Saddam Blinks, Begins Revealing Weapons

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(2003-02-06) -- With the threat of additional inspections looming, Saddam Hussein today ordered his military commanders to begin opening up sites where the Iraqi government has hidden weapons of mass destruction.

Around the country, bunker doors opened and Iraqi soldiers wheeled out truckloads of missiles and canisters of chemical and biological agents. Often they simply laid them on the ground and put yellow plastic "police tape" around them to warn innocent civilians of the danger.

Meanwhile, at an airport near Baghdad, dozens of Iraqi scientists and their families boarded charter jets to make the trip to a neutral site where they could be interviewed about their work on weapons of mass destruction.

Mr. Hussein said it was the relentless call for more inspections that finally made him blink, and capitulate to the demands of United Nations Security Council Resolution 1441.

"A man can only take so much pressure," said Mr. Hussein. "The French, Germans, Chinese and Russians remained steadfast in their demand for continuing inspections, and we are frankly helpless to resist the force of their will."
 
In addition, Hussein also revealed that:

  • he is responsible for the movie Glitter
  • he paid Michael Jackson to get plastic surgery
  • the TV show "Survivor" was based on a concept he created with fourteen civilians and a canister of anthrax
  • he owns Starbucks
  • he has deliberately sabotaged the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox
  • he's Tom Selleck's evil twin
  • he habitually tears off the "DO NOT REMOVE" mattress tags
  • he was married to Jennifer Lopez for eight weeks

TB4p
 
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