Rough & Loving It

[IsabellaSnow]

A lot of my vanilla mates can't understand why I like it rough.

And, sadly, articulate though I may be on occasion, what I "get out of it" isn't necessarily easy to verbalize.

So I ask you now:



What do you get out of being thrown around, bitten, pinned to the floor/bed/kitchen sink, etc?



And what do the rest of you get out of doing the throwing around?




Cos I just can't put it into words beyond the oversimplified "thrill" "excitement" "fulfillment" etc....

Can you?

 

[Yang4yin]

It has a lot to do with having control over someone.
Physical control. Sheer dominance.

And watching her bounce on the bed is kinda fun, too.



.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

It has a lot to do with having control over someone.
Physical control. Sheer dominance.

I can relate -

But what do you *get* out of it?

What's that thing that would be lacking if you weren't *allowed* to dominate her?

 

[Yang4yin]

Good old fashioned physicality.
A return to animalistic urges.

Ask Dmitriy.

 

[Dragonteeth]

A lot of my vanilla mates can't understand why I like it rough.

And, sadly, articulate though I may be on occasion, what I "get out of it" isn't necessarily easy to verbalize.

So I ask you now:



What do you get out of being thrown around, bitten, pinned to the floor/bed/kitchen sink, etc?



And what do the rest of you get out of doing the throwing around?




Cos I just can't put it into words beyond the oversimplified "thrill" "excitement" "fulfillment" etc....

Can you?

For myself as your question applies to my BDSM practices it's about POWER. Sharing it, giving it, taking it and exchanging it.

You surrender your Power or have it taken from you. In addidition in the kind of scene you describe there is a lot of adrenalin flowing, and probably some Endorfins too. Then there's the intensity of th orgasm itself. Restraint whether by ropes, straps or someones powerfull gip has a very specific effect.

Think first about what happens when you have a "normal" orgasm. Your muscles clench and spasm in an uncontroled way. If I "restrain" you, I gain some controll over your muscles, give them something to clench against, to pull against. What do you think is going to happen then?

If you're thinking something like "one of the most intense orgasms EVER..." You are probably not far wrong.

This is of course only my own understanding of the situation, based on personal experience... "your mileage may vary"...

 

[nymphee]

Surely explaining it would be a bad thing? When we can explain something it always seems less intoxicating- if the people who indulge in submission could understand why they love it, most of them would stop writing about it, talking about it, people would never find out anything new. It wouldn't be fascinating anymore.

Or perhaps I'm just making excuses for really not having a clue.

 

[Yang4yin]

Surely explaining it would be a bad thing? When we can explain something it always seems less intoxicating- if the people who indulge in submission could understand why they love it, most of them would stop writing about it, talking about it, people would never find out anything new. It wouldn't be fascinating anymore.

Or perhaps I'm just making excuses for really not having a clue.

Oh, you have a clue!

And I think you're right about trying to explain too much. Either you enjoy something, or you don't.

 

[Dragonteeth]

Surely explaining it would be a bad thing? When we can explain something it always seems less intoxicating- if the people who indulge in submission could understand why they love it, most of them would stop writing about it, talking about it, people would never find out anything new. It wouldn't be fascinating anymore.

Or perhaps I'm just making excuses for really not having a clue.

I think you're right up to a point, but it's also an important part of the learning process to define what you know and explore what you dont.

Explaining it is part of defining things, for me at least.

 

[nymphee]

I never understand why people have to have an explanation for everything- what does it matter why you enjoy something? If you're made a certain way that's all there is to it. It does make me laugh that people ask the same questions about BDSM as they do about religion though.

 

[Dragonteeth]

I never understand why people have to have an explanation for everything- what does it matter why you enjoy something? If you're made a certain way that's all there is to it. It does make me laugh that people ask the same questions about BDSM as they do about religion though.

Personally I think the two fill a lot of the same needs.

As a Dom I feel a certain responsibility to know and understand what I'm inflicting on my partner.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I never understand why people have to have an explanation for everything- what does it matter why you enjoy something? If you're made a certain way that's all there is to it. It does make me laugh that people ask the same questions about BDSM as they do about religion though.

I'm not asking for an explanation - I know what I like and why I like it.

I also know everyone else knows what they like and why they like it.

The point is why can't it be verbalized beyond what the end result is?

Why do you need it?

How would you feel without it?

Its as logical a question for vanilla folk to ask, as it is for me to ask them how they can go 5 minutes without entertaining various fantasies.

If you can't explain it for yourself - which seems to be the case - just say so.

I certainly can't.

 

[nymphee]

I'm not really qualified to answer, to be honest, I'm young and relatively inexperienced, I just know that I can't explain why I am the way I am, but don't feel i need to in order to accept it. Of course, at my age it isn't the sort of thing that you drop into a conversation at random, so I'm not frequently called to explain it anyway.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

For myself as your question applies to my BDSM practices it's about POWER.

I'll agree with this.

But who are you without this power exchange?

Are you still yourself?

Or are you somehow repressed, needing this to be *you*?

Or is it purely a sexual experience?

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I just know that I can't explain why I am the way I am

And thats the point.

Havent yet met anyone whos able to.

There is nothing wrong with explaining who you are or why you like being that way.

Just seems to be a fundamental characteristic no one seems fully able to convey in words.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Ask Dmitriy.

Heh... I'd like to do a little more than "ask" Dmitriy.

 

[nymphee]

Don't get me wrong- I have a stock of excuses that get me out of an awkward spot, but I think that anyone who would persist in demanding an explanation, isn't the sort of person I would necessarily want to discuss it with.
I think a large part of it for me is being wanted- to the extent that your partner will do anything to take what he wants. And there's something comforting in having a partener who cares enough to correct you, and isn't indifferent to your mistakes. Indifference is the opposite of love- perhaps you could argue that into it? (that would really distress a vanilla thinker!)

 

[Dragonteeth]

I'll agree with this.

But who are you without this power exchange?

Are you still yourself?

Or are you somehow repressed, needing this to be *you*?

Or is it purely a sexual experience?

It is certainly a part of me.

Any future relationship that did NOT have elements of this exchange would be unfullfilling. For me BDSM is never a purely sexual experience.

It is more a "state of mind" than an activity.

The question is not about why I need to do this activity, it is about what I am and what makes me "ME".

This then leads into a fascinating philosophical discussion, but one which is ultimately unresolvable.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

but one which is ultimately unresolvable.

Exactly!

*sigh*

Why is that............?

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Don't get me wrong- I have a stock of excuses that get me out of an awkward spot, but I think that anyone who would persist in demanding an explanation, isn't the sort of person I would necessarily want to discuss it with.
I think a large part of it for me is being wanted- to the extent that your partner will do anything to take what he wants. And there's something comforting in having a partener who cares enough to correct you, and isn't indifferent to your mistakes. Indifference is the opposite of love- perhaps you could argue that into it? (that would really distress a vanilla thinker!)

Let me assure you, those who know me would not *demand* anything from me.

They simply ask - as my lifestyle is public knowledge with them.

And I'd love to be able to tell them. Because I want to. Because I'd like to be able to say it in words.

As far as the needing to be wanted, etc - there's plenty of that in healthy vanilla relationships. Its the *rest* that's missing.

 

[nymphee]

In that case I'm out of ideas! But I've got time to learn. Im sorry I can't help you with your explanation- as far as I'm concerned I'm just made this way.

 

[Dragonteeth]

Exactly!

*sigh*

Why is that............?

Because it is a restatement of "the meaning of life" question. I love discussing it with folks and working around different ideas. but there can never be a "True and complete" answer.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

but there can never be a "True and complete" answer.

I don't like this answer!

*pout, pout!*

 

[CutieMouse]

Friend: "Why do you like it rough sex"

Response: "It speaks to me. Intimacy shrouded in [insert whatever kinky activity *here*] is what clicks with my mind, heart, body, and soul."

Friend: "Ummm... okay. but WHY?"

Response: "For the same reason your favorite color is blue."

 

[FurryFury]

1. What do you get out of being thrown around, bitten, pinned to the floor/bed/kitchen sink, etc?

I get to breathe. I get to be me. I get excitment, energy, joy and more from the exchange and rush.

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

i am all for the rough sex... i love being controlled and thrown around( im not that big) and pinned to things etc etc etc. its more fun. and more likely to hurt a little. and the masochistic part of me gets a rush out of the pain. if that isnt enough of an answer for someone then mabye the following will be:

question: why?
answer: why not?