wiser. I understand what folks are saying about knowing someone really well and trust and all, but this was really new territory.

again, thank you! it's been a while since i've been around here.