Respond with Monty Python

[jack80]

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian

 

[blulilacgrl]

Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad.We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Whizzo Quality Assortment.

 

[hatlover123]

What? Ridden on a horse?

Yes!

You're using coconuts!

What?

You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

Where'd you get the coconuts?

We found them.

Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

Well, this is a temperate zone

The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Not at all. They could be carried.

What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

It could grip it by the husk!

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

Please!

Am I right?

 

[blulilacgrl]

If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.

 

[hatlover123]

Brave Sir Robin ran away...

 

[TarzanOfTheApes]

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

 

[hatlover123]

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats

 

[hatlover123]

Some people call me.........................................................................Tim

 

[hatlover123]

Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

Tis but a scratch.

A scratch? Your arm's off.

No it isn't.

What's that, then?

...........................................I've had worse.

You liar.

Come on ya pansy.

 

[sweetsauce]

The larch

 

[neiljames74]

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Well, I was told outside that...

Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

What?

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!

OH, oh I'm sorry, this is abuse.

 

[hatlover123]

What makes you think she's a witch?

Well, she turned me into a newt!

A newt?

........................................... ... I got better.

Burn her anyway!

 

[hatlover123]

Your foolin' yourself. We are living in a dictatorship. A self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes --

Oh there you go bringing up classes again

But that's what it's all about you see...

 

[sweetsauce]

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Well, I was told outside that...

Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

What?

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!

OH, oh I'm sorry, this is abuse.

is this the five minute argument or the full half hour?

 

[blulilacgrl]

And spotteth twice they the camels before the third
hour. And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh
Bilgemath by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of
Gash-Bil-Betheul-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to
Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there
slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little
pots. Here endeth the lesson.

 

[neiljames74]

is this the five minute argument or the full half hour?

Oh, just the five minutes

 

[jack80]

Is it a boy or a girl?

I think it's a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?

 

[blulilacgrl]

is this the five minute argument or the full half hour?

Oh look, this isn't an argument. It's just contradiction.

 

[sweetsauce]

Oh look, this isn't an argument. It's just contradiction.

No it isn't....

 

[hatlover123]

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

 

[neiljames74]

Mr Chigger. So, you want to learn to fly?

Yes.

Right, well, up on the table, arms out, fingers together, knees bent...

No, no, no.

UP ON THE TABLE! Arms out, fingers together, knees bent, now, head well forward. Now, flap your arms. Go on, flap, faster... faster... faster... faster, faster, faster, faster - now JUMP.......Rotten. Rotten. You're no bloody use at all. You're an utter bloody wash-out. You make me sick, you weed!

Now look here...

All right, all right. I'll give you one more chance, get on the table...

Look, I came here to learn how to fly an aeroplane.

A what?

 

[sweetsauce]

Innnnnn Reigate, Innnnnnnn Mozambique

 

[hatlover123]

What does it say, Brother Maynard?

It reads, "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh... "

What?

"The Castle of Aaaauuuggghhhh"

What is that?

He must have died while carving it.

 

[blulilacgrl]

No it isn't....

Look, you just contradicted me!

 

[sweetsauce]

Look, you just contradicted me!

no i didn't...