Resources for male subs?

[Etoile]

I found this at LiveJournal:

Hi all

A friend and myself are looking into developing some resource material for male submissives and their Dom/mes, Owners, Handlers, etc. My question to the group is, what kinds of things would you like to see covered in either a book or informational website that isn't currently being covered either at all or in enough detail for male subs? I know there is a lack of resources for male submissives on the internet in general. What isn't being discussed? To more experienced Dom/mes and subs, what would have helped you when you first started out if it had been available?

Thanks for any responses

Here's the link if anybody would like to respond directly. Or feel free to discuss here.

 

[Aeroil]

hmm, sounds very interesting, makes me wish I had a question lol. I probably should, there's still lots I don't know.

 

[MissTaken]

I am attaching a link that I found particularly helpful, so as to demonstrate my points.

http://www.elisesutton.homestead.com/Main.html


Resources that would have helped me are the basic "How To's" of acts, especially with regard to genital torture. Never having had a set of testicles, I was and, at times, am still uncertain about how best to treat his!

I also think there is a lack of information that is simple and to the point . If you do a search on the topic, you have to read through the more "fantasy" oriented sites. Those sites appear to be wanking sites as opposed to truly helpful.

I am particularly interested in learning more about the male psyche's delve into submission in scene. In my short time Domming my guy, (a year), and after talking with other male subs, it seems that the male sub when in transit to subspace, goes through an aggressive phase. This can be a bit unnerving if you are not prepared for it. The first few times it happened, I slowed the scene or stopped. Now, I tell him what he needs to do, including "shut the fuck up."



Anyway, I hope this helps. I haven't had my coffee, so excuse me if this isn't coherent.

 

[garylee]

males?

personally?....i am going through some trying times.
i am just-now,.......realizing,......i have to,...make severe changes from vanilla to d/s.
and it isnt easy for me.
maybe,.......someone add the male psyche to this.
growing male IS different than girls,........even though it is said slaves sex is no relative topic when it regards serving.

thanks
garylee

 

[Aeroil]

garylee...... once more I mean no offence, but you seem to change your story a lot, the ties inbetween your posts seem very obscure to me. Then again maybe it's just me, not trying to criticize just trying to understand your posts a bit better.

 

[Aeroil]

I am attaching a link that I found particularly helpful, so as to demonstrate my points.

http://www.elisesutton.homestead.com/Main.html


Resources that would have helped me are the basic "How To's" of acts, especially with regard to genital torture. Never having had a set of testicles, I was and, at times, am still uncertain about how best to treat his!

I also think there is a lack of information that is simple and to the point . If you do a search on the topic, you have to read through the more "fantasy" oriented sites. Those sites appear to be wanking sites as opposed to truly helpful.

I am particularly interested in learning more about the male psyche's delve into submission in scene. In my short time Domming my guy, (a year), and after talking with other male subs, it seems that the male sub when in transit to subspace, goes through an aggressive phase. This can be a bit unnerving if you are not prepared for it. The first few times it happened, I slowed the scene or stopped. Now, I tell him what he needs to do, including "shut the fuck up."



Anyway, I hope this helps. I haven't had my coffee, so excuse me if this isn't coherent.

very nice site ms. T, thanks . Although I really don't agree with some of her "innate female superiority" ideas. Something like that is something I would absolutely not want in a domme, generalizing that males or females are inferior innately in any way, is an incredibly ignorant thing to do, I think. I can deal with ignorance in a friend, (I already do in pretty much every one of my current friends ) but not in a relationship, not on that level. I do know a lot of females that are very incompetent, and I know some that are a lot more capable than me too. Of course this applies to different areas, I've yet to see a female that has more competence in IT skills, but I'm sure there's plenty. Then again I know many males that are dumb as posts as well. Ah well, thanks still

 

[SweetDommes]

garylee...... once more I mean no offence, but you seem to change your story a lot, the ties inbetween your posts seem very obscure to me. Then again maybe it's just me, not trying to criticize just trying to understand your posts a bit better.

I'm very glad that I'm not the only one having this trouble...

As to the thread - we take it as we go, and I will probably go post on their LJ entry as well ... at least let them know they aren't alone & all that ...

 

[Etoile]

Re: males?

personally?....i am going through some trying times.
i am just-now,.......realizing,......i have to,...make severe changes from vanilla to d/s.
and it isnt easy for me.
maybe,.......someone add the male psyche to this.
growing male IS different than girls,........even though it is said slaves sex is no relative topic when it regards serving.

thanks
garylee

Actually no, not personally. The person who originally posted this was looking for information that would benefit a range of people.

I don't think anybody did say that gender is irrelevant. Quite the contrary - this question is entirely based on the fact that it IS different for male subs than female subs. That's why some of the resources out there for female subs aren't suitable for males, and that's why they're looking to create something better.

 

[Mist S]

I ran across this site a while back, it could be considered useful, for both the Femdom, and her sub. I know i have used tidbits from it myself, hope it proves as helpful to someone else


Akasha's guide

 

[Aeroil]

A very good site Mist S, very helpful

 

[Etoile]

I think the question is asking more what male subs want to know, rather than where to find it. So...what questions would you give that site as an answer to? (Feels like Jeopardy!)

 

[MissTaken]

If you skip the link in my post, I responded.

 

[SweetDommes]

I did see that ... and I responded, I feel, appropriately to their LJ entry - I personally am interested in just about anything. There is a relative derth (sp?) of information that we feel is useful to us and appropriate to how we live our lifestyle, so anything with a new perspective/view about ANYTHING is going to be helpful for us.

 

[Etoile]

If you skip the link in my post, I responded.

I know you did. I was referring to Mist S's post in the hopes that it would spur more thought on the matter.

 

[Mist S]

Ok, it worked lol, I did do some more thinking on the matter.

I met my sub a couple years ago, we started out as just friends, then one night friendship became more. During the course of the night, we made the mutual discovery that he had some distinct sublike tendancies. The problem was, neither of us knew what the hell we were doing, as I had the desire to top before, but never acted on it, and he had never realized how content he was in a submissive position.

Well, we both hunted around the net, looking for information, he was actually the one that gave me the link to the site I shared earlier as a resource to help me along as I was a little uncomfortable with the lack of knowledge I had brought to my new position. That has changed a lot in the last while, I have finally grown into my own so to speak and able to handle it.

But, a few days back, we were discussing his collaring ceremony and he expressed a desire to 'give me something too'. Well, I know about collaring, I am the one that decided he was the one I wanted enough to do that to, but the concept of a 'gift exchange' as such baffled me. Something that talked about that a bit might have been very helpful.

Hmm. Most of the questions he has had for me have been personal preference questions, but I think I will send him this way to answer for himself lol.

 

[Nightbird]

Well this is a good thread, and it's a good question although a tricky one to answer.

The first thing that comes to my mind is there is no real or true definition or set explaination as to what being a sub really means. So your basically set with figuring it out for yourself, what works for you what you like don't like.

I guess the hardest part would be learning what being a Sub really means.

 

[Aeroil]

hmm, well I think that is only kinda right nightbird, this is just resources, be it actual details about some real domme/sub relationships, to safe and proper procedures for some of the more abstract forms of play. things like CBT can be quite nasty if done improperly. Not that it's a walk in the park to begin with, at least not for the sub......