Run away, my first short story.

[Divine Deception]

As the title says, this is my first short story. Well on Literotica that is. Short it is – since it was originally a quick one shot. I lack an editor, but I did re-read it half a dozen times in hopes of catching all the errors. I’m pretty sure that there are quite a few and I apologize in advanced.

Since this is my first, It in the non-erotic genre (sorry folks), because I wanted to get a feel of the site.

I absolutely love constructive criticism and pointers!


http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=226610


Btw: Is 5.00 good? I’m new to this whole rating system.

 

[CopyCarver]

re: The Tragic Hunter

Hi Divine,

I'm pretty backed up tonight but a quick scan of "The Tragic Hunter" makes me want to give it the time it deserves, later tonight or tomorrow.
I'll be sure and get back to you.

I's a professional book editor by day and a Lit volunteer by night. I'd be happy to assist if you're still looking for a "helpful ogre."

 

[Divine Deception]

CopyCarver - Thank you so much, can't wait for the feedback! Yes, I'm still looking for an 'ogre'. <3

 

[kbate]

Overall? I think it is an interesting story.

There are sufficient oddities to make it hard to enjoy completely.

I do not understand how in paragraph one - does one relinquish the rain?
I do not understand the prudent smell of spirits - how is drunkenness prudent.?

Many sentences would read better with commas in the correct places.

Several words are misspelled, but not in ways spell check will find.

(accept should be except) (moonlit should be moonlight) (please should be pleas)


In one place with the robber you use the term "hand over your money", in another you use 'and over the money. His accent and manner of speaking should remain consistent.

 

[CopyCarver]

Editor who needs to edit myself

CopyCarver - Thank you so much, can't wait for the feedback! Yes, I'm still looking for an 'ogre'. <3

DD,

I'll get the eval. to you tomorrow. You probably wouldn't want the kind of work my dead-tired brain is doing tonight...especially now that I've noticed that I wrote I's instead of I'm.