Roll Call for women who are happily married to a man.

[Roxanne Appleby]

I know there are many, and it's a wonderful thing.

We don't hear much about the good lives people are having though, for the same reason there's not much good news in the paper - "if it bleeds it leads." It's not considered "news" if nothing bad happens, and if you "just" go from day to day enjoying your life and your partner.

It should be reported, though, so it can be applauded and celebrated. Also, young single women need role models, and need to know that such a life is possible. Especially if they grew up in "car wreck" homes.

So how about you? Would you care to tell a little bit about your life, your man, what he does, what you do, how you spend time, what you enjoy, the kids, your friends, etcetera?



Edit per Impy's absolutely correct observation below: I'm specifying monogomous heterosexual marriages not because they are necessarily superior, but simply because we don't hear much about them, whereas we seem to hear a lot about several wonderful and loving marriages and relationships between those with different preferences.

Is that unfair? Should I invite all comers? I'll go with any concensus that develops (and seek a thread title change if the concensus goes that way.)



Second edit, per this post (No. 14 below): OK, what the heck - let 100 flowers bloom. I do want the M/F stories posted for reasons I explain below, but we've got some dandies already, and hopefully we'll get many more. It won't take away from these a bit to have other loving relationships celebrated as well, so please, all are welcome - please share.

 

[impressive]

Um, I think I understand your intent, Roxanne, but shouldn't we be celebrating ALL happy marriages (and relationships)? Isolating M/F legal marriage for celebration is just perpetuating the myth that it is the pinnacle of relationships. I'm happy for any couple (triple, quadruple, ... ) who manages to form a happy, sustainable bond in this world.

 

[Liar]

Imp, I understand and on principle agree with your pov here. If nothing else for my desire for political correctness. But on the other hand, you don't quite hear any other form of relationship take such a bad rap as the traditional straight marriage.

It is as if, in a socailly progressive place like this one, the norm for a male/female relationship is an assymetric or even abusive "rat bastard" situation and that to break away from the m/f marriage form in itself would be a solution. And yes, I know I'm exaggerating to the point of sillyness, but the discourse I hear is in fact not as equal as one could wish.

So yep, I agree with you that we should not try to cement stereotypes. But maybe we should take a step back and examine what the stereotypes in our local scene actually are?

Just my 2c. Yay for all people who are happy, of course. Within and without relationships. Needless to say.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

See edit to my opening post.

 

[Liar]

See edit to my opening post.

Yep. Did. Mine was just a meta persective reflection that popped into my head, not really a discussion for this topic.

Will take it elsewhere, if need be. This is a feelgood thread, and should remain so.

 

[Aurora Black]

So how about you? Would you care to tell a little bit about your life, your man, what he does, what you do, how you spend time, what you enjoy, the kids, your friends, etcetera?

We're not technically married, but we live together as if we are. We're both deeply committed to each other and we don't want anyone else, so we've already decided to take the plunge. It's only a question of when; we both want to wait until we're more established in our careers and are financially secure before we marry and start a family.

Our home life has been disturbed these past few months because he is serving a mandatory year in the Greek army (all men must do this at some point), but before all that started, things were cozy and happy. He's home on an extended leave at the moment, and I am delighted to be with him again.

"A" is the founder and CEO of two companies, one for web design and another that makes downloadable games. He is a very shrewd businessman, which surprises many people since he's so young. He's 28 now, and he started his first business at 21. He co-runs the businesses with his younger brother, who is my age (26).

Since the beginning, he has been a very positive influence in my life. He has the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen on a man (ask Firefly, and Jammies, and Honey, and Abs... ), and the first time I saw them in a photo (we met online), I fell for him hard. He is always quick to smile and lend comfort and strength, he's a fantastic listener, and... he's HAWT!

I write erotica, and I'm currently working to get published. I also work as a part-time nightclub singer for extra cash. I attend the local university for a second degree in Literature & Linguistics that I don't want or need, but it's necessary to at least keep up the charade so I can stay in Greece (I have a student's visa).

A and I love movies, so we spend a lot of time at the cinema as well as inviting our friends to our place to watch DVDs. Our favorites are action flicks, drama and comedies, but we also like Sci-Fi and we occasionally watch films from other European countries and Asia. We adore many different kinds of music, and we've spent many an evening lying together and listening while planning our future.

Whenever something of interest comes to town, either a music artist, play or dance troupe, we go out to see them. After the show, we usually have a lovely dinner at a great restaurant downtown before calling it a night.

 

[BlackShanglan]

That's a lovely post, Aurora. I like it for its warm, real sense of actual people. It's quite beautiful to me, particularly, when anyone can say of a partner that "he [or she] has been a very positive influence in my life." That, to me, says more than a thousand iterations of more swoopily romantic/dramatic terms. Thank you for sharing.

I liked Liar's post as well. The SO (who lurks) once observed that the AH seemed rather hostile to the conventional model, and that there was, as Liar observes, a tendency to blame the form rather than the people, behaviors, or actions involved. I don't think that Roxanne's intention was to exclude, although I can see that it could be taken that way. Personally, I think the presence of the thread more a sign of the doubt in which the institution is held in this venue than of RA's opinion on any other form of union. One doesn't normally solicit examples to support a premise that one considers proven, or at least accepted by one's audience.

Shanglan

 

[English Lady]

I've been married to my man for the past 6 years, we've known each other for 9 years in total.

We first met online in a chat room (dougs also known as columbus chat) and we had nothing to do with each other at first, then as i announced I was leaving for the day, Mitnik (hubs online name) posted

*pincches your bum as you pass.*

And well, I honestly blushed all the way home from university We met a couple of weeks later after hours of phone conversation, and we were in love, from the moment we met online, infact. We became inseperable. We lived in two seperare northern cities (well near'em) and it was a good 2 hour slog on public transport between us, but we soon spent as often as we could together.

For a good Christian girl, I wasn't good. hubs and I were having sex pretty much from the moment we met *wg* and after a year or so moved in together. We've moved too many times since then, but married 6 years ago to this very day,and not long after that I fell pregnant. Now we have the most beautiful, sweet social baby girl and we're a happy little family.

Hubs is an independant website designer, he struggles with clinical depression, but says my daughter and I are his happiness. He is getting better with each passing year, less and less time is spent with him in the quagmire of discontent.
Thank God!

We're currently both at home all the time, him writing programmes and other such pootering stuff, me writing dirty porn and it really is lovely. I miss him if we're apart from more than a few hours, and the longest we've been apart ever is two weeks...and that was torture.

We do almost everything together, though he is not a churchgoer and I am not a computer geek *L* So we have our separate interests, too. My family love him as much as they can love any man (my nanna's never liked men and my mum is divorced from my dad and my dad is well a protective dad of two daughters*L*) and despite him being an Evertonian I can firmly say he is my soul mate and I am so very, very glad I found him


Soppy/sloppy enough for ya?

 

[3113]

Roxanne, I think you should invite all comers, not just M/F. It's not a matter of the traditional marriage getting a bad rap, and, thus, needing a boost. It's that M/M relationships and F/F relationships WOULD be "traditional" marriages if it was allowed--as sucessful or not as any other. Why penalize folk from talking about their wonderful "wife" or "husband" just because that wife/husband is the same sex as they are?

As for me:

Going on 14 years of marriage with my guy. He's a writer and we met at a writer's group. He later said that he went after me because I was cute...and I was the only person in the group who could write

He's got a brilliant, wide-reaching mind, a devilish sense of humor, an expansive personality and a huge amount of determined energy. In some ways, I think I somehow ended up married to the most popular boy in school. Yet he's as geeky/nerdy as me--often more so. A romantic evening for us is to watch a really cool science program

He's a super extrovert, I'm a super introvert. So he goes out into the world on a lot of adventures and brings home stories to tell. He's my play date and lab partner, social interface and sounding board, writing critic, editor and cheerleader. He's my biggest fan...and I'm his.

 

[FallingToFly]

Because I am, technically, in a monogamous het marraige..

I'll share a bit of mine.

I've been with my husband nearly eight years now. We married after six months of knowing each other, and have 3 boys who are both the light and dark of our lives.

No, we don't have a fairy-tale marriage. We've been swinging the pendulum from honeymoon to hell from the beginning, but it works. It works because we work at it, and even when it falls apart, we can't live without each other to hold our end of the wall up. So, we patch it up and keep going, with a few more scars and a lot more wisdom.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Roxanne, I think you should invite all comers, not just M/F. It's not a matter of the traditional marriage getting a bad rap, and, thus, needing a boost. It's that M/M relationships and F/F relationships WOULD be "traditional" marriages if it was allowed--as sucessful or not as any other. Why penalize folk from talking about their wonderful "wife" or "husband" just because that wife/husband is the same sex as they are?

As for me:

Going on 14 years of marriage with my guy. He's a writer and we met at a writer's group. He later said that he went after me because I was cute...and I was the only person in the group who could write

He's got a brilliant, wide-reaching mind, a devilish sense of humor, an expansive personality and a huge amount of determined energy. In some ways, I think I somehow ended up married to the most popular boy in school. Yet he's as geeky/nerdy as me--often more so. A romantic evening for us is to watch a really cool science program

He's a super extrovert, I'm a super introvert. So he goes out into the world on a lot of adventures and brings home stories to tell. He's my play date and lab partner, social interface and sounding board, writing critic, editor and cheerleader. He's my biggest fan...and I'm his.

That's a good way of putting it. Look, I have no problem with consenting adults living in any lifestyle they choose. I don't care if they are a very old-fashioned, straight, monogamous couple who never even petted before matrimony, or if they are a triad of gay men who wear chains and leather all of the time. As long as they are happy and don't harm each other (or third parties), it's cool. All should be welcome to express their happiness in their lifestyle.

 

[Guest]

~19 years happily married here

We're both professionals, both educators, both devoted to our children.

He's the optimistic dreamer, I'm the analytical pessimist.

We communicate well, always and often, and we keep very few secrets. He knows about Lit, often lurks, and is my first proofreader and best critic.

We support each other in our lives and careers, and tend to organize matters to cover the slack for the other in times of serious stress.

We have quality arguments that sometimes can get pretty loud. They generally end with sincere apologies and really great make-up sex.

We do have incredible sex which has actually become more varied in the past few years. Probably one of the reasons it's getting even better.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

What a lovely idea... Thank you, Roxanne...

My husband and I have been married for six and together for nearly ten... Some of you know him from a few threads here and the poetry board. (Sex&Death) We met online, too, back when AOL was still charging by the hour, if I remember correctly... We have four children, two from my previous marriage, two of our own (girl, boy, girl, boy... and no, I'm not testing the theory that the pattern will continue... we're definitely done! )

We share our passions, our bliss... sometimes I think he is my heart walking around outside my body. He's brilliant, generous, kind... and yes, cocky and funny... couldn't live without cocky and funny! He has a smile that lights up a room, and his laugh is infectious. He makes me laugh a lot, he loves puns and has a strange and goofy sense of humor. It's such a gift.

He looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world who matters, and sometimes when he gets that look in his eyes, I can feel my whole body start to tingle... when I'm not even looking. And I love to watch him watching me when he thinks I'm not, the way his eyes move over me like a caress. I can almost feel it.

He's incredibly protective and vigilant about my safety, and the kids' too. Before I met him, I never locked my house or my car... Now I can count on him to check the perimeter at night, locking us up safe and sound... he cares about what happens to me, and so now I do, too...

He's a psychologist, and a damned good one. He works very hard, and he loves us very much. He follows his calling with a vigilance that takes my breath away, burning away the layers with incredible passion.

Gosh, we've been through so much together... I can't imagine my life without him, and don't like to think about it. In fact, I found out how much he meant to me just about a year ago, when an infected tooth turned into a flesh-eating bacteria that nearly killed him. He'd been suffering with it for days, getting worse and worse (while waiting for insurance to kick in!) until finally I said, "We're going into the emergency room... NOW!"

The doctor who did the first surgery, who came out and told me he had a 50/50 chance of dying in the next 48 hours, said if we'd waited another day, he would have been dead. The doctors who did the 2nd surgery said if we'd waited another HOUR, it would have eaten into his corotid artery, and they couldn't have saved him.

It's funny how people long-together often take each other for granted... it seems inevitable. But I just don't, anymore. Almost losing someone you love that much makes even the annoying things precious... (but I still wish he'd clean up the shed, his car, and his side of the bed! lol)

It's not perfect--nowhere near perfect. He has his complaints, I have mine, and we have had our share of sorrows, and near-misses... but I've never met a man I've felt more in sync with, even in the darkest times. He takes me deeper than I could go myself, and I value the gift that he is in my life... every day.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Thanks to the ladies who have posted their heartwarming stories. Thanks also to Vella and Lucky, Mat and Min, and other F/F couples who have shared their wonderful and heartwarming relationships on this forum.

The reason I posted this thread is not because I think there is any predudice against M/F here, or because I think these relationships are "better" in any way than others (hopefully it is obvious that I don't think that.) I did so simply because these relationships aren't talked about and celebrated as much as as the others here, and I want the young heterosexual women to have some positive images and role models in the same way that our loving lesbian couples provide these for young gay women here.

People need role models. That's especially true for those coming out of dysfunctional family backgrounds. When a young woman with that kind of history looks at people living "normal" lives, it they may appear "boring" to her. She doesn't realize that such lives are only boring in the sense that driving steadily down the highway with little drama looks "boring" when compared to a car wreck. This is a dangerous illusion that can cause someone to turn her own life into a car wreck.

This thread shows that those "normal" lives are not boring, or not necessarily so, anyway. There are all kinds of lively, stimulating people and good lives happening behind that "boring" facade - some of them inhabit these boards.

~~~~~

OK, that was the idea. But what the heck - let 100 flowers bloom. I do want the M/F stories posted for the reasons above, but we've got some dandies already, and hopefully we'll get many more. It won't take away from these a bit to have other loving relationships celebrated as well, so please, all are welcome - please share.

 

[Skip1934]

I'll share a bit of mine.

I've been with my husband nearly eight years now. We married after six months of knowing each other, and have 3 boys who are both the light and dark of our lives.

No, we don't have a fairy-tale marriage. We've been swinging the pendulum from honeymoon to hell from the beginning, but it works. It works because we work at it, and even when it falls apart, we can't live without each other to hold our end of the wall up. So, we patch it up and keep going, with a few more scars and a lot more wisdom.

It's my sincere hope that your's will go as well as mine. I have been married to my lovely wife for over 52 years, and we have 3 adult children that have given us six wonderful grandchildren. Our oldest grandchild has just entered medical school in Augusta Georgia. We are encouragibg him to become a specialist in geriatrics, so we will have own doctor in the family.

And you are right on target about what makes a marriage work. It takes both partners working as hard as they can to keep things together, whether the SO is married to you legally or not.

 

[FallingToFly]

It's my sincere hope that your's will go as well as mine. I have been married to my lovely wife for over 52 years, and we have 3 adult children that have given us six wonderful grandchildren. Our oldest grandchild has just entered medical school in Augusta Georgia. We are encouragibg him to become a specialist in geriatrics, so we will have own doctor in the family.

And you are right on target about what makes a marriage work. It takes both partners working as hard as they can to keep things together, whether the SO is married to you legally or not.

Agreed.

Our situation is slightly different in the respect that we are a twosome, expanding to become a threesome, as soon as our third can break free of the marriage that has made her miserable fr the past 7 years. I grew up knowign that monogamy was a difficult issue for me- I joined a very tightly-knit coven at thirteen, and literally, I owe my life to them in a lot of ways, but I had to give them up to be a wife and mother.

I've never expected or believed that a man wold be faithful to me. *shrugs* It doesn't bother me that he has a girlfriend on the side off and on, I don't have a jealous bone left in me. I never thought I would be willing to make a permanent third member of the household, but she is most certainly my choice, and I think she's a very ood one. The fact that she already, despite the difference in miles between us right now, fits so perfectly into our lives simply amazes me.

Some people are two halves of a heart, and they weld together perfectly. Some people seem to be more broken than that, and finding all the pieces is a tricky task. My coven was one piece- despite the estrangment between us, that bedrock is still there. My husband was another, and anchor set deep into that stone. My children each filled a place as well. She's the last piece- with her added to the rest, I feel full and complete and safe. I'm just glad I found the last piece of my puzzle, and she clicked into place.

 

[Skip1934]

Agreed.

Our situation is slightly different in the respect that we are a twosome, expanding to become a threesome, as soon as our third can break free of the marriage that has made her miserable fr the past 7 years.

I perfectly understand your situation. I know several friends who are in arrangements like yours is growing into. It doesn't fit for me, but I know anyone can love more than one, and not lose any for the others. Love has no boundries, and I have to tell you that the more I learn of you, the more I appreciate you.

 

[Aurora Black]

That's a lovely post, Aurora. I like it for its warm, real sense of actual people. It's quite beautiful to me, particularly, when anyone can say of a partner that "he [or she] has been a very positive influence in my life." That, to me, says more than a thousand iterations of more swoopily romantic/dramatic terms. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Well 36 years of marriage have had it's ups and downs but we are still together with two adult children and six lovely grandchildren.

My wife has been there with me through the tough times and the good times as I have been with her. She has in the past worked hard at any job she has held to help the family. Right now we are in a position where she doesn't need to work and as I work from home we are together more now than we have ever been in the past.

We understand each other in a way that has grown over the years into a bond that I believe is now unbreakable. I love her deeply and would do anything to protect her.

There have been times that we have seperated for short periods of time but we have always returned to each other in the end.

I have loved others (in my heart, not physically) while being married but never acted on that love for fear of hurting my lovely wife. She is the light in my life, the brightest at least, as my grandchildren are also lights that shine brightly when they are here with us.

I know it sounds as if I'm rambling here and I guess I am. But after 36 years together the good times and the bad times are melded together into the mind and soul and can bring joy or sorrow at a moments notice. The joy being excellent and sorrow being good knowing you are still there with the one you love.

I sure hope this makes sense.

 

[SlickTony]

I have been married 27 years. Things haven't always been easy, but we're hanging in there. I probably had to endure 4 years in a very bad marriage to fully appreciate this one. My husband is easygoing and has a great sense of humor. We're not one of these couples that likes the same stuff--a lot of our tastes in music and literature are mysteries to the other. He comes from a line of men who have stuck by their women no matter how crazy they got. I'm glad Falling to Fly has an arrangement she's happy with, but I couldn't live that way. I still have enough abandonment and being-left-out issues so that I couldn't put up with him bringing anybody in from outside, and I wouldn't do it because I won't do as I wouldn't be done by, if that makes sense. He has been the best of dads to my daughter from my first marriage, and he adopted her, although he had to wait until she was an adult to do it (complicated story). She doesn't know any other father. They've gotten along when she and I weren't getting along. He and I have made a surprisingly good-looking son, whom he quite dotes on. The boy was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome about 10 years ago, and he probably got it from my side of the family, but he's come to terms with that.

 

[matriarch]

I have been lucky enough to have two very happy and successful relationships - so far. One straight that lasted for 32 years, and my latest (and hopefully my last) with the wonderful Min, of over a year, but married 3 weeks today.

I would never presume to say that one relationship is better than another. From the start my ex and I were happy together. All that happened, is that as the kids grew up and left home to start their own lives, although we were - and still are - very very good friends, the spark had gone. We decided together that it would be best, for both of us to end it, while we were still fond of each other. I still loved him - but I was no longer IN love with him.

We supported each other, we had our own interests, but also made time to spend as much time together, both before and after the children were born, as we could; we were both completely involved in bringing up our children, imbuing them with a sense of responsibility, tolerance (I think they've shown that admirably), sensitivity and independence. Those of my friends here who have met the boys know how successful we were.

I never expected to have another chance at love and all that involves. I fully expected to spend the rest of my life alone. But the fates decreed otherwise.

I never expected to have the strength of character required to live the life we are living - openly, without fear or shame. But we are, and so far, our open and plain to see love for each other seems to have won over everyone we have met. I hope it continues that way.

I think that any couple in a loving, supportive, stable relationship stands as a good role model - be it straight or gay. LOVE is spelled with the same four letters, no matter the persuasion of the lovers.

 

[Skip1934a]

Skip1934 now has a new username. This one is still up, but please use Skip1934a from here on.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

It isn't a relationship any more....

...but I am still happy with Luna and everything she embodies. We've made a fine friendship out of something that had every opportunity to turn rotten, but I love her and perhaps that overcame everything negative. She's still the best person I've come across in this life, and may we always be as close as we are. We had a good run of it as a couple, and am happy to say we never lost the dynamic and comfortable feeling we had around each other. We started as friends, and ended on the same note. She's my everything and she knows it. So in a way, our closeness, however it is defined, is as good and strong as any happy couple on here.

 

[BreeCarter]

I know there are many, and it's a wonderful thing.

We don't hear much about the good lives people are having though, for the same reason there's not much good news in the paper - "if it bleeds it leads." It's not considered "news" if nothing bad happens, and if you "just" go from day to day enjoying your life and your partner.

It should be reported, though, so it can be applauded and celebrated. Also, young single women need role models, and need to know that such a life is possible. Especially if they grew up in "car wreck" homes.

So how about you? Would you care to tell a little bit about your life, your man, what he does, what you do, how you spend time, what you enjoy, the kids, your friends, etcetera?



Edit per Impy's absolutely correct observation below: I'm specifying monogomous heterosexual marriages not because they are necessarily superior, but simply because we don't hear much about them, whereas we seem to hear a lot about several wonderful and loving marriages and relationships between those with different preferences.

Is that unfair? Should I invite all comers? I'll go with any concensus that develops (and seek a thread title change if the concensus goes that way.)



Second edit, per this post (No. 14 below): OK, what the heck - let 100 flowers bloom. I do want the M/F stories posted for reasons I explain below, but we've got some dandies already, and hopefully we'll get many more. It won't take away from these a bit to have other loving relationships celebrated as well, so please, all are welcome - please share.

i am. i love him to death, despite the occasional pain in the ass that he can be. we had a lot of problems for a couple months, but we're definitely a lot closer now, and a lot more vocal. for the most part, i am very happy.

 

[LadyWhiteWolf]

:-d

I have been married to my husband for 14 years. We just celebrated our 14th year together on September 17th. We met though a personals ad in the local newspaper. At the time, I had just gotten out of a relationship with a man who I had been engaged to, but we had very different personalities and the relationship had become abusive, so I ended it. Less than a month later, still licking the wounds from the hurt, I answered a personal ad in the paper as a lark.

It turned out to be the best thing I had ever done. This man that I met on a blind date as the result of an ad in a local newspaper is now my husband. We got married 6 weeks after we met and have been together ever since. Now, I will not lie to you and say that it is a dream come true, etc... It is a relationship based on hard work, most of that getting me to really trust him. We've very different in temperament. I'm a Sagittarius and he's a Gemini. It's wild and crazy, loud and raucous as well as quiet and without any sound except listening to one another's heartbeat. I love him dearly and he loves me. We're not perfect but we make beautiful words and music together.

I agree that love comes in many forms but in the end it all spells L-O-V-E.