Respect

[catalina_francisco]

Just wondering what respect means to people here? Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you? Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? Do you think it even rates importance anymore? Do you respect others and their wishes? Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? Do you expect respect? Is it a value...valueable? What rocks your boat?

Catalina

 

[Recidiva]

Respect means that other people's time is as important as my time. My resources are as important as their resources. My thoughts are as important as their thoughts.

If we approach each other in that way, there's no problem.

I don't enjoy the lack of respect in either direction (someone else is less important than I am or more important as a value judgment)

You can play whatever role you want, but that's my baseline. If that realization is clear, then there's respect.

 

[John Doe]

A person has to meet a lot of requirements to get my respect. First of all, they must shower at least once a day and not dress like a clown most of the time. But more importantly, they must not be a dipshit or a kneejerk-Anything.

Those are the basic prerequisutes, but beyond that they have to do something really really impressive for me to respect them without getting to know them first. Like saving a bag of puppies from getting run over, or shooting Bill Gates in the head.

Y'know, using thier powers for good and not for evil, for the benefit of all mankind. Shit like that.

 

[graceanne]

Respect is treating others as you would have them treat you.

 

[riverofshudder]

Respect is earned, not given. Respect means there is an equal exchange of value for the given connection you share with that person (or object). Respect can grow with time but it can also disappear in a split second. There are no second chances with respect, once it is gone, it's gone....though it basis can change given new or different contexts.

 

[curious2c]

Respect, among other things listed above, is also required for a society to endure. At times I wonder about today's world and the seeming lack of respect one see's.

 

[Recidiva]

Respect, among other things listed above, is also required for a society to endure. At times I wonder about today's world and the seeming lack of respect one see's.

Seems to me this is a chronic problem. As we grow older we grow a sense of respect and it seems that respect has declined, when I think it's our perception of it that increases.

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."

- Socrates

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Just wondering what respect means to people here? Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you? Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? Do you think it even rates importance anymore? Do you respect others and their wishes? Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? Do you expect respect? Is it a value...valueable? What rocks your boat?

Catalina

Lots of interesting questions to ponder. Respect means quite alot to me, in general. It infers value--it says to me "this person is worth my time, worth my notice, worth my esteem, worth my honor (being polite, for example)". Conversely, I feel respected when I receive those things from others.

Do I always give respect in the manner that I would expect it to be given to me? To answer honestly, I would say no. In a perfect world, I would do so to every person that I would meet who I deemed worthy of that. However, I'm not a perfect person, and I slip up at times. Mostly with subordinates at work--and not often. "It just ain't good bizness," as a friend of mine would say. And it really isn't. It comes back on you, and it's very hard to mend that "respect" bridge. It can be done, but only when you learn how to say "I was wrong, and I'm sorry," or "I treated you poorly, and I'm sorry."

I do respect others and their wishes, as much as I can without flying in the face of my morals and ethics. I won't do something that completely debases how I see and interact with the world. I'd just have to walk away at that point.

Respect as a submissive? I respect him, and he respects me. We're in a relationship. It's what people in relationships do, at least the way "I" look at it (and him too, for that matter). Being a submissive doesn't really change that.

I'm sure I missed something, but I did want to hit the high points. I'm curious, Cat, from whence did this posting come? What was going through your mind as you were composing it? Inquiring minds want to know

~Anelize

 

[Netzach]

Earned respect is a beautiful thing. Completely unearned and undeserved respect has fallen out of favor, but I think it actually can improve the world.
Demanding that is foolish, but giving respect to those who don't necessarily respect you can create good faith.

 

[lne_iii]

Respect is treating others as you would have them treat you.

There you go.

The Golden Rule...

But then again, sometimes, this is a bit hard for me...
Considering...
But I think that's half the fun of our kink...breaking the boundaries of ordinary living.

However, in the 'nilla world, this is generally how I see it.

LNE

 

[MechaBlade]

Just wondering what respect means to people here? Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you? Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? Do you think it even rates importance anymore? Do you respect others and their wishes? Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? Do you expect respect? Is it a value...valueable? What rocks your boat?

Catalina

I think it's very, very important to give respect where respect is due.

 

[FurryFury]

I respect almost everyone, until they fuck it up. I expect respect from them as well but if I don't get it, I figure they just don't need to spend time with me.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

I respect almost everyone, until they fuck it up. I expect respect from them as well but if I don't get it, I figure they just don't need to spend time with me.

Fury

Ditto.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Well Said

Earned respect is a beautiful thing. Completely unearned and undeserved respect has fallen out of favor, but I think it actually can improve the world.
Demanding that is foolish, but giving respect to those who don't necessarily respect you can create good faith.

Plenty of room for improvement.

I think we all could use a little good faith.

 

[Recidiva]

Oddly enough this works out to be a choice where you are going to exclude people of the opposite persuasion.

I show respect before it's earned. How else would I possibly recognize the people who deserve it if I don't at least place myself on a reasonable level with them to start with and not begin at hissing and spitting like a couple of cats in a back alley?

However, that means to a lot of people that I'm easy, stupid, and gullible. Hardly.

It comes down to the two versions of the golden rule... do unto others as you would have done to yourself...or...do unto others FIRST. If people can't show respect first until they figure out what's going on, I dismiss them as being a bully.

 

[jadefirefly]

I'll give basic respect and courtesy to anyone, regardless of which end of the flogger you prefer to be on, upon first meeting.

So long as they don't turn out to be assmonkeys, ridiculously stupid, or completely disrespectful in and of themselves, they continue to have my respect.

I just think this is a lot easier a way of getting along rather than having to prove ourselves to each other. Start out assuming the best, and kick 'em to the curb if they show otherwise. Works for me.

 

[Private_Label]

I respect people until they do something serious to lose it, and even then I try to treat everyone with a basic respect of speaking to them politiely when spoken to. For Example I have a co-worker who has a professional degree and license, but I have seen him make many mistakes (including several that could have resulted in a lawsuit and one that did result in a lawsuit), that having been a member of that profession for his entire working life, he should not have made. I still treat him with the basic respect that I feel every person is due, but I have no respect for him as a professional in his field.

Maybe it is my upbringing, my mother taught me to address those who were older than me as Mr./Ms. Last Name until the individual told me to address them by their first name. We also spent some time living in my grandmothers household, and when we had large family dinners there were a preponderance of elderly and people my parents age, but few children; I learned to have conversations and not run around like a maniac. MY mother also kept us in line when we went shopping with her. Running around and misbehavior was greeted by "The Pinch." She didn't spank us, she grabbed our upper arm and gave it a bit of a squeeze to get our attention. Which was usually followed by getting dragged out to the car and going home followed by lots of yelling and door slamming, and threat of paddling (with a wooden paddle from a game that had a rubber band with a ball on the end of it). I think we got paddled once, when my grandmother said we would get a spanking at homeand my mother made her live up to the threat (well we got a choice, the spanking or staying in our rooms on our bed and not allowed to play- guess which one I chose?).


Politeness was ingrained to me to such an extent that I use "please, thank you, yes ma'am, no sir," without thinking, and generally address people by their last names in the work environment when I meet them.

You know, now that I am thinking about it, I think I have solved more issues faster and with less problems just by being polite and showing a little respect to people.

I would hope that others offer me basic respect until I do something that shows I am not worthy of it.

 

[bridgeburner]

Just wondering what respect means to people here? Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you? Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? Do you think it even rates importance anymore? Do you respect others and their wishes? Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? Do you expect respect? Is it a value...valueable? What rocks your boat?

Catalina

As it applies to kink I woud not agree to play humiliation games with someone I thought didn't respect me. That may sound like a nice bit of cognitive dissonance, but it's really no different than saying you won't engage in edge play with anyone you're not positive has no intentions of actually carving out your liver. ;->

 

[NemoAlia]

I respect almost everyone, until they fuck it up. I expect respect from them as well but if I don't get it, I figure they just don't need to spend time with me.

Fury

My parents raised me to believe that this is the definition of "class." Treating everyone with respect, expecting it in turn (doing all that's possible to earn it) and walking away from a lack of it. For example: If you want someone to hold the door for you, be someone they want to hold the door for.

And, at all costs, avoid anything with any resemblance to the plot of Jerry Springer.

 

[NemoAlia]

As it applies to kink I woud not agree to play humiliation games with someone I thought didn't respect me. That may sound like a nice bit of cognitive dissonance, but it's really no different than saying you won't engage in edge play with anyone you're not positive has no intentions of actually carving out your liver. ;->

The hottest humiliation I've ever experienced was in a situation where I knew I wasn't respected. (Chances are that if the folk/s involved had known more about me, t/he/y would have thought better of me, but circumstances were against this.) And what got me really wet was, "Hell, I'll stick my dick in anything, as long as it's wrapped."

I mean, seriously. Hot, to me.

 

[Golk]

sorry to disagree

Respect is treating others as you would have them treat you.

well, graceanne, does this mean that no sub can respect his/her Dom and vice versa ?

 

[Ariel797]

Just wondering what respect means to people here? Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you? Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? Do you think it even rates importance anymore? Do you respect others and their wishes? Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? Do you expect respect? Is it a value...valueable? What rocks your boat?

Catalina

My views are that I give respect to others, I expect it to be given to me. If I don't have it returned, or if others do not act in a way that is respectful towards me, depending on the situation, I remove my respect. Or ignore them. Or make the necessary adjustments, such as a work situation in which case, I might have to tolerate a twerp up to a point, but I'm not going beyond the minimal requirements.

I would never override respect and courtesy towards anyone else for my own amusement. I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I did.

I cheerfully admit it - I don't know what a "pyl" is. ?

If I am ignored, I feel that that's disrespectful to me. Being ignored is one thing that irritates me. I find it disrespectful.

I also believe that common courtesy is a crucial quality of respect. If somebody is rude to me, that is equivalent to disrespect, in my opinion.

 

[Private_Label]

well, graceanne, does this mean that no sub can respect his/her Dom and vice versa ?

I would say since they are providing the source of enjoyment for the other, that they are treating each other's kink with respect. That would fit Gracie's definition. But you knew that already.

I cheerfully admit it - I don't know what a "pyl" is. ?

PYL/pyl = Pick Your Label. Capitals for the dominant member, and lower case for the submissive member.

 

[ammre]

i work in levels of respect.

I give the benefit of the doubt and courtesy to people off the bat, I like please and thank you. when they do something bad or good that changes the respect i have for them. Sorta like tipping... 15 percernt if they are ok, 20 if they're good and 10 if they are bad.

There's special cases though. If i know of a background of someone and that background deserves respect i'll start them at a 17percent then upon meeting adjust it.

I also can seperate respects. I loathe this one person i work with. I respect her as a human very little. As an event planner though, she's fantastic, so i'll respect her planning efforts.

Do you give respect in the same way you expect it given to you?
yes, but i'm a realist not an idealist, so i understand i don't get that.
Do you feel compelled to over ride it in the interests of self amusement? no? I don't think i get this one.
Do you think it even rates importance anymore? yes.
Do you respect others and their wishes? depends ont he person and the wishes.
Does it reflect who you are as a Dominant or submissive? I hope so. I expect a dominant to respect me even if they are smacking me and calling me a whore.
Can someone be a PYL or pyl and not exercise respect with others? they can. Should they be? are they a good one? those are iffy...
Do you expect respect? I would like to, but to expect it might be asking a bit much and might cause disappointment. I'd rather be pleasently suprized when i get it.
Is it a value...valueable? yes
What rocks your boat? orgasms.

 

[jadefirefly]

Kinda like Ammre said. I do that separation of respect thing, too.

I used to work with this one girl. She was raising both her own two children, and her sister's child, on her own (there was a dad involved, but he was -rarely- involved) and was about to have another. She still managed to have it all together, took great care of the kids, and was consistently cheerful.

She was also atrocious at remembering to come in to work on time, and when she was there, would slack off something awful. Her work ethic was awful.

I respected her as a mom, but couldn't stand having to work with her.