Respond with Monty Python

[kurrginatorX]

I'm Bryan, and so's me wife.

 

[Kitschshaman]

Stan, called Loretta, a very confused revolutionary...

 

[dashie33]

And now we see the violence inherent in the system!

 

[Hornblende]

Could I just say here, Chris, for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

(For Canada Day: Grab your Mountie Hats)

Yes, I copied this from the web:

"Well the weather for the whole area
Will continue much the same as the past few days
Temperatures seventeen centigrade, that's forty-nine Fahrenheit
Winds will freshen later tonight to south-west force six or seven
And there will be showers sometimes heavy in many
Oh sod it, I didn't wanna do this
I don't wanna be a weather forecaster
I don't wanna rabbit on all day about sunny periods
And patches of rain spritting from the west
I wanted to be
A lumberjack!
Leaping from tree to tree
As they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia
The giant redwood
The larch
The fir
The mighty Scots pine
The lofty flowering cherry
The plucky little aspen
The limping Roo tree of Nigeria
The towering Wattle of Aldershot
The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant
The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak
The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip
The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni
The Epigillus
The Barter Hughius Greenus
With my best buddy by my side
We'd sing, sing, sing"
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea
He cuts down trees, he eat his lunch
He goes to the lavatory
On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars
He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa
He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?
Suspendies and a bra?
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
Sleeps all night and he works all day

 

[kurrginatorX]

This … is a birch.

 

[dashie33]

Oh, I'm sorry, this is abuse.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Stop it, stop it right now. This sketch is being canceled on account that it's not funny.

 

[Kitschshaman]

'We want...a shrubbery. Not too big, not too expensive...holly would be nice.'

 

[kurrginatorX]

Your parrot's not dead. It's just sleeping.

 

[Kitschshaman]

'He's pining for the fjords'
'He's not pining, he's passed on. It's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies.'

 

[Hornblende]

Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic, medieval English dungeon atmosphere.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Voom? Mate, that Parrot wouldn't "Voom" if you put five million volts through it!

 

[Hornblende]

Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

 

[VoraciousValue]

". . . and the naughtiness of Mr. Edward Heath."

 

[CharlieB4]

I came here for an argument.

 

[HBergeron]

"Yes, well I can definitely say that your cat badly needs to be confused."

 

[Grey Shadow]

"Lemon curry?"

 

[VoraciousValue]

". . . and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And, finally, necrophilia is right out."

 

[Grey Shadow]

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

 

[Hornblende]

The BBC would like 'to announce that the next scene is not considered suitable for family viewing. It contains scenes of violence, involving people's heads and arms getting chopped off, their ears nailed to trees, and their toenails pulled out in slow motion. There are also scenes of naked women with floppy breasts, and also at one point you can see a pair of buttocks and there's another bit where I'll swear you can see everything, but my friend says it's just the way he's holding the spear. Because of the unsuitability of the scene, the BBC will be replacing it with a scene from a repeat of 'Gardening Club' for 1958.

 

[VoraciousValue]

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, THEN?!?!"
"Ah, you have beautiful thighs."
"WHAT?!"
"He hit me."
"Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime."
"RIGHT!!"
"My nipples explode with delight!"

 

[Hornblende]

Whistler: Right, Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.

Prince: What?

Whistler: It was one of Wilde's.

Oscar: It sodding was not! It was Shaw!

Prince: Well Mr. Shaw?

Shaw: I... I merely meant, Your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.

Prince: Oh.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

https://i.imgur.com/L1IFg79.jpg

 

[Hornblende]

Sir William: I thank you, gentlemen. The year has been a good one for the Society.

Crowd: Hear! Hear!

Sir William: This year our members have put more things on top of other things than ever before. But, I should warn you, this is no time for complacency. No, there are still many things, and I cannot emphasize this too strongly, not on top of other things. I myself, on my way here this evening, saw a thing that was not on top of another thing in any way.

Crowd: Shame!! Shame!!