Sado-Masochism - Reality or fantasy?

[Flagg]

In a number of threads (like all of them!) there has been a lot of talk about spanking. It would seem that everyone wants to be spanked black and blue all day long.

Now I suspect this it is mostly for fun (though to some like myself it is just plain irratating though I really shouldn't get into that now) but are there any of you out there (apart from Hecate obviously!) who actually actively indulge in such practices even in just a mild form?

I'm sorry if the over-parenthesisising (what a cool word I just made up!) made this post too complicated (i.e not simple) to read, its just I have many after thoughts you see.

 

[Jeff726]

It is a fantasy of mine to have a woman take control of me and have her way. I don't know how or why it happened, but the thought of being dominated for a day seems to really turn me on. Being spanked as a sexual act is something I am willing to try with the right person. *turns eyes to Isabella again* hehe

 

[Hecate]

Ohhh nooo - another thread I would love to get into...

.. and just don't have the time right now...

I sure will not be able (nor do I want to) give an explanation of this lifestyle/scene in a post on this BB. There is a lot of rumours going on and a few prejudices just seem to be "un-killable" .. nothing to be done about I think *shrugging shoulders*

I have noticed this development you describe on the net in general, and I am working on a lengthy essay about all the fascination, myth and reality of this from my personal point of view atm. (so Flagg, or anyone else who is really seriously inquiering feel free to mail me, or please have a little patience till I have updated my site on this issue.)

Just ONE thing I NEED to straighten out! there is a hell of a difference about smacking someone around, beating someone up , having someone wear black and blue bruises and an experienced and well calculated consentual administering of desired pain to whatever the degree!

I too do think it is mainly a fun attitude for most around here (trust me - a RL spanking still HURTS even if done for erotic purposes ) but I don't really mind and never would want to discourage anyone from something new he/she would like to fantasize about or experiment with. Isn't this a little the things we seek most about this site? Doing and opening up to the ideas most of us wouldn't dare "out there"?

But a tiny bit of warning - as we do see on some TV shows and adds - don't try IRL unless you know exactly what you are doing!!!

God - I really have to go but I assume I need to get back to this later. *sighs*


PS: Just out of curiousity, Flagg, what did make you assume I was different from anyone else in regards to the "reality" of my relation to the BDSM lifestyle?

 

[Laurel]

I hated being spanked when I was a kid, and I'm not too keen on it now. It's nice to have your butt grabbed, but swatted is something entirely different. If there's one thing I've learned in my 28 years on this planet, it's that Pain Hurts, and I try very hard to avoid things that hurt. Wimp? Possibly..

 

[Guest]

D/s and BDSM is not a fantasy or a life-style for me. It IS my life... It's a part of me. Granted I flirt a LOT on here, things I talk about (or the nature of my flirting) is an expression of myself. There is no "net me" and "real me". And there is no fantasy that I only "dream" about. At some point in time every fantasy I have (or ever have had) will become a reality! And hopefully over and over again!


~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/sd3/lise.gif

 

[Flagg]

PS: Just out of curiousity, Flagg, what did make you assume I was different from anyone else in regards to the "reality" of my relation to the BDSM lifestyle?

The username, your homepage and your signature image. I hope you don't mind me making the assumption!

 

[Nicole]

Okay Flagg since I have been doing most of the spanking round here lately .... Yes I do enjoy being spanked, but it has to be in an erotic situation ... ie. during intercourse ... you know Doggie Style ... or getting me into the whole Domination feel of sex ... I love to be dominated.

You see I like to fight during sex, so the whole spanking thing comes into play there. You know to get me under control so to speak. Now I know that this isn't for everyone, and I don't beleive that it should be. So I like the whole pain aspect of sex ... so what, isn't that my business.

I'm not the type that goes for the whole "Lets make love" I want to be Fucked and I want to be Fucked good. So to be spanked or dominated during sex is actually a turn on for me. So I may be different in my tastes ... were not all the same.

I also like to be called names, degraded, have a man put me down, pull my hair and even to slap me during sex. I enjoy it ... what can I say.

Does this change who I am away from the bedroom (or whatever room we may be in). I would have to say that I would shock most of the people that I know. Away from the bedroom I am actually pretty shy when it comes to sex, so if people that I knew or had grown up with knew what I was like in the bedroom they could end up having heart attack. I am the type that turns away when people kiss in public ... but that's just me, the way I have always been.

So to end this damn long answer ... Yes I do enjoy a good spanking, But only to recieve ... I could never give.

Thank-you

P.S. Flagg we know it pisses you off, but the board is for everyone and some of us like to roll and have fun with it. I personally don't like the threads on religion or Polotics ... so when I see them I keep going. Sorry just my view.

 

[Sammyjo]

I'm with Tiggs on this one...I have been living it pretty much for 2 years...and when I look back on it, I've actually been living it my entire life in one form or another.

My last day in Toronto was probably the best sex either of us have had. I was laying face down on the bed, fully clothed, ready to check out of the hotel. He was laying next to me, I made some light comment of needing to get me out of town so he could get to his real girlfriend...guess I shouldn't have said that...heehee...At first, the spanks weren't so hard, I thought that he was actually just messing around. I think 10 minutes into it, I FINALLY caught on. This wasn't the first time, so it didn't come as a shock. And I was more turned on in that hour and a half than I have been in a long time.

I do not get into the severe...anyone draws blood on me and they are history. It takes some time to cultivate a good relationship. A lot of "this is ok, that is not" is needed. And you definitely need a partner that understands where the line is. In most cases signing a contract is probably a good idea. These relationships are similar to a marriage, and even the "casual" need to be placed in a position of importance in both people's lives.

 

[Nicole]

Can I just add ... I agree with Sammy on the point of having a trusting partner.

Try this ... have a word that lets your partner know when they have gone to far ... Like Coffee or something, but something that is totally away from the situation that you are in. Scream the word if it gets too much for you, and if your Partner is trustworthy then they will stop.

Just like being tied up, have a word that lets them know "Hey you have gone too far".

Look Like I said before this isn't for everyone ... and also like Sammy I would hurt someone back if they drew blood on me. I'm not into the extreme of it all.

You really do need to find a partner though that is into it aswell because if one enjoys the other should too.

Sorry this went on longer than I expected.

 

[Flagg]

Don't worry Nicole, this thread wasn't aimed at arguing with anyone.

Very interesting answers so far...

 

[Nicole]

I didn't think you were arguing with me Flagg ... Have we actually done that yet??? You scare me I am not about to pick a fight with you. I'm not THAT silly.

I hope I answered your question well and if you want to know more then please feel free to ask me ... I'm here to help.

I'm actually quite scared to tell you the truth, that I am into what I am ... But you see I have a very high pain threshold. The name calling just plain turns me on. I must be a sicko in someone's eyes out there.

Anyway I'm rambling today arn't I???? Sorry about that Flagg.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Pretty in Pink

Originally posted by Flagg are there any of you out there (apart from Hecate obviously!) who actually actively indulge in such practices even in just a mild form?

ummm .... oh dear .. have you seen my spanking pics Mr. Flagg? lol

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I like to get spanked but only sometimes. It seems to add some spice to the sex life. I don't think though that I would enjoy it if it was done in anger. There seems to be (at least with me) a time and a place for it. But if your not into it I don't think you should do it. I don't like my hair being pulled but some might find that a turn on. So to each it's own.
Like my mother said a little spank never did no harm.

 

[Flagg]

Nicole - I think you may be right - we haven't argued have we? We'll have to settle that some other time

I really don't think I could do the name-calling, slapping, hurting thing with my partner. Not wanting to be all gooey or anything but its just that I really love her. *flagg you are ruining any reputation you may once have had!* I'm not saying that there is no love in the kind of relationships you have Nicole. I wouldn't dream of casting such aspersions. But the thing is that I simply couldn't bring myself to do it and just wouldn't enjoy it. You are right though, everyone does their own thing and thats fine. You certainly aren't a sicko!

Ms. Isabella - pictures? what pictures?

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Now Mr. Flagg luv .. check under my bio in member profile .. look for "Isabella gets a spanking" .. i think that is where you will find my spanking pics *blushing (well not really)*lol .. BUT i am NOT a sicko .. lol again ..

hey i think spanking is really popular in britain, right? .. in fact i have visited an english spanking site on the net .. with a spanking chat room and everything .. and i have had on line friends from england who like to spank ..

oh btw Mr. Flagg .. you haven't told us your preferences .. do you like to be spanked or are you the spankee? does it make your horny baby lol? oh behave!

 

[Nicole]

*holding up fists* Oh some other time ... Ummm ... well I kinda like that we haven't fought actually, and no matter what people say I LIKE you.

You know I understand what you are saying but here's a little secret about Nicole ... I like the roughness DURING sex ... Afterwards I like to do the cuddling, the kissing and the lying on my mans chest, wrapped in his arms. Him running his fingers across my face, where he may have just slapped me. I'm a big softy after the sex ... But shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Just between you and I okay??

I appriciate that you don't think I'm a sicko but, there are people out there that are strictly Missionary position people, so they may just think that I'm a little sick.

I have to agree also that I'm not into this everytime I have sex just 90% of the time.

Now how did you get me to open up about all this then??? People have tried but I have managed to keep it to myself up until now.

Flagg you do realise for this I now like you a hell of alot more. Now your stuck with me, even if you don't want me

 

[Isabella Thorne]

I want you Nikki too!

 

[Nicole]

Little Miss Isabella I will not turn Flagg's thread into a flirtfest. I promise never to do that to Flagg.

Come over to that other thread and I'll spank you over there.

See Flagg I have a serious side too, it's just that I don't like to show it off too often.

And just while your here ... I think it's great that your like that with your girlfriend and she is lucky to have a man like you. You sound like you are very much in love with her.

Here is a question though .... What would you do if she one night begged you to spank her??? Take your time to think about this, because I know what you have said about not wanting to ever hurt her. But if she actually Begged you what would you do???

 

[Cheyenne]

I haven't particpated in the spanking threads on the boards, or in real life. I'm with Laurel- getting spanked as a kid was not fun. It hurts, and pain doesn't turn me on.

I wouldn't mind doing things that would be considered "submissive" to the partner, but that just isn't quite the same thing as having pain inflicted on me. Being submissive and letting someone else take the lead in sex is a nice break for me from my work life where I'm the boss. That gets tiring all the time.

 

[Flagg]

Mmm ... if my gf begged me to slap her, what would I do? You're right its not an easy question. I'd want to indulge her fantasies yet at the same time I'd be worried about it. I think the reason for that is that I'd be worried that I'd actually enjoy doing it. The feeling of dominance and power might be something that I'd get a taste for and I'd be uneasy to say the least with that.

I suppose you could say that I'm the dominant one in the relationship in the sense that she looks to me for advice and guidance and sort of follows my lead (though don't get me wrong she is as bloody minded and independent as the next woman and thank god for that!). I wouldn't want to take that a stage further.

But as with everything I guess one shouldn't rule it out completely.

 

[Hecate]

Just a quick peek in here ...

I want to point out that there is A LOT MORE to a D/s relation than physical acts ... actually spanking or inflicting/receiving pain at all is NOT a fixed or constantly present part of a D/s relation (not in my books anyway) ... it is a feeling, a way of dealing with each other, a way of showing trust and affection and more than everything it is something to happen in the heart and mind of those involved, it is an attitude.

So I would kindly ask to not equal any form of pain with a D/s relation, and I may seem picky but as the thread title stated - it is SM we are talking here and THAT is something I personally am not considering a healthy base for any relation at all - it can be an additional aspect of erotic encounters but that is about it! There is NO ROOM and NO EXCUSE for violence outside a set and consensual scenario even in a D/s relation.

ok- now that that is out of my system I gotta run again *s* ... but I have a feeling it will not be my last statement on this subject

 

[Expertise]

I am in agreement with Flagg here. If thats your trip then go to it. It is certainly not sick or for that matter particularly unusual.

Personally it is not something that particularly appeals to me. If I misspeak here I appologize. The D/s thing can be kinda' fun on occassion. But the SM version is not something I am in to. I have been asked by several partners to be both verbally and physically dominant,I repeat dominant, and its great (on occassion). And, although I never asked for it, partners have assumed the D role with me and thats cool (on occassion) as well.

But I have been asked to be actually violent (my view) slaps, holds, leave a mark, draw blood type things and I am just plain not in to that. There isn't much that I won't do to pleasure my partner but that is one.#1 I am a pretty big guy and am afraid of actually doing serious physical harm. #2 I derive ZERO satisfaction from the very idea of it and would feel awful about actually doing it.

I guess if I want to be involved in a violent physical altercation i'll walk into our local "Country & Western Bar" and call someone a crossdressing cocksucker or something.

In closing ... whatever floats your boat...but if its SM i'll be tied up at the dock.

 

[Flagg]

In closing ... whatever floats your boat...but if its SM i'll be tied up at the dock.

I like your words there! Did you read that somewhere or did you make it up on the spur of the moment?

 

[Expertise]

It would be mine all mine.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I've spanked, I've tickled, I've fought, I've pinned down -- but ONLY when I'm sure my partner is into it, because nothing makes my weiner shrink faster than the prospect of "force" on a woman. It has to be play.

What a wierd, wicked line that is.