Rude Cryptic Clue Thread

Okay, I need to explain the remaining clue type: The CHARADE.

Suppose you wanted to provide a clue for "Courteney Cox". You can break down the answer like this, and provide clues for each part, like a game of charades:

One of the Friends caught knee, we hear, getting an apple (9,3)


You could clue "Orgasm" like this:

Alternative to Helium, for instance, may first produce sexual release (7)

Which breaks down like this:
First, we have the cryptic part, which is a charade

Alternative -- OR
Helium, for instance -- GAS
may first -- M (the first letter of "may" -- tricky but just about OK)

sexual release -- definition part
 
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Okay, I need to explain the remaining clue type: The CHARADE.

Suppose you wanted to provide a clue for "Courteney Cox". You can break down the answer like this, and provide clues for each part, like a game of charades:

One of the Friends caught knee, we hear, getting an apple (9,3)


You could clue "Orgasm" like this:

Alternative to Helium, for instance, may first produce sexual release (7)

Which breaks down like this:
First, we have the cryptic part, which is a charade

Alternative -- OR
Helium, for instance -- GAS
may first -- M (the first letter of "may" -- tricky but just about OK)

sexual release -- definition part

I'm not nearly clever enough for this.
 
'007 and antiquity have got it all tied up':

B _ _ _ _ _ _


Too easy, I know...
 
Ornate Images seen by threesome (6, 1, 5)

OK, so 'Ornate Images' is the bit to be anagrammed. Seen by threesome muddles me a bit... Um... 'seen by' would be an indicator of some kind, correct? What is the relevance of the threesome bit?
 
Oops...didn't see the earlier answer.
 
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Easy, Menage a Trois.

Strap-towers, to a sea-doo (11).

Watersports



OK, tell me if this is too obscure (I'm cryptically a virgin, y'know!):

Able body, in a puddle. (5)
 
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Yes, it's too obscure, even though I think I got it. There's actually a precision to good cryptic clues. It's hard to identify precisely, but your clue, and "Strap-towers, to a sea-doo" too, wouldn't quite cut it in a newspaper crossword.

In Xelebes' case (BTW "xelebes" is a perfect pseudonym for a crossword-setter) it's "to a" -- that phrase is misleading in a bad sense. "to a" doesn't indicate an angram -- it indicates that the solver needs to add something to something, in a charade type clue. E.G.

charge to dog creating flow of electricity - (CUR-RENT)

But the most important thing to get right in a cryptic clue is the definition. In almost all cases a clear definition should be there in the clue. Now I had to look up Sea-doo to check whether in slang it meant "watersports", and it doesn't. So the clue needs an explicit definition of "watersports" to work.


In your case, if I've guessed correctly, you're making a pun using a homonym - which fact needs to be indicated in some way. Also, "puddle" is too obscure a definition.

But it's close to a good clue! Able Body heard making man-juice?
 
Okay, I don't who you are, but hopefully one or two of you are cryptic crossword fans.

For those that aren't, just watch and clap politely.

Years ago I used to be a cryptic crossword setter for a puzzle magazine, and the habit has never left me. I'm always thinking up cryptic clues.

Feel free to contribute your own clues to this thread, in the spirit of the Times/Telegraph/Guardian cryptic clues

Okay, the first clue:

Distributes leaflets and sucks cock (8)

Tony Blair?
 
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