Romance vs Passion

[damppanties]

Scratching my head, why would anyone in love not want to share those feelings without being asked?

Attempting an answer here.

I don't say "I love you" much. In fact, someone recently told me that he can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he's heard it from me (and I think he's one of two-three people I've told that to). I don't say it because it seems rote to me - maybe too usual. I am not a vocal person. I don't talk much. My way is the "show don't tell" method. lol. There are people who might have difficulty in 'telling' a simple 'I love you'. Happens.

*wondering what this post is about*
Did I manage to convey anything?

 

[shereads]

One of my best friends has always claimed to be confused as to why it's a big deal to say, "I love you." Especially the first time it's said between two people.

Maybe she blurted it out once and got one of the classic non-replies:

"I care a lot about you too."

 

[Honey123]

Attempting an answer here.

I don't say "I love you" much. In fact, someone recently told me that he can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he's heard it from me (and I think he's one of two-three people I've told that to). I don't say it because it seems rote to me - maybe too usual. I am not a vocal person. I don't talk much. My way is the "show don't tell" method. lol. There are people who might have difficulty in 'telling' a simple 'I love you'. Happens.

*wondering what this post is about*
Did I manage to convey anything?

Saying "I love you" is a commitment. A tough one. It means so many things, but all you have to do is say it to someone who isn't on the same page as you and you end up looking the fool.....those three little words can do a job no someone's heart

 

[shereads]

Attempting an answer here.

I don't say "I love you" much.

Nothing wrong with that, damp. Those words are nearly as over-used as "I'm sorry." Just make sure you say it to the people for whom you'd feel deep regret if something happened to them and you hadn't said it.

I worked with another copywriter who had a sign on his office wall, a quote by someone whose name I can't recall, that you authors might appreciate:

"There is no human need more compelling than the urge to edit someone's copy."

The urge to make someone love you enough to say it may be even stronger. The trouble with some of us is that we cling to relationships with people who "have trouble saying 'I love you,'" when in fact they don't love us - not in the way that means "I choose you above all others," which is what we hope to inspire in someone we're romantically involved with.

Having been on both sides - the one who wanted to hear it and the one who couldn't say it - I think people should be careful with how they use those words, cautious about asking for them, and slow to read too much into them. Love can mean anything from "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy" to "You're a lot of fun to spend an afternoon with."

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Saying "I love you" is a commitment. A tough one. It means so many things, but all you have to do is say it to someone who isn't on the same page as you and you end up looking the fool.....those three little words can do a job no someone's heart

Can I get an Amen! AAmen! sister'

The urge to make someone love you enough to say it may be even stronger. The trouble with some of us is that we cling to relationships with people who "have trouble saying 'I love you,'" when in fact they don't love us - not in the way that means "I choose you above all others," which is what we hope to inspire in someone we're romantically involved with.

And another for sister Sher! AAmen!

Now, practice what you preach!

 

[shereads]

Thank you, Phil. I love you.



On the subject of love and what it means - before I arrive at the office 45 minutes late - the infamously vile homophobic radio personality, "Doctor" Laura Schlessenger (actually a physical therapist, although she lets people assume she's a psychiatrist) said something once that actually made sense to me:

"There's no such thing as a 'commitment-phobic man.' That's a word women invented to describe a man who doesn't love you enough to marry you."

She may have said one or two other things that weren't sick and twisted, but I wouldn't know; I stopped listening when I realized that she was a hateful witch. But that comment stuck with me, because it pertains to so many people I know. If someone is uncomfortable saying they love you, it might be because they don't want to hurt you.

 

[NoJo]

Those three little words are sometimes really hard to say. I often end up blurting out "Love I you", or, worse, "I Lum You".

I once found it really hard to tell a woman I loved that I loved her; I didn't want to expose my tender underbelly to her cruel claws. I'm not being metaphorical.

Once I got really close, but I put two pairs of quotes fingers up on the word "love", so it didn't come out sincere.

Strangely enough, when I practice in front of the mirror, or under the covers, it comes out ok.

I'm planning to say it to a very special woman on Valentine's day. I hope I can manage it by then.

 

[Guest]

"I love you."

I've always found it very easy and satisfying to say, but I hate being asked to define it. I hand them a dictionary and leave. Sometimes I throw it at them.

Perdita

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Those three little words are sometimes really hard to say. I often end up blurting out "Love I you", or, worse, "I Lum You".

I once found it really hard to tell a woman I loved that I loved her; I didn't want to expose my tender underbelly to her cruel claws. I'm not being metaphorical.

Once I got really close, but I put two pairs of quotes fingers up on the word "love", so it didn't come out sincere.

Strangely enough, when I practice in front of the mirror, or under the covers, it comes out ok.

I'm planning to say it to a very special woman on Valentine's day. I hope I can manage it by then.

In front of the mirror with a sheet on your head?

 

[NoJo]

That's like me and the missus:

She: "I love you."

Me: "Please define your terms"

(throws 22 lb shorter Oxford Dictionary, N to Z at him)

She: "Why don't you fucking look them up yourself!"

Me: "I'll need the other volume."

 

[Guest]

Joe, I give no aid whatsoever. I throw old Lithuanian or Polish dictionaries (gave up on those languages).

Perdita

 

[A7inchPhildo]

You are like a chestnut burr, prickly outside, but silky-soft within, and a sweet kernal, if one can only get at it. Love will make you show your heart one day, and then the rough burr will fall off."

~Louisa May Alcott 'Little Women'

 

[minsue]

You are like a chestnut burr, prickly outside, but silky-soft within, and a sweet kernal, if one can only get at it. Love will make you show your heart one day, and then the rough burr will fall off."

~Louisa May Alcott 'Little Women'

You know, her similes didn't seem nearly so odd when I was 12 as they do now.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I'm really not being glib here. Romance is a construct, an invention; we learn it (see many of the above descriptions and definitions). Passion is innate, it cannot be contrived or created. It takes time and experience to learn that though w/re. to relationships; it can't be taught.

Perdita

\Weird, I was just thinking something similer. Romance is on the outside- it's Glamour; Illusion. When I think of the word 'romantic' it makes me think of schoolgirls siging heavily, fantacising about there dream man, he'll be oh so romantic and they will be oh so sophisticated I just can't go there. I try not to even use the word. If a man does something special for me (ie, romantic) I'm more likely to lable it as 'thoughtful' 'amazing' or 'wonderful'. Something that doesn't make me feel as though I'm swooning like I just met elvis.

Passion is internal. I think in some instances it *can* be contived, but without passion why would you want to? (an ulterior motive, hmmm sounds like a story brewing in my brain) For the most part, passion is like that song that Cher remade "It's in his kiss" Its an energy that flows through you, a desire, a yearning. I would rather have more passion in my life than more romance, but passion can lead to and create romance. Because romance is an outer working, it can come organicly from something like passion, or it can be coppied. When I say that passion can be created, it must be created within. IF you create only the outer trappings of passion, it is mearly a contrivance. It is not real passion, and will only fool a desperarate soul- if even them.

Passion is an emotion and romance is a mood created by a series of actions. Someone feeling passionate, can certainly reign in their desires. They don't have to turn into an animal. I think passion is created by the tension of wanting to give in to your animal desires, but holding back and following the culterual rules. Just taking what you want is not passion either. Passion is like an internal struggle. It burns hot and fast, but you must keep it from buring down the house

 

[sweetnpetite]

Those three little words are sometimes really hard to say. I often end up blurting out "Love I you", or, worse, "I Lum You".

I once found it really hard to tell a woman I loved that I loved her; I didn't want to expose my tender underbelly to her cruel claws. I'm not being metaphorical.

Once I got really close, but I put two pairs of quotes fingers up on the word "love", so it didn't come out sincere.

Strangely enough, when I practice in front of the mirror, or under the covers, it comes out ok.

I'm planning to say it to a very special woman on Valentine's day. I hope I can manage it by then.

I have a hard time saying it. Even to my parents. Which is strange becuase I was raised in a somewhat 'gushy' family. Always made me slightly uncomfortable.

Well, these days, I always make it a special point to say "I love you" to my mom before we hang up on the phone. so maybe to a casual observer, it seems that it's not difficult anymore- but it is.

To my SO, once we are past the awkward stages, I say it all the time. However, right now my SO and I are in a perpetually awkward stage and we both have a hard time saying it. When we do- it's usually 'Love you" instead of "I love you"

I don't know why- but that's easier to get out. I think it's probably better to say, "LOve you" than to say, "I lum you" But I suppose that depends on the speaker

 

[damppanties]

'Love you" instead of "I love you"

I don't know why- but that's easier to get out.

YES.

 

[Guest]

I say "I love you" often, and I *always* mean it. Love comes in many forms.

Passion doesn't.

I like a bit of both. A lot of both, in fact.

 

[Honey123]

Yes, but what about "loving" someone and being "in love"? Totally different feelings? And when does that become separate feelings?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Yes, but what about "loving" someone and being "in love"? Totally different feelings? And when does that become separate feelings?

I don't think it is as cut and dried as that, but it works for the sake of needing definitive terms of description. In my opinion, being 'in love' is something you feel in conjunction with 'loving' someone.

ex.)

1. 75% 'in love' 25% 'love' = significant other
2. 25% 'in love' 75% 'love' = friends and family

I believe there are characteristics in all of those close to us, that we are just plain 'in love' with, but may not necessarily mean we are meant to be lovers. I also believe that these feelings are constantly bending and flexing as the relationship progresses.

The argument might also be made that a certain level of passion is necessary for the 'in love' characteristics to take root in your heart and amplify to the point of becoming lovers.

I have 'loved' and potentially been 'in love' with some people that I simply did not feel passionate about.

'tis but a tangled web, really

Lucky

 

[Honey123]

Point taken, Lucky.

I have been "in love" with 3 people at the same time. I have "loved" one of them for over 15 years. Each one gives me a different passionate feeling from being comfortable and safe to breathless and orgasmic.

'tis better to love, than never to have loved at all... is that how the saying goes?

 

[Boxlicker101]

Honey asked
'tis better to love, than never to have loved at all... is that how the saying goes?

The saying goes: 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I do not agree with that sentiment because to have loved and lost, as I have done many times, causes pain and grief and frustation and any amount of negatives. Never to have loved at all is not all that great either, but it's better than losing. Obviously, the best is to love and win.

Anybody can love many things and peoples and aminals in their lifetimes, mothers, fathers, children, siblings, cats, dogs, automobiles, houses, etc. but being in love is less common. I love my grandson, for instance, who right now is pulling books out of the bookcase and leaving them on the floor, but I am not in love with him. I love my wife, and I am in love with her.

 

[sweetnpetite]

All love ends in loss. Better to understand that from the start, and appreciate what you have while you have it than to expect the impossible and end up feeling shocked and betrayed by the world. Grief isn't fun, but it's natural, necessary and inevitable.

Liike the poet said: "Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain."

maybe the poet was Guns and Roses, but hey, the truth is were you find it.

Peace.

Honey asked
'tis better to love, than never to have loved at all... is that how the saying goes?

The saying goes: 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I do not agree with that sentiment because to have loved and lost, as I have done many times, causes pain and grief and frustation and any amount of negatives. Never to have loved at all is not all that great either, but it's better than losing. Obviously, the best is to love and win.

Anybody can love many things and peoples and aminals in their lifetimes, mothers, fathers, children, siblings, cats, dogs, automobiles, houses, etc. but being in love is less common. I love my grandson, for instance, who right now is pulling books out of the bookcase and leaving them on the floor, but I am not in love with him. I love my wife, and I am in love with her.

 

[Boxlicker101]

All love ends in loss. Better to understand that from the start, and appreciate what you have while you have it than to expect the impossible and end up feeling shocked and betrayed by the world. Grief isn't fun, but it's natural, necessary and inevitable.

Liike the poet said: "Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain."

maybe the poet was Guns and Roses, but hey, the truth is were you find it.

Peace.

Originally posted by Boxlicker101
Honey asked
'tis better to love, than never to have loved at all... is that how the saying goes?

The saying goes: 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I do not agree with that sentiment because to have loved and lost, as I have done many times, causes pain and grief and frustation and any amount of negatives. Never to have loved at all is not all that great either, but it's better than losing. Obviously, the best is to love and win.

Anybody can love many things and peoples and aminals in their lifetimes, mothers, fathers, children, siblings, cats, dogs, automobiles, houses, etc. but being in love is less common. I love my grandson, for instance, who right now is pulling books out of the bookcase and leaving them on the floor, but I am not in love with him. I love my wife, and I am in love with her.



I realize that everybody dies but that expression says that it is better to fall in love and be spurned than not to have fallen in love. I consider that to be nonsense for reasons I gave.

Five years ago my father died after a loving marriage of 63 years. My mother's love, I suppose, ended in loss when he died but I would never say she shouldn't have married him.

 

[shereads]

Those three little words are sometimes really hard to say. I often end up blurting out "Love I you", or, worse, "I Lum You".

"I loam you."

Last words to lover you're burying under the vegetable garden.

Those claws at your underbelly sound dangerous, Joe. Consider weaning yourself away from wolverine relationships. I know she must be great to have on your side in a bar fight, but is she someone you'd like your family to meet? Especially if they have any small pets - or god forbid, children!

 

[KarenAM]

As usual, I'm late, but here's my take on the original question:

Romance is a very specific thing: it is that cluster of feelings and such that are related to what is ultimately sexual bonding. As such it is tied into sexuality in a way that friendship, which can be just as intense, is not. Of course, you can have sex without an emotional connection, too, or romance without sex, so those two are not necissarily synonymous either.

Passion is a more general human emotion, and it describes a strong interest in something. Often this strength reaches the point of irrationality and can be hard to describe. Note the feelings of artists, writers, etc.

As a result, you can have romance without passion and passion without romance. Or you can have them together, which is what most love stories try to be about.